His love is warmer than the warmest sunshine

CHORUS:
His love is warmer than the warmest sunshine,
Softer than a sigh
His love is deeper than the deepest ocean
Wider than the sky
His love is brighter than the brightest star
That shines every night above;
And there is nothing in this world,
That could ever change his love.

Once I thought that love was meant for anyone else but me
Once I thought that no one knew the way
Now that only goes to show how wrong we all can be
'Cause now it seems He loves me more each day

CHORUS

Something happened to my heart that day that I met Him
Something that I never felt before
And that something is that He had buried all my sins
And everyday I know He loves me more.

i wish i could just lie on my back stare up at the emptiness, and forget everything for just one moment. is that too much to ask for?

letting go is not the hardest, because all i have to do is shove everything to the back of my mind, out of my life. but the hardest is learning how to love all over again, after all i have seen.


ignorance is bliss. how am i to love when i know there is so much pain, selfishness and hatred around?


i wish i could just lie on my back stare up at the emptiness, and forget everything for just one moment. is that too much to ask for?

i wonder if i should do something exciting tonight.. (okay that sounds a bit wrong.. =p)

cos i was just reminded of something...

i'll think about it.. and see how tired i am =p

Complete

Here I am, Oh God
I bring this sacrifice
My open heart,
I offer up my life
I look to You, Lord
Your love that never ends
Restores me again

So I lift my eyes to you Lord
In your strength will I break through Lord
Touch me now, let your love fall down on me
I know your love dispels all my fears
Through the storm I will hold on Lord
And by faith I will walk on Lord
Then I'll see beyond my calvary one day
And I will be complete in You

praise the God who gives and takes away

I was sure by now, God,
that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

Chorus:
And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone
how can I carry on
if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away

Chorus

I lift my eyes unto the hills where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes unto the hills where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth

Chorus

i don't know why this song has been stuck in my head over the past few days. strangely, i seem to like it more now than before. maybe it's because it's minorish or maybe because i finally figured out a key that i can actually sing to =p haha kidding lah! just now, i suddenly thought of job and this song came to mind. i really admire his faith, that he was able to praise God for who He is no matter what the circumstances were.

sometimes i do wonder if i woud be like him if all that happened to me. i can't imagine myself in his shoes, going through all that. i think the sadness and pain is enough to kill me, not to mention the loneliness. i really don't want to think about it. but in times of trials, that song always reminds me that He's there. even if we don't feel Him here, it doesn't He isn't. there are times when we cry out to Him in all desperation, and believe so strongly that He can take that pain away, but it still rains on us. and there are times when we feel absolutely helpless and weak, but God doesn't seem to give us any strength to carry on. whencircumstances like these happen, it's really really tough to stil be able to look up at the skies and know that God is there watching over us.

i particularly like the part "every tear i've cried You hold in Your hands", because it's just so reassuring to know that each moment of pain we go through, He knows and He cares. at times when i feel alone, it's comforting to remember that God will never leave me. it's so easy to be blinded by circumstances, that we forget who God really is. He will always be faithful, even if the world falls away, He'll be there.

the very fact that i can be sitting here blogging instead of panicking to tears over h3 shows a lot. God has really been amazing, and i really don't know how i could have finished. it's really during times when i've been pushed to the edge of the cliff, with absolutely no choice, that i truly surrender everything to Him. and when i learn to recognise my weakness and let go, then i will depend on His strength to see me through. and i realised that He can really work wonders beyond my imagination. so yeah! praise God! =)

"don't waste your youth growing up"

i saw that quote while reading the gp infopacks yesterday and it reminded me of something. i think it's really sad when children are not given a chance to enjoy their youth, and are forced (either by society or circumstances) to grow up. there are stuff i want to say about what exactly it is but i shan't say here (self-censorship =p). it's not fair to deprive them of their chance to enjoy being young while they can. i really feel sad when i read/hear/see such stuff. and sometimes i really want to do something about this. i know some people will say i'm being too idealistic, but there are times when i do feel i can so something about it. and some will say that i'm too young and havent understood "the ways of the world", and thus feel i can do something about it. and someday when i finally understand, i'll see how powerless i am and how little impact i can make. but i always believe in the starfish story. i can just make a difference to that one.

i thought i knew.

now i realise i don't anymore.

and it's really scary.

and so i've had my last proper day of lessons in rj. never again am i going to complain about having to sit through absolutely boring lectures with lecturers who cannot explain anything, or sleep through the whole lecture without knowing what went on. never again am i going to have tutorials where we smoke have absolutely intellectual and exciting discussions, or where we attempt TWT and see how good we are.

