Older Sister Gets the Upperhand

Isabelle was washing the dishes. Adam was sweeping the floor. Here is the exchange that took place: 

Adam: "What does dishwater taste like?"

Belle: "Try it and see." 

Adam dips his finger in the water and tastes it. 

Adam: "Doesn't taste like anything."


Belle: " I think you need to drink more than that."

He takes a bit more.

Adam: "Doesn't taste bad at all."

Belle: "Probably you didn't get enough." (I'm wondering if she really wants to help at this point, or if her intentions are mischievous.) 

Adam then drinks quite a bit. 

Adam: "GROSS! That tastes terrible!"

Belle: "You probably shouldn't drink dishwater."

Wherein I Doom My Children to a Future of Extensive Therapy

Kids: "Hey Mom, could you tell us a good game to play on the trampoline?"

Me: "I know a great game! It's called "bouncing." 

Kids: "Mooom. Seriously, can you help us think of a fun game?"

Me: "Monopoly?"

Kids: "Mom! Be serious. For the TRAMPOLINE." 

Me: "Okay, well, there's always the game called 'Ponies and Puppies'."

Kids: "How do you play it?"

Me: "The ponies run around the outside, the puppies lie in the middle and try to catch the ponies' legs."

Kids: "Mooom! That's just like the 'Octopus' game! Can't you think of another one?"

Me: "Sure. There's always 'Ladybugs and Bumblebees'."

Kids: "How do you play that?"

Me: "The ladybugs run around the edge and the bumblebees sit in the middle and try to catch the ladybugs' legs."

Kids: "MOM! That's basically the same game! Can't you think of another one?"

Me: "Oh, sure. There's 'Tables and Chairs'."

Kids: "And let me guess, the tables run around the outside and the chairs sit in the middle and try to catch them?"

Me: "Nope."

Kids: "Cool! Okay, how do we do it?"

Me: "The chairs run around the outside and the---"

(Cue the kids leaving the room.)

This parenting thing is fun.

Riddle Ridiculousness

Sarah told Neil the riddle that's been going around to try and get him to say the wrong answer. Here is the riddle: 

It's 3:00 am, the doorbell rings and you wake up. Unexpected visitors, It's your parents and they are there for breakfast. You have strawberry jam, honey, wine, bread and cheese. What is the first thing you open?

Here was how the conversation went: 

Sarah: "So, Neil, what do you think? What would you open first?"

Neil: "You mean which food would I open first? Why would it matter?"

Sarah: "Neil! You have to tell me what you would open first!" 

Neil: "I can't see how it would make any difference. Does it matter what your guests would want? What do they prefer?"

Sarah: "NEIL! JUST ANSWER!!!!"

Neil: "I guess I would open the wine?"

Sarah: "Ha, ha! You got it wrong!  You would open your EYES first! YOUR EYES!"

Neil: "What if you were a fish? Fish don't have eyelids."

Ear Wax and Gagging

Cecil and Belle last night in the car on the way to catechism....

Cecil: Can I use your earbuds?

Belle: Are your ears clean?

Cecil: Mostly.

Belle: What's that supposed to mean?

Cecil: My right ear is clean. My left ear, not so much.

Belle: What do you mean?

Cecil: My right ear is just sort of flaky stuff, my left ear has the goopy stuff.

Belle: Well, only use it in your right ear, then.




And that was it. He used them in the right ear, and I gagged in the front seat.

Belle's "Observation" Assignment

Isabelle had to write an observation about something, using the five senses as her basis. She decided, of course, to write about our dog, with whom she is rather infatuated. Here is her assignment:  

     Bonnie is our dog. She is two years old and is adorable. She is the cutest dog in the whole world.

      There are a couple of downsides to Bonnie. Mostly that she smells bad. When she comes home from the groomer she smells bad because of the soap. She also smells bad whenever she eats poop. 

      She's really cute when she barks. It starts as a little growl, then a little bark. It's so cute! Whenever she walks her paws go click-clack because her nails are long. And her collar goes tinkle tinkle. And I don't like the noise of her pooping. It's disgusting! 

