This week I came down with a cold. Just a regular cold, nothing special. The kind that would definitely not get me out of going to school when I was a kid (after all, my mom was not taking a day off work unless I had a fever or was vomiting).
But last time I had a cold several colleagues commented on how sick I seemed, and there was also the time I got in a coughing fight and it took about 15 minutes to stop. And I have practically nothing to do at work (as usual).
So yesterday as I finished my second pocket pack of tissues, I decided I would see the doctor to get put on sick leave. I called my regular doctor to try to get an appointment after work, but she didn't have any space left. SOS Medecin came to the rescue, and I scheduled an appointment for 5:30.
I felt rather silly explaining why I was there and what my symptoms were (runny nose, swollen lymph nodes on the throat, an occasional cough, fatigue), and the doctor very seriously examined me and then announced he was confident there was no secondary infection and I just had a regular cold.
Then he asked if I worked, and when I said yes, asked whether or not I wanted an arrêt de travail. That was the whole point of being there, so of course I said yes, but it felt so strange to have it left up to me.
This morning I really felt like I was playing hooky. I mean, was I really too sick to go to work? My American side said no. But it's not like I was feeling full of energy and ready to take advantage of the day off (there was still a lot of nose blowing going on). And it's better not the share my cold with my colleagues.
This is my first arrêt de travail since 2010, and while the hassle of having to seeing a doctor and then losing a day pay (the public sector has the 'jour de carence' again) means I won't ask for one at the drop of a hat, I could see myself being more generous with the arrêt de travail.
Thursday, April 12, 2018
Saturday, April 7, 2018
Death by a thousand papercuts
I've decided I will actively look for a new job, and probably leave the University.
The last straw was this past week when I got in trouble for forwarding an email that included a summary of a meeting (I forwarded to the people who had been in said meeting). What was the problem? Said people might have hidden agendas and can't be trusted. Also, there are lots of things going on I can't be told about, so before doing my work I have to ask to make sure its okay because I can't anticipate the consequences doing my work will have.
I'm tired of working in a mushroom factory: everyone is kept in the dark and we're all fed manure.
My current efforts are on thinking about what kind of work I want to pursue. I have always been attracted to public service work, and there are lots of things about higher education management that I really enjoy and think I'm good at. But I might need to look to the private sector to find work where I feel I can put my strengths to work.
My current goal is to submit my resignation early July. I have a 2 month notice, which should mean I can go on vacation around July 20th and never go back.
The last straw was this past week when I got in trouble for forwarding an email that included a summary of a meeting (I forwarded to the people who had been in said meeting). What was the problem? Said people might have hidden agendas and can't be trusted. Also, there are lots of things going on I can't be told about, so before doing my work I have to ask to make sure its okay because I can't anticipate the consequences doing my work will have.
I'm tired of working in a mushroom factory: everyone is kept in the dark and we're all fed manure.
My current efforts are on thinking about what kind of work I want to pursue. I have always been attracted to public service work, and there are lots of things about higher education management that I really enjoy and think I'm good at. But I might need to look to the private sector to find work where I feel I can put my strengths to work.
My current goal is to submit my resignation early July. I have a 2 month notice, which should mean I can go on vacation around July 20th and never go back.
Sunday, March 11, 2018
Reviewing my friend list
In the past couple weeks a few posts from old high school friends on Facebook have got me thinking again about who I actually want to stay connected with, with whom I want to share my news, and from whom I care to receive news.
So today, I did some cleaning. I unfriended a friend of a friend from my junior year abroad. I unfriended several very nice people I met at a wedding in 2013 that I have communicated with since the immediate weeks after the wedding. And I unfriended an RA from college who tragically passed away in a car accident before graduating; right after her death her Facebook page was a kind of memorial, but 14 years on I feel like I don't need to hold on to that anymore.
I actually been thinking about some more drastic unfriending, as in the huge list of friends from my hometown. When Facebook first came out and you could easily look up people based on their high schools, these old friends were among the first I friended. It was so amazing to see what they were all up to, and to reconnect with people I hadn't seen in years.
But for a lot of those people, 10 minutes of catching up on their lives goes a long way. Do I really need to keep up to date with the girl I went to middle and high school with and now lives in New Mexico and swears by the healing powers of essential oils? I haven't had a real exchange with her since 2002.