it's so surreal.

it feels like i just left rg awhile ago. and now we're leaving rj. i'll save the tears and emo post for the really really last day. the past one year plus just flew by so quickly. i can't believe we're nearing the end. wow. it's really scary.

one thing i ask of the Lord...

sometimes it's really so easy to look at someone else and wish we were in their position. i find myself doing that a lot, always envying others, wishing i had what they had. as people always say, the grass is greener on the other side, and it's true. we are never contented and often forget about what we have but instead want everything else others have. i always feel that other people have it better than me.

then as i was thinking about this a few days ago, this verse came to mind. psalm 27:4 One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek Him in His temple. and it really spoke to me. strangely the first thing that came to my mind was not the part about "i may dwell in the house of the Lord" or "gaze upon the beauty of the Lord" or even "seek Him in His temple". rather, it was the "one thing i ask of the Lord" that struck me because it wasn't "one of the things i ask of the Lord" but "ONE THING". and it kind of woke me up because it reminded me that the one and only thing i ever need is to dwell in His house. there's really nothing else i need except this, so there's no point in me envying others and wanting what they have. and it also reminded me to count my blessings, and be thankful for everything God has given me because He knows that's the best for me.

Luke 10:38-42
As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!"
"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."

this spoke to me during qt a few days back. it just made me think about how i've been living my life. whether i had been running around focusing on the little unimportant things when God is there just waiting for me to stop and listen to Him. and recently something happened that made me really just stop dead in my tracks (not literally) and look back at how i've been living my life. it was a really really timely reminder that yes there are things that are urgent and important now, that i definitely should care about, but i should never forget the other more important things in my life, not to let my focus be clouded by the urgent things.
i had never been so scared in my life. the fear had never been this real. and i never thought it could be me.

Chorus
Think about His love
Think about His goodness
Think about His grace
That's brought us through
For as high as the heavens above
So great is the measure of our Father's love
Great is the measure of our Father's love

Verse 1:
How could I forget His love
How could I forget His mercy
He satisfies, He satisfies
He satisfies my desires

Verse 2:
Even when I've strayed away
His love has sought me out and found me
He satisfies He satisfies
He satisfies my desires

i quite like this song =) but it gets stuck in my head easily. it reminded me to always stay close to Him, especially during these times when it's so easy to get distracted and turn away from Him. but thepast few weeks have really taught me, that the more things i have to do, the more time i need to spend with God. ironic, but it really works. it just helps me to get everything into perspective, and to rely completely on Him and not myself.

and sunday school today made me think of "praise you in this storm". i think trials are a real test of faith, whether we can still continue praising God for who He is despite all the circumstances. and through it all, remember that He is still there with us, just waiting with open arms for us to turn to Him.

WHOO! i am so totally going to finish studying quite soon. i have 3 topic left for chem, 2 topic for maths, 2 topics for econs, 5 topics for physics. yay! let's not talk about h3 chem first okay =p

i bet that made muggers panic!

chem - physical chem, organic chem, inorganic chem
maths - pure maths, stats
econs - microecons, macroecons
physics - general physics, newtonian mechanics, oscillations and waves, electricity and magnetism, modern physics

sometimes i really wonder how people can just completely disappear from my life without me even feeling anything.

LOVE YOU ALL! =D

firstly, i want to say it really sucks being sick on your birthday. =( wah i don't know if i'll survive to finish the end of this post cos i'm really really dying. but i will persevere cos i want to do this on my birthday, if not it wouldn't be that significant.

and so i'm officially 18. somehow i do feel a bit strange. maybe it's just the thought of having to be a little bit more responsible for what i do, or the idea of having to face up to even greater challenges. i will admit i did look forward to my birthday this year for some strange reason. and it came, not too quickly or slowly, just at the right pace. i didn't turn 18 very glamly, i can't remember what i was doing last night/this morning, and then suddenly i realised! 12.07! and i wished myself happy birthday.

this year's birthday made me think of some stuff. i think birthdays are a great time to reflect on what has gone in the past year between my last birthday, and more importantly to remember all the people in my life who have made my world a much better place.

