i'm so hollow
theres so many things i tot about. so many things that fills my head.
so many sleepless night that every morning just tire the shite outta me. and every night the same dream. the one whereby i would sell my soul to change it back. if thats wat it takes.
i haf no idea why i am still here? or if i am hoping or holding on to sumting or for something.
i'm just amazed at myself and the lies i tell myself every single fuking day. everyday wun be betta. everyday it just gets harder and harder. everyday wen i see that face smiling at me, it just kills me a lil inside. but the irony is that that is the smile i wake up for every morning. the one that always makes my day no matter wat. since day1.
i feel like being in a rut. noting here for me to stay on. noting much to go back for. no offence intended. i tink that i pretty much left or stop everythign wen i decide to stay here. and thinking abt coming back scares the shite outta me. thinking abt the life i gotta pick up from when i left 3 yrs ago. and trying to grow on it. all that terrifies me. intensely.
i cant deny thats home. thats where i'll end up at. but right now, coming back to it seems wrong. tho in this case i aint got any choice at all. in the end, it doesnt really matter wat i want. i just gotta do wats expected of me. i shudnt haf fight in the first place so it wuldnt be this hard.
why hope and go thru all these emotions? why did i start hoping again? i shudnt haf.
and now i am reliving berhenti berhahrap.
i dun want to haf hopes. those things. they nvr get me anywhere or anything.
all i haf is myself and pieces of me to picked up.
