Interesting been months that i ever wrote something in here, its nostagic haha...hmm i changed my priority in life by making god my main priority. Somehow or another, everytime i think of how god had done to me, i would be so touched. He brought me back to him when i am in pain or lost. He gave me a community of righteous people. You know sometimes one thing i cannot stand about people is when they look at me with big eyes then very innocent face, i will feel very embarrassed or sort. Hmm...maybe i gotta try staring back at them and see wat happens...I want to get water baptised this year if possible...sometimes i have friends that seem to support me out of no where, sometimes i have testimonies that i never ever thought i will ever have...I seem to be an angel to many but yet i do not let them take advantage of me

A famous magician once said this, " An artist's world can never be filled with the product of the end". One must not look at the end but the process, civilisation is like people building train station from one place to another, progressing and progressing but often people do not take notice of the scenaries and surroundings that many had called culture and art. I admit myself, i am a result-oriented person. I like the country like italy, a cultured country with people that dress to their best even eating at home, working in just few hours, enjoying life to the fullest. Sin is the gap between man and god. Removing sin and you will see god. This is the basic of christianity. Reason for god not answering your prayers is because you have sinned, you do not repent from your sins. Sometimes i do not know if i should blog, since i personally write a journal, i do not feel the need for this blog. Perhap certain philosophical stuff, i can write here. Love is a word from greek. In greek, love has three definitions. Eros is love that desires to get something back sexually or sensually from you.
Philos is love in pursuing something. Agape is love, a self-sacrifical love. Which one are you?

I feel something is missing in my life, i just cannot seem to find out. God what is this thing i am missing, i have this feeling of emptyness sometimes, lacking of something. God i thank you for the things you have done for this week, giving me a marksman to prove to platoon sergeant dovin i am not useless after all. I hate ppl say i am useless, i will show them what i am capable of. I am moving to a new platoon soon, somehow i will working with new ppl which is going to be an interesting experience. Am i a very english person God? Friends seem to think so i guess, maybe the way i speak or my skin colour or my accent. God i am losing myself recently, i am not being the usual quiet self i am. I am starting to obtain back my anger and rage from the course, this is bad i guess, but somehow it pushes me on. I get pissed more easily nowadays and i have the urge to scold someone much more easily. It is as though God is preparing my emotions for the pioneer course in March. I really feel like shouting all out, my emotions that are trapped inside of me.

I am back in my home from where i should be. It feels the same, the scent of the air smells the same, the same warmth that once touched my heart, the heart warming bond we have for months. However, i had changed ever since. I feel more holy, more devoted to god, more evagelistic.

Everything for this year has already been pathed down for me. I see the path clearly drawn for me. I know its my destiny to walk this path back, i have done a lot this year by helping a lot of ppl around me...although certain things are not god bounded but i know i have planted a seed in them to grow with god. lets see how this year gonna be, i know tough times have already past for me but tougher times are coming.

We were both young when I first saw you.
I close my eyes and the flashback starts:
I'm standing there on a balcony in summer air.

See the lights, see the party, the ball gowns.
See you make your way through the crowd
and say hello;

Little did I know
That you were Romeo; you were throwing pebbles,
And my daddy said, "Stay away from Juliet."
And I was crying on the staircase,
begging you, 'Please, don't go.'

And I said,
"Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone.
I'll be waiting; all there's left to do is run.
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story - baby just say 'Yes.'

So I sneak out to the garden to see you.
We keep quiet 'cause we're dead if they knew.
So close your eyes; escape this town for a little while.
'Cause you were Romeo, I was a scarlet letter,
And my daddy said "Stay away from Juliet,"
But you were everything to me; I was begging you, 'Please, don't go,'

And I said,
"Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone.
I'll be waiting; all there's left to do is run.
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story - baby just say 'Yes.'

Romeo save me; they're tryin' to tell me how to feel.
This love is difficult, but it's real.
Don't be afraid; we'll make it out of this mess.
It's a love story - baby just say 'Yes.'

Oh.

I got tired of waiting,
Wondering if you were ever comin' around.
My faith in you was fading
When I met you on the outskirts of town.

And I said,
"Romeo save me - I've been feeling so alone.
I keep waiting for you but you never come.
Is this in my head? I don't know what to think-"

He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said,
"Marry me, Juliet. you'll never have to be alone.
I love you and that's all I really know.
I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress;
It's a love story - baby just say 'Yes.'

Oh, oh.

We were both young when I first saw you...

Countdown back to 39 sce, yay! lemme count hmm, like 15 days more, i am going home! Back to my family! I have done a lot of favors for others during this time of staying out, finding a new me. Haha...i have gained friendship here but i know they are just passive ones...I know when i need help, they won't help me but still i help them ahaha...unlike back in unit...sleep liao