     But she is soooo cute. She's a cockapoo, a Cocker Spaniel crossed with a Poodle. She has curly, black fur with droopy brown eyes that, actually, if you look really close at them, are kind of creepy. But cute too. Her ears are droopy and adorable. She has a little stub tail that wags and never stops. And her teeth are kind of cute too, they're quite sharp for a small dog. 

     Everyone that comes to our house thinks that she feels so soft. I brush her teeth. I feel her slimy tongue and mouth, gross! She actually has sharp, little teeth, it's quite cute. She has smooth pads and sharp claws. You won't want to hit her paws wrong! Her nose is soooo adorable, it's bumpy and rough. 

      Dogs are such a blessing from God. They're great members of the family. Bonnie's a great dog!

Who's on First?

Child: "Mom, where is my back pack?" 

Me: "Where you left it last."

Child: "Where was that?"

Me: "How can I know that? You're the one that left it there."

Child: "Where?"

Me: "Wherever you left it."

Child: "Where did I leave it?"

Me: "I don't know. Where DID you leave it?"

Child: "How am I supposed to know that?" 


*banging my head against the wall*

Good Bye to Grandma

On  April 15th, 2013, the Lord took home my Grandma. She was a special lady, and I loved her. I could talk a lot about her many qualities, but I thought today I would concentrate on some fond memories I have of her. These are some of the things I will miss and cherish the most :

1) I lived with my Grandma for about 3 years, during my years at university. One of my fondest memories is coming home from school and sitting in the living room, drinking tea. We did that a lot. And Grandma didn't believe in weak tea. She left the tea bag in because otherwise it was, and I quote, " nothing but dishwater". :-) We often sat and watched the squirrels fight with the magpies. One day, we watched them for about an hour, just sitting and laughing at their antics. 

2) I took her grocery shopping every week for a long time, then it became every other week. Grandma got hit on by men a lot. Not kidding. More than I did, as a matter of fact, which bruised my 20-something ego at the time. Apparently, a lot of elderly fellows thought that she was a good catch. :-)

3) Grandma had a stubborn streak in her. She refused to stick the stamp in the little box on an envelope that said, "Place Stamp Here". She said that she thought it was rude and they could at least say "please". LOL!

4) One day, I came home from school to find a dirty, drunk man sitting in our kitchen, eating a sandwich. He had gone to our door and asked Grandma for money. Never one to be daunted, she told him she would NOT give him money to spend on alcohol, but she would be happy to make him a sandwich. So there he was, sitting in our kitchen, drunk as a skunk and eating the sandwich. He only ate about half, then he asked her for more money. She said no, and that he'd better be heading out, would he like her to wrap up the sandwich? He said, no, he didn't even want it, he just wanted money. She told him that he'd better leave. And he did.

5) Grandma was from a Scottish/Irish background and pronounced her words in an interesting way that she got from her parents. She pronounced my name "Jenet" and she would say the "pam" of your hand, instead of the "palm" and the "sams" instead of the "psalms". We loved to tease her about that. 

6) When we went to visit Grandma, the kids played with the little knitted toys that she had made. Grandma loved to watch them and would marvel over their imaginations. She always made sure that the kids could use her walker as a "mountain". 

7) When I lived with Grandma, she always hosted bible study at her house. I used to fight over the "otter" mug with her friend and cousin, Anne. Grandma got a huge kick out of it. At bible study, she always served fancy cheeses and cookies. If she knew that someone liked a particular kind, she would be certain to buy it for them. 

8) Grandma had a great imagination. We had many a great discussion (along with my sister) about what would happen if the earth didn't have gravity. We also discussed self-cleaning houses, which we all thought were an excellent idea.

9) Grandma was a birder. We used to discuss birds at great length. We would look them up, trying to figure out the different species, etc. She had various bird reference books at her house and looked through them regularly. I know that several of her children inherited this love, as well as several of her grand-children and great-grandchildren.

