things haf gone out of control lately. the boy has blown his top off a couple of tyms wif me as well. not major ones tho. but still its the boy! heh. prolly i been hard to handle.
today was worst coz of the major hangover and lack of sleep. and to tink i missed the germany's match coz my head feels too heavy to stay awake. so me and the boy fell asleep half way thru. woke the boy up in the morn and started to throw small tantrums. cuddled up to watch 'inside man' and i fell asleep again. he asked me to go haf a nap b4 walshy comes over to study for my 2mrw paper. wich i did after a hot shower.


still studying tho contemplating not to go for the exam 2mrw. the ppr is at 6.30pm and i dunno if i will be up for it. i am not sure if i culd stand that long tho. if th eblardy ppr in the morn or early afternoon. ders still chances but evening ppr is a killer. i'll just be so farked by the tym i sit for it. so bottomline, prolly be up wif diarhhoea. heh!


after this final ppr, wich i am not sitting for, at least not 2mrw. i wuld be stuck working on my fyp wich i have not started on. so this 6 wks break is gonna be hell for me still. less warcraft. more work. i reckon i had too much warcraft lately. still haf not hand up my rpts. shud get it done by this wk. not much nwayz. just procastinating as per norm.


i am just lurving how much cuddlings i've had wif the boy after so loong of being deprieved. heh! like i mentioned b4 i am a sucker for cuddles. esp wif the boy. we rarely haf tym now together now. coz as we are sharing the warcraft acct, hes on it wen i am not and vice versa.
now we watch soccer alot and he accompanies me watch my germany game and we been having more movie session. so its all gd now. and i am so lurving it.
ooo.. and he snuggle up wif me this morn wen he comes to bed. my bed. coz andy was sleeping in his so he jumps into mine. we agreed that next tym andy sleeps over, he sleeps in mine wich is a single bed and we'll sleep in the boy's bed wich is queen size. well, none of us ended up off the bed last night wich is gd but crampy since pinkie was also cuddling up wif us.
i lurve it!! heh!

i got my shitehole covered. thanks to davy. now everyting else seems to be a breeze. i'm grateful. it wuldnt have been easy. things have started to brighten up. worked every impt tings out. got eveyting covered. and for now, i am glad. coz for once, i dun feel like being dumped.
and my heartfelt gratitude goes to the family i haf here.
the boy, davy, meg and andy.


these 4 who always makes my life a joy. and being that joy in my life. i like living life with them. and i know it wuldnt been complete w/o them now. i cant imagine being here and not having them. that wuld haf seem impossible given, how messy my life been these past few mths.
i am just glad that i haf them. it makes everyting else simple.

such short period but i do feel the overwhelming feeling of missing him. its starting to hurt again. the wound has began to bleed again. do i haf to say more?
i missed those talks we used to haf sumtyms. ironically, i missed us quarreling.
bottomline, i just missed him.


i made this like ages ago. i hadnt seen it since. i was making space in my hard-drive and i found it again. my gawd it hurts. if only he knew. if only.
but i believe even if he did, it doesnt prolly make any diff. like it nvr did b4.

heh. so the boy and me had an innocent arguement turned ugly wich ends wif me slamming his car door. and that pisses him off so much. silence treatment didnt last long tho. i needed a smoke wich ended up wif me confronting him. and goes the same old story. the one wich we had b4.
i tink i've been tad it bitchy lately. prolly due to the stress and the not enuff sleep. so i gave him all. i told him that the reason why our quarrel nvr last is bcoz of the soft spot i haf for him. i told him how much i hate him just trying to make points so that he wuldnt lose. and instead blame it all on me. and for me, walking away is like the best defense i haf. i walk away bcoz i dun want say things i will regret.
face it. people say alot of tings they dun actually mean wen they are angry. and i dun like to be one of those. so thats why i walk away. we can always talk tings out wen the situation is calmer.


and i explain to him that it wun make him less of a man to say sory to me. and for a fact that its me and not anyone else shud prolly make it alot easier. and we share everyting. seen it all. so wats der to be embarassed or ashamed of? and i noe how difficult it is for a guy to say sorry. i do. but that doesnt haf to be the reason to not say them wen required.
and the best ting, the boy asked me to tell him to apolagize if we were to haf an arguement wich is his fault. like hell i wuld. i told him that tings like these shud come as a willing and wif sinceriety. heh. he has to learn even if it breaks his door.


he assures me he'll learn. that in btw all the hot and cold flushes we been having. we'll see.

its the 2nd sunrise 2 days in a row. and i have pretty much been up for a whole 24 hrs now. the body has shut down.. since afternoon actually but i had to push on to finish up the stoopid assie thats due in like 5mins. finally its done.


i am like all happy to sleep now but opening game is germany's so wich means MY micheal ballack might be playing if the coach is farked enuff. heh! hes the only reason why i am supporting germany for the past few yrs. if not, i am well and happy wif italy.


i culd barely keep my eyes open right now and contemplating to go to bed early since hes not playing. but prolly the game will be all worth it!!

heh. i am super hyper. my body hasnt shut down yet. albeit the humongous amt of caffiene i haf in my body. wats more with the redbull i am having right now.

and yes! i am getting ready for a ppr in abit. been up all night studying it. hopfully its worth it. but i did managed a short nap, thanks to the boy. hes all sweet wen i haf exams.

wat is infuriating tho is the fact that i am making careless and stoopid mistakes. now i am just trying to destress coz i am out of ciggies to smoke. remember the rations i am on. it still does happen tho i tink this morning, i haf pretty much finish my quota. so its down to being innocently sweet and non-bitchy to the boy wen he comes pick me up after. >_<

i am loving my new skin. done by urs truly for sure. heh. despite the uber busy period of uni, i was inspired to change it. wich is cool coz i didnt really spent much tym on it. except for the layout itself. the codes were done easy. heh! the boy dun study his tafe stuffs for nothing. tho prolly its pretty much him asking me abt everyting. lols.

i like the fact that the pain is in that smile you see everyday. who sees me smile everyday? heh. and u tink he wuld haf the idea of wtf my pain is all abt? u be surprised.

ps:oooo.. u noe wat will be lovely? to get into bed and cuddle up wif the boy under his blankie. so warm and safe. its getting very very cold here nowadays. and i dun quite like it!!