Monday, December 17, 2012

Newtown, CT--My Thoughts

Last Friday was tragic day for this nation and the community of Newtown, CT.  I don't need to relay the details, everyone has heard about it by now.  It's unfathomable.  Now all over the media there's the debate about gun control, they are blaming the violent acts of kids with autism.  Nancy Grace on Headline News obviously knows nothing about autism as she asked someone on her show how a kid could be autistic is he was taking college classes at 16 and earning a 3.3 GPA.  She obviously has not done her homework or ever spent time with someone who has autism. Autism is SO DIFFERENT within itself, within every kid, and every kid with autism responds in different ways.  You can't label a kid who walks into a school and shoots 20 children as being autistic and say "all autistic children are this way" because this is not true.  There are so many levels to autism that even the experts don't fully understand.  I've worked with kids who are autistic who do have fits, and they have kicked and hit me, or tried to bite me.  And I've worked with kids who are autistic who did not respond in this way.  It is different for each kid.

Here is my take on it all.  Putting guns in schools and allowing teachers to have guns at school is not going to stop things like this from happening.  Plus, look at inner-city schools...how many of those kids do you think carry weapons to school on a daily basis without anyone knowing for wanting to protect themselves and their friends or to take revenge on another?  Sure, something like this shouldn't happen in Newtown...it shouldn't happen ANYWHERE.  It shouldn't take a mass shooting to realize that we have a problem in the U.S.  Visit any part of an inner-city...and you should figure that out.  Taking guns away from people isn't going to help.  How many people own guns?  How will you stop them from buying more or prevent their guns from getting into the hands of their children?  My brother's ex-wife allows her 7, 6, and 4 year old to be around guns and bullets.  She takes them to gun ranges, she is teaching them that it is ok to use guns.  Her father owns a gun collection, like Adam Lanza's mother and prides himself in it and it is on display for all to see.  My brother and his ex-wife's son, who is a kindergartner runs around school acting like he is shooting people.  My brother and his teacher are working with him to stop him from doing that and telling him that it is not OK and it is not a joke.  I doubt his mother and her family are doing the same because to them, guns are OK.  I'm not going to lie, it scares me that my two nieces and nephew are raised part time in that environment.This is an example within one family of how people's values and perceptions are so different in this area that no one will ever see eye to eye.

What it comes down to is helping PEOPLE.  We need to help people.  And going to counseling yourself, or getting your child help whether it be for mental health issues, or developmental issues, or learning "disabilities" is OK.  There is help available and people need to buck up and use the resources without being ashamed that something might be wrong.  So what if there is?  Are you getting help? Or are you ignoring it so it only builds up and then gets worse to the point where one day someone has a complete breakdown?  Mass shootings isn't the only tragedy because of this pride...suicide, homicide, bullying, any kind of violence is a result of people not recognizing issues in themselves or children, or ignoring that there might be an issue and not getting help out of fear of how it will affect how others view them.  I respect anyone who recognizes they or a loved one has a problem and does all they can to get the help they need and use the resources available to them.  It may not completely solve the problem, but it will help decrease the problems we see.  I can't tell you how many times as a teacher with kids who struggled in school and may have had a learning disability whose parent said, "no we don't need those resources, he doesn't need help, he will be just fine.  We will do it ourselves."

I read a quote by Fred Rogers (yes, Mr. Rogers), "Part of the problem with the word disabilities is that it immediately suggests an inability to hear or walk or do other things that many of us take for granted.  But what of people who can't feel?  Or manage their feelings in constructive ways?  What of people who aren't able to form close and strong relationships?  And people who can not find fulfillment in their lives, or those who have lost hope, who live in disappointment and bitterness and find in life no joy, no love?  These, it seems to me, are the real disabilities."  I ask you today, what have you done for someone else today?  How have you tried to help someone who may be fighting a battle inside that you can not see?  How have you helped someone today who you know fights a battle that you can see?  When you walk by a stranger, do you smile and say hello or do you look down and act like they don't exist?  When you see someone drop their groceries, do you stop and help pick them up or walk by because you don't have time to take 10 seconds out of your day and pick up a few material items off the floor?  Did you ask the kid at school who sits by himself or herself every day at lunch if you can join him or her?  Or were you too afraid of what your peers might think of you if you are "seen" wit that person?  Because the problems we see in America lie within ourselves and our families.  Our foundation begins within our families.  How we teach our children to treat one another.  How we teach our children to view one another.  The values that we instill in our children and how we live by those values...and the values are simple:  integrity, honesty, love, service, respect, work ethic...the list goes on and on.  Unfortunately, society is teaching our children that we must do whatever is needed to survive, even if it means stepping on another to get ahead, lying and throwing someone under the bus to protect ourselves, and using a weapon to hurt another to get revenge.

We are the problem each and every one of us.  And we all need to change in one way or another.  And teach children the appropriate way to respond to negative emotion and to teach our children core values, and to teach our children that it is OK to ask for help.