The first few were easy, but I think I will work my way up to some of the "harder" ones: the very nice ex-colleague I haven't spoken with since 2010; the person I went to school with but hasn't been a part of my life since 2002; the friend of a friend I met a few times.
And maybe I'll even be so drastic as to unfriend people who used to be very good, even best, friends, but our divergent life paths mean we don't have much in common anymore, and even less to say to each other.
Call it a spring prune, in order for the light to get in and new branches to grow.
So today, I did some cleaning. I unfriended a friend of a friend from my junior year abroad. I unfriended several very nice people I met at a wedding in 2013 that I have communicated with since the immediate weeks after the wedding. And I unfriended an RA from college who tragically passed away in a car accident before graduating; right after her death her Facebook page was a kind of memorial, but 14 years on I feel like I don't need to hold on to that anymore.
I actually been thinking about some more drastic unfriending, as in the huge list of friends from my hometown. When Facebook first came out and you could easily look up people based on their high schools, these old friends were among the first I friended. It was so amazing to see what they were all up to, and to reconnect with people I hadn't seen in years.
But for a lot of those people, 10 minutes of catching up on their lives goes a long way. Do I really need to keep up to date with the girl I went to middle and high school with and now lives in New Mexico and swears by the healing powers of essential oils? I haven't had a real exchange with her since 2002.
The first few were easy, but I think I will work my way up to some of the "harder" ones: the very nice ex-colleague I haven't spoken with since 2010; the person I went to school with but hasn't been a part of my life since 2002; the friend of a friend I met a few times.
And maybe I'll even be so drastic as to unfriend people who used to be very good, even best, friends, but our divergent life paths mean we don't have much in common anymore, and even less to say to each other.
Call it a spring prune, in order for the light to get in and new branches to grow.
Friday, March 2, 2018
A different kind of Bachelor/bachelorette party
Back in 2013 I went to a bachelorette party, but last weekend's party for a different group of friends was worlds away.
First of all, the couple requested that their witnesses organize a combined bachelor/bachelorette party because they didn't want to be separated and also because one of the groom's witnesses is a woman. The bride is also 6 months pregnant (baby will be 3 months old at the wedding), and has started to need help (tying shoe laces is a bit tricky though not impossible).
The witnesses decided to rent a gîte in the countryside outside of Toulouse for a weekend, so Friday evening I carpooled about an hour north east of Toulouse to a hamlet where the gîte was located. My car was the first to arrive (the other two were bringing the bride and groom separately), and we put up signs and started getting things organized. Everyone was asked to bring a baby picture, which we taped on the wall in the living room. The gîte had dishware, cutlery, utensils, and even a number of appliances like a fondu machine and a mixer, but just about everything else we had to bring (sleeping bags, towels, toilet paper, food, soap, etc).
Supplies for the meals on Saturday and Sunday were purchased ahead of time by the witnesses, but everyone was asked to bring something for a potluck on Friday night, so once everyone had arrived (about 9pm) we had a potluck. The gîte had a fireplace in the dining room, so we had a nice fireside meal. I was just starting vacation and might have refilled on the red wine a few too many times, but we only had to make it upstairs, so it was fine.
Saturday morning we all started helping to make a rice salad for lunch about 11am, and around 12 we drove 15-20 minutes to a picturesque village to walk around and then picnic. The village is dead between Toussaint and Easter, but it was still pretty. A paper fortune teller was used to ask the bride and groom questions every once in a while while we strolled, and we also had a Polaroid camera (instamax) to take pictures and comment on them in a notebook all during the weekend. The picnic was nice, if cold, and a village cat and dog came and checked out what we were doing.
Then back to the gîte for some time to relax and play some party games, including having the couple guess which baby picture was from which person.
At 7pm, the witnesses announced that we were all participating in Top Chef, and the bride and groom would need to pick their teams to help prepare dinner. I was picked for the groom's team, which was responsible for the main dish (the bride did appetizers and dessert), and one of the friends played tv host by filming everyone and asking them questions. We had one hour to finish the challenge, and I have to admit it was a really fun way to get everyone involved in helping to make the meal (we were 11, so there was a lot to do) without it feeling like a chore. There was a poster put up in the living room for the "Confessional" where everyone went once during the hour for individual comments, like with reality tv.
