Sunday, May 08, 2005
something for my girlfriends:
the rg mafia.. pei xuan, paula, tse min, hui yan, xin yi, liu rui, nic: i love you all so much! it's been 6 years!! 6 years full of laughs, tears and what have you. but through it all, we have all grown stronger and i love you all more and more with each passing day. thanks for the hugs, the times shared together. may we continue to be the powerful rg mafia.. :) thanks for being the best friends i could ever ask for *hugs*
lynette: for being such a wonderful friend. for always being there to listen to me when i ahd troubles or just for a good talk. for the lemon tea sessions [although the last one had no lemon tea.. had milo..] for being so sweet and so fun to be with. really love you lots dear. :) thanks for everything
an min: for being so crazy with such a wonderful laugh. for always being there to say something that can make me feel better and for being so nice to hug :) love you lots!!
novella: to my dear, even if you always say i'm fat and ugly i still love you anyway. :) thanks for all the hugs. for being such a dear and for always having bitching sessions with me and for just being the person that you are. love you lots dear
tze hui: omg. tze hui. :) haha no just kidding. you were always able to make me laugh and [most of the time] make me feel so good about myself except when you call me fat and ugly with novella :) but seriously, thanks for always being able to make me feel better and for just being a listening ear and for always pinching my cheeks. love you lots :)
shen ye: shen ye!!! for being such a sweet dear. for being so crazy and so fun and for being such a wonderful friend. you were always able to make me smile by going "iriseeeee" :) love you so much for being just yourself. hope that you never change.. thanks for all the hugs and for squeezing my shoulders :)
vicky: veeeeeeeekeeeeeeeeeee!! :) my tall friend. who always had to step on one step below me so i could hug you properly :) for being such a wonderful person to talk to.. i just realised that you can be quite fierce. lower brasses power! :) love you lots dear..
hui yun: hey dear. never really got to know you until quite recently. syf brought us closer like the bitching session in the canteen :) thanks for being such a sweet person love you lots dear! :)
estella: my biao mei! thanks for all the times y0u made me smile or laugh. and for all the times that you gave me hugs with no reason :) love you!
to my girlfriends. love you all lots :)
11:25 AM
rjcsb will rise again :) we have gained strength.. and we have strengthened our friendships. we have lost, yet we have gained. i love my batch. i love mr oura. i love the band.
11:20 AM
Saturday, May 07, 2005
well.. syf is over. i don't think that i have felt so.. at an utter loss for words. the last time i felt this much grief was when we didn't get into presentation in sec 2. somehow, yesterday was like a nightmare come true. for the whole morning, everyone was high.. i mean. when we looked into the yearbook we all had a good laugh [yes holas at you :)] and yes we were nervous. we screwed band prac up a little bit here and there and yes, we were starting to panic. i ponned all my lessons and was rushing my notes, which may i add, looked hideous. paula's were fantastic as usual. :) on the bus to sch i sat with tse min. and the whole time, i was just praying. i prayed for the band. i prayed for mr. oura. i prayed for strength. for peace. for confidence. and i prayed that our music would reach out and touch the audience.
when i opened my eyes, i saw the drab colour of the sch building and the first thing that crossed my mind was 'we can do this. everything is possible through God' and everything is possible. we walked it. we were confident. we walked.. well.. with pride. we were good. we were prepared and we knew it. we looked good and felt good. nervousness was killing all of us, yes. but still we walked in with, to me, that aura and presence that rj band members have.
we lined up to enter the tuning room. charis and i were bouncing and going ooh. we're so ready man. we're going to sound so good.. then tpjc walked out and it was rather alarming. I felt rather panicky but still. still walk with pride. we entered the tuning room and there were no stands. good right? we played a few parts of singapore rhapsody and knights. and the tuning room really sucks because it amplifies the sound like crazy. even bernice commented that she felt that her sound was very exposed. then the person told us our time was up. and we left the tuning room to go up to the conference hall.
deja vu. if you can call it that. my instrument bell banged against the side of the staircase. again. like in sec 4 when i was walking up up the stairs at vch. the sound echoed and i felt the vibration throughout my instrument. funny how things like these can happen. and i wondered if it was a good sign. we stood outside the hall listening to tp perform.. and i believe their performance was credible yes.
then it was our turn. i felt my heart racing as we walked into the hall. i looked into the audience and i saw the familiar green skirt and white shirts and pants belonging to estella, yee keow and du yang. and i was happy and i had confidence. mr oura raised his hands and singapore rhapsody started. yes, it was shaky. and yes i believe it sounded nervous because we didn't have a sound check, but i believe the music took off from there. we played with our hearts and singapore rhapsody sounded good towards the end. time to take back the knights. nigel, i thought your solo was absolutely fantastic and i'm really proud of you. we played with so much effort and we performed, to me, the best performance of knights since we first performed it. i felt goosebumps during the performance and i knew that this was music. we played MUSIC we didn't just play notes up there. but we reached out and made an impact. i walked off the stage and i felt good. not the same kind of good as GR but still good nonetheless and i knew that we were wonderful. we shook the hall with our dynamics and power that is characteristic of rjcsb.. the most wonderful band in the world.
sitting in the audience listening, with all these jokers sitting around me, i felt at ease and i was happy. that is until i saw glosz. and my mood became black. but let's not talk about him. when tj walked on, i became very very nervous.. and i listened to them play. their chords were beautiful but i still had some kind of confidence that we could get gold with honours. aj was the last band to play and they stayed on stage.
