so mum had said wat shes been pushing off for the last mth or so. she wants me to come back coz it wuld make everyting easier for her.
a whole lot easier for everyone except for me. well, it doesnt matter coz wat i want has nvr been a priority. not to me. definitely not to any1 else.
i said noting except telling her that i didnt want to deal with this now. i dun want to deal wif anyting else now. she told me that i culd get that job in SIA since i haf alot of relatives werking der and my reccomendation is solid. gawd!


honestly, there aint much to tink abt since a decision has already been made. wat more culd i haf said for myself? it wun really matter. i nvr mattered. knowing myself, very well, my decision wuld also prolly be wat would make things easier for me in the loong run. so as not to haf ppl up my back and telling me off. it doesnt make me happy. but then again, there are alot of things that nvr make me happy but i go along nwayz coz it makes other ppl happy.
my life story, u noe, living other people's dreams. always.
just this once, i wanted different. even b4 i got it, i was robbed of it.

i had a lovely lovely wkend. *smile* its a gd tym spend wif the boy. and i lurve every moment of it. well, we did haf 'those' moments or 2 but it was all made up for after.
morning shower was nice. went to T3 to haf brunch and pre-order the expansion pack for warcraft (coming out in Nov!!!). went to do the wkly grocery shopping and den walk the dogs. caught Lake House in the evening. got pizza for supper. reckon we were so tired out by the day's event that we fel asleep while watching a movie he bought from wooly's.


i woke up first the next day. he was still cuddling up wif me. wich feels gd. so i lie der quietly as not to wake him up. until i got bored. so i started to cheekily bite his shoulders and back. he wasnt grumpy since he got a gd sleep 2 nights in a row. he finally woke up. more cuddles. quiet moments. njoying the morning. lol! i made pancakes for breakkie. wich is rare. lol! we r not breakkie kinda ppl. pancakes wif ice cream & strawberries. yummy!! had it in the backyard. stoopid morning talks. mostly abt warcrafts and abt the movie. den he makes himself useful and help ard the house whilst i rot and do my uni werk. not much done in the afternoon/evening tho. coz i had a raid on warcraft to run. so i spent 4 hrs after lunch doing that whilst he entertained andy who decide to come ard be sociable.


top it off, i made him watch 'if only' wif me. lol! super lazy us! we had leftovers for dinna on the bed while watching tv. wich as per norm ended up wif him cuddling and making himself comfy and fell asleep and i follow suit after. i didnt get up wen he got up to get ready for werk. wich is rare coz i usually do. + i didnt make anyting for suppa for him. lol! i got another gd 2 hrs sleep b4 getting up to get my freaking rpt done wich is due in like 4 hrs i tink.


bottomline, i am a happy gerl. it was a nice wkend spent wif him. very much routined and simple one. now, i just want to get this rpt done. wait for the boy to come home from werk den drop it off to uni. come back and sleep. thankfully, i got no freaking class 2mrw. poor boy has tafe from 1 - 5pm. hehe!

i hate this! i hate being wif you and not being yours.
yes! you make me happy. and i like the way things are going. dun get me wrong. but theres a huge difference in those 2 status. sum things that i am entitled and not entitled to. i am not complaining tho. coz i noe at the end of the day, its still me you come home to.
its me that u come to bed to, snuggle up wif and warming ur cold body. and i like that. i like waking up and feel ur arms wrapped ard me. turn ard and see those tired eyes abt to fell asleep. do sum catching up and den i start my day while you get sum rest.


but i hate the irony of being wif you and not being urs. i just simply hate it.

so the course has been set. i am into my final sem. my last phase b4 i put on that square hat wif pride. all hell paid off after long last. this is gonna be the toughest ride of all. knowing i cant farked this up. at least not this one. and not right now. and not anymore.


i still am not sure if i am staying or going at the end of it all. i just dun. i am trying to push it off since i had that talk wif mumsy. i dun want to make any decision right now. + i am back to square one since i haf no farking idea wat i want anymore.
i mean i haf a faint grasp of wat i want but i am not too sure. i noe i haf to deal wif it sooner or later. i rather later coz right now, ders just too much to get done.


its been a gd 2 wks tho. its been nice. i tink i haf nvr been happier as i am now. i feel content, happy and blessed. i culdnt ask for more. wat i am most glad wif is the fact that for once in the entire 2.5 yrs here, i feel that like everyting is going right for me. as in i feel gd abt being here and doing this last phase of my degree. i hadnt felt that since i got here that i almost forgot how it felt like. it makes me feel so good. abt myself. and everyting ard me.


right now, else doesnt matter so much. just me, you and this stretch of road i need to ride along.

hmm. how do i explain? its funny how in a single moment, ur whole life can turn ard??
it was beauty wat i felt wif you. truly! not till i heard those words. those words i dun nd to hear. at least not today. i felt a sudden rush of blood to my head. and i tried to defend myself or at least try but those words didnt come out right. and we had to leave it at it?? i didnt want to say anyting else coz everything that had been said was all wrong. so i kept quiet and look away.


i gave it a 2nd tots. i realise i wasnt angry wif wat u told me coz i knew that right from the start. i always haf. and a fool in lurve is always a fool. my part is a fool's hope.
but i do cherised wat i haf/had wif you. and i noe u do as well. coz it means so much to us. to haf wat we haf. coz it doesnt happen to everyone.
wat triggered me off i realise was wen u said u wanted to leave it at it. it was not gonna be that simple and i dun wanna lose wat we had b4.


so this is my decision. trust me wen i say its allright. for right now, i noe where i stand so its not all hard for me. at least ders a bit of cushion to help soften the landing in any case. + ur not gonna let me fall that hard. of course its gonna hurt wenthe tym comes. but we deal wif that later. right now, i am just cruising along wif the ride. coz i lurve it and you as well. without a doubt. i understand ur concern. but u noe that i am not like any other gerl you've known or met. i know wat i am doing and i want you to gif me credit for that. coz u noe me a whole lot more than others.


i know this is a foolish game we both are playing. and i noe u dun wanna hurt me. but at the same tym, i noe u want these as well. + u haf got noting to lose hun. i dun either, at least not right now.
so baby, lets njoy the ride. we'll deall wif things as they come. i noe no matter wat ur main concern is still me. thats wat our world are abt. just you & me!

so davy left for London. btw davy is my housemate who is also my landlord. lol! he decided 3 mths ago to take on a different route. a route away from the comfort zone he has. and i am impressed to noe that he goes on wif it. its not an easy decision. and bcoz he is a control freak.
it is definitely weird not having him ard. house wuld be alot quieter. wats more wif the 2 boys werking night-shifts. and not having a sane and rational person to talk to.


so last wkend was his BIG going away party. it starts from friday right up to monday. lol! farking party animal. but it was nice to see the others again. and i am sure he had fun. like as if not! everyone is like off their face and wen i got up in the morn, sum of them were still going on. and the house, my oh my! is upside down. lol! we had a sleepy day on sunday. everyone was just prolly exhausted form the night.


his leaving today was very suprisingly not as bad as i expected. except Meg was very sad and all teary. well, that is expected coz its her brother whose going away. for me, i am just worried about him. lol! but i noe hes gonna be all gd.