Mourning, Comfort, and Burdens

I have been stuck on the concept of mourning. In Mosiah 18, Alma has prepared the hearts of those who followed after him. They are desirous to come into the fold of God and to be called his people.
willing to bear one another’s burdens,
willing to mourn with those that mourn;
comfort those that stand in need of comfort,

Alma also asked this of those who chose to be baptized

 to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places
that ye may be redeemed of God,
and be numbered with those of the first resurrection,
 that ye may have eternal life—
 being baptized in the name of the Lord,
 as a witness before him that ye have entered into a covenant with him,
that ye will serve him and keep his commandments,
that he may pour out his Spirit more abundantly upon you

We covenanted to:
• Enter the Church of Jesus Christ.
• Be called after His name.
• Serve God and keep His commandments.
• Serve each other and bear each other’s burdens
• Be a witness for Christ and His Church.

The Lord promised to:
• Forgive our sins.
• Give us the guidance of the Holy Ghost.
• Let us come forth in the first resurrection.
• Give us eternal life.

https://www.lds.org/manual/duties-and-blessings-of-the-priesthood-basic-manual-for-priesthood-holders-part-a/gospel-principles-and-doctrines/lesson-29-baptism-a-continuing-covenant?lang=eng

Alma hit on all the points of our Baptismal Covenant. He even emphasized the serve and comfort one another.

One day as I talked to Tom about what had been preying on my mind I asked him what covenants do we make at baptism, this is pretty close to what he said

When we are baptized, we covenant to take upon ourselves the name of Jesus Christ, to always remember Him, and to keep His commandments. We also promise “to serve him to the end” (D&C 20:37; see also Mosiah 18:8–10).
In return, Heavenly Father promises that if we repent of our sins, we can be forgiven (see Alma 7:14) and “always have His Spirit to be with [us]” (D&C 20:77), a promise made possible, in part, through receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost.
https://www.lds.org/ensign/2012/07/understanding-our-covenants-with-god?lang=eng

I think it weighed on me that most people had forgotten the part to mourn, comfort or help with another’s burden. Before I talked to Tom about this I did an experiment. One was face to face and the other two where through email. I told of a hard time I was going through but how the Lord had intervened. The one that was face to face had just shared with me of some good news. As I started to share, knowing that the Lord had lightened my burden and sent comfort but that I still mourned for those that inflict misery upon each other, I was stopped and told that they didn’t want to hear about that. The two I emailed never replied back.

So I started to research “mourning” or to “mourn”. I found on the subject that most articles tied mourning to death. Even as I searched within church talks. So I had resigned that maybe I had the wrong definition on mourn. I didn’t feel I did so I kept at it. Reading talk after talk and article after article. I stumbled on to this

I now realize that in the Church, to effectively serve others we must see them through a parent’s eyes, through Heavenly Father’s eyes. Only then can we begin to comprehend the true worth of a soul. Only then can we sense the love that Heavenly Father has for all of His children. Only then can we sense the Savior’s caring concern for them. We cannot completely fulfill our covenant obligation to mourn with those who mourn and comfort those who stand in need of comfort unless we see them through God’s eyes.3 This expanded perspective will open our hearts to the disappointments, fears, and heartaches of others. But Heavenly Father will aid and comfort us, just as Chad’s parents comforted me years ago. We need to have eyes that see, ears that hear, and hearts that know and feel if we are to accomplish the rescue so frequently encouraged by President Thomas S. Monson.
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2015/10/through-gods-eyes?lang=eng

 Then I wondered maybe mourning or comfort is a form of enabling. Thinking that if the pain, disappointment, fear and/or heartache is self inflicted are we only enabling them when we give comfort.

