As I approach the end of my maternity leave, I’m reflecting on the things that have happened and the things I’ve learned about parenting and life. I return to work Monday after five months off. Here are some of the things I learned.
1. Sleep is an obsession.
My sister said this, and it’s true. Sleep takes priority over everything else when you are a parent. Sleep for yourself. Sleep for your baby. Sleep for your other kid. Luckily, the baby is a good sleeper. But he still gets up once a night, meaning I never get an uninterrupted night. Austin’s sleep is a bigger problem. Right at the start of my maternity leave, he started refusing to take naps. Now, he doesn’t nap at all. Most of the time, he’s cranky by 4 p.m. And if I don’t get my 20-minute nap, I’m no good. It’s something I stress about every day.
2. Don’t bother showering until the end of the day.
Some days, I went out for a steamy walk only to return with a baby who only calmed down if I strapped him in the baby carrier, skin to skin. There’s just no point to taking an early shower, unless you can manage to find the time to take one again later. Plus there’s the spit-up, which leads me to:
3. It’s not whether there’s spit-up on your clothes, but how much.
The first night at the hospital, Merrick spit up amniotic fluid. He hasn’t stopped spitting up since. Several times a day. On me. It’s not worth it to change clothes unless there’s really a lot. I hardly leave the house anyway. My least favorite is spit up down the cleavage, pooling at the base of the bra.
4. Laundry is an almost daily chore.
Even though I don’t change clothes as often as I should, the household laundry piles up quickly. Merrick is changed several times a day. The covers for the cloth diapers are constantly soiled. Laundry needs to be done at least every other day.
5. I can’t do it alone.
Someone told me I’m spoiled rotten. I don’t really think I am. But I do heavily rely on help with two kids. I’m overwhelmed without it. I have a wonderful husband and fabulous babysitter. But I also have tremendous relatives and friends who have taken Austin on outings, read bedtime stories or just watch out for Austin at the park when I’m nursing or distracted. Even though I haven’t been very involved, several MOMS Club members brought over dinners. My parents and mother-in-law came out to assist. I truly appreciate everything. I still can’t figure out how to do bath time and bed time alone successfully. On the days that I have the boys all day by myself, I get overwhelmed. I don’t know how my stay-at-home mom friends do it every day, every month, every year, in and out. Many of them have no extra help. It truly is much harder than going to work.
6. I worry too much.
One day, I came home from a solo outing, stood at the screen door and stopped before entering. I looked around and listened for signs of the children. My husband asked me what was going on. “I’m always scared when I get home,” I told him. He sighed and responded, “You worry way too much about what might happen.” It’s so true. I spend a lot of time strategizing. I spend a lot of time worrying. And it usually doesn’t do any good.
7. You can never have too many batteries.
Baby gadgets require lots of batteries. We change the four D batteries on the swing about every other week.
8. There’s stuff I can’t live without.
Some of them include: exercise ball, sound machine (we have three), Snap-n-Go stroller, the Ergo Baby Carrier, pacifiers, swaddles and the swing.
9. Never plan on eating when you want to.
Family dinners are impossible. The baby cries and needs to eat almost at the exact moment when I’m getting ready to sit down. It doesn’t matter if I’ve tried to time my feedings. Then, on the days we all do sit down together, Austin needs help going poop in the middle of dinner. When I do eat, I rush through it, knowing I may not get to eat otherwise.
10. It’s hard to enjoy your kids.
As much as I’d like to cherish my time off with the kids, it’s hard when they are screaming at you, often at the same time. It’s difficult when Merrick is turning red and screeching for seemingly no reason while Austin needs help on the toilet. Or Austin refuses to take a bath while Merrick needs to be nursed. Most days, I get up in the morning and try to manage to get through the day without going crazy. I can’t wait for my end-of-the-day shower, T.V. show with the hubby and sometimes, a half glass of wine.
But other times, the kids couldn’t be cuter. Like when I sit on the floor while Austin sets up a toy city of train tracks, matchbox cars and Legos while Merrick bats his musical lion on his playmat. Or when Austin reads a memorized “Brown Bear” to Merrick as they both lie on the bed. Or when Austin laughs hysterically as Merrick tries to roll over.
That’s what makes it all worthwhile.
