It's been over a year since I have had the time or strength for writing anything. I am so thankful for all the friends that I have.
After Christmas I got sick again with intense spasms, but this time I was out of luck.The doctors couldn't see anything in my test results. They gave me some stuff anyway. I wasn't getting better, so I thought what did I do this time? My husband had to drop out of class again for this too. They gave me meds when I went back and they didn't work well. Lovely right? We still don't really know what went wrong, so what a shame. They said I needed to go back to my specialist, and see what he could come up with. He told me it was all in my brain. I thought to myself. " I've had this 3 times in the last 2 years and I haven't been banging my head or anything. what is my brain doing? He gave me meds that were generic for Keppra, so I just called it Keppra. I was on Keppra for about 7 months which brought me to July. After July, I decided to cut it off and see what it does. The first day was the worst, so my mom kept asking me if I was going to go back on Keppra. I said," This is the only day so far. I need to go for at least another few days or a week, because every time I change the dosage, they said to do that." I keep asking myself :"Now, what did I do right, or what did I do that made it better?" The family and I, still don't know unfortunately. I don't think the doctors would know either if I went to them and asked. I think we all would wish we could figure out what we did wrong sooner or even what we did right in other situations, but that's not how it goes. Only God knows when we'll figure it out, or if we wont.
It is now about a week and a half before summer is over, which is crazy to think about. The spasms are even less intense than the last time I went off the meds. Which were a different kind, so it reminds me of when I was a teenager or even younger then that.
My mom's condition has improve some since we are now into the second year of the ulcer. There are still some things she doesn't want to do like drive a car, won't go out to things more than an hour or so. She went to a church activity for women over 50 here and she goes out with a couple of friends sometimes. At home she will do a couple of meals and help out with cleanup, but most of the time she keeps herself busy with logic puzzles or a computer thing, movie, etc. unfortunately, we still don't know why she is experiencing some pain in other areas, but we are hoping it will go away too. My dad thinks it is something to do with stress also, not sure. The doctors don't want to diagnose her when they don't know, but my dad calls it bowel disease, but I would call it something else but, that's okay.
My mom worries about my future some, and also regrets some of my younger years, which we can't do much about now. We need to just keep moving forward and improve ourselves and take everything we have and do better if we can. Then there is my older brother David, who still hasn't found a woman to share his life with. He still worries about things that scare my mom so much that she can't talk to him on the phone much. My parents have been trying to tell him to leave his work and come here but he just won't do it. My other brother Mike and I have been trying to do the same also. He then tries to tell him me that Mike feels the same way about me as he does and so I had to call Mike and tell him what David says. We concluded that sometimes David is trying to fill my brain with junk and that's sad to me. I know I probably have made plenty of mistakes, but I'm not responsible for what my parents decide to do about some situations. I definitely don't blame them for the body I have. God gave it to me the way it is and if it has problems, that's what I was supposed to teach other people about. Not all his issues are about me, but there also scary even if they're not about me.
My friend Jessica and I have been working on my baby scrapbook and I have picked up some family history, things for my brother Mike, so he can do things easier. I'm straightening out duplicates and adding information for him now that we have the ability to do photos and memories. There is even Ancestry.com for us now that it's free. I would love to do indexing, but that would be just too hard for me due to my vision issues as what my husband and dad said. Of course you know me I would love to try it, but I'm not going to. My husband is a family history consultant, so I just go in with him and help other people with the computer or work on mine while I'm there too. I'm only working on my dad'Sa side right now, but my mom side has been done quite a bit. Growing up I was told that we didn't have any real Mormons in our family on either side, but I think that generations back they kept it hush-hush, or something. So it's kind of cool to see that some of it has been done. My husband said I can't add to my tree had because they have a rule about how many generations you can see if some people are certainly still alive. Of course, you can add them, but then you have duplicates which makes it harder to get rid of later.
I did a party with my husband on my dad's 70th birthday weekend. It was fun, but a lot of work to clean up. I tried to surprise him, but my parents had figured it out anyway, and I had root beer floats and other things for people to eat when they came to share their dish or snack. He has been working on things here with the missionaries so that they can learn new skills too. We have our own missionaries for our ward and they are sister missionaries.
Mike and his wife Jeanette are expecting their fourth child, very soon. He was able to advance in the company that he works for, and I'm happy for them. Of course I wish they would come this way, but they are now in South Carolina. By explaining to him about my issues and challenges here. I have learned a lot about his job and I think it's a blessing he relates to my government issues. I wonder sometimes if that's why God put them there.
I'm heading back to work with my kids that are now in high school, but now I have a little one who is a brother to one of them, and he is in second grade. I finally got a new voc. rehab counselor to really want to work with me after having one who retired and then going to one who had 400 clients to one that was working only once a week or on medical leave. When I went to the counselor who was filling in for my new one. I told her I was concerned about her only working once a week and she said we'll see what happens and the last time I saw her she told me she wanted to keep me instead of putting me back with that other women. Of course I was thankful and all that but, one of the other people I work with was like he didn't how events and I said well I just found out right now, so how could I tell you? They said okay, and left it at that. I think this woman may have been able to see my potential which most people can't it seems like. She gave me a job coach and we have been meeting for approximately 2 months now. She reminds me of my big sister I never had in my home. We were going to go out today so she could see where I am comfortable going on my own or know the area and then she gave me a call this morning and said that she had already found a guy who wanted to meet me. I thought this has to be ridiculously crazy. Unfortunately, she said he was sick, today so we couldn't continue our plans. In most situations when I interview by myself for a position outside of child care it's harder to get the job, so I'm hoping that she can help in a bigger way.
Hopefully my health will continue this way so I can continue my journal and show pictures of things that I've been wanting to post about, and maybe even things people have been asking about.