If our brothers and sisters who are swept up in one weakness or another, as we listen to them, while in our hearts we pray they would see the errors in their ways and seek the help they need to get out of the vicious circle that has them sucked into a disabling whorl pool that is only taking them farther down and deeper in. Or as we give comfort, are we really saying it’s ok to the consequences that befall them, only giving them the impression that we approve of their life choices. Giving them the impression that we too feel the consequences of their choices seem unfair.
This thought came to me many times people have told me to give up, walk way from the fight I have before me. It only tears at my soul and rips the family apart. Then I came across this article,

“The comfort comes from being able to sit with somebody, not say anything and not expect anything,” said Sederer. “The comfort is putting your arm around somebody’s shoulder, giving them a hug, or enabling them to feel able to cry or run through the millions of thoughts in their head as they try to figure out what just happened. That’s really where the comfort comes from.”
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/08/13/how-to-help-those-who-hav_n_5672336.html

I googled comfort and enabling and most articles latched onto the word enabling and gave the do’s and don’t of being an enabler. I liked how comfort and enabling is used here. When I reach out to talk that is all I needed “ go through the millions of thoughts in my head as I try to figure out what just happened”.
When I reach out it wasn’t because I have trust in your knowledge or judgments. It was because I felt love and security in you before. I don’t want or need confirmation to what I am doing is right. I need to be heard, so I can hear for myself. I don’t need to be judged or have others judged. I need a friend who I love and trust. A wall to bounce things off. I don’t need advice unless I seek it. The funny thing is as I write this, this is exactly what the articles from the church, to therapist, to grief counselors all say. To mourn or comfort is to not give reasons or answered but to just be open to listening.

Also in my study I was once again taken to the story of Job. He had many reasons to mourn. He had three friends that traveled to be with him durning his time of mourning. Soon they went from listening to advising him, to judging him. The Lord stepped in and told them they do not speak of Him. He called them to repentance. They did as they were told.

I have come to the conclusion that I had the right meaning to mourning. That listening to someone in mourning does not make you an enabler it just enables someone to heal or find answers.
That's me, I have lost the art of mourning. I feel we rely on lightening another’s burden, we try to fix, give advice or bring food. We have forgotten how to just listen, hug, or hold a hand.
Many times as I explained something to someone or I write in my journal, I have found the answer I was seeking. Sometimes as I seek in prayer I am not available to hear or feel the answer. I am distracted . But as I form sentences in word or ink I become undistracted, I can get answers.

I do write prayers in my journal. It helps. But I don’t believe Alma was talking to his friends, followers, and faithful saints to turn to their journals to mourn and find comfort. I believe he was talking to us. For us to take time for each other. The way the Lord does for us individually.

What I have learned from all this is, that some people truly live up to their baptismal covenants and others (me) have a long way to go. I know the Lord loves me, from that love I have learned to love more deeply. I have had many trials and have learned empathy for so many things. I cringe when I realize what the Lord has endured for us. He truly has empathy for us, not mere sympathy.
I am thankful for those who do listen, that unlike the Lord, I don't cry out in pain, And about the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani? that is to say, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me? Matthew 27:46

Maybe I need to study between mourning and moaning.

The Last of the Mohicans

This should be the last.  A great war has ensued for many generations and now it has been a blood bath for the last three years. There is one last battle remaining.  I see Mormon and Moroni as they embrace one last time.  How will it be written.  Will the Lord prevail and unite this family?

 On the correspondence matter it must be a request from Donnie's attorney.  Ours encourage us to talk, to work things through, the more we can resolve out of court the better. They tell us things will work out, that they always do.  They encourages us to keep an open dialog with all family members.

I don't believe this letter showed my quilt.  It showed how I was not allowed to be heard.  It shows how I was and am subject to my accusers.  It shows the disregard for truth that is established but they choose  to ignore it. As in the State has already said running my own cattle is legal.  I also bought the Gross family out so why are they allowed to vote?  Not that I would love to hear what they and or all the rest have to say in this matter, but I am just trying to point out that the other members of the LLC live in a world with their own laws and understandings.  I will never receive a fair treatment from them.  They show time and time again that they believe it is their game, their ball and their rules, their referees, their court. 

 The prices set are not market value. Pairs and pregnant cows fetch higher prices.  Any calves on the ground should be accounted in.

 The original labor rates where set at an agreed upon low price as long as I was able to participate.  Once you took that privilege from me the labor rate went up to full shop rate. Once again there is no discussion.  How can we learn from each other if the accusers, jury and judge are all the same people.

