Screw you 2010!

My last blog of 2010 and I am pleased.
This year has sucked ass! I have had many an illness, one failed IVF and one failed FET. I was so sure that I would have a baby or at least be pregnant this year. Sadly not.

A new year, a new IVF cycle, a new start. I just hope that 2011 brings us all our dreams. Mine being a baby (or two!)

A great way to end this year is by a pregnancy announcement from one of the girls at work. Happy Fucking New Year!

Day 3 of injections

Time seems to be going slow. I have done 3 days of injections now and I am doing OK so far. I have had a few hot flushes, few dizzy spells, minor headaches and few mood swings, but nothing I can not deal with. I am sure the side effects will get worse with time.

I am struggling to stay positive, and hopeful. Things keep getting planned for this coming year, trips, holidays etc and I am struggling to commit. I keep thinking I will be pregnant and so not sure if I can make things. I then realise I may not be pregnant and get depressed. I now can not see passed the end of January. I will not/can not commit. I do not know what I will do if this does not work.

Where are my positive thoughts, positive mental state of mind is meant to help!!

1st injection done!

It is official, my second fresh round of IVF has started!! I have done my first injection of Suprecure (lupron equivalent). I did fine as ever with the injection, but had forgotten the slight sting. Nothing major, easy to cope with, but took me by surprise for some reason!

I so hope that this is the cycle. I am having a hopeful moment. I am sure as soon as the side effects kick in I will be feeling different!

I am excited and hopeful, but also thankful I have got this cycle on the NHS, so many patients have been denied as funding has stopped. I am one of the last NHS patients at my clinic and I am so grateful.

Please let me have a baby at the end of this.

Merry Xmas!

I hope everyone is having a great holiday.
I am having a good time, but I am hoping this is the last Christmas without a child. The holiday seaon is hard when everyone else seems to have a family.
In an exciting note, ivf suppression injections start on Monday! Hopefully my last stop on my journey to motherhood!
Happy holidays!

IVF starts one week today!

I cant believe how quickly time is going! Everyone is focused on Christmas and how quick that it comes around, but I am focused on the 27th Dec and first day of injections!!

I am looking forward to Christmas and I am organised and got presents, but it is not the same without a family. I cant spend it with my parents or my brother and SIL and niece and I do not have a baby. All there is, is the in-laws, and I love them but it is not the same.

I think I am starting to get on the roller coaster of hope. One minute I think this will be my cycle, and next minute I am down. It has not worked the last 2 times so why should it work this time? The usual emotions are here and that is even before I start the meds! I cant wait to be doing something towards this baby making process. Being on the pill for the last few months is always hard, feels so backwards!

Clotting problem?

Recently I have seemed to be bruising so much easier than normal. I have always come home with bruises and not sure how it has happened, but recently this has worsened.

I told me RE and he said I should get checked for thrombophilia and clotting disorders. Whilst waiting for the results I have had acupuncture. Well, I woke up the following day with the biggest bruise ever where one of the needles were, I could not believe it. I have taken pictures on my phone it is so large!

I called my doctors today for my results and told 'all normal'. How can that be? I do not want to give myself another life long disease, but I would like an answer! This bruising is not normal, my DH and friends all agree, so why cant my doctors?! I am worried this may affect implantation and my IVF

My cyst has shrunk....

... to 12mm!! I am so pleased as it is small enough for the clinic to not be concerned!!

Today has been great: Cyst shrunk, got my blood taken for thrombophilia and got a dress for xmas party that makes me look slim!!

Now off to acupuncture and then work.

This is the hapiest I have felt in a while

I hope my cyst has gone

I am going to my clinic tomorrow morning to have a scan to see if my cyst has gone on my left ovary. I have been bleeding on and off for the last two weeks despite being on the pill. It has now stopped, which I hope is a good sign?

If the cyst is still there I will have to have it aspirated. I hope it does not delay my IVF as my injections are due to start the 27th Dec. (OMG, it is so soon!!)

I am also having a blood test for thrombophilia tomorrow as I bruise so easily and bleed a lot. After that I am having acupuncture and then off to work. An action packed day!!

As far as how I am feeling..... I am both nervous and excited about my IVF, hopeful and fearful. I do not know what we will do if this does not work....

I am back from NYC!

I had an amzing time in NYC. Was so cold and so busy but I loved it. We managed to see all the sights and walk the whole length of NYC in 2 1/2 days! We also saw Chicago on Broadway which was brilliant!

We did not want to come back. I could easily stay in NYC forever!

Here are a few photo's of our time in NYC, looking v cold!

Off to New York!!

I am due to fly out early Sunday morning to New York!! I can not wait. I hope this trip is amazing and all we have hoped for.
There are a few problems, mainly the weather over here. The snow has been terrible, I have been snowed in for 2 days! The airports have been closed and no taxi's will pick us up to take us to the airport. I really hope the snow goes so we can fly!

On a side note, I had my AF visit last week (last before IVF) and that was fine, painful like normal but nothing new. It all finished and now for the last 3 days I have been bleeding. Now is TMI: It is brown, watery bleed. Like I had during my FET. I am thinking from my cyst again? I am hoping not, as I have hoped that being on the pill has got rid of my cyst? I am now worried that the cyst is not gone.

Frustrated!

I have a bit of a rant about my clinic and GP.

My RE said I have to hve a thrombophilia and blood clotting blood test, the clinic cant do it and if they did would have to charge me, but I am a nhs patient. I was told to go to my GP. I asked them to send a request to my GP as they would not do it without. Clinic said they would. I went to the GP's this morning for bloods and the nurse refused as they 'do not do private requests'. I could not believe it, one it is becuase I bruise easily and bleed heavily, and two it is not a private request, I am an nhs patient!
I called the clinic, they said they will have to check the notes and get back to me. I now need a blood request form and to go to the hospital for it, my GP will not do it!! I am not sure if the clinic will give me a blood request form.

I may have to pay for it if I can not get it sorted! I really need this before I start my IVF at the end of the month!!
Sorry about the irratic rant!! I am starting to lose hope with the clinic, with my IVF chances and now feel even more down.

There seems o be a few BFP's in the IF world at the mo which is such great news, I am so pleased and it gives me hope. It does also make me wonder if it will ever be me.....?