10 reflections on maternity leave

As I approach the end of my maternity leave, I’m reflecting on the things that have happened and the things I’ve learned about parenting and life. I return to work Monday after five months off. Here are some of the things I learned.

1.       Sleep is an obsession.

My sister said this, and it’s true. Sleep takes priority over everything else when you are a parent. Sleep for yourself. Sleep for your baby. Sleep for your other kid. Luckily, the baby is a good sleeper. But he still gets up once a night, meaning I never get an uninterrupted night. Austin’s sleep is a bigger problem. Right at the start of my maternity leave, he started refusing to take naps. Now, he doesn’t nap at all. Most of the time, he’s cranky by 4 p.m. And if I don’t get my 20-minute nap, I’m no good. It’s something I stress about every day. 

2.       Don’t bother showering until the end of the day.

Some days, I went out for a steamy walk only to return with a baby who only calmed down if I strapped him in the baby carrier, skin to skin. There’s just no point to taking an early shower, unless you can manage to find the time to take one again later. Plus there’s the spit-up, which leads me to:

3.       It’s not whether there’s spit-up on your clothes, but how much.

The first night at the hospital, Merrick spit up amniotic fluid. He hasn’t stopped spitting up since. Several times a day. On me. It’s not worth it to change clothes unless there’s really a lot. I hardly leave the house anyway. My least favorite is spit up down the cleavage, pooling at the base of the bra.

4.       Laundry is an almost daily chore.

Even though I don’t change clothes as often as I should, the household laundry piles up quickly. Merrick is changed several times a day. The covers for the cloth diapers are constantly soiled. Laundry needs to be done at least every other day.

5.       I can’t do it alone.

Someone told me I’m spoiled rotten. I don’t really think I am. But I do heavily rely on help with two kids. I’m overwhelmed without it. I have a wonderful husband and fabulous babysitter. But I also have tremendous relatives and friends who have taken Austin on outings, read bedtime stories or just watch out for Austin at the park when I’m nursing or distracted. Even though I haven’t been very involved, several MOMS Club members brought over dinners. My parents and mother-in-law came out to assist. I truly appreciate everything. I still can’t figure out how to do bath time and bed time alone successfully. On the days that I have the boys all day by myself, I get overwhelmed. I don’t know how my stay-at-home mom friends do it every day, every month, every year, in and out. Many of them have no extra help. It truly is much harder than going to work.

6.       I worry too much.

One day, I came home from a solo outing, stood at the screen door and stopped before entering. I looked around and listened for signs of the children. My husband asked me what was going on. “I’m always scared when I get home,” I told him. He sighed and responded, “You worry way too much about what might happen.” It’s so true. I spend a lot of time strategizing. I spend a lot of time worrying. And it usually doesn’t do any good.

7.       You can never have too many batteries.

Baby gadgets require lots of batteries. We change the four D batteries on the swing about every other week. 

8.       There’s stuff I can’t live without.

Some of them include: exercise ball, sound machine (we have three), Snap-n-Go stroller, the Ergo Baby Carrier, pacifiers, swaddles and the swing.

9.       Never plan on eating when you want to.

Family dinners are impossible. The baby cries and needs to eat almost at the exact moment when I’m getting ready to sit down. It doesn’t matter if I’ve tried to time my feedings. Then, on the days we all do sit down together, Austin needs help going poop in the middle of dinner. When I do eat, I rush through it, knowing I may not get to eat otherwise.

10.   It’s hard to enjoy your kids.

As much as I’d like to cherish my time off with the kids, it’s hard when they are screaming at you, often at the same time. It’s difficult when Merrick is turning red and screeching for seemingly no reason while Austin needs help on the toilet. Or Austin refuses to take a bath while Merrick needs to be nursed. Most days, I get up in the morning and try to manage to get through the day without going crazy. I can’t wait for my end-of-the-day shower, T.V. show with the hubby and sometimes, a half glass of wine.

But other times, the kids couldn’t be cuter. Like when I sit on the floor while Austin sets up a toy city of train tracks, matchbox cars and Legos while Merrick bats his musical lion on his playmat. Or when Austin reads a memorized “Brown Bear” to Merrick as they both lie on the bed. Or when Austin laughs hysterically as Merrick tries to roll over.

That’s what makes it all worthwhile.

Blog or Facebook?

Friends and relatives,

I'm trying to determine if people are reading this blog regularly or whether we should just concentrate on the boys' Facebook page. How do you like to keep up with the boys? What do you like to read? Where is the best place to see photos?

I also have a Picasa page where I regularly add photos.

I'm adding a poll to the sidebar of the blog. Please take the poll. Also, you can leave a comment on the blog or send me an e-mail at sarahctully@gmail.com with your thoughts. Let me know so I can make a decision.

Either way, keep in touch!

Milestone for Austin

We've mostly been tracking Merrick's progress on the blog lately. But we're turning our attention back to Austin here.

Austin hit a major milestone this week: He started preschool.




Austin is going to the Tiny Tots program through the city of Orange two days a week.

He brought his Buzz Lightyear lunchbox with trail mix, apple slices, juice box and water on the first day. (Yes, I packed too much.)