 Do we not get to discuss this?  Of course not.  Why would I even ask. Plus I don't think there is a vote to keep the generator.  It is ours. The hourly rate has been explained.  It hurts when the hourly rate goes from $35.  a hour to much higher.  Over the years we have taken a hit on the labor.  We had to pay our employees and eat the rest.  But that doesn't reflect in your analysis. The ranch was never our bread and butter it took from us when it came to being business owners. Even though we didn't make money off the work we performed it was always priority once something was hauled to the shop to be fixed.  I needed it yesterday.  Then if our boys performed the work, the ranch was charged no labor and only paid parts. Have you ever sat down and calculated how much it cost us in time and fuel every time we hauled hay to the ranch. We paid our employees to load the trailers.  Most times we paid overtime for them to come to the ranch and unload it also.  Only a few times were you there to unload it.  How many times did you go shopping for bulls, or go to the auction to purchase heifers.  How many times did we use your personal truck to haul these animals to the ranch.  We put so much time and personal money into the ranch.  You can judge us all you want but until you talk to us face to face it is judging unrighteously.  We never over charged or paid ourselves back.  We did it for a labor of love.  We wanted to see it succeed. It was a dream come true to work side by side with family.  To share it with those that, if they did desire to come it was at a cost in travel and money to them.  That was our gift.  Not to milk the ranch of every red cent it made.  To give and receive  the benefit that comes from being with family. I noticed in all this you have quit asking me to reimburse you for the fuel I spent hauling water to the cattle.  I believe you now have learned what a great benefit it was to the cattle let alone how it helped in conserving the grazing.  Talk about how much time and energy was spent.  I spent almost 18 months on Cecils mill with the  -2U cattle, having to pump ever two days for 10 to 12 hours and now you put a solar pump on it.  Why? Because you learned how fast cattle go through water. Things I tried to point out but was ignored.

I appreciate the time and energy spent on writing this letter.  It has answered so many of my questions.  Not all of them.  I have doubled checked and I think I have covered the whole letter.  If I missed some I hope it will be brought to my attention that I may address it and not assumed I tried to ignore it.  I so look forward to one day sitting down and getting through all this.  I know that is what the Lord wants.
Tom says we can go on a mission once all this is resolved.  If we were to sit down and knock a bunch of this off, answer each other questions, come to an understanding, get resolve, just think your dream of having us gone for a while would come true.  But then again Jesse would have to take care of my herd that will be up there. Does that sound like a bargaining chip.  Come to an understanding and Tom and Ginny will be out of your hair.
I just want to say how much I love each and everyone. Throughout these three years I have come to find greater love and compassion. I still get frustrated, I cry, I get mad, I feel hurt but in a short while I find myself understanding that this is all a misunderstanding and we need patience while we all get on the same page.  I pray that we will tire of this and soon sit down and come to an understanding.
Until then I will run cattle while you try to push me farther and farther in a corner.  The Lord wants us to work this out.  That is why every time you push against me I gain more ground.  For the sake of our family, heritage and all that is right and pure lets start this next year off right and sit down and talk.  Looking forward to the day that there are as many brands running on the ranch as those who would love to participate.
See you in 2018, either on our own accord or in court.

Ginny

Fabrication is my name, fabricating is my game

Lou, Lou, skip to my lou. Skip to my Lou my darling. I try to think of happier times before I delve into this family letter.  It really is disappointing how it is written to deceive, push a narrative of corruption instead of facts.  It really breaks my heart to see a man that I truly loved my whole life, paint such a story of untruth.

Summary E 7

I think I have shown my side on "withholding important information".  I was led to believe what I had given them was what they wanted.  I was not asked for the invoices again until I was kicked off the ranch.  They have them all now in their possession. On the authorization comment, I stated earlier that Tom and Cody had been talking so I think you three and Tom need to get together.
Summary E 7 has 10 parts but I will answer "The Bakers have Defamed" list now so when Summary E 7 point 9 comes up you will see I answered it here.