10) Driving with Grandma was interesting. When she was younger, and was driving herself, she wasn't the best judge of distance. Or speed. And gave me an occasional heart attack. When she got older, and no longer did any driving, she got nervous. One day, I was driving her and I went through an orange light. She said, "Well, I guess it's 'stopping-at-red-lights-is-optional-day'". *grin* She also believed that when she was driving, the safest place was the middle lane. She would get in that lane and it wouldn't matter who or what was driving around her, that was where she would stay. 

11) She might have forgotten what some one's name was, but Grandma could quote you poems from her 3rd grade reader like nobody's business. She liked to say "Spring has sprung, the grass has 'riz. I wonder where the birdies is? The bird is on the wing! Ain't that absurd? I thought the wing was on the bird". She also did "Toity Doity Boids" and various other little rhymes that would pop out when they came into her head.

12) Grandma wasn't a big TV watcher, but she loved Star Trek. She watched every single episode and knew every single character. She also loved British comedies and nature documentaries.

13) Grandma loved cross word puzzles. I would often find myself sitting down beside her, doing the cross word when I had other work to be done. :-)

14) One time when we drove to church, we left with the tea carafe on the top of the car. Some people at a stop light made motions to us that something was on the car and lo and behold, there was the tea, sitting on the car. We couldn't believe it had actually stayed up there.

15) Grandma spoiled my kids. Up until she lived in the nursing home, we would come and get groceries and eat at her place for lunch. She would always want them to have something special and my kids thought that her grilled cheese sandwiches were the "BEST SANDWICHES IN THE WORLD!!!!" (double and triple exclamation marks). She bought them Wagon Wheels and various other things that their stingy and mean mother would not buy them. 

16) She thought that my kids were brilliant. Everything they (or any of her great-grandchildren, for that matter) were amazing and wonderful. She praised their art, thought that their imaginations were brilliant, laughed at their silly sayings and generally thought they were geniuses. I thought this was sweet, since...I know my kids. :-)

17) Grandma had the BEST sense of humour. She didn't mind that Beth and I called her "Grandmaroo" and sang, "Are you a Grandmaroo?" in an operatic voice when we saw her. She would come up with some great come-backs, as well. For instance, there was a man in her nursing home who would constantly mutter "Murder" under his breath. If the nurses brought him something he didn't like, he would mutter, "Murder", in a menacing way. Grandma got rather sick of this and one day, when a nurse brought him the wrong kind of soup, he said, "M-U-R-D-E-R", in his ominous way. My Grandma leaned forward and said, "So, are you PLANNING a murder or have you already committed one?" She.was.fantastic.

18) Grandma wasn't particularly fond of horses. She thought they are slightly evil because she once had a horse that was....slightly evil. She told me a couple of stories about her horse, so I guess that's why she didn't really like all other horses. Once, she was sitting on our lawn with my Granny and I was riding my horse. I brought her up on the lawn so the grandmas could see her. I got close-ish and Grandma said, "That is quite FAR ENOUGH. We can see her from HERE." Tee hee.

19) Grandma was NOT a vegetable fan. She ate them because she had to, but not because she liked them. She would eat anything in a sandwich, however. And when I say anything, I mean anything. Weird stuff. Beth and I liked to tease her about that.

20) I cut Grandma's hair for her for a number of years. The first time I did it, I did a horrible job. Who am I kidding, I did a horrible job quite a few times. Grandma would say, "The good thing about hair is that it will grow back." She was very matter-of-fact. Every single time I swept up the hair, she would say, "Well, now, there's plenty of colour left in it, isn't there?" I thought that was sweet.

I will miss her so much. I am not sad that she is in heaven, not even one little bit. She was suffering so much and it was almost unbearable to see. She is now whole, happy, safe, joyful, praising the God that she loved. But I am sad for myself, for my kids, for all those who loved her. I know she has left a huge void in my life, as well as in many others. I know that this, too, will heal. But I will always miss her. And love her. 

Grandma, with all the hooligans