Scarlett O'Hara

Greetings Ya'll,
I think I've failed my daughters. I somehow missed the class on flirting while growing up. Flirting is the quintessential southern woman's tool, one that I do not posses. Not only do I not have this gift I never understood it. As a little girl I always hated the other little girls who had it.
I hated how dishonest it was. These same girls were the ones that squealed when it would thunder. I remember thinking "You know you don't do that at home." But, maybe they did, maybe their mom was the same way they were. Maybe their mom's didn't turn on them, give the Scarlett O'Hara eyebrow and say "Have you lost your mind?!" like mine would have. They had to learn it somewhere or is it on a molecular level? I still remember Paul Riggin in the second grade and how bad my crush on him was. I wanted him to notice me so bad. I just didn't get that a footrace wasn't the way. I thought if I beat him he would respect me as an athlete. I didn't know what emasculation was back then. All I know is that, that cute, petite Lisa faked a fall off the monkey bars and Paul Riggin came running to help. And that Lisa kissed him! How I hated her. Where did she learn this from by the second grade? Was her mother Joan Collins?
It didn't get any better in high school. I never understood why a boy would rather go out with a girl that would tease and torment him than with a girl like me who didn't. I was very straight-
forward. I either liked you or I didn't. I either kissed you or I didn't (except Zach Abramson, he really liked me but he had bad breath and was very effeminate and I couldn't get past it.) I never teased any boy. But girls don't just flirt with boys, it's how they amass their posse's at school. I was never in one of those, by choice, thank you very much. I had friends but they were all like me. I wasn't rude to those girls (southern girls aren't rude for goodness sake's) we just didn't have much in common. I find it very funny how those girls who didn't have the time of day for me in high school request me as a friend on facebook. Charlotte tells me to delete them. She says they are posers. I did delete some of them. But I digress. Back to my failure to teach my daughters to flirt. Is this really a failure? My mother didn't teach me and I feel very successful as a woman. I have lifelong friendships with the women in my life. I've been married to the same man for 27 passionate years. My girls are very sensible and they don't have too much drama in their lives. I do teach them to dress nice and I tell Charlotte to wear makeup whenever she goes out (you never get a second chance to make a first impression). A pet peeve of mine is how the young women at church (16 to about 30) have decided that they don't need make-up. Wrong. Everyone looks better with make-up. Oh, and could you please stop wearing your $1.99 flip-flops and those tired old fake Birkenstocks to church? Thank you. What happened to dressing up for church or for anything for that matter? I grew up with hippies that believed in free expression and no make-up and it just about drove me crazy. I still have to beg my mother to put on a little lipstick for a picture. She's really no frills. She always has been. I wished she had taught me a little more about appearance when I was a teenager. But I think she was like Indiana Jones' father "I never made you brush your teeth or make up your bed and you left just when you got interesting.":) Maybe I'm not such a failure. Do I really want Annie to fake passing out on the playground to get a boy's attention? Do I want her to play those little white girl games of "you're not my friend anymore!" and toss her hair over her shoulder as she prisses away? Can anyone that knows Annie even imagine her doing that? She is her own little person and way more like Wednesday Adams than Nellie Olsen. Let her follow the beat of her own drummer just like her sister before her. I just worry because the road less taken can be lonely. I would never want my kids to be lonely. I guess it's a good thing I schleped around the world gathering siblings for them. I guess in the end my girls are more like Miss Melanie than Scarlett.But even Scarlett wanted to be more like her mother. Maybe my girls will be like their mother (but without the kissing!) :)