It is getting harder and harder for me to answer these.  Not because I am scared of getting my feet tangled in some supposed concoction of our doing but because this is such a false narrative that I don't know where to start.
Please believe me, we are too busy to entice someones cattle to mingle with ours so we can call the sheriff.  Before I explain my side let me say I did not have to ask permission to have my cattle on Cecils pasture because the state had  ruled I had every right through my heritage to be there.
We came up to check water and cattle and notice a bunch of  - 2U cattle mingled with ours. I did notice some hay had been put out but didn't think anything of it (I think this is why he used the word enticed in his story).  They were notified their cattle were running with ours.  They had as much right to be there as us. Long story short, the next time I came up I counted cattle and was short a few.  I called the inspector to say they had removed mine along with theirs. They brought them back.  I do need to address that we had no idea what was going on.  I have taken so many opportunities to call them when I saw something that they needed to know, but they never called us. I have called them when I came across a dead cow of theirs and so many other things.  Yet they got the BLM lease taken from the family and they removed their cattle from BLM leases but never notified us, it seems to me it would of been a joy to finally tell us we had to move off some place.  BLM had to call us months later.  It did not shed a good light on their tactics and ways.

It is true they could come get equipment anytime they wanted.  They were never locked out.  The reason the sheriff was called because they took some of our person belongings.

This is of course Don side, I have stated earlier that I did not talk divorce, that others were telling me I should.  For the court cases above Tom never received paperwork that these cases where in court.  They did win by default because he did not show up to court dates that he had no idea were progressing.  I don't know how they do it, but down here in the valley the same thing happened.  Us and our lawyer were getting paperwork from the court on a different case then suddenly the case came to what we thought was a slow down or stop, until our lawyer contacted the court to ask a question only to find out they had had two hearings on it.  Our lawyers said he has never before seen where he and those he has represented were kicked of the courts mailing list.  We explained to him it is the way they work.  Don't know how they do it but they do.

Exhibit 2015-12-23
To explain the email has responses from Don to an email from Tom.  It is cut and pasted by Don so the flow is hard to get through.

What I take from this is you can see Tom has asked why couldn't we talk long before it got this far.  Donnie admits that he had no hard feelings for Tom but after hearing what others said and what Tom put on facebook he changed his mind.
If only they would meet with Tom.  I think they are afraid of hearing a truth that does not fit their narrative.  Well I thank the Lord that our lawyer got us back on the court mailings so we can in front of a judge sit down and all be heard.

Once again we have contrived a story.  Milo had been going to the ranch for almost a year picking up guard rail that we had sold him right after we got kicked off.  I did not call him to go to the ranch that day.  He had been going to retrieve his purchase over several months. He went when ever he had time and the help he needed get a load. He didn't call us or tell us what days he was going.  It was our agreement he could take as long as he needed.
The letter to Forrest told him that it was none of our business if he had sold some fence panels to the Nicolls. We had noticed a stack of them at the ranch and if he hadn't sold them that he could contact us.  He contacted us and said that just over the last few months he had lot more than just fence panels stolen. He was surprised that for years that his property laid undisturbed. We told him that the years previous Guy Nicoll had been running cattle in the area and kept an eye on things, then I did for a few years after that.  Then I was kicked off.  Soon after that is when the thieving started.
I like how in one bullet that Forrest said it was a red stock trailer but the very next bullet Donnie changes the trailer to a construction trailer that fits the description parked at Jesse's house.
There is a big difference between a stock trailer and a construction trailer.
Milo didn't see anything on Forrest property and didn't see Cody there.  He is a witness to seeing the panels at the ranch house.
Donnie your detective flash light needs some new batteries.

