Blessing From Trials

A sudden and unexpected calm has settled on me. I have felt this before. It was just as my mother moved in with me as she prepared to go beyond the veil. Before that I was still kicking against the pricks. I had had my quad accident that left a very active person feeling as though I had turned into a three legged turtle. I could still get around but I was constantly trying to figure out how to do all I had been doing with a jacked up wrist.
About a week after she arrived I was quietly cleaning around the house as she napped. A great calm came over me. My turmoil was of course the unexpected expected outcome of why my mom now lived with me. Could I handle this? I knew I could for her but....
Then there was the missing my cattle. I didn't dwell on them much.  I just knew I was missing calving and all the proud mommas showing off their babies.
The calm was realizing that if it wasn't for the accident I would of still been employed and it would of been a lot harder to be available for my mother. But durning my recovery I had been pretty much replaced at work so I wasn't needed as much.
A blessing.

I have been sulking and we all know it. My old ranch partners are less than nice and I had pretty much gotten to the point of not interacting with them. Oh I missed the big herd but I have my cute little one now. Life was good on a smaller scale and that is good.
I had to pull on my big rancher girl pants and interact with them one more time. I had to go retrieve my two cows and calves.
Over a two day period that amounted to about four hours I was told I wasn't worth listening to, I need to leave and served notice that I no longer could come on family property. That is fine and dandy I expect to be bullied by my brother and his two minions but what really shows is their pettiness.
I was having a private conversation with the cattle inspector while getting my paperwork in order to take my cows and calves when he asked me "Ginny how long have you had this brand and how did you come by it?"
It was mainly small talk because they had just treated me rough in front of him and he wanted to get me away from them.
In the middle of explaining how I came by it Don walked up and said "K5 huh. Your 5 looks like a upside down backwards 2.
My calm came this week when it was reviled to me how really petty they are. I don't need it. No one does. I have a small herd and big happiness. The Lord has assured me one day I will have a big herd again that I can share with the family once more. I answer to my new partners who aren't competitive or petty but encourage me to share my heritage.
I don't kick around with the pricks anymore.
Blessing

This is one of the most resent examples of pettiness. There has been plenty I just over look others short comings to easily. I am learning the difference between short comings and down right meanness.

I am so thankful to the Lord. I have learned so much throughout what I thought were trials. When in reality I was pushed away from those I love through betrayal and accusations. Only to rise in time being blessed. It is so calming to not fear being with those you love. I believe forgiveness is the most rewarding feeling I have ever experienced.

The greatest lesson you can learn is to walk away from those you fear or give you grief. No matter who it is. It only weakens you. You can't please them without selling a bit of yourself.

I have no desire to work along side of them. I am no longer working on the resolve. I tried for so long to be heard. To understand misunderstandings. But I have learned there is no understanding without trust or respect.

When Even a Sparrow Falls

Have I ever told you the story ... wait I mean the tale of when I went before the judge to see if Tom and I could be together or at the least meet together with our Bishop (clergy)?

I learned while in Utah that I could ask a judge to let Tom and I meet together or under supervision be together. So there was a date set and I came down from Utah to see a judge.

I entered the court room early and was told that there were other's to be seen so it might be quite a while.  I was fine and settled in for whatever it would take.

Soon the Judge came in and we all stood for her as she took her seat. The court proceeded in this manner. There was a little chit chat between the judge and the clerk. Then the first plaintiff's name was called out. A door in the front of the courtroom and to my left opened. In walked a young black man what looked like between the age of twenty seven to thirty. He wore the orange jump suit of uncle Joe's and some of Joe's finer jewelry around both wrist (handcuffs). He approached the small stand with the mic and his lawyer met him there.

The judge asked him to state his name and birthdate. He did. Then she asked him "Do you understand that you have charges against you of accosting children on the playgrounds?"
"Yes judge." Came the reply
"Is it true that you have been diagnosed depressant?" Asked the judge
"Yes judge." He answered
"Do you take medication?" She asked
"No judge. I have none." He said
" Are you homeless?" She asked
"Yes judge." He answered
"If I release you will you take your medication and come back to court in two weeks?" She asked
"Yes judge." He said
"Bailiff take him to be released." The judge said.