Then it was time to dig in! We ate well, drank well, put some music on and danced till 1 or 2 in the morning. I think before the dessert there was a quiz, with the couple answering questions about the most "insolite" location they'd had sex, or the best vacation sex.
Sunday morning the witnesses had planned a "baby wake-up" for the couple, and a whole bunch of us came into their room crying and hopping on the bed. I think it was originally supposed be done at 9am, but since we'd all gone to bed late, it ended up being more towards 10am, which was very reasonable.
At 11am, it was time for new activity. The groom was taken outside and had to find a stick in the yard to make a fishing pole to fish for lunch. Luck would have it that a fresh can of tuna happened to be in the yard, as well as all the ingredients he needed, and after peeling and cutting potatotes and cooking with with a camp stove he had a "fireside" Spanish tortilla. This activity earned him a diploma as "Père Castor" with a raccoon skin hat, and I only understood the reference once I got an explanation from my husband.
During that, the bride's group was inside making macrame plant holders.
We finished up with lunch (some left-overs to finish), then spent some time cleaning up and figuring out who was going in which car and how to fit all the bags.
Overall, it was just a nice weekend out in the countryside with some friends in a gîte. I complained a bit about what I had to pay for the other bachelorette party, and this weekend came out at 73€ per person for the gîte and food, but for 2 nights and lots more fun, I think it was worth it.
And as a funny aside: I forgot we were supposed to bring our own towels, and I only had a kitchen towel from transporting the pie I made for the Friday night potluck. So for two days I had to dry myself with a scratchy kitchen towel.
First of all, the couple requested that their witnesses organize a combined bachelor/bachelorette party because they didn't want to be separated and also because one of the groom's witnesses is a woman. The bride is also 6 months pregnant (baby will be 3 months old at the wedding), and has started to need help (tying shoe laces is a bit tricky though not impossible).
The witnesses decided to rent a gîte in the countryside outside of Toulouse for a weekend, so Friday evening I carpooled about an hour north east of Toulouse to a hamlet where the gîte was located. My car was the first to arrive (the other two were bringing the bride and groom separately), and we put up signs and started getting things organized. Everyone was asked to bring a baby picture, which we taped on the wall in the living room. The gîte had dishware, cutlery, utensils, and even a number of appliances like a fondu machine and a mixer, but just about everything else we had to bring (sleeping bags, towels, toilet paper, food, soap, etc).
Supplies for the meals on Saturday and Sunday were purchased ahead of time by the witnesses, but everyone was asked to bring something for a potluck on Friday night, so once everyone had arrived (about 9pm) we had a potluck. The gîte had a fireplace in the dining room, so we had a nice fireside meal. I was just starting vacation and might have refilled on the red wine a few too many times, but we only had to make it upstairs, so it was fine.
Saturday morning we all started helping to make a rice salad for lunch about 11am, and around 12 we drove 15-20 minutes to a picturesque village to walk around and then picnic. The village is dead between Toussaint and Easter, but it was still pretty. A paper fortune teller was used to ask the bride and groom questions every once in a while while we strolled, and we also had a Polaroid camera (instamax) to take pictures and comment on them in a notebook all during the weekend. The picnic was nice, if cold, and a village cat and dog came and checked out what we were doing.
Then back to the gîte for some time to relax and play some party games, including having the couple guess which baby picture was from which person.
At 7pm, the witnesses announced that we were all participating in Top Chef, and the bride and groom would need to pick their teams to help prepare dinner. I was picked for the groom's team, which was responsible for the main dish (the bride did appetizers and dessert), and one of the friends played tv host by filming everyone and asking them questions. We had one hour to finish the challenge, and I have to admit it was a really fun way to get everyone involved in helping to make the meal (we were 11, so there was a lot to do) without it feeling like a chore. There was a poster put up in the living room for the "Confessional" where everyone went once during the hour for individual comments, like with reality tv.
Then it was time to dig in! We ate well, drank well, put some music on and danced till 1 or 2 in the morning. I think before the dessert there was a quiz, with the couple answering questions about the most "insolite" location they'd had sex, or the best vacation sex.
