Hello World! (The Story of Deagan's Birth)

Hello World!  Long time, no see....or blog. A friend gave me the idea that I should blog about my birth experience, and I thought it was a great idea, because for one, it's got to be documented at some point (it gets tougher keeping a record of things with three kids).  Two, it will save me the time of repeating the story over and over. And three,...it really has been too long since our last post. I've been told I'm kind of long-winded when it comes to telling a story, so I am sorry for the length. Don't feel pressured to read the whole thing. It's mostly for my own personal enjoyment.

I love epidurals. Who wants pain, right? In this day of modern medicine, you're looked at like you're crazy when you say the "natural" word. I was all for an epidural with baby #3, however, I never really enjoyed getting it. To me, that was always the worst part. With Jackson, I had three. Yes, THREE. And it gave me the shakes BAD. With Braden, it numbed me up so much that I had a hard time breathing.  So when my sister-in-law (who was also pregnant) brought up the "natural" idea, at first I did what every one does: "Seriously? Are you crazy?"  Then, I began to think about the possible advantages: no giant needle to worry about, maybe no shakes or needing oxygen, more movement instead of being confined to the bed, etc.  If other women can do it, why couldn't I? I've had two kids! And they were both uncomplicated births. It should be the same again, right? 

The decision was happily and excitedly made. I was going to go natural. I did everything I could to prepare. I read books, watched videos, made a birth plan, typed out a chart with relaxation tips for Trapper, and made him read every book too. We practiced massages and different labor positions to find out what felt the most relaxing and comfortable. I listened to a free download of hypnobirthing's positive affirmations (a lot), and made a station on Pandora specifically for yoga music. I even started practicing prenatal yoga to make sure I knew the correct way to breathe. I was ready. Then came the middle of January, and from then on, all the way to my due date (Feb 11), I eagerly waited for contractions to begin. January 15th, my doctor checked me and found that I was 2 cm dilated and 50% effaced. With both of my other children, when things like this happened, labor was fast-approaching. Jackson had been a week early and Braden was 11 days early, so I assumed this child would be no different. In fact, I told EVERYONE, that asked, that my baby was due at the end of January. Ha! What a fool I was. 

I called my mom and told her what the doc said, so she packed her bags and drove all the way from Mississippi to be with me. I figured it would only be days before labor started. Days flew by and I went to every single stinkin' appointment that was scheduled only to find out that I was still about 2-3 cm dilated and 75% effaced. What was taking so long?!  During the last week of January, I took matters into my own hands to make things happen. I walked every day, sometimes more than once. I even got lost in my neighborhood one day, so I had to walk longer than planned. I drank raspberry tea every night, which was kind of gross. Name anything else, I tried it: sex, pineapple, dancing, spicy food, etc. Nothing stirred. 

At my last appointment, on February 5th, after all of that work, I was still only 3 cm dilated and 75%. Because of some issues with the actual due date, my doctor was concerned about letting me go past the date. She said I could be right on with the due date or I could actually be one week later than they thought, so she recommended that I be induced around the 11th. We chose Monday, February 10th, to be the day.  Once we made that decision, I stopped trying to force it to happen. What was the point anymore?

Last day of my pregnancy

On the day of the induction, Trapper and I woke up arrived at the hospital at 5 am. We had hoped our baby boy would decide that he didn't want to be induced and start labor that night on his own, but of course, nothing happened. So, we headed to the hospital knowing we would have a baby by the end of the day. Talk about exciting!  In my room, we talked with Nurse Cathy about everything that was going to happen. Apparently, my doctor had failed to mention that with Pitocin, I would have to be monitored the entire time and wouldn't be able to use the shower or walk around. I was kind of devastated. I was already nervous about giving in to the epidural, so my confidence started to fail. I'm just lucky Trapper was there, because he was very supportive and positive, and he gave me the encouragement I needed. The whole experience would have been utterly terrifying had he not been there. 

Before the real pain set in

At 6:45 am, I was given Pitocin, and we waited and waited and waited for the show to start. I felt contractions, but they weren't all that bad. There were three labor positions that I used to help the pain: side-lying on the bed, sitting on my birth ball, and standing up holding on to Trapper. The one that seemed most effective was standing up. However, when the pain was really bad, I had little to hold on to except for Trapper's shirt, so when a contraction would begin, I would start to panic and grab his shirt over and over trying to find something hard to hold on to.  He probably got scratched up all over his back. Once, I even had the fleeting desire to bite his arm when he put it too close to my face. He's lucky I was still thinking rationally.

