its been wonderful so far. and i am happy. its been great how everyting haf been lately.
and i noe i culdnt haf asked for more.


so the boy brought me to my 1st rave. or sorta. it was awesome.
well, having no interest watsoeva in dance music. this is one eye opener. esp since he has been trying in sum ways or another to make me get into it. honestly i like it heaps. + the company was awesome.

the boy, me and andy!

so many celebrations this mth for me. 3 main events actually. one after another. sure gonna be helluva wkend. and another rave to look forward to - ultraworld. cant wait.

my happy ending

so another of mum's drama happen again. been avoiding her call since that day. so as per norm, she has my life planned out for me. wants me to come back in dec. werk for 2 - 3mths den go back to ady and convo. den come back to SG. pfft!
i was so upset but i didnt want to create another scene wif her so i told her i am studying for an exam that will happen 2mrw (ok this is true aight). and i hanged up. i tot she left me to make my decision. i tot she said at the end of the day, its still my choice. why all these den?
yes prolly my refusal to make an immediate decision led to all these. well, for one thing, i am tryin to figure sumthings out. even if i do wanna stay, wtf do i turn to to be my banker?
and it doesnt help that they wanna cut me off by Jan. well, i culd get a job and cover my day-to-day expenses here for those mths till i get my freaking pr and a proper job. but how am i gonna afford that and save for a god-damn pr application fee?


well actually, i haf already made the decision. its just that i had no1 to turn to to support me. so surprisingly, out the blue, the boy said(finally!) that he wants me to stay. partly coz i told him off since he had nvr said anyting abt it b4. his defense was that he tot it was obvious enuff for me to realise/pick up. well, i did. its just nicer to hear him say it.


the biggest deal of it all tho is the fact that he offered to up front the money for the whole pr thingy. its like hes been thinking abt it and waiting for a gd tym to be saying it.
its funny tho. i was chatting to yan the other day and she had asked me to ask the boy. and i didnt wanna. partly coz i noe he wuld. coz i am me. and that i mean alot to him.
its tempting for sure given that i dun haf any solution at the moment. and i still cant believe that he did that. no questions asked. no catch no nothing. my gawd! how much i <3 the boy.


but how do i explain to the family? how do i tell them that hes willing to upfront the money so that for once, i culd get wat i want and live my life. for sure, i cant tell them the truth coz there wuld be alot of implications. but then, i wuldnt want to lie to them abt sumting so huge a deal. so again, i am still back to square 1. now having the means but still unable to do anyting abt it.


i appreciate very much every single thing he has done for me. + the more to come. i noe things wuldnt have been simpler to me if he hadnt been der, putting up and going thru wif me. tym and again, going out of his way just so he culd see me haf a peace of mind. and smile. and only he can do that. i did tell him tho that i am afraid to make that jump. to hope. coz i am afraid to fall.
and he said, 'fall. dun worry. i be your parachute'. he also said that hes not gonna change his mind abt it and that noting i can say will make him too. thats that!
culd i ask for a betta man?

u noe among the many things i missed back home. one main thing kinda struck me. i miss wat i used to do every so often. volunteering. i miss those sats teaching and all.

i still remember back in 2000 i reckon wen i organise and ran successfully an event wich came out in the papers(BH). the smiles on the faces after the whole event was sooo worth all the trouble i went thru. it makes me feel good. to noe that all work was paid off. to noe that they had fun. i will nvr forget that day. was the single bestest in my volunteering tym.


another event that wuld be on my mind would be that STAR appreciation day. that flash presentation i did. it was funny coz i noe nuts abt flash and shite. and so a crash course kinda pull me thru. i panicked tho coz on the day itself, i had to do so many changes + i am like massively tired. but it was all worth it. like everything else is. to see ppl's smile. oo and that cake. lol.


i've done alot of organising and running events those 10 yrs of my life. during those tyms, that has always been my priority no matter wat. sure i had so many downs and wat not. but it had nvr kept me from doing them. ppl asked me wat i get outta them, i culd nvr answer. u nd to be in my shoes to be able to understand why i did wat i did for soo long.
i would say the greatest thing to happen from der would be all the frenships i've made. it got me my 2 bestest fren. him&her. and many gd frens. i culd nvr ask for more.
on the brightside, i haf always have fun being with the ppl. they were like my extended family.

it was hard leaving in 2004. wen i had to pursue that other course of life i've chosen. it seems like part of me had gone. it was hard to accept that i had to stop wat i've done for 10 yrs. wich i didnt actually. i didnt stop. i culdnt haf. so i still do wat i can wen i was back for hols.

i left again. in 2005. this tym for good. mostly bcoz i culdnt stand the on-going politics and drama that seems to be ard for ages. like i tot things wuld have been different but that nvr happen. that day, was THE worst day of the life. i cried my heart out. like many-a-times i always done in that period of my life.


bottomline, i miss all that. esp doing wat i used to do. i miss those late nights or all nighter we would haf just to get things running. of course i wuldnt go back to where i was. i've grown out of it. i want somethign betta. something bigger. something different.
and i want them to grow up. like for real.