Sunday morning the witnesses had planned a "baby wake-up" for the couple, and a whole bunch of us came into their room crying and hopping on the bed. I think it was originally supposed be done at 9am, but since we'd all gone to bed late, it ended up being more towards 10am, which was very reasonable.
At 11am, it was time for new activity. The groom was taken outside and had to find a stick in the yard to make a fishing pole to fish for lunch. Luck would have it that a fresh can of tuna happened to be in the yard, as well as all the ingredients he needed, and after peeling and cutting potatotes and cooking with with a camp stove he had a "fireside" Spanish tortilla. This activity earned him a diploma as "Père Castor" with a raccoon skin hat, and I only understood the reference once I got an explanation from my husband.
During that, the bride's group was inside making macrame plant holders.
We finished up with lunch (some left-overs to finish), then spent some time cleaning up and figuring out who was going in which car and how to fit all the bags.
Overall, it was just a nice weekend out in the countryside with some friends in a gîte. I complained a bit about what I had to pay for the other bachelorette party, and this weekend came out at 73€ per person for the gîte and food, but for 2 nights and lots more fun, I think it was worth it.
And as a funny aside: I forgot we were supposed to bring our own towels, and I only had a kitchen towel from transporting the pie I made for the Friday night potluck. So for two days I had to dry myself with a scratchy kitchen towel.
Saturday, February 17, 2018
Madame la Présidente
I went and did it. I ran for President of the French American club, and was elected.
What followed was a sleepless night wondering what in the world I got myself into!
I'm more serene about it now, although I'll admit that there's some stressful conflict with the previous president who as remained in the bureau. He's a single university professor in his 50's who is pretty old school (he thinks it's a bad idea to let club members post freely in the private Facebook group because "They can just post anything") and also not very open to imagining other people's needs and desires (he's done 0 to accommodate families and kids or people living far from Toulouse).
Having received the club's archives, I've seen a couple lists of former board members an active members, and it's a bit disheartening to realize that most of the people who were active in the past are no longer involved in the club. It's normal for some turn-over to happen and for people to leave the club if their social circle has developed (at a certain point you want to spend time with your friends, not always make new ones), but I'm worried people have been burned out by serving on the board and quit the club (I'm mostly worried because I could see that potentially happening to me...).
But let's focus on the positive: several of the participants in my workshop "How to find a job in France for Americans" have since joined the club. Other new members, and even some members from several years ago, have (re)joined. And I'm making progress on organizing an Easter arts and crafts event. I have also had positive feedback from some various businesses and groups I've contacted.
And a quick round-up of my other news:
My husband "forced" me to pick a new sewing machine for my birthday: a Pfaff Ambition 1.0. So far I'm really happy with it, although I need to schedule a session or two with the dealership to learn more about the complicated features (it has a screen to program a series of stitches; I think it could make coffee if it tried). It's amazing all the stuff it can do, and I'm trying to focus on making time for sewing (not always easy!).
I updated my computer system (Mac), and Apple Mail doesn't have an RSS feature anymore! Which means I have to find a new way to read my blog feeds. I have put in about 5 minutes of research so far, which means of course I have not found my substitute system. If anyone has any recommendations, I'm all ears.
I'll be going to Greece for the first time in late June/early July for work, and my husband should be able to tag along since the trip includes a weekend during which I won't have any work obligations.
Speaking of work, there are more days I hate it than days I feel like I"m being useful and actually contributing to something. I'm thinking more and more seriously about learning to code and working in something related to programming or data analysis. Friday afternoon I had nothing to do, so I started on a Python tutorial. Maybe PHP next?
What followed was a sleepless night wondering what in the world I got myself into!
I'm more serene about it now, although I'll admit that there's some stressful conflict with the previous president who as remained in the bureau. He's a single university professor in his 50's who is pretty old school (he thinks it's a bad idea to let club members post freely in the private Facebook group because "They can just post anything") and also not very open to imagining other people's needs and desires (he's done 0 to accommodate families and kids or people living far from Toulouse).
Having received the club's archives, I've seen a couple lists of former board members an active members, and it's a bit disheartening to realize that most of the people who were active in the past are no longer involved in the club. It's normal for some turn-over to happen and for people to leave the club if their social circle has developed (at a certain point you want to spend time with your friends, not always make new ones), but I'm worried people have been burned out by serving on the board and quit the club (I'm mostly worried because I could see that potentially happening to me...).
