Preparation

It is the eve of labor.  Maybe - unless little one shows up tonight.... I thought it was the eve of labor two weeks ago, on a Sunday night, timing contractions every four minutes.  But we returned home.  And it's been good.  To "get prepared."  (I think a week from now if I read those words I will laugh).  But we are somewhat settled for now.  We have (mostly) clean cars.  I am not sure why that was what I felt really needed to happen this weekend, but kudos to the Blue Lagoon car wash on Shawnee Mission Parkway, where you pay one fee and get run through the wash line and then unlimited vacuum time with these crazy great vaccums that I loved.  Me in all my glorious 9 month-ness vacuuming away.  It felt good.

We have talked with Ruby about "sister" coming.  We initially taught her "sister's" name, but then stopped reminding her, when we realized that she was entirely capable of remembering and informing strangers of said name.  We (me) have anxiously watched her these last few weeks adjusting to changes.  We (me) have bought her presents to be given her at the hospital, new shoes, a fridge full of food from Trader Joe's because it seemed necessary to know that she had organic grapes, little clementines, mini cheese cracker sandwiches and one can of black beans while we are at the hospital.  And kudos to Trader Joe's because when the check out lady asked me when I was having this baby, and I told her tomorrow, she whooped and hollered and had one of the other workers give me a bouquet of flowers, and just made me and my girl feel so special.

I have told Matt every night that I think the baby will come that night.  I have told co-workers that I am ready.  But truth is, I am scared.  Of mommy-ing two girls.  Of labor.  Of these early days and weeks and months when life is surreal.  Of Matt and I moving from a powerplay of 2 on 1 to man-to-man defense (I definitely had to google "powerplay" since not only could I not remember the hockey term, but I almost couldn't remember my debit card password at the store today).

I used to babysit one day a week in college for a four-year-old little guy; his mom gave me the best advice when I graduated, as I was about to move part way across the country.  She told me to take the fear I held, and turn it into the belief that this would be an adventure.  Good stuff, Mrs. Frye.  I still think about it 12 years later.

I love October more and more every year, remembering meeting Matt, Ruby's birthday, and now this sweet pea's.  Part of me feels like maybe I shouldn't be blogging all this, since now I may get unwanted texts and phone calls, or since now you KNOW the baby is coming, and like it might put extra pressure on me.  But that's not what this blog is for.  It is where I sit down, when my daughter is sleeping, and put words down because it's the only way for me to process sometimes.

So whether it's next week (ha ha) or month or after Christmas, I can't wait to tell you about the next 24 hours.  And now I am going to go drink a Dr. Pepper because I can, and glory in it, because tomorrow a nurse will tell me that I can't eat until I produce a baby:)

bittersweet

I am sitting on the couch right now watching my belly dance around as the baby moves.... and we are packing up a majority of our things tomorrow, and getting ready to move in with Matt's parents. We want to be settled somewhere before this little one arrives (unless she comes tonight?! Probably not). So Matt and I were talking about some of the things we remember about living here, this little nugget of a home that I am going to miss so much. That the next person who lives here will not know - or just may not understand. The exact pattern of steps you need to take to cause as minimal creaking as possible between Ruby's room and ours at night. The spot in our backyard that housed a yellow jacket nest this summer which my husband waged war on, and WON, tarp, K-state rock, ski face mask and all. The way the sun comes in and shines on the green chair that we sit in and read to Ruby in, and how "Goodnight Moon" is actually referred to as "good morning" around here, and everybody knows what that means, and knows the words by heart at this point. The way a new spider pops out of somewhere every day needing to be taken care of. The way Ruby watches for Matt from the front window at the end of the day as he comes home from work. The way Matt and I live with a greater degree of confidence knowing that Mark, our neighbor two houses down, knows the comings and goings of everything and everybody on our street and is keeping an eye out for us. The way the pear tree in front of our house takes a blessedly long time to color and lose its leaves in the fall. The way I moved in here the night of our wedding, and it has since become our home. The way we brought our sweet girl home from the hospital here. I love this house.

My Salute to the Employees of Jones & Mitchell

Today I wanted to take some time and share our story as well as give tribute to my friends who I worked with at Jones & Mitchell. Enjoy the ride.

