Will.

What if, some day, a demon were to steal after you into your loneliest loneliness, and say "This life you live and have lived, you will live once more, and again, and innumerable times more.."
Would you throw yourself down and grind your teeth, cursing the demon?
Or have you once experienced an unparalleled moment, whence you would answer him "You are a God, and I have never heard anything more profound nor divine."

So says Neitzsche, at least. Something like that.
What would you do?
All literary quibble aside,

I'd hate him and love him,
but hate him more.

Appreciatively infuriated, oxymoronically.

God: "Neitzsche is dead."
Dai sei.


Anyway, i just remembered something i picked up a while back, so decided to post about it. Interesting?
What would you think?

To my main topic:
To assay my resolve.
1. Be less competitive, and less of a sore loser.
2. More empathy.
3. Stop overreacting.
4. Stop slacking, which i'm doing now, shit.
5. Stop swearing too!
6. NO more online/LAN games. Maybe just once in a blue moon, when the time's right.
7. Don't be so negatively perasan.
8. Don't be so foot-in-mouth.
9. Keep the memories, good times, bad times, feelings, but
10. Let go.
11. Be less stereotypical. Originality!

Back to history.

I
am
an
Idiot.

regret regret regret regret
hurt, regret
sad, regret regret,
blame self
blame people;
regret guilt
hurt
angry regret sad
nostalgic.
repent regret regret
sad hurt regret
guilt, shame
regret sad
reminisce

Stop.

Why the Fuck is everyone so bloody sceptical?
Is it so hard to believe that people do things sincerely?
Not you la.

Chivalry is NOT dead.

Super Perasan Sense


Super Perasan Sense (SPS)
Definition: The negative sense when young males are faced with emotional problems, generally caused by a member, or a few members, of the other sub-species of homo-sapiens sp.
Manifests in: Adolescent Males, usually still in high school

Symptoms: Excessive thinking, Depression, Low blood pressure. Victims tend to space out and mumble to themselves, notably "why...", "no..." "what the hell did I do to deserve this... ", "dammit all.." and sometimes "SL AHHHH!!!".

Known Cures:
Temporary - Schoolwork, sports such as frisbee and kendo, movies, TV, Baileys Irish Cream.
Permanent - Syndrome vanishes with resolution of said emotional problem. Or just getting the girlfriend back.

Courses - Paktohlogy 101

Mechanism:
Small, Petty Matter -> something -> something unrelated -> something ridiculous -> something that happened months ago -> something else -> OMG SHE HATES ME!!1!!one!!11!!!

Paktohlogists are now struggling to solve... their own problems so too-fucking-bad.

T-T


Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4.
Piano.. Mendelssohn's Six Preludes and Fugues, Op. 35, Fugue 3.

Stretch your left arm out as far as you can.
Nothing much, really.

What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Some dumb show before American Idol but i handed the remote to granny so no AI for me.

Without looking, guess what time it is:
8.05pm.

Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
8.08pm.

With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
Crickets.. The soft clink of cutlery on China.. My stomach gurgling from a strange piece of beef.. Heartbeat (if you close your eyes and listen reaaaally closely)

When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
Teacher's Day Performance.
Monkeying around at Cheer cause my mom forgot her phone, couldn't contact her, couldn't leave cause I was too damn lazy to hop on a bus.
Sighing.
Thinking.

Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
All my friend's blogs. A strange piece of beef.

What are you wearing?
Really old red shirt with some guy's caricature on it, shorts I usually use for sports, underwear, duh.

Did you dream last night?
Yes. I dreamt I woke up, and slept, and dreamt about Certain Things, and woke up, and woke up, and it was raining, and I thought "Great, Teacher's Day is pretty screwed over," and slept, and woke.

When did you last laugh?
Real, sincerely content and happy laugh? It's been a while.

What are on the walls you are in?
Lighting fixtures. Windows.

Seen anything weird lately?
Three-Headed Monkey.

What do you think of this quiz?
Doesn't really take my mind off stuff lol.

What is the last film you saw?
"The Messengers"

If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?

3 Grand pianos. Steinway & Son's. Install a Yamaha Disklavier, one of those digital player-piano thingies in 2 of them. Can relax abit.

Pool table.
1000 "soft disk" frisbees. Screw "MyDisc", those suck.
Big house with clean toilets and nice bedrooms. Don't really care much for other stuff.
Upgrade computer.
Baileys Irish Cream.
Install a Burger King in my house.
Donate a tofuking-shaped building to my school.