Around 5 cm

Around noon, contractions had started to get more intense and I had dilated to a 5. The doc wanted to get things moving (apparently doctors are busy and have to keep up with a schedule), so she broke my water, and that's when everything started to pick up. From this experience, I've learned that I'm not a silent sufferer. When there is pain, and there was A LOT, I will moan and groan like a cow under duress. For most of the time, I laid in the bed on with my hands gripping the side for dear life while Trapper massaged my back. 

I did everything I could to try to relax and breathe the way I had trained, but it only worked up to a certain point. Even though I didn't have an epidural, I still shook some. I was so exhausted, I guess my body was started to break down. Once I had reached 5-6 cm, I was beginning to think about that epidural and how wonderful it would feel. But I never voiced my thoughts, and Trapper kept telling me I was doing a good job. My nurses, Stacy and Tenseen, were amazingly supportive. They never once asked if I wanted any drugs. I'm not sure I would have had the strength to say "no."  Finally, about an hour later, they said I was measuring at about 7 cm. With how much pain I was feeling, I couldn't believe I was just a 7! It seriously felt like my back would break in half. Stacy told me not to give up hope. She said that many women who've had babies before can go from 7 to a 10 really fast, so I held fast to that hope. And she was right. **TMI ALERT** After about a half hour, I began to feel more pressure in my bottom. I knew "transition" was suppose to be the worst and that it would feel like I was having a big bowel movement, so I thought that maybe this was it.  I called the nurse in because I was hoping that with all the agonizing pain and the little pressure I felt meant that I was ready to push. She didn't think I was ready, since there wasn't enough pressure in the lower region, but after about 15 minutes (or so it seemed) my body started pushing on its own!  My body, without any help from me, would bear down really hard. It was such an intense feeling that it would take my breath away, and it scared the (pardon the expression and pun) crap out of me. 

Finally, the nurses all came in and I assumed it was go time! Hallelujah!  Let's push this baby out! Most of the stories of natural birth that I had read talked about how wonderful it felt to push, and the "ring of fire", and the amazing feeling after the baby comes out. I was looking forward to this euphoria. Unfortunately, the pushing gave me no relief. The contractions were excruciating beyond belief, and without any warning, my body would try to heave the baby out causing me to cry out and lose my ability to breathe for a second. When my doctor finally arrived, she said I could push as much as I wanted. I had written in my birth plan that I wanted to squat or be sitting on the edge of the bed or laying no my side when pushing time came, but no one seemed to care at the time. I remember thinking about it during that moment, but there was absolutely nothing I could do, so I stayed on my back. Oh well. So much for the birth plan. 
The pushing lasted for probably about 30 minutes. I was sweating like crazy and could barely catch my breath, while screaming and moaning like a psychotic person. Trapper did a wonderful job of wiping my forehead with a cold wet rag while the nurses helped me hold up legs. I honestly did not think I could get the baby out. I was too exhausted! A few times, Dr. Pepperell was able to pull me out of my hysterical behavior and get me to focus on taking deep breaths. Honestly,I didn't want to push, but I knew I had to or he'd never get out! So I mustered up all the strength I had left and decided that it was now or never. I just wanted the pain to end. Finally, Deagan came out. I had never cried before with any of my children, but I was so tired and the pain was so incredible that I cried for joy. I wish I could say I cried because I was so happy to see my baby, but honestly, it's because the whole ordeal was finally over. 
Deagan was a whopping 7 pounds and 14 ounces. The biggest of my babies, and as a result, I tore, so I had 3 or 4 stitches. 