thanks to all those who remembered my birthday. it really made my day to receive (some strange) messages from many many people, some of whom i didn't expect. there are really too many to list here, but THANK YOU ALL! =D

of couse, i'm absolutely thankful to my wonderful family who never fails to tolerate all my nonsense, grumpiness, mood swings, craziness and all the many times i've acted like i wasn't really normal =p i haven't exactly been the nicest and easiest person to live with, but thank you for always being there and for loving me for who i am! =) and to my dearest extended family (yes YOU dear cousins!) thanks for always being crazy with me, for the times we've gone high on nothing, the time we've laughed our heads off at the dumbest things. yes, i really love spending time with all of you. AND REMEMBER OUR HOT DATE AFTER EXAMS! =D

and i want to say a big thank you to all my friends from hakka! (yes your cue to shout and cheer as we always do =p) well, what can i say. thank you for LIMPEH! (haha don't mind the name =p it's an inside joke) :

yes i really really love them! i promise i will take good care of them and hopefully they'll grow BIG and STRONG and HEALTHY! thank you for all the times you've been there for me, ready to listen to all my problems and cheer me up when i'm down. thank you for all the crazy wacky things we've done, and for all the silly lame and absolutely-not-funny jokes we've laughed at. and thank you for being my source of spiritual encouragement, spurring me on to a deeper walk with God.

thank you dearest 6f! i really can't have asked for a better class. you people make school at least a bit bearable. thank you for making lessons always so amusing, whether it is never-ending gp presentations, or random questions and comments, or kokology. thank you for all our class outings (although i didn't go for many), that we did the craziest but funnest stuff. (and of course never fail to play bridge =p) and thank you all for being the great friends you are, always there for me! =)

thank you vball teammates! i won't ask for anything more because you girls really rock! =) season was short, but we grew a lot through it. thank you for sticking together through the toughest times, and for pulling through together. i really couldn't have done it without you all! i'll never forget the random things we did, like listening to baoli sing, or going to sentosa on a school day! thank you for all the fun and laughter you've brought to my life! =)

A BIG BIG BIG THANK YOU to my darlings jin ning and jasmin. firstly, for FLU BEE *puke* (the name is horrible! =p) i really really really love it! i refuse to plug it into my com cos i want it in my room always!! =D (haha actually i'm just lazy to install it) thank you for never failing to brighten up my day! seriously. i always look forward to seeing you. (especially jasmin's absolutely hiliarious jokes) thank you for always being there to cheer me up, and for always entertaining me when i'm bored and for just being yourselves! i can't have asked for greater friends!! ME LOVES YOU TWO A LOT! =D (yes yes ego boost)

okay i'm really dying liao. sorry for this louya cheapo mass message. but to all those i've missed out, I STILL LOVE YOU OKAY! =D thank you always for being the great friends you all are, although we don't see each other that much. THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING! =D

SHAMELESS =p

oh well... just had to show off what my ridiculous crazy amusing, cool, funky friends did. too bad i dont have a pic of the cat that i smashed. it was really very artistic. =p AND I STILL INSIST IT'S A CAT!

anyway, THANK YOU ALL! i really really appreciate everything! =D

但是天总会黑, 人总要离别
谁也不能永远陪谁
而孤单的滋味,谁都要面对
不只是你我会感觉到疲惫

oh no. why am i still up now? i don't feel like sleeping although i'm tired. i think too much for my own good. sometimes i really wish i could stop thinking. just for one day. i wonder what it's like to just forget i'm angie for one day and play my heart out without having to think about everything that's going on.

sometimes i really feel like just giving up. and anyway i've been doing that all my life, giving up on everything i've ever tried. i just don't try hard enough. but there's really not enough motivation for me to push myself for anything. i'm too easily contented. okay. something just came to mind. i can't. because things are different now. it's amazing how quickly circumstances can change, how people just come and go. and it's even more amazing how easily my perspective can change. what i once thought i knew, now i realise maybe i don't. what i once thought was important, now i realise maybe not. what i once thought i could do, now i realise maybe i can't. what i once thought was impossible, now i realise maybe it's possible. AND IT IS POSSIBLE! i've seen too much in my life that i dare not say anything is impossible anymore. (and by the way if any of you out there think you know what i'm talking about. haha. think again. because i'm not even sure myself.)

on a different note. i think this is the first time i actually have things i want for my birthday (as in actual tangible stuff). i'll get them for myself if nobody gets them for me (which i think will probably be the case since no one knows =p) people have asked me what i want, and i admit i lied that i don't know. it just takes the fun out of getting presents if i know what i'm going to get. but more importantly, i want to choose what exactly it is, as in the design, and i don't know what i want yet cos i havent been looking around. anyway i'll probably have fun buying presents for myself too. and don't try asking me what i want.

anyway, i realised i don't title my entries anymore, because i can't think of suitable titles. they are all just so random.

A man was walking along the beach one evening and saw a little boy throwing starfish that had been washed ashore by the tide into the sea. He thought the boy was silly in trying to save the starfish, as he knew it was impossible to throw every single one of the starfish back into the sea, with the tides washing them up.

