#nowplaying Adele's Turning Table

there have been a tsunami of emotions prior to this wkend. mixed feelings of wanting and not wanting. the feeling that i cant really be fuked with everything. fuelled by your behaviour. i've said b4, friendship dont end just because you stop talking, it ends because no effort is being made. it takes 2 hands to clap. communication is a 2-way thing, fyi. i cant be talking all alone now can i? whats the point?

i understand that alot of been said between us that cannot be taken back. things that only the closest of frens would say and know it wuldnt hurt ur feelings. if its not being said by us, who you called ur closest fren, den who supposed to look out for you. i am pretty sure you also have said a fair share to me about my life, something i take in my stride no matter no hurtful it was. and when the tables are turned to you, we bacame the mean ones. is that right now?

all we had ever wanted, all i wanted is that you be happy. and it pains me to see how bad you were mistreated, mentally. and everything became draining to you. even us. accomodating put a dent on each of us. we culdnt understand, and u didnt make us understand. u didnt even bother. assumptions were made based on wat u tink we felt. but u nvr bother to ask.

never fuking bother.

u put ur ego in first. u didnt place us anywhere.

such a sod for 10yrs of frenship really.

i promise that i was gonna suk it up and smile. so much effort i tell you. you haf no idea.

so here i am, all suked up and smile. for one last time. like you say, for old time sake. because we were once good buddies.

congratulations to you. i am glad that finally, he makes you happy. and i hope he continues to make you happy. i wish for noting else but the best for you.

sumtimes, it will take a fren a very long time to come back to you.

i honestly tot i've lost a dear fren. a fren i known for a very very long time. i didnt noe wat happen or wat caused the frenship to stop. abruptly. it hurts solely because hes one of my few dearest fren. the one who always keeps me rooted.

then an email came. suprised. a peace offering. a very long ass email. i only managed to go thru the first 2 paragraphs wen tears starts to drip down. and den everything became hazy. my heart starts beating so fast. and i forgot to breathe for a moment. i culdnt bear to scroll down and read on because it was very obvious that i became a disappointment. over sumting that was lost on me at that point wen it happened.

but i knew i had no choice. i was angry that he didnt realise that he could haf confronted me. esp with those years of frenship we haf. but anger had a will of its own. so i continue to read on. we lost so much time and a chance had to given. he has already made the first move no matter how long it had been. he was trying to explain. and apologise, for the decision that was made that caused so much pain. i didnt realise that i meant sumting to him. that our frenship meant sumting. i didnt realise how angry he was at me. and because he culdnt handle that anger, he made the decision to stop being frens.

that email was an eye-opener. to alot of things. one of those, that it had happen couple yrs ago. and that the reason of the anger was lost on time. the only thing left was the resentment/anger. but he explain the reason and it was my mistake. honest mistake. a mistake nonetheless. that almost caused me a dear fren. but it was a peace offering. to be frens again. to build again and solidify wat had been broken. sumting i appreciate and treasure. time does heal wound.

so we met and talk. i cried and talk. its a wonder that with so much time lost upon us, it was like we were before. and i appreciate alot. that you finally, even tho it took a long while, came back. and put it all behind. you haf no idea how much all of that meant to me. coming from you especially. knowing full well wat kinda person you are. i heart you babe. heaps.

thank you for coming back. for being a fren again. for saying things i would never imagine coming from you. thank you for treasuring the frenship.