If I was a multi-billionaire..
A graphics company for KS
Kinokuniya and MPH for Brenda
The rights to Blogger.com for Limay
Olympic-sized swimming pool for Turkey
25 CC's for Wei Jian
Pet's Wonderland and TY Beanie Babies for Suping
Glico for Liying
Michael Jordan as Guo Yaw's personal trainer.
Fund research on time-travel... I'd love to.

Tell me something about you that I don't know.
Jasmines are fragrantly soothing.
I like echidnas.
I want to take up violin. And saxophone.
Anything else you don't know about me, you still won't after this.
Talk to me.

If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
I'd erase all nuclear weapons.
Or just settle for making people more appreciative of classical/instrumental/jazz music.
Or just get rid of them fucking mosquitos.
Or, more selfishly, make people think less about the future, and be less unwavering.
Do you like to dance?
Perchance.

George Bush:
Monkey.

Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
Elly. That's such a nice name. Either that or Tofugirl, you choose.

Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
Bryan Jr. Tofuboy. Chopin (though that's a surname..)
I dunno really. I'll leave that to the wife.

Would you ever consider living abroad?
Yeah. Australia, NZ, Japan, Germany, Switzerland, Canada.

What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?
"You will meet your loved ones in your and their next lives; though you won't remember each other (i'm not asking too much!!!)"
or "Sorry, your time isn't up yet. " *kicks back to Earth*
or, more realistically, "Everyone you've known says that you were a great friend and companion, and that you played a big part in their lives."

Tag six people who must also do this in THEIR journal
Xiao Von
Mel
Joyee
Damn, Crays tagged all blog-active people whose blogs I visit.

"Epiphany" Was Taken So I'll Just Say
"Moment of Realization" - Life's Cataclysm, Tribulation - Resolution - Where are the Days of Wine and Roses?

Depression, Despondency, Doldrums, Dejection, they all start with "D" eh?
and THIS is my fucking problem;
When I'm in a pinch, I have a tendency not to face the problem properly. Either think something else, crack a fucked-up joke, write a damn poem, something like that, with abandon. Oh, and swear, hah.
Then when no one else is around , it's just the opposite - i reflect and think and think and reflect and never stop thinking about it until i'm half-fucking mad, then i think some more. The hodge-podge of thoughts and emotions last deep into the night (hence the insomnia), and i hate myself whenever i think back on what i didn't do, what i didn't face.
Catharsis.
Not for me; rather stick to the antipathy against myself. Sometimes, i really disdain this bad habit of mine; along with the over-competitiveness.
Shit, Emo!

Well for those who don't know, my girlfriend for 8 months, whom I was madly in love with, who might've been in love with me, just broke up with me on Monday, for about a dozen reasons that are so logically acceptable that i can barely give myself an excuse for anything, which i shouldn't be doing in the first place.
..
.. Talk about heartbroken.


There are people i really don't tell this to, and they don't visit my blog anyway.
In fact, the only people who do are my close friends who know about it already, so i've no qualms regarding posting about it here.
For those who are close with me, my s'porean friend, a couple of schoolmates, who aren't close with or don't even know her, let me just say it isn't a caprice of the mind; she's thought things out. Please don't come with "aw she's dumb" "aw she wasn't worth it", cause she isn't and she was.
Dare I even say i love her? As of recent, turns out I barely knew her.
Can I say I love what i knew about her, then?

Sometimes it's important to just sit and think, and be serious, and show some seriousness, not just when no one's around, but when people can see, and feel, how a person is feeling.
This whole blog-post is just messed up, no head no tail as they say in my grandfather's country.
Been writing it for a day, adding any thoughts that clear themselves up from the mess.

Meh.
Arrrrrrrgh dammit all to hell!
Gah Jeering in my head, at myself, wtf i need to do something - piano.


I can play "existentialism on prom night" after listening to it for about 4 days nonstop Lol.
DAMN IM DOING IT AGAIN.. Will continue later.

It's later. There's this bloody splinter in my leg that is really starting to bug me, and the tweezers are missing.
Back to topic. Ah, sorry, for the fluctuating (?) style of writing, for the changing moods and everything. Whole day's blog, well, since 5.30 at least.
Meh, This really sucks. To abuse a bombastic word, a cacophony of self-directed derision is going off in my head. Really unnerving.

Resolutions:
I'll be less kiasu, less competitive
that doesn't relate to EGO, which will always be there.
I'll control my temper more.
I'll take good care of my fingernails lol.
I'll face problems squarely.


Where are the Days of Wine and Roses? I love that phrase, it's the title of one of my favorite songs, Days of Wine and Roses.


