It's been a while....

My goodness... how long has it been since my last post... I do not know.

But yet, something within me yearns for more time.
Time to read...
Time to reflect...
Time to journal...

And I find myself at an impasse, which I've realised I am at more often than not.

How do I make the most of everything that I have on my plate?
Well, I have absolutely no idea, but I'm taking it one step at a time.

Pace myself well.
Let's go.

When life gets overwhelming...

Dear Mandy,

 Sometimes, I find myself at an impasse.

And every year, there is always a time when I find myself overwhelmed, swamped and barely holding on. And each year, it gets worse.

I should be used to it. But the truth is, I'm not.

I'm not prepared to be so swamped by responsibilities and expectations. I'm not prepared to be giving work that is not my best. And I am definitely not prepared for all the weariness, tiredness and otherwise disappointments.

I am only human.
But I sometimes feel I am expected to be Superman.
But I'm not Superman.

So, I try to hold on.
Because that's about all I can do.

Returning to blogging... returning to life.

Dear Mandy,

It has been some time... how has everything been? I somehow look at the truth that I am facing, and I cannot help but wonder when I grew up.

Yes. I wonder why we have to be labelled as adults. I look back upon the Bible, and I remember clearly Jesus calling us to have the faith of a little child. To come to him like one of the little ones... and I remember. I am technically called "adult".

But that's not always true, is it not? We call ourselves adults only because the world calls us to be one. It is the age where we pay income tax, the age where we go out to work, the age where we start a family, the age where we do everything that we should do not because we want to, but because we have to. And that is kind of sad. Then again, is it really?

I somehow think that with each stage of life we grow up in, we realise one thing... we change. We are exposed to new things that we have never been exposed to before. I mean... we get married, we have children, we start working, we get promoted. At one time in our lives, these are all new things that we encounter... and we have to approach them with a childlike faith.. trusting that God will guide you and see you through... because, let's face it... what you learn from books and from people only becomes real when you try it out.

I kind of feel that faith is something we will need to get through life.

And I am still musing.. =)

POCARI SWEAT run 2013

Dear Mandy,

The details:

16/06/2013
Pocari Sweat Run 2013 10km
Distance: 10km
Time: 1h 11min 50secs

I was slower than my expected timing of 1h 10mins, but I guess I know where I went wrong. Silly me started way too quickly, covering the first 5km in 32minutes when normally I would hit
close to 35 mins instead. And it was kinda funny because at the start of the run, the first 7km, I was still quite relaxed, especially when I reached the 7km mark at about 46 minutes to go... Then, the last 3km, I slowed down very much, to the extent that I was walking literally, and when I hit the last 1km, I was at a timing of 1h 4mins... And it was a little bit disconcerting, to say the least...? But I cannot deny I ran with much effort, for at thr post 8km mark, my arms actually felt heavy... Signs of physicsl exertion? And unlike sundown marathon, my legs actually are aching a fair bit and threatening to cramp up!

And yet, the Lord spoke during and after the run... During the run, at the 6km mark, this song came into my mp3 player: 'blue skies' by Point of Grace, and the lyrics on the last page.

The Lord used this song to remind me of a devotional that I did earlier this week, that no matter what circumstances or sutuations I find myself in, God is always with me. Amazingly, this song sings that God is blue skies, and we should keep looking up to see God.. This morning's devotional tells me that
God is the creator of everything, and Blue Skies represent God because God created them! And just as I made the roundabout u-turn in the midst of this song, I was presented with a magnificent ciew of the Singapore flyer with a blue sky, and a strong breeze from the Lord... I know God was there with me, for wind always represents that the Lord is there with me every step of the way. It led me to run a good 1km till the 7km mark.

Of course, everything spiralled after the 7km mark, and at the end of it all, as I walked to the car, God spoke to me about a verse and reminded me of the book I am reading now, "Relentless" by John Bevere.

The verse is 2 Timothy 4:7, which says "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith."
And the quote from the book says "how you begin is not nearly as important as how you finish."

And as I reflected on these nuggets that God gave me, I realised that it is linked to how this particular run went... I
started extremely well, but faltered at the end, which is really when it matters most. Well, i did finish it, but I could have done much better had I paced myself better at the start. And that's the funny truth.

So, it was a good run with God, but it was also one frought with many learning lessons.. =)

Of Rules and Men

I have been reading Philip Yancey's "Grace Notes", and yesterday and today, he was talking about the life of Leo Tolstoy. You can find out more through Wikipedia, but to sum it up, he was a man who had a sudden spiritual awakening in the 1870s and started to live life radically, with an attempt to live by the Sermon on the Mount. He came up with several rules and regulations on how he should live his life, and many a time, failing to live up to it, which devastated him on several accounts. Unfortunately, in so doing, he jeopardized not just his own life, but those of his family as well. His wife, and his 13 children.

It made me think.

Humans make the rules, and they themselves complicate matters when they go to severe extremes. I find it quite ironic actually.
It was Gandhi, ironically, one person inspired by Tolstoy's works who actually said this:

“I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”

-Mahatma Gandhi

It made me really think and wonder why he would have said what he said. One may discount these words were it to be a layman or a common passerby, but by one of the world's greatest thinkers and peace advocates, it must say a lot, doesn't it?

