Heya guys, break from studying, I've just found what's possibly THE BEST music joke ever:
A C, an E-flat, and a G go into a bar. The bartender says: "Sorry, but we don't serve minors."
So, the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.
A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a second." An A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims: "Get out now! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."
The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says: "You're looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development." This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and everything else, and stands there au natural.
Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility. On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.
The bartender decides, however, that since he's only had tenor so patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom, and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest - and closes the bar.
-end.
LOL XDXDXD Kay I think only a handful of yous will understand this XD
Couple more nice ones, shorter...
No offense to any musicians, these were all written/posted by musicians and is all in light humour. If you can't take it, crap if I care -_-"
The violin player bragged to his section that he could play 32nd notes.
The rest of the section didn't believe him, so he proved it by playing one.
How do you turn a guitarist into a bass player?
Bash his head into the wall, but not too hard to make sure you don't get a drummer.
A guy walks into a store where they sell musician's brains. So he's walking around looking at the prices and sees
Flutist brain: $70/pound
Pianist brain $95/pound
Bassist brain $400/pound
Suprpised he asks the store owner "Why are the bassist brains so expensive?"
"Are you kidding? You know how many of them you have to kill to actually get a pound?"
A 10 dollar note is dropped on the ground an equal distance from a 1st violinist, a 2nd violinist, and a violist. Who will get to it first?
The 2nd violinist, because the violist hasn't figured out what's happened, and no 1st violinist will go anywhere for just 10 dollars.
What is the diffference between a dead trombone player lying in the road, and a dead squirrel lying in the road?
The squirrel might have been on his way to a gig.
What is a gentleman?
Somebody who knows how to play the trombone, but doesn't.
What's the difference between a seamstress and a violist?
The seamstress tucks up the frills.
In the most recent performance by the New York Philharmonic, the group performed Beethoven's 9th. Near the end of the final movement there is a section where the basses don't play for many measures. In fact they don't have a part till the final page of the score. So on the final performance the basses decided that in that part of the song they would sneak out, go to a bar, and get a couple of drinks. So as to know when to come back they tied a string to the second to last page of the conductor's score so that they would be informed when he had turned to the last page. They play through their part and everything is going fine. They sneak out during the dead section and the conductor doesn't notice. However, when the conductor turns to his last page he knows hes got a problem: its the bottom of the ninth, the score is tied, and the basses are loaded.
What's the difference between a drummer and drum machine? You only need to punch the information into a drum machine once.
How do you make a drummer slow down? Give him sheet music
How do you make a drummer speed up? Tell him to play straight 4 4 time.
How do you tell if a drummer's at the door? The knocking speeds up and he doesn't know when to come in.
What do you call a guy who hangs out with musicians? A drummer.
whats the similarity between drummer and philosopher?
they both perceive time as an abstract concept.
why is bassoon better than oboe?
it burns longer.
What's the difference between a seamstress and a violist?
The seamstress tucks up the frills.
How do you get two sax players to play in tune?
Shoot one.
What do you do with a musician who can't keep time?
Give him two sticks and call him a drummer.
What if he can't drum?
Take one away and call him a conductor.
What's the difference between an oboe and an onion?
No one cries when you chop up an oboe.
What's the difference between musicians and government bonds?
Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.
Did you hear about the drummer who locked his keys in his car?
It took him twenty minutes to get the bass player out.
How do you make a jazz musician's car more aerodynamic?
Take the Pizza Delivery sign off the roof.
How do you know there's a soprano at your door?
She can't find they key and she doesn't know when to come in.
Why couldn't Beethoven find his music teacher?
Because he was Haydn.
What do you call a drummer who's girlfriend breaks up with him?
Homeless.
Q. If you were lost in the woods, who would you trust for directions, an in-tune tenor sax player, an out-of-tune sax player, or Santa Claus?
A. The out-of-tune sax player. The other two would indicate you're hallucinating.
Know how to make a million dollars singing jazz? Start with two million.
Why are violins smaller than violas?
They're not really; it's just that violinists' heads are bigger
What's the difference between a bull and an orchestra?
The bull has the horns in front and the asshole in back.
Q. What do you know if you see a dead trombonist and a dead squirrel on the side of the road?
A. There are skid marks by the squirrel.
How do you get a trumpet player to play fff?
Write mp on the part.
What's the difference between a pizza and a musician?
The pizza can feed a family of four.
So the conductor finds a violist after a successful performance, sitting in her chair and in tears. He asks her what's wrong.
"The bassoonist knocked one of my pegs out of tune before the concert!"
"Yes, that was very mean. But, why didn't you just put the string back in tune?"
"He didn't tell me which one!"
Some nice pier.
Shipyards! Wow, everyone has ships/speedboats/yachts of some sort lol.
And... what the Hell is this?
Oh yeah I rawk.
So many fun patterns you can make :p
This cube is perfectly solves, apart from the fact that all the side edges are flipped ;p harder than a normal one!
So fun XD