Austin wore his favorite, new Lightning McQueen shoes to show his teacher. He also wanted to bring her a juice box, but I told him that she would probably bring her own snack. Austin immediately liked the city rug.

Austin did pretty well when I dropped him off, but he was teary when I arrived to pick him up. We're hoping it will be a little less traumatic on his second day tomorrow. We're so proud of him.

Below is an unrelated picture of Austin with Curious George at the library. Austin got to meet one of his favorite characters during a special story time on Saturday.

Tia Laura visits

Tia Laura was the first aunt to meet Baby Merrick this week.

She flew into town, coincedentally, when a family gathering was going on. Laura first got to see her nephew at the Crab Pot. Merrick immediately gave his aunt a big smile.

Laura got to have more one-on-one time with Merrick at home. But she really spent most of her trip with Austin, who needs a lot of stimulation these days. They went on bear hunts, made a menu for Austin's imaginary restaurant and played in the water. Those two were so busy that I didn't get a picture of just the two of them. 

When Merrick was awake, he really reacted to Laura, who is a master of kids' songs and entertainment.

We were so lucky to have her here. We miss her!

Great Grandpa meets his namesake

 

Baby Merrick's name comes from a combination of his great grandparents' names. Last week, Merrick got to meet his last living great grandparent, Richard Tully, or Tata (Sarah's paternal grandfather).

Merrick's due date fell on Tata's 90th birthday, although he was born a few days later.

We missed Great Grandpa's big birthday party, but we had the chance to see Tata when he came to California to visit family members.



Aunt Pat invited us over for dinner at her house, where we took these pictures.

 

Helen, as well as Great Aunt Linda and Uncle Chuck, also came to town. 

We later got together for a big family dinner at the Crab Pot in Long Beach.

We're so glad Great Grandpa got to meet the baby.

Grandparents' visit

The kids' grandparents came back to California to give the parents a much-needed break. 

But both Grandma and Grandpa ended up with a lot of work themselves.

Grandpa spent most of the trip working on a project to fix the kitchen table and take care of Austin. Luckily for Grandpa, Austin was happy to help out with the construction, seen below. However, I don't think Austin really sped things along. Still, I think Grandpa was glad to have someone take interest after raising three girls.

Grandma took care of all of us, but especially Merrick so Sarah could leave the house alone. Grandma cooked, cleaned, shopped and had fun with the boys. Here, she is reading "Tikki Tikki Tembo," one of our favorites when we were kids. Grandma didn't get to leave the house much.

Austin was spoiled by Grandpa. No, Grandpa didn't give him the lollipop. Austin got the candy after his haircut. But Grandpa later took him out for orange chicken and ice cream.

We miss Grandma and Grandpa!

Surviving the first month

We don't get out that much, but Merrick's first month or so has been eventful nonetheless.

Merrick came home from the hospital when he was two days old. He was welcomed by big brother Austin, as well as Grandma and Grandpa (below) who came from Tucson to help out.

From there, we all had to figure out the balance between baby, big brother and everything in between. On one of the first nights, it took about three hours to feed, burp and change the baby multiple times in the middle of the night. We thought it would take a half hour. At one point, Austin came in the room. Both kids were peeing and crying at the same time. That was around 1 or 2 a.m. Fun stuff. But the overnight drama has turned out to be pretty rare. Now, Merrick can go four or sometimes five hour stretches overnight between feedings. Phew.

Here's Merrick at two weeks old.

Grandma went home almost two weeks after Merrick was born, about the same time that Michael's work schedule got busy with USC training camp. Since then, I've enlisted lots of help. We kept our fabulous babysitter, Ana, a few days a week to watch with Austin. On other days, I've wrangled aunts, cousins, friends, whoever to come over to help or take Austin out of the house. Also, friends have brought over dinners. Everyone has been so helpful. I can't express how grateful I am for everyone. I really can't survive without you. There are others who have offered to help and I'm certain to tap them, too.

Here's a picture of Sarah's cousin, Lindsey, one of the helpers. 

Merrick's cousins (Sarah's cousins' kids) came over to meet him and take Austin to the Discovery Science Center. See Kylie and Katelyn with Austin and Merrick:

While Merrick and Mommy stay home most of the time, we have ventured out for a few outings. We started out with a stroller trip here and there -- some with just Merrick, some with both boys. Our first solo car outing was to the Wednesday parent-and-me class. There, I knew I'd get a lot of support from my mommy friends, many of whom have two kids and know how hard it is. I felt so empowered. Since then, we've also been to a few parties with daddy's help: Baby Miles' 100-day celebration and a third-birthday party for Austin's buddy, Quinn.

Merrick didn't do a lot the first month except scream or sleep. He's quite good at both. Merrick smiled for the first time at three weeks. But now that he's five weeks old, he's turned a corner. He's much more alert. He's focusing, smiling and reacting to toys. A few days ago, he clutched a rattle for the first time. He also is transfixed by stuffed animals. We put Austin's Curious George doll near his face and he stared in awe for at least 20 minutes. See a video on the previous post.

It's so fun to have some positive feedback from the little fella, as Austin and Daddy call him.