But let's focus on the positive: several of the participants in my workshop "How to find a job in France for Americans" have since joined the club. Other new members, and even some members from several years ago, have (re)joined. And I'm making progress on organizing an Easter arts and crafts event. I have also had positive feedback from some various businesses and groups I've contacted.
And a quick round-up of my other news:
My husband "forced" me to pick a new sewing machine for my birthday: a Pfaff Ambition 1.0. So far I'm really happy with it, although I need to schedule a session or two with the dealership to learn more about the complicated features (it has a screen to program a series of stitches; I think it could make coffee if it tried). It's amazing all the stuff it can do, and I'm trying to focus on making time for sewing (not always easy!).
I updated my computer system (Mac), and Apple Mail doesn't have an RSS feature anymore! Which means I have to find a new way to read my blog feeds. I have put in about 5 minutes of research so far, which means of course I have not found my substitute system. If anyone has any recommendations, I'm all ears.
I'll be going to Greece for the first time in late June/early July for work, and my husband should be able to tag along since the trip includes a weekend during which I won't have any work obligations.
Speaking of work, there are more days I hate it than days I feel like I"m being useful and actually contributing to something. I'm thinking more and more seriously about learning to code and working in something related to programming or data analysis. Friday afternoon I had nothing to do, so I started on a Python tutorial. Maybe PHP next?
Saturday, January 20, 2018
What I learned from private messenging 45 people I mostly have never met
I've posted before about my frustrations with the French American club I'm part of.
And they all came to a head yesterday evening when I filled in for a friend to host the pub night and after getting jostled in a super crowded and busy pub for 45 minutes and no one from the club showing up, I decided I would individually contact each person.
So I wrote this message and copied and pasted it 45 times in Facebook Messenger:
Before I was done with the 45 messages I started getting my first replies.
I started replying, explaining that I was not mistaken since they were a member of the Facebook group for the French American club, and that there were a number of events both upcoming and just past.
From that first reply, a real conversation started. What, an active club with activities was going on and the teaching assistant didn't know about it? I offered to meet her at the metro station and walk with her to tonight's event. And we met, and discovered she's teaching in Foix like I did 10 years ago.
The Nicole who thought I was mistaken turned out to be (after a lengthy conversation) to be a teaching assistant in large village out in the countryside about an hour outside of Toulouse. She doesn't have a car and won't be coming to any monthly event, but I think there's a possibility of her further connecting with the club.
And from being super frustrated that "no one is interested or involved" because no one showed up to the event, I became more aware of the individuals behind "no one". That being pregnant and preparing for the CAPES means less time for club events. That living far away just means its complicated to come. That the info didn't get through but their still interested. That yesterday wasn't good for them, but next month might be. That our events are not suited for people with kids.
The biggest take-away is that it needs to be personal. It can be frustrating that people "only come if their friend is there", but I think it's possible to move the needle on who counts as a friend if you just reach out and make a personal connection.
People are ready and willing. They just missed the email.
And they all came to a head yesterday evening when I filled in for a friend to host the pub night and after getting jostled in a super crowded and busy pub for 45 minutes and no one from the club showing up, I decided I would individually contact each person.
So I wrote this message and copied and pasted it 45 times in Facebook Messenger:
Hey, we missed you at the FEU pub night. Hope we can see you soon at another event. The scholarship presentation tomorrow should be really interesting!
Before I was done with the 45 messages I started getting my first replies.
Wait, what? I didn't know about it!
Oh I’m sorry! I didn’t even realize there was something going on. I think Facebook keeps me from these things !!!! Lol what’s up tomorrow ?
Thanks for reaching out with your message. So sweet of you to think of me. Sorry! I've just been busy and was too tired to go out. So lame, I know!
Hi sorry what is that?
I think you actually have the wrong Nicole!
Hi, thanks for reaching out! I would love to have made it to the pub night/to make it tonight, but I've been a little overwhelmed with my program/preparing for the CAPES, and a baby on the way. But thank you so much for extending the invite! I hope to attend an event once I'm through exams/the first round of the concours. Thanks again!
Hiya! Unfortunately, I don't live in France anymore! I'll be back visiting soon though!