Still with the" did not have permission to be there".  If we didn't why were we there?  The sheriff asked us if we had suspects.  They always do. It would of been a lie on our part to not tell him what we thought.  We felt is fishy that just days before we found the bull crippled that Donnie and Cody were at the ranch house. I was not up there. Jesse, his kids and a few of his scouts went to ranch house to retrieve some planters of mine.  Donnie called the sheriff trying to get Jesse arrested.  They both claimed they owned the property and that Jesse was stealing stuff.  Well the last time I looked at the deed I was an owner and not them.  They didn't even have a power of attorney from their living member of their family to acts in their behalf.
I believe someone became frustrated and rammed my bull.  The bull was seen on Sunday with the cattle and I came up Thursday, he was crippled and dehydrated from not being able to get to water.
I hauled him water and the sheriff came to take a report so I could haul the bull home to be butchered out.

I did not fabricate this story.  Gun shots whizzed over our heads. The Lord knows the truth and I will stand as a witness to that fact here on earth or beyond, it will be accounted for one day. Once again present the facts of my changes to the story.  If you have facts they speak for them self.

We sure do stage a lot of things.  That is such an easy answer to thing you don't want to answer.  Answer why when you and Steve where asked on separate occasions you both gave the answer "Maybe, Maybe not ".  Most people would just deny it. Tell me why the only thing taken was a notice  from ADOT  that a truck's yearly registration was due.  And it was paid right after that. They were looking for all the other ranch documentation but I didn't store it there, that notice was on the counter because I had picked up in the mail the week before.
Yes Donnie we kicked our own door in then paid for the truck registration with the llc bank account that I no longer had access to. Now that is some serious staging right there.

    

Summary E 8                                                                                                                                        

There is no list to go with statement.  We do have equipment that has unpaid invoices.  They have the invoices.                                                                                                                                                   

Summary E 9                                                                                                                                        

As you can see the same example here is the same reference in Summary E 7 so I have already addressed it, but you can read it again if you want.                                                                     

Summary E 10                                                                                                                                  

This has 5 points.  I think they will go fast. I will answer them and then close for the night. This is long enough. I will work on Summary F another day.                                                                       

I have very much concern for all listed above but not to walk away from what I love.  Why wouldn't you guys just talk to us.  Or give me a mediator.  Oh how all I have ever wanted was to live my heritage the way it had always been.  With family.

Following are the 5 points.                                                                                                               

I have.  They have the invoices.                                                                                                        

I explained this just previously.  They have not paid for the repairs done to the equipment.                    

I have also addressed this.  The cases filed were from Tom and BMI, I was not listed on them.  I have stated I will not stop people from doing what they feel is right.  The Nicolls filed to put all the cases together and Tom got nothing from the court of this happening or the proceedings.

I need to teach here.  The State Leases are in Nicoll Brothers not  Nicoll Brothers LLC.  The leasees are John (the last remaining brother in the original Nicoll Brothers) Gary, Shirley (Caps surviving children) and Me and  my siblings (Guys surviving children).  The BLM leases are in the Nicoll ET ALL family name.  So the leasees are any one listed on the Base Deeded Land, in otherwords anyone listed on the Deed for the Nicoll land.  Don and Cody do  not own the deeded land nor the leases.  So the LLC is void of deciding who can and who can not run cattle on our land and leases.  They have stated over and over in this document I did not have permission.  Well I gave myself permission.  They don't have permission that I have seen.  I have yet seen a power of attorney in this matter. I own in the deeded land one seventh and one fifth of one seventh, Steve owns one fifth of one seventh. Don and Cody have surviving parents so they own nothing. Upon death Don will own one sixth of one seventh and Cody will own one half of one half of one seventh. I own the majority percentage. And I give myself permission to run cattle.

This is between Cody and Tom.  They talked about the tractor without me.  Tom saw George months after this and George told Tom how happy he was with the price and the workmanship. George sought Tom in a crowd to talk to him.  Tom never even noticed George, so it shows that George wanted to personally thank Tom. I can't respond to the tractor having problems after you guys took over it.  I just know from reading and defending myself in this document that a half truth and a out right lie is not beneath you to get your point across.

That is it for now.  I'll return in a few days.  If I am to find positive in all this, then this is what I have found.  I am not crazy, For the longest time I questioned myself.  I am shocked.  I am hurt.  But I am loved by Savior. He has helped me get out a a situation that I was blind to because I love so deeply that I could not read the warning signs.