5 months and 18 days ago, or Feb 8 (my bro's birthday), I was let go from Jones & Mitchell, much like a beast set free back into the wild. I wasn't ready, but I was. I had spent the last couple years, previous to that point, looking for a job with nothing to show for it expect a bruised ego. Then a couple weeks later I had accepted my position as the Director of IT for an investment firm on the plaza. From that point in time, my health insurance told me that Kathleen's prego-ness was a pre-existing condition and they wouldn't cover her dr visits till after May. Which was dumb, but that's insurance companies for ya.

Ok, so fast forward and rewind to yesterday. Basically the entire Jones & Mitchell staff was given the boot, or at least a moldy old shoe to the rear as that's all they could afford. Currently, Kathleen is due in 2 months and had I also been apart of this group her delivery may not have been covered. Now obviously had we been in that situation, I would have simply asked Kathleen to hold the baby in for extra month, fairly standard stuff. See it's ok to write this up on the webs, because I'm not in striking distance of Kathleen.

All to say, at the time, I didn't understand it, my co-workers didn't understand it, but God knew, he was protecting me/us. I've been following my friends on facebook, viewing the sadness and humor together. And my heart goes out to you. Remember though, you are a beast back in the wild, enjoy it, it may not last long. Roll down your windows and turn up your music to level just above tolerable (or high school loudness) and sing along as loud as possible. Open your door and as your neighbor waves hello, run up to them and yell FREEDOM as loud as William Wallace. Go buy a large pizza and eat the entire thing or until you feel sick. Go watch a movie or read a book you've been eyeing. Spend extra time with family and friends that you normally don't get. You get the point.

A few verses I enjoy/need from time to time.


As bad as you are, you still know how to give good gifts to your children. But your heavenly Father is even more ready to give good things to people who ask.
Matt 7:11

Look at the birds in the sky! They don’t plant or harvest. They don’t even store grain in barns. Yet your Father in heaven takes care of them. Aren’t you worth more than birds?
Matt 6:26


And to those JM's out there requesting Ruby pics because I've been slacking on facebook, here ya be:

This is my current Desktop Background at work

Omaha Zoo, loved it

Just pure cuteness is all

Take care and God speed my JM friends!

Being on the market....

Among other events in life right now, we have our house on the market. What a different time in life - where your home is in a strange state of cleanliness, and you hide your things in odd places in case people want to open your closets or look in your cabinets. Where you are glad when a strange car drives by the house slowly, and live in slight fear that they will call and request to come look inside it in exactly five minutes as you frantically try to pick up crumbs off every surface with your bare hands. Where you want to leave but you don't. (OK, maybe that last one is just me). We are coming up on 7 weeks (I think?) of having our house up for sale. It has been a strangely calm time. We can't make a sale happen. We can't force people to come look in our house. We wait. I am not too sad about it. I have moments of slight panic if I start counting backwards from the baby's due date, but overall we are doing OK with where we are.

We have also begun looking for new places to live. In KCK. Which we also can't force. So far, the perfect home is eluding us. I daydream every now and then of what it will be like. What a perfect fit for us it will be. I feel like I would really like to have a light aqua colored room. Where I sit and read in perfect peace with all this beautiful light coming in the windows. Perhaps my expectations are a little high:)

We found out this week that we are having a girl. So Ruby will have a sister, and I am slightly jealous. I would not trade my brothers, and the fun and joy they gave to my growing up.... But people keep saying what a fun thing having two girls is, and I am believing them.

I apologize for my previous food poisoning stories. A lot to read, I know. But I am also thankful for the memories being written down. And I am wishing I was writing more often in order to help remember all of these little things - like how Ruby pronounces "balloon" with an Italian accent, more like "bay-loon". Like how she will sit in her little doll's stroller sometimes because it is just the right height for her. Like how I tell Matt on an every-other-day basis that I miss Downton Abbey. Like how this pregnancy has been so different, and I have these weird skin rashes that my doctor reassures me are perfectly normal, how I crave intense amounts of sugar, how fast my belly button popped out. How we are going through names again, and Matt has vetoed Pearl, Mabel, and Betty (it's OK - I work in a nursing home, those are names I hear on a regular basis, it's just part of being around older people). It's also OK because I vetoed his suggestion of Ruby 2. (He was not serious.) How we wonder if we should rent our house instead of trying to sell it. How I wonder if I should tell you that is what we are wondering. How I set my Shatto chocolate ice cream out to soften 45 minutes ago so I better go eat it, or I will have to put it back in the freezer for awhile and start all over. Don't worry, I won't forget to break up some Reese's cups into it as well. I am definitely of the firm opinion that ice cream is a vehicle for other yumminess, not the main event itself.