The man walked right up to the boy and asked him what he was doing.

'You see sir; the starfish would die if they are left on the shore. They need to be in the sea in order to live,' answered the boy with all the innocence of a child.

'But son, how are you going to save all of them? Every time you put one back, another would be washed up.'

'I can't save them all but I can try,' came the reply.

The man asked the boy, 'What difference will that make when there are thousands of starfish on the beach?'

The boy picked up a starfish, looked at the man and said, 'But sir, it will make a difference to this one'

After saying that, he threw the starfish back into the sea.

"I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something I can do." - Edward Everett Hale

it's not what you take up but what you give up that makes you rich.


i'm up awake again. but for a different reason. i'm sleepy. YAY! finally. shall try to sleep soon so i don't screw up my sleep cycle again.


i think love is amazing. really. it transcends all understanding, and defies all laws of nature and science and whatsoever. why in the world would people give up so much for others? why would parents sacrifice so much for their children? why would siblings/relatives/friends give up so much for one another? there's really no rational explanation for it, except love.


i don't know why but recently many things have been happening that made me think about this. minor things they may be, but somehow they just got my attention. and it reminded me about how God calls us to love each and every person as ourselves. which really isn't easy for me.

haha had loads of fun today!! =D me loves all of you! =D with all our nonsense about physics. and charades was SUPER funny. i think the zombie was the funniest =p we really should have videoed it lah.

haha too tired to blog liao... plus im sunburnt too. sigh.

“When they finally saw him, why he hadn’t done any of those things . . . Atticus, he was real nice. . . .”
His hands were under my chin, pulling up the cover, tucking it around me.
“Most people are, Scout, when you finally see them.”

Let me be a little kinder
Let me be a little blinder
To the faults of the those around me
Let me praise a little more
Let me pray when i am weary
Be a little bit more cheery
Think a little more of others
And a little less of me

Lord, help me to love everyone like how You love me. unconditionally.

there are just so many things i want so say to you but i can't. it really hurts me when you say you're okay and i know you're not. seeing you hide all your pain behind the facade of a smile and pretending that everything is fine and well when actually your hurting so much inside is painful.

please do me a favour just this once, please stop hurting yourself anymore :'(

i promised you that i'll be there for you always. but i'm scared that i won't be there when you need me, that i won't be there to catch you when you fall, or even that i won't be there to pick you up when you're on the ground.

i really shouldn't be awake now. but it's not my fault. and it's not like i'm awake doing anything productive also. it's just that in the time i was lying on my bed trying to sleep, i thought of something. and that something required me to come and use the com, and using the com made me think of more stuff. so yeah. i'm here. i can't sleep anyway so i should at least try to do something useful.

impossible is nothing

Verse 1
I have made You too small in my eyes
Oh Lord, forgive me
And I have believed in a lie
That You are unable to help me.
But now, Oh Lord, I see my wrong
Heal my heart and show Yourself strong
And in my eyes and with my song
Oh Lord, be magnified
Oh Lord, be magnified

Chorus:
Be magnified, Oh Lord
You are highly exalted
And there is nothing You can't do
Oh Lord, my eyes are on You
Be magnified,
Oh Lord, be magnified

Verse 2
I have leaned on a wisdom of men
Oh Lord, forgive me
And I have responded to them
Instead of Your light and Your mercy
But now, Oh Lord, I see my wrong
Heal my heart and show yourself strong
And in my eyes and in my song
Oh Lord be magnified
Oh Lord, be magnified

Chorus:
Be magnified, Oh Lord
You are highly exalted
And there is nothing You can't do
Oh Lord, my eyes are on You
Be magnified,
Oh Lord, be magnified

hey God i have a big problem. hey problem i have a BIG (and powerful and almighty)GOD! =D

Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."

in absolute randomness...

i realised there're more things to worry about than just that.

anyway, what kind of friend are you ah! i'm sure this kind of thing you didn't tell me lah! =p

oh well. today is a happy day.. because i met people who made my day! love you all! =D

and by the way, nici is GROSS can! =p

i just happened to be thinking...

i wish i was one year younger.

then i realised all the more it wouldn't work.

and it made me marvel at how amazing God's plan is.

anyway thanks for reminding me about the harsh reality of life. like someone stabbing a knife through your heart. *ouch*

i really should just shut up.

"I have had worse partings, but none that so
Gnaws at my mind still. Perhaps it is roughly
Saying what God alone could perfectly show -
How selfhood begins with a walking away,
And love is proved in the letting go."

i'm scared that i won't be there to catch you when you fall.