And this is no fabrication.

Hardly Made a Dent

My last blog finished up to Summary E 5.  So now on to Summary E 6, I noticed it has 8 sub parts to it, so I think I can get through that much. Then I can see if I want to go on or it call it a night.

I have only had the desire to meet.  I have stated earlier that I did have one requirement, a mediator. What Donnie takes as feigned attempts were not to me.  I told him repeatedly that if I answer a question he needs to answer one of mine.  But you will see as you read on I was the one on trial.

I still believe the meeting referred to was in October or September but that doesn't matter here.  I did not try to hide the invoices.  I was told to bring them and I did.  Just a week before this meeting Cody called me and said that if I could bring a break down of the checks that would be great.  I said like how I put them in the GL account.  He said yes.  So I did that too.  I broke each check out by GL accounts.  That is what they asked for at the meeting.  As Donnie stated earlier he was told not to ask for the invoices because they didn't want to embarrass me.
At this meeting I have stated earlier that I took Jesse with me.  There were so many odd things being said to me around this time by Cody and Donnie that I had a strong impression to take a witness with me.  I believe they didn't ask for the invoices because they were setting me up to fail and they wanted fuel to push me away from them.

This what I believe a mediator is.  The reason I wanted one from the start was I feel I am ran over by these three.  I wanted to be heard not interrogated. I was not stalling.  Time doesn't buy you anything but heartache in this kind of situation.  I feel they feared a third party as much as I feared meeting with them without one.

So you didn't meet with me because of something Tom said.  Why?  There it is, I was willing to meet as one on one but you backed out. You were burning tumbleweeds, not loco weed.

I had no desire to meet with them.  They refused and still do to this day to let me have a mediator.  I have said time and time again they could pick the person and I would pay for their time.

Which I took as a law allowing her not to answer.  That is all I got was assumptions. That is why in my heart I always wanted a mediator.  It had been like this for a long time.  They never asked what I meant by anything.  They just assumed what I meant and went on.  

At this time Tom and Cody had by-passed me when it came to getting permission to work on things.  Especially the DeLong tractor.  That is why I referred or offered to bring Tom to the meeting.  

 

 Oh yes Donnie I am saying that.  See how dramatic they are?  If jumping to conclusions were cow pies he would be neck deep.  In the Arizona Revised Statues members can get copies anytime during business hours.  They only needed to come by anytime, long before they took action.  I was more than willing to have my office help in the valley make the copies while I was up at the ranch. That is what I was trying to say.  I figured either you or Cody would look up your rights in the Arizona Revised Statues like I did.
I can't even keep a straight face when I read these.  Can I say I object and have the Judge say You are leading the witness.
Next time just ask a simple question instead of an insult.

I wrote [ I will return if it was like it used to be.  I will be up there week to week and you guys come when you want and when you are needed.]
They took a typed out sentence and rewrote it how they read it. It makes a big difference when you add words and delete others. Please find the email and cut and paste the exact words I used.  It would only be proper.

Ok we see here Tom wants to meet. A little history of why this sudden interest in our goals, we had just started running our own herd of  cattle at the ranch.

Yes 20 days have past.  Tom had to talk to his lawyer to see if it would be ok since there is an active court case between the two parties. See what I mean about his assuming.  

So Tom has the ok to meet.

I don't know why it went south.  Our lawyer said it would be great.  Then the answer comes from them to file our answer. 

We believe their lawyer said no way but they blamed it on Tom. This gave me a headache then as I read through the volley between them and it gave me another writing this.  Please if anyone can explain why we called off the meeting then contact me and walk me through this.

(copied from above so you could see the reason why it is our fault(?))

Donnie I want to meet.  Tom wants to meet.  I want a mediator but I will meet with you if you will take Tom and I.  Then no need for a mediator.  I did not want to yell at you, but you assume away.

Maybe I appear reasonable because I am. I do not hide information, I want tit for tat.  You ask a question and I ask a question.  I see no sign you want to meet.

This is it for the night.  Plenty more to come.  I've said it before, this letter is long.  

Peace is only an answer away.