Mallard Island Yacht Club

We got to travel this past weekend to New Jersey for my brother's wedding.... no shenanigans like our Denver trip, probably because we flew Southwest this time.  Even if there had been shenanigans, it was well worth the effort to get there to be part of this fun weekend.  My brother and his beautiful wife did a great job planning the weekend.  The whole deal went down here, at the Mallard Island Yacht Club...

It was probably the most well-planned wedding I have ever been to - and great weather.  Since Ruby was a flower girl, we spent part of the day hanging out with the other girls who were getting ready in the bridal suite, which took up the entire top floor of the building.  Here's one of the amazing views from the window (of where the ceremony took place), as well as one of the amazing views of inside the suite....    

Ruby did a great job - from travel to meeting new relatives and friends to her flower girl duties.  She did get a little overwhelmed halfway up the aisle, but no major tears:)

Matt was a groomsman, and the two of them made a pretty cute pair.

We are so happy for Mike, and so glad to welcome Kina to our family!

The trip had some other highlights, including Ruby's first time at the beach.  Pretty awesome to watch your little one playing in the (real) sand for the first time.

My brother and Kina were very generous to include their wedding party in the stay at the yacht club the night of the wedding - the whole second floor was set up with 10 guest rooms where Matt and I were fortunate to stay while my gracious in-laws took care of Ruby that night (we figured she would need an early night after her flower girl duties).  I made the unfortunate decision right before the ceremony began to have a last-minute snack just to make sure I didn't pass out during the ceremony from pregnancy hunger.... unfortunate in my choice of a sandwich off the tray that had been sitting out for maybe 5 hours?  Mike, if you are reading this, I completely take the blame - I mean, it had mayonnaise, everything.  I should have known better.  So around 1:30 am, it all backfired.  And in the amazing guest room, on our fun night to ourselves, on the marble floor of the bathroom bigger than my kitchen in Fairway, I sat and vomited up all the delicious dinner, and wedding cake and everything.  And I have two reflections from this incident.
1.  I can never give my husband a hard time again for the unplanned food poisonings he has experienced on previous trips we have taken - our honeymoon in Belize when he ate cod at some local hole in the wall, and our trip to Brazil on the night of our first anniversary.
2.  All that reading of  Ann Voskamp's blog must be rubbing off on me - the night after this experience, we had traveled back to North Jersey in order to be close to the airport for our early flight back to Kansas the next day (after Denver, we will hopefully never again make the mistake of cutting it close getting to the plane on time).  I chose a hotel that I thought would be conveniently located right near Newark airport. And it was.  It was also in the flight path so not even the A/C on full blast and the white noise app on our phones up high could block the sound of the jets landing, it smelled strongly of curry, and I made sure that all bolts were on the door and a big heavy suitcase was parked in front of it as well....  it stood in strong contrast to our setting the evening before, let's say.  But I was able to say to Matt and my mother-in-law, that I was thankful that if I had to be sitting on a bathroom floor puking my guts out, that it had happened at the nice, clean, spa-like yacht club versus the Newark Howard Johnson.  So I feel like some of the focus on gratitude is paying off.  Thanks for letting me share some memories.  

Rita Springer

I have thought about posting, started a post, stopped, and here I am - my monthly post:) is overdue (I don't intend for it to be monthly, just how it's going right now).

Ruby is running a fever. And as I am starting to learn - I can't think of much else today. She is sleeping again right now, so I am blogging in order to feel some semblance of attachment to the world. To take my mind off all the "what ifs." To try to refocus a little I guess.

I have been reading this little devotional this spring called, "Jesus Calling." Sarah Young wrote today that we are to trust God in all our circumstances. Maybe a broken record in my life, but I fight this call daily. I was thinking about what I am waiting on right now - I am waiting for my daughter's fever to break. I am waiting for someone to want to come look at our house and buy it. (It has been on the market a week at this time). I am waiting for God to help me become less self-centered. And I was reminded of this verse from somewhere in the Bible that I can't remember and am being too lazy to look up, where it says that we are to "trust Him at ALL TIMES" (emphasis mine).

A woman I admire greatly went through an unbelievable week last week. She is on my heart often these days. She wrote something awhile back that challenged me, when she said that she likes to connect the statements in her life with "and" instead of "but." Her way of indicating trust sort of. Like when I could say that "It's my day off, but it's raining outside." Instead I could say "It is my day off, and it's raining outside."