Greetings,
This morning I took my 3 oldest children and one of their friends to work at the Memphis Food Bank with about 15 other women from church. We separated unorganized frozen food from big watermelon boxes into smaller banana boxes according to categories. It was early and messy and my back hurt but it felt good to help. I was glad my kids had an opportunity to serve in their community. We have so much and there are so many who do without. The warehouse was in the ghetto. I was glad they got to see that too. But mostly it felt good to work hard shoulder to shoulder with women I love and respect. In the women's organization I serve in, The Relief Society, our motto is "Charity Never Faileth". I love that. It says it all. When you have charity, true compassionate love for another human being you become the vessel to share the love the world so desperately needs. It feels so good. If religion is the opium of the masses, hook me up. I love that through my many years in Relief Society service I have learned not to see people as the world sees them but as literal brothers and sisters of mine. If you look at people as family or siblings or that you share the same parents it's hard not love them and want to take care of them. We are all children of God, all of us. It doesn't matter what we believe, how we dress, the color of our skin, our political beliefs or if we are rich or poor. We all have value. We all can contribute something. I believe this with all my heart. Tonight I went to a broadcast from Salt Lake City to hear inspired women speak on just this topic; a sisterhood of women going about doing their father's business. I love that all over the globe friends of mine will hear the same message. A message of hope, a message of faith and a knowledge that our offering is acceptable to the Lord. I love service. I hope I always will. I hope you all will have an opportunity serve this next week unexpectedly. I hope it fills you with joy. All my love, Tracey

Almost a year later

Sooooo, how is everyone? I know it's been a while but every time I want to blog it's midnight and I'm exhausted. I've had so many topics I wanted to bellow about but they're gone now. Getting old sucks because you can't hold a thought for more than a day. Oh well, it sure beats the alternative.
Last month Charlotte turned 19 and this week she started college. I couldn't help reflecting on the difference between her life and mine and how happy she makes me. When I turned 19 I was excited because 19 was the legal drinking age in Alabama and I could get rid of my fake ID. Also, my aspirations were not what they should or could have been. I didn't feel that I was smart enough to get into college and consequently I've always felt like I was a step or two behind everyone else. Ironically EVERYONE I know and love is extremely smart. They have a college degree or are an expert in some certain field. Before you feel sorry for me or (God forbid) suggest it's never to late to go back to school, please know I'm cool. I just never wanted my children to feel the way I have. School has always been a priority in our home. I help with homework, and with projects (I secretly love to get A's on projects:) I pray for my kids when they take their test at school. Most importantly we have tried to make a stable home for them.
I felt like we had a greater obligation than most because of the adoption issue. David's birth mother told me she chose us because I wrote in my autobiography that our children would attend college. Pretty much that it wasn't optional, like wearing a seat belt or going on a mission.
I have been so blessed in my life with good women as examples and friends. I learned how to be the mother I wanted to be by watching the women in my life. Thank you so much. Also my children have a wonderful father who loves us, respects me and supports us in every way a man can. Make no mistake I certainly am not going to be nominated for mother of the year. I still yell like a madman, cuss like a sailor and work them like dogs (to hear them tell it.) But I would die for them in an instant and not ever look back. Man oh man, I do feel the years though. I am trying to keep up. I dyed my hair back brown. Dave and I went on a cruise and there were lots of couples our age on board. Lots of the women didn't color their hair (or wear make-up) and looked like their husband's mothers. It was quite an eye opener. No thank you. When I died my hair back my little kids were so happy. Isn't that funny? Who would've thought they would even have noticed? But they did. I remember my mother telling a story about when she was a little girl and her daddy came home with new glasses. She said she wouldn't come out from under the table until he took the glasses off. She said that wasn't her daddy, the man with glasses on. Kids are so funny. Aaaanyway, I am just so proud of Charlotte and the choices she's made. Really all my kids try so hard and make such good choices. David tells me that all the kids at school (except his closest friends from church) say such ugly words. He has lost friends because he takes a stand and ask them not to cuss in front of him but especially in front of girls. These are words that would make a sailor (or me) blush. These are R rated words. When he turned 12 and became a deacon he really took his obligation to the Lord seriously. What a good boy. His cousin Jack Steward just left for a mission for our church. He will be gone for 2 years to Conception, Chile. He will learn Spanish and preach the gospel of Jesus Christ to those who want to hear. He will only speak to his family twice a year, on Mother's day and Christmas day. He will eat weird food, be homesick, and filled with joy all at the same time. He left his invalid father and his precious mother in the arms of the Lord to watch over and protect. He is the bravest boy I know. I am so proud of him, as I'm sure you all are too. Indeed, as the scriptures say: "Children are a blessing from the Lord. Happy is the man (or mom) who hath his quiver full." My quiver is overflowing. :) All my love, Tracey