Once again a name is called and the same door opens and in walks a white man in his late forties to early fifties same jumpsuit and handcuffs.
He was asked to state his name and birthdate.
The judge asked "Do you understand that you have been accused of being drunk and beating the handicap while you are on public transportation?"
"Yes judge. His wheelchair was in my way so I knocked him down." He stated
"Have you been diagnosed depressant?" The judge asked
"Yes." He answered
"Will you take your medication and stay sober?" She asked
"No." he said
Then his lawyer elbowed him and whispered to him to tell the judge yes. As the mic picked up their hushed voices.
The plaintiff quickly answered "Yes judge."
"Are you homeless?" She asked
"Yes judge." He said
"If I release you will you take your medication and come to court in two weeks?" She asked
"Yes judge." He answered.
He was escorted out.

Then I hear the judge say Thomas Blaine Baker. My brain immediately believes this won't be difficult. She seems quiet lenient.
Tom has to state his name and birthdate then his lawyer gives the reason I have come today.

Then I am called up. I stand there thinking I will be asked a series of questions but we all remain in silence. I then speak up and ask if we can be together to see our clergy for counseling. The judge turns to the prosecuting attorney and asks if there is anything she would like to add.
The prosecuting attorney says "We have no problem them going to see their clergy together."
The judge says "Denied at this time."

I left but Tom's lawyer, I heard tried to reason with the judge since the prosecuting attorney said it would be fine. But I guess his request fell on deaf ears also.

Next time I am going in homeless, depressed with no medication and known to be violent to children and handicapped. Then receive the sympathy as I plead my desires.

That is my tale. I don't understand why it is this way. I believe with all my heart if judges has to explain their judgements instead of just ruling our system might be improved.

When we stop to state our reasons it gives us reason. We have had to put our gut feelings or heart in context.

But that is just me thinking out loud.

“Be assured that there is a safe harbor. You can find peace amidst the storms that threaten you. Your Heavenly Father—who knows when even a sparrow falls—knows of your heartache and suffering. He loves you and wants the best for you. Never doubt this. While He allows all of us to make choices that may not always be for our own or even others’ well-being, and while He does not always intervene in the course of events, He has promised the faithful peace even in their trials and tribulations.”

—Joseph B. Wirthlin, “Finding a Safe Harbor,” Ensign, May 2000,

Enlighten or Entitle Me

It is just weeks away from being a year since my business partners confiscated ranch equipment, the bank account and all else they deemed within their right as partners to take, hide or retrieve from me or from my personal property.
We have yet to resolve this. It is past resolve. There is so much crow on all sides to eat I feel the poor birds may become listed on the endangered list.

This week it has been regurgitated again. As Tom has tried to do no more than get his personal tools from the other partners, through, I believe almost two days of texting he was told he is dishonest, liar, thief, and lacks the ability to hold relationships. He was told that the tools he request where taken because they "didn't know if they were the ranches or whom they belonged too".

To me it is easy to figure out. The ranch had only one post hole digger now it has two. The ranch had wooden handled tools now it had a fiberglass one. The ranch never owned a pintle hitch now it does.

It makes me smile even though it is while I shake my head. While they were on my property uninvited divvying up the goods they left me my dads tools because I moved them from his tool box that was so bunged up that it leaked and the tools were rusting to two canvas bags in hopes of preserving them.

I don't understand how they chose between one thing or another. I can't blame them for not knowing. They didn't come up as often as I hoped they would to help with the many things that needed attention. Even as I went for two days this fall I was shocked at how the corrals had fallen into such disrepair.

Tom has requested his tools from the first day of this ordeal. And while he was approaching the them once again this week he was told that "Ginny" has been sent a list of questions (twice) that she needs to answer.

I don't know what this has to do with being honest and giving back tools to the appropriate person. Heck on the "question list" it doesn't even ask who's tools are who's.

As I thought this through I found myself thinking for the benefit of Tom I aught to just send them the answers to the questions. I love Tom so, and he shouldn't  be punished for my reasons of not complying.

Then the words enlighten and entitled entered my conscious. They feel entitled to answers. I feel entitled to ask my own.

Written words entitle you to gain answers. That all. A response to a question.
Face to face enlightens. Questions can be answered and answers can be questioned.

All four of us are even in regards to the partnership. What education we have, accomplishment we have made, money we have acquired, labor we have preformed has no bearings on who is entitled to answers.

Indulge me, enlighten me.