~30 minutes after the delivery

After I had Braden, (and I had had an epidural) I was able to get up and walk around without any help. I showered and practically pranced to the recovery room. I felt amazing! Because of that experience, I assumed that with every subsequent child, my recovery would be about the same or better. Unfortunately, I was still being pumped Pitocin, so the contractions were still going and I was still in a lot of pain. I had to stay in bed for awhile before attempting a bathroom trip. 
Then came the scary part. (TMI) Some of it is still pretty hazy, but it was traumatic enough to leave an imprint on my mind. It was time for me to go to the bathroom. The nurse, Stacy, helped me walk to the bathroom, and proceeded to clean up all the blood that had dripped all over me and the floor. I felt so bad that she had to clean it up, but she was an angel and didn't seem to mind too much. I wondered for a split second why there was so much blood. Was that normal?  While I was sitting and watching her clean things up, my other nurse, Tenseen, came in. Then it was back to the bed for me. However, when I stood up, things started to sway. I got very dizzy, so I told my nurses, but I couldn't hear their response very well. It was like I was under water, because everything sounded funny. Then, it became very hard to breathe and I couldn't stand on my own anymore. Lucky I had two nurses or I might have collapsed on the floor. Once I got back to the bed, I felt better and the dizziness went away. I've only passed out once in my life, or got very close to it, and it was such a scary experience. I didn't want to go through that again. The nurses checked me and pushed on my stomach to help my uterus push out the excess blood. Every time they had to do that, I would cry out in pain. I knew it was necessary, but I couldn't stand it! They told me that they were trying to see if the blood was coming from the uterus or if it was from the tear that had been stitched up. I don't know if they ever figured it out, but they both eventually walked out leaving me alone in the room. Trapper had gone earlier to watch Deagan get his bath. 
After a minute or two, I started to sweat, and it became hard to breathe again. I didn't want to pass out in the bed with no one to help me, so I paged the nurses and they came rushing back in. I told them that I couldn't breathe and that I was getting dizzy again. So, they gave me oxygen. Then, more nurses came in and started looking me over and talking in hushed tones. I heard one of them say to call Dr. Pepperell and that's when I got really concerned. I asked what was going on a couple of times, but no one would answer me. I don't know if they couldn't hear me or if they were just trying to spare me some bad news. I don't know. Either way, I was freaking out. When there were about fives nurses in the room, I started asking about Trapper. Where was he? Why was the bath taking so long!? I needed him to be there to hold my hand and tell me everything was going to be okay. I still get choked up thinking about how scared and alone I felt. Finally, he came and I was relieved beyond measure. The poor guy looked as confused and freaked out as I was.
This is where everything is out of whack for me. I don't know the sequence of events, just that everything got crazy. All I know is that I was given a shot in both of my thighs, a new IV in my other arm, and at some point, they were taking blood as well. The other thing I remember is how they kept pushing on my stomach to get the blood clots out. THIS WAS THE WORST. It hurt so bad as they pushed that I would arch my back and start screaming and crying. Then when Dr. Pepperell got there, she had to...well, she had to put her hand back in me to try and scrape out the blood clots. Trapper said that at one point she was using something that looked like tongs. All of this went on and on and on until I thought I would go crazy. I just kept praying and praying to God that it would stop. I also kept looking at Trapper for some kind of reassurance, but couldn't get any. All he could do was hold my hand while everyone had a turn pushing on my stomach and doing who knows what. I'm sure everyone in the maternity ward was probably wondering, "What the heck is going on in there?!" I'm sure they probably thought someone was dying. I thought I was dying! 
Okay, so enough of the drama. Eventually, they stopped torturing me once they got all of the blood clots out, and gave me medication to help with the pain. I do not remember anything else after that. The next thing I remember is Trapper having dinner and feeding me bites of his food. I was so tired, I would take a bite and then fall asleep before I swallowed. It was kind of funny, actually. 
So, what had happened in the chaos was I was hemorrhaging. They don't really know why it happened, but it might possibly have been because Deagan was a bigger baby and my body had a harder time handling it. That's the only possible explanation. I don't understand what exactly they did to make the bleeding stop either. Just a lot of gut wrenching (literally) pain.
Because of the blood loss, I had to stay an extra day so that they could make sure my blood count was going back up. Also, my milk supply came in slower.  Thankfully, Deagan has been an excellent breastfeeder, so I haven't had to worry about fussing with him. 
After all this, I am a little more frightened of the labor/birth experience. Also, needless to say, I won't be going the natural route again. Epidurals are my best friend, and I am not ashamed to say that. haha

Jackson's 5th Birthday

Braden's First Day of Primary

HE'S A SUNBEAM! 

 This kid seems to grow the fastest for me. Maybe it's a "baby" thing, but I wish he would stop growing up.

His new primary teachers love his enthusiasm. He sings really loud in Sharing Time, and most of the time, he knows the answers to their questions in class. I'm so proud of my little sunbeam. : ) 

Having Braden in Primary has been such a comfort to Jackson. He loves sitting behind him in Sharing Time and playing with him and teasing him.

More Christmas/New Year pictures in

For a couple of days, Jackson was on this kick to be a construction worker. He loved wearing this costume and working on things with his tools. At night, when he went to bed, he slept with the vest and his hammer. 

Even though it was very cold, we let the boys go sledding down the drive way. I was freezing, but they had a blast. Of course, they were covered in snow gear. I was not. But it was so fun watching them and Aunt Meggie go down the hill over and over. They just laughed and laughed, and after the boys got comfortable with the sled, they started taking more risks and jumping on the sled while it was sliding down the hill. It was so funny to watch.  After an hour of two sledding, they finally came inside for hot chocolate. 

A late Christmas present from Nana and Papaw! They were so excited to receive more gifts! New buzz light year pajamas and sweaters. They were a little big, so we had to exchange them. The returning them was probably their favorite part of the whole process, because they got to walk around the Disney store and choose for themselves what they wanted. They ended up getting a couple of shirts, a Spider-Man sweatshirt, "Jake and the Neverland Pirates" pajamas, a Thor action figure and a set of X-Men action figures. They were in heaven.