Found the tweezers, spent 15 mins getting the literally bloody thing out; Relief.
Off with that stupid poem. I don't have a backup; I remember every event, why do I need it?

How tangled, the threads of fate?

KAY i FREAKING UPDATED already. Shutup over there in the tagbox! *slap-slap-kick-slap*

Ummm... Birthday update. Japan part 2 another day, too lazy lar dammit =.= should be studying.

AAAAAANYWAY.
Who's bday was it on thuuuursday, the 3rd of May?
a. i dont care
b. brenda & limay
c. dunno
d. doesnt matter
DOESNT MATTER but i'm blogging about all the nice gifts i got lol.

First thing i saw and recieved was thiiiiiis (which happens to be one of my faaaavorite presents ever :D)
it's a TOFU PLUSHIE HOLY CRAAAAAP OMGWTFBBQ wow! xD
hand-made, courtesy of the ever pocky-fanatical Blur Queen Lim Li Ying
Thaaaanks liying!! :D
Tofu Series Product 01 Limited Edition 1/21.25 Scale Tofuking™ Plushie, 1 Model(s) in Distribution, 1 Model(s) Produced.
*tofu waaaaaves*
thaaaaanks! :D

A WATCH from kwan seng, thanks man, my watches keep falling apart.
so i gave him back the one i was wearing, which i borrow from him xD
wrapped the borrowed one in the new one's wrapping and shoved him back a seemingly unopened present hehe. Thaaaaaaanks.


Next, from Limay the local cardmaker, recently promoted to boxmaker,
Tofu Series Product 02: 1/8.5 Scale Tofu Box, Complete With Detachable Crown And Semi-Movable Arms

it's a bloody GIANT TOFU BOX!!!! =D =D =D =D =D yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay love it! (it used to house the Daruma i gave her from japan)
and if it's a BOX, it has STUFF in it!
the walls of the tofubox were plastered with people's birthday greetings and words and stuff, really sweet lol. Thank youuuuuuuuuuuuuu! so nice to have such good friends *sniff*
Top view of the opened box. Thaaaaanks limay, you rock! thanks to alllll the people who wrote stuff in it too =D
(still trying to figure out what "bon jovi" means tho, chun yan... ain't he the singer-dude?)

INSIDE THE BOX were THESE 2 THINGIES from SAAARAA and LIIIMAY!
Umbrella, BIIIIG bag of SWEETS (more than half-emptied in the photo..) and a CANDY CANE! =D
My old umbrella was so buggered up that if i took a photo of it my cam lens would probably crack in shame. Sorry old 'brolli.
BUT i'll still use it, for now :p

The umbrella they got me:
Tofu Series Product 03: Custom-Modified Tofubrella
TOFU LOVES SARA LIMAY it says, lol. yeaaaah okay xD

you bums lol. Thaaaaanks Sara and limay!

OH BY THE WAY
Upon closer inspection, the aforementioned gummies were NOT Gummy Bears but, in fact, were -Gum Drops-. I have been deceived.

The PLATE(?!), from Turkey, and a REAAALLY nice QUIKSILVER WALLET from Suping and Yong Hui:
in the wallet...
Sorry you two, but the two hottest people i know are ME BRENDA and ME.
Let no one correct me with "Brenda and I".
And Turkey gave me a gift the next day:
some FUNKY PUZZLE THINGY which i click at while waiting for the bloody Ghostring to spawn.

Oh, what's really amazing is that my japanese hosts sent me a CARD, which arrived exactly on my birthday!
it's musical and lights up when you open it! wow. i was pretty stupefied there lol.

ANGPAU from grandma :D
heh heh.
My godparents are paying for my DRIVING LICENSE for my birthday! wow, can't thank them enough, THANK YOUUUU!

Aaaand *drum roll* from my beloved Brenda,
*sniff* they were soooo nice (until i messed them up), it really looked great when i first opened, a neatly lined-up 4-by-4 square of MINI CUPCAKES with some sweet (pun intended) words and designs on them.
I'm so so sorry for the crappy photo, everyone took a bite of cupcake (i had 4) and now there are only this much left =(
Was wrapped and packed up so nicely too, with a ribbon and minicard >.<
Really loved them! :D
...dropped the box. Twice. Pn. See almost confiscated them too.

Thanks, love :D


On a more grim note, i got tied up with rafia by jung hao, though i managed to bite and yank myself free in the end. No splashing/kai bao this year though.

Thanks to everyone who's mah friiieeeeend! Love all my friends!