I started replying, explaining that I was not mistaken since they were a member of the Facebook group for the French American club, and that there were a number of events both upcoming and just past.
From that first reply, a real conversation started. What, an active club with activities was going on and the teaching assistant didn't know about it? I offered to meet her at the metro station and walk with her to tonight's event. And we met, and discovered she's teaching in Foix like I did 10 years ago.
The Nicole who thought I was mistaken turned out to be (after a lengthy conversation) to be a teaching assistant in large village out in the countryside about an hour outside of Toulouse. She doesn't have a car and won't be coming to any monthly event, but I think there's a possibility of her further connecting with the club.
And from being super frustrated that "no one is interested or involved" because no one showed up to the event, I became more aware of the individuals behind "no one". That being pregnant and preparing for the CAPES means less time for club events. That living far away just means its complicated to come. That the info didn't get through but their still interested. That yesterday wasn't good for them, but next month might be. That our events are not suited for people with kids.
The biggest take-away is that it needs to be personal. It can be frustrating that people "only come if their friend is there", but I think it's possible to move the needle on who counts as a friend if you just reach out and make a personal connection.
People are ready and willing. They just missed the email.
Sunday, January 14, 2018
The last few days of vacation I went to the Pyrénées to spend 4 days in a Gîte with 14-20 other people to celebrate a friend's 40th birthday, and while it was a really nice long weekend (people were great, large gîte was great), it didn't exactly make for a relaxing and restorative lead in to going back to work.
Last week I felt like it was non-stop, between work, tutoring, band rehearsal (oh yeah, I was supposed to practice....), French American club activities, and day to day regular tasks like cooking and taking care of the cat. Friday night I saw an old movie at the Cinematheque with a friend, and while it was fun, it was a bit hectic and a bit of an obligation since it was pretty much my only chance to use free tickets from the French American club.
This weekend was more zen, with of course some cooking and cleaning, but also War and Peace reading and installing my new purple flowery bike bell from Bike Belle (I broke a piece off the standard Decathlon one).
I haven't had much time to look at logistics for what I want to do this summer (walking?) and budgeting, but I am happy to announce that I bought tickets for my husband's Christmas gift: Hamilton in London! We'll be going in May, and I still need to sort out plane tickets and a hotel, but that's peanuts next to the complication of finding 2 seats together on a date which worked for us. The musical is almost all sold out till July.
The last development in my life is that my husband is finally getting set up as a professional photographer. I'm really happy for him that he can do something he enjoys for a living (he's super passionate about always improving his technique), but it's also rather frustrating to watch his administrative phobia make the whole experience really slow. It's hard starting your own business, but there are a lot of days I worry his pessimism about it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I did a workshop for the French American club in December called "How to find a job in France for Americans", and I was really happy with the turn-out and that some of the people have come to a second event. I'm hoping that my time and effort invested in the club will help bring it back to life a bit more.
Last week I felt like it was non-stop, between work, tutoring, band rehearsal (oh yeah, I was supposed to practice....), French American club activities, and day to day regular tasks like cooking and taking care of the cat. Friday night I saw an old movie at the Cinematheque with a friend, and while it was fun, it was a bit hectic and a bit of an obligation since it was pretty much my only chance to use free tickets from the French American club.
This weekend was more zen, with of course some cooking and cleaning, but also War and Peace reading and installing my new purple flowery bike bell from Bike Belle (I broke a piece off the standard Decathlon one).
I haven't had much time to look at logistics for what I want to do this summer (walking?) and budgeting, but I am happy to announce that I bought tickets for my husband's Christmas gift: Hamilton in London! We'll be going in May, and I still need to sort out plane tickets and a hotel, but that's peanuts next to the complication of finding 2 seats together on a date which worked for us. The musical is almost all sold out till July.
The last development in my life is that my husband is finally getting set up as a professional photographer. I'm really happy for him that he can do something he enjoys for a living (he's super passionate about always improving his technique), but it's also rather frustrating to watch his administrative phobia make the whole experience really slow. It's hard starting your own business, but there are a lot of days I worry his pessimism about it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I did a workshop for the French American club in December called "How to find a job in France for Americans", and I was really happy with the turn-out and that some of the people have come to a second event. I'm hoping that my time and effort invested in the club will help bring it back to life a bit more.
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