reliving berhenti berharap
a week on.
everyting else is seem to be the same but it feels different at the same tym. the hurt still linger. as it always wuld. and my heart, it feels like having knives stabbing thru it every single tym i see his face.
wen i left, a week ago, to get away from all these. i culdnt grieve. i just felt numb. and i still hadnt a couple of days later wen i tried to talk things out. wen i held wateva is left of me, in front of him, only to haf it destroy for good. he just stand der, stone cold. like it had nvr mattered b4. like i dun matter to him. wen i heard wat he said all ova again and for real this tym, i just close my eyes and tried to breathe. its feels weird coz i've been here b4. abt a yr ago. i saw everything ard me crashed. i saw pieces of me on the floor. i culdnt cry. i culdnt ask for help. i just stood der. it felt like tym stopped for me to take in the pain. and den i walked away, grasping to breathe.
i still culdnt cry. i just numbed the pain. i felt lost. didnt noe wat to do. dunno who to turn to. everything seems to be overwhelming. everything i feel seems to be overwhelming. but i dunno wat to do abt it. for once, i just dun. until sat, wen i woke up and it starts to sink in. everything starts to sink in. and den i cried. it wasnt for long. it wasnt for much but i did.
i haf so many questions. questions that might not haf answers. but i do haf lots of them. all the whys, the whats and the hows. and importantly, what of me now? i am still figuring that out. still trying to figure out. what i am trying to figure out, i dunno. i just dun. at least not at the moment. at least not for now...