when the announced the results. "serial number 10 [serial number?] raffles junior college gold" it was the finality of hearing gold and i felt my world crashing down around me. i was holding on the vicky's and paul's hands and when they annoucned gold i waited.. i waited for the last 2 words that would confirm my hopes.. my dreams. but then the announcer continued. "serial number.." i was holding on to vicky's and paul's hands and when 'with honours' never came, i just sank into my seat and stared. i stared and stared at the chair and was so shocked and.. horrified that i couldn't even think. my mind drew a complete blank and i was in a daze. i turned around and i saw stephanie, tze hui, novella crying. i couldn't cry. i was still reeling from the shock of it all. i only cried when they announced the presentation bands. to hear sa cheering next to us was the most heart-breaking thing that occured that afternoon. when it was time to leave, i just sat there. i couldn't even move. the guys were crying. they didn't want to show it but i know they were.. i could see. and when i turned around and noticed how their faces changed from happiness to sadness my heart just broke more.. i stayed in the hall for a long time.. hugging xin yi. we just hugged each other and cried. but after that i walked out with inez.. and she looked torn i guess. i love you dear. and perfect timing.. i walked out while sa was cheering right next to where we placed our instruments. i just walked past them with my head held high. i may sound proud but i kept my dignity. i refused to let them see me cry. i knew that if i saw a certain person, i would have totally lost it and hurled my instrument at him. or the like.
the bus ride back to ri was silent. no one was talking. everyone was just staring into space. i was sitting with charis and we were just staring out the window. no one said i word. when we entered the ri band room everyone just went to their seat and sat down. paul khoo gave a speech but i didn't feel much. it was only when pei xuan stood in front.. when mr oura gave his speech. i have never never felt so much sadness before. to see a leader.. a great great leader break down in front of you.. that was the grief that the band felt. and to hear mr oura's pain in his voice.. i just cried and cried. to hear mr oura say that he wanted to go out for a celebration dinner with us but instead decided to go home and cry.. i thought i could die right there and then. to the seniors, thanks for being there.. for th ehugs and encouragement. we really are the band we are.. as in the standard that we are thanks to you and your inspiration..
to my dear dear batchmates. i'm the luckiest person in the world to have met you all. to paulee.. thanks for being with me through everything from the beginning to the end.. thanks so much. to all those who comforted me and gave me hugs.. my dear dear dear darling rg mafia.. pei xuan, paula, tse min, hui yan, xin yi, liu rui, nic.. my gang.. i love you all so much. we have been through so much together and i really love you guys so so much. paul, lynette, an min, shen ye, hui yun, tzes, novella, vicky, marlom, darryl, mark, yun yuan, jon, holas, jensen, zhong ye, du yang, nigel and jun wen. just to let you know, what the 2 of you said really touched me so much. estella, yee keow.. thanks for being there dears. and basically to my whole batch.. i think we are the most fantastic thing ever.. and i love you all so so so so so so so so so so much.
dinner was wonderful. we all trudged to fish and co. was on the train making so much noise :) but i had a wonderful time. shared swordfish collar with paul. was bitching throughout the entire dinner and having a wonderful wonderful time with my dear batch. nigel sang and we all bonded. we bonded. this experience brought the batch so close.. so much closer. we have all become stronger.
to my batch. we have gone through hell. we had 2 concerts. we didn't have a sound check at sch. we had a major concert just before syf. we cried. we had pain. we had the laughs. the late nights. the hugs. the fun. and we have all become stronger people. i love you all so so much. and i think that we really rock. LOVE YOU ALL!!!
to emmaline.. i saw you today. dunno if you'll ever read this, but thanks :) im' ok. but i really want to congratulate you. :)
the whole day was filled with bitching. i think i have never bitched so much in my entire life. for the whole day it was with inez, addy. ponned 2.4 with pei xuan this morning and we just sat in teh canteen and talked and talked for like 2 hours. then came class when i was bitching the whole time with inez until derek was like.. it ends today right? please tell me all the bitching ends today. haha. then chem prac had mock spa. ooh then after that i had another 2 hour bitching session with an min, paula, hui yan, hui yun, zhong ye and marlom. the audible brass correct. :) i love my batch. thanks for being so wonderful and for helping me get through today.
this one is specially for paul.. thanks for helping me through everything. for the smses.. for the hugs and for always providing a shoulder for me to cry on. for being with me from the moments the results were announced until this very minute. thank you :)
to shun ling.. clarine.. ling wei. my dears. thanks for the msges and the hugs.. i love you guys so so so so so so much. rgs band girls rock.
ok i think my entry is long enough. shall stop here. if blogger screws up ill cry..
1:10 AM
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
hey before i start chionging my SYF notes, i would just like to write a short entry. SYF is tomorrow and I'm feeling extremely nervous.. :( all the best to all the JC bands! just wanted to dedicate this entry to stinky. I realised that I haven't exactly been there for her since the beginning of this year.. I happened to find her blog when i turned her comp on because she didn't close the window so I read a few entries. feeling quite guilty.. i wish i could have been a more supportive sister.. like there when she was scared and lonely. and more.. i dunno. just there. yup. so to stink. really sorry about everything if you were sad and stuff. always here for you..
10:20 PM