I am so thankful for the words of others today. In a little devotional. In a friend's blog. In a monthly newsletter I read. In this song that I have been thinking about that I tried to include in my post when I started writing it before I stopped. We sing it in church from time to time - have you heard it? I am loving it these days.... and it is worth mentioning that I am loving soy sauce as well, in my no longer nauseous state.

Rita Springer - perfect on a rainy day.

Extended time in the Denver airport, a job change and n/v

There is not much barbecue being eaten around here these days.

There is a lot to remember from February this year. An interesting month for sure. We got to go to Denver for a weekend to celebrate Matt's cousin's wedding. On the way back, we had a change of plans. From a 1.5 hour plane ride to KC, we ended up with a 10.5 hour car ride. We still don't know exactly what happened. But it involved 3 waits in line before our not-so-kind ticket agent explained that we had missed the window to check in for our plane. She said that my in-laws could stay with the bags and hope to catch the next flight, and Matt, Ruby and I could try to make it on the 10:16am flight to KC. We did our best. We endured the typical security routine when traveling with a little one (which included stroller, car seat, car seat base, etc.). I tried to console our 16 month old, tired daughter who just wanted to walk around and did not want to be carried around the airport. I cried on the tram ride to the gate, in exhaustion, stress, and not understanding how this was happening. I actually sobbed uncontrollably in front of a car full of people. And Matt did as he always does and handled this all well. And at 10:14am, as we arrived at the gate, the woman behind the podium informed us that we had missed the flight by 8 minutes. She told us to go wait in the customer service line. The customer service representative told us that we would now be placed on stand-by on any future flights that day to KC, with all flights being full, and she reported, even overbooked. She said that if we did not fly out that day, which she did not anticipate we would, we would get to pay $150 a person to fly the next day if we got on a flight. Matt and I did not handle this news well. I no longer plan to fly this airline that had very little help or compassion to offer traveling parents. I have still not figured out exactly what I will take from this experience. Instead of playing the roulette of all-day standby with a little one (does this sound like a good idea to anyone?), my gracious, patient in-laws rented a mini-van and drove with us back to KC. Ruby was sad at times during the trip, but we made it. I will always try to remember this experience when I see other parents traveling with young children.

Thank you for letting me get that out, I needed it.

We also had an eventful situation arise with Matt's job. We found out a few weeks ago that he was being let go from his current job as of March 2nd due to company restructuring and downsizing. He has been at his current job for 5 years, and while all jobs have their challenges, we have been very thankful for this position, for his coworkers and boss, and for how God has provided for us. In an amazing week thereafter, Matt was able to interview, receive a job offer, and accept a position at another company, where he will start Monday March 5th. That's right, no lag time. And while I also feel like I have not exactly figured out what I will take from this, I have thought frequently about the gratitude we have felt the last few weeks.

And finally, and maybe too early to be sharing, maybe not the way I want the information to spread exactly, but it wouldn't be a true blog of what February has been like this year, if I did not include the update that we are expecting our second child (so yes, all of the above events included the factor of me pregnant:) We are excited, we are scared, we are thankful. And as I started with, there has not been much barbecue eaten around here. Because as the title of this post indicates, there has been quite a bit of "n/v" or nausea/vomiting as it is commonly abbreviated medically. I now understand that in my first pregnancy, I was very spoiled to not have to deal with hardly any of that. So this is a new experience for me; and it has kind of overshadowed any other abilities to think past that immediate need of not getting sick. Matt has rocked it, only getting scolded by me for unknowingly making himself a meat sandwich of some kind that I insisted smelled horrible, and required us opening windows to cold February air. Ruby has done well, although I miss feeling like I am keeping up with her. And I am thankful that n/v is a sign of a healthy pregnancy. And I am also thankful that I now know what other women are experiencing when they describe their first trimester. Because although it has not been fun, I am praying that it gives me some sort of ability to sympathize in the future. That when a friend calls me wanting baked potato soup, but unable to go get it for herself, that as my friend Kelsey so willingly did the other week, I will give up my own afternoon plans, load my little one(s) in the car, and help her out because I KNOW.

I think this is what I am beginning to wonder about blogging. I gave up reading blogs for a week in February (mostly), just to kind of take a break. And I realized that instead of comparisons made while reading blogs, that God could use blogs to help develop an ability to comfort. Is that weird? Or putting too much pressure on a blog? I don't think so. Because in reading what other friends are learning, whether in the small or the gigantic, I think I am learning that they deal with similar troubles. That they have similar joys. And that if we are all not going through the exact same thing now, which we are not, down the road, I may be able to have something worthwhile to say to you if your family experiences a job loss. Or you may have something worthwhile to say to me about this n/v. So there you have it. I hope the above is understood to be offered with hands that intend to be kind, non-judgmental and above all, thankful that friends care about our family. Love you guys.