Along the way, have we become overly bounded by rules, stifled by stigmas and tied down by culture that we have forgotten about the freedom of choice and the joy of loving the Lord with our hearts, minds and souls? Even Jesus himself summarised the whole Commandmants to be two: to love God, and to love people.

It seems simple, isn't it? But attaining it does seem to be tough.

Along the way, as people forget that we are people who are learning to love and continual work in progress, we put in certain rules and guidelines that otherwise justify the way we are supposed to love. And hence, the general guidelines that Paul says love should be in 1 Corinthians 13 become extrapolated to become a suffocating set of rules that have good intentions, but implicit conformity.

Of course, people may say that the Bible too gave specific examples of love? "And this is love, that we will lay our lives down for another". That is an ideal level of love, which I am believing will be the ideal state that we hope to achieve. Truth is... when the tyre meets the road? How many of us will be able to say that?

I am inclined to believe, as a linguist and looking at culture and context, there aren't too many situations where we will lay our lives down for others.

In today's context, there are many other ways where we can "lay our lives" down for our brothers and sisters. Supporting them in times of need and sadness, helping them when they need it, and giving that ever comforting touch or encouragement when they need it.

And yet, there is also a loophole.

If you had to make a choice to lay your life down for two people at the same time, which would you choose? The one you are closer to, or the one you are not so close to?

Do the rules state it?

Of course not.

Then people will put in rules, and in different cultures, the rules would change.

In other words, rules are good, but people who put in a rule for everything under the sun border on two different categories: those that want to always be in control, and those that want to always be sure they are doing right. The question then, is, who is right?

Perhaps someone can give me some insight into this. Because I for one am starting to question what I am living for if I were to follow all the rules and regulations that are put in place because of human fallacy. Or should I sarcastically say, people who aim for ideals and forget that humans are fallible.

It has been long...

Dear Mandy,

It has been very long since I last wrote to you. And it has really been quite a roller coaster ride. Amazingly, this is my first post this year, and I can imagine as how language death gradually occurs? I can foresee that my blog death may have inadvertently begun. How quaint. =)

I am learning to balance, trying not to struggle.
Maybe my "a pea rolling around in a great big pan with many other peas" moment again?

I reread a post I wrote years ago that Jasmine Goh linked on her blog... and it made me wonder.
The expectations of people vs what you feel and know vs what God says is right.
They can be different, and yet, they can be the same.

Does age and spiritual maturity necessarily mean being able to hear God better?
That's the question that I'm seeking to know too...

Stardust

Dear Mandy,

 

I just watched "Stardust". Yes.. it is a very old show, but a really good one, and I kind of wonder why I didn't watch it earlier, considering the DVD has been with me for almost 3 years! But I didn't regret watching it, and for the first time in quite some time, it is a story that left me with many thoughts, and some wonderful revelations as well.

 

Some background story? The lead actor, Tristan, is the son of a human being as well as the sister of the King of Stormhold (a place of magic where witches and magic live) who had been put into slavery by a witch. While young Tristan was trying to woo the heart of Victoria, the King of Stormhold ventured to find the heir to his throne by having them find a diamond and make it into a ruby through royal blood. In so releasing the diamond, it knocks the Evening Star out of space to Stormhold. It is this falling star that causes Tristan to find out his roots and history, and using the Babylon candle, get to the evening star, otherwise known as Yvaine. However, Yvaine not only possesses the diamond, the witches are also after her for the heart of a star will cause everlasting life and youth and beauty. Michelle Pfeiffer sets off on a mission to get the fallen star to their home so that they can devour Yvaine's heart and be young again.

Upon many twists and turns, the story eventually blossoms to one of how true love gradually unfolds. Here, I share the clip where Yvaine confesses her love for Tristan.



I must admit that the words that Yvaine speaks touched a chord in my heart. Forget Claire Danes and her amazing ability for monologues and for the viewers to feel her emotions through just looking at her face and hearing her speak? But I realise it is this kind of untainted love that people are seeking but hardly very finding. Yes, love is a choice, which is all too evident when Yvaine says that love is unconditional? But it also balances out the emotions, when she says that "it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing."

Perhaps that is the essence of true love? It is a choice to nurture, sustain and grow the emotions.
She goes on to say her heart can barely contain the emotions.. "like it doesn't belong to me anymore, it belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I wish for nothing in exchange - no gifts, no goods, no demonstrations of devotion, nothing but knowing you love me too. Just your heart in exchange for mine."
And perhaps that is one of the best personifications of love? A willingness to commit, a willingness to give to each other, knowing that there is a safe haven to share, to love, and to trust.

Very elusive for us today I guess?

 

But perhaps, it isn't really that far away too? Yvaine goes through her fair share of hurt when a wrong message is conveyed to her that Tristan has gone back to Victoria, his one true love? And that could be the case with some relationships in the world today. We choose not to trust our partners, but to listen to the words, the suggestions, the advice, the inputs from people without first discerning what is the most applicable to us. A safe route isn't necessarily the best route at times? But that being said, it would be foolish to tread a road without much consideration for a well nurtured growth of emotions and feelings.

I long for a love like Yvaine's and Tristan's. 

And I know, that story, is probably in God's plan for me. =)

Someday, I too, will have that beautiful story.

In conclusion, as Joyce's maid-of-honour said yesterday?

"We should all believe that fairy tales come true. Because Joyce's childhood dream of being married has been fulfilled today."

=) I will believe.