All quiet on this front....

Well sort of, Ruby is talking herself to sleep... or squawking. I think two blog posts in one week last time just did me in:) so maybe that is to explain for the hiatus.... Whatever it may be, just felt like I needed to be quiet for awhile. We are still hoping for our house to be ready in the not-so-distant future to go on the market. Which in its current state after a half morning of playing hard seems fairly unreal. Its been somewhat sleepless around here too - for some reason, I am up for two or three hours at night. And when one of us is up, it seems like everybody joins in. I was thinking about some of the things that I would miss about this house if we move, including watching my husband tip toe like a spy or ballerina (I wanted to just write "ballerina" but thought he would appreciate the inclusion of something a little more manly like a "spy") across our creaky-in-every-spot wood floors at night so as not to wake Ruby - it is an art, my friends.

We were driving the other night, just talking, the three of us, and as I put some Burt's Bees on my wintery lips and added a dab to Ruby's lip to make her smile, I casually mentioned to Matt that I had recently done the exact same thing but instead of Burt's Bees landing on Ruby's lip, it landed on her tongue. Which caused me to wonder if there was a warning label on the Burt's Bees saying to contact poison control if this product was accidentally ingested. But instead of looking for such a label, which would be too sensible, I proceeded to put a dab on my tongue as well to make sure that my daughter was going to be OK. I am not sure where the logic was in this, but even as I type it, I realize that I would do the same thing again. Burt's Bees does taste minty, but not very pleasant in your mouth versus on your mouth, so I wouldn't really recommend trying this. Matt had a good laugh over this, and told me that I should be telling you about this incident in our blog. So I laughed and told him I would. All that to say, I still don't really know what my purpose is in blogging. Some people blog to help them remember things - I think this is a great reason to blog. And some blog to keep friends and family updated. And probably lots of other reasons too. But I am not sure why I blog. And I think more than anything, in a way that I am having trouble explaining, I am feeling like I need to follow this advice from John Eldredge - "You have one life to live, it would be best to live your own."

4 years

(Photo courtesy of Jami Nato - thenatos.blogspot.com

4 years ago, the weather was not unlike today (not quite as warm, but then again I was wearing a strapless dress). I was in between semesters of my 2nd year of PT school. I had known Matt for a little over 14 months. We had dated for 6 of those months, before being engaged for 4 months. We said "I do."

On the side of our fridge hangs a quote by Leo Tolstoy: "The goal of our life should not be to find joy in marriage, but to bring more love and truth into the world. We marry to assist each other in this task."

I am privileged to be around people every week who have celebrated 50, 60, even 70 years of marriage. When I think of 4 years, it seems so insignificant in comparison. But it is not. It is very significant. Thank you, Matt, for this gift!

Greetings, January

I am sitting here sipping on my hot chocolate that I attempted to make from memory a la Pioneer Woman's recipe. But I was holding Ruby in one arm, and feeling guilty that while I made delicious hot chocolate for myself, I had no intention of sharing it with her. (I know that it would be bad parenting to offer my daughter hot chocolate, but the irrational thought in my head for one minute was related to how wonderful this mug would be, and that she did not get any). So after my tangent, I want to let you know that the hot chocolate that I am sipping on got the wrong quantities because I was distracted and one-arm-ing it, with double the chocolate chips than I was supposed to put in. I couldn't sleep the other night after drinking a cup of this hot chocolate due to all the sugar running through my veins.

I could write all about our holidays. Or I could get a jump on things by writing about our upcoming anniversary on Thursday (but I am HOPING to blog about it on said day - and I am doing as I always do, and not keeping my surprise (or not really a surprise, just a blog post, but I prefer to think that two posts from me in one week would be a surprise!) I perhaps should not have told you that I will blog, because as someone once instructed me, "High standards, low expectations." And telling you I might post again this week could create unrealistic expectations around here:)

I don't have anything too deep or memorable to say this date. Except, "welcome, January." I honestly had been dreading you - thinking back to the last two winters with all the snow and bad weather we had. Remembering last year's car accident. I am instead, if not standing here with open arms, I feel like at least, offering open hands. To January and to 2012. Looking forward to what's ahead.