LEAVE LETTERS ( Must Read This Humor And Forward )

This is a collection of leave letters and applications written by people in various places of India ...

1. Infosys, Bangalore : An employee applied for leave as follows:

Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave.

2. This is from Oracle Bangalore:

From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son: "as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."

3. Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:

"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."

4. From H.A.L. Administration dept:

"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave."

5. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:

"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"

6. An incident of a leave letter

"I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday."

7. A leave letter to the headmaster:

"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"


8. Another leave letter written to the headmaster:

"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."


9. Covering note: "I am enclosed herewith..."



10. Another one:

"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."

11. Actual letter written for application of leave:

"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".


12. Letter writing: -

"I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well."


13. A candidate's job application:

"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'...As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post.

An idea can change ur life but.....( Must Check It Out )

The Fish and the Turtle

Once upon a time there was a fish. And just because it was a fish, it had lived all its life in the water and knew nothing whatever about anything else but water. And one day as it swam about in the lake where all its days had been spent, it happened to meet a turtle of its acquaintance who had just come back from a little excursion on the land.

"Good day, Mr. Turtle!" said the fish. "I have not seen you for a long time. Where have you been?"
"Oh", said the turtle, "I have just been for a trip on dry land."

"On dry land!" exclaimed the fish.
"What do you mean by on dry land? There is no dry land. I had never seen such a thing. Dry land is nothing."
"Well," said the turtle good-naturedly. "If you want to think so, of course you may; there is no one who can hinder you. But that's where I've been, all the same."

"Oh, come," said the fish. "Try to talk sense. Just tell me now what is this land of yours like? Is it all wet?"
"No, it is not wet," said the turtle. "Is it nice and fresh and cool?" asked the fish.
"No, it is not nice and fresh and cool," the trutle replied.
"Is it clear so that light can come through it?"
"No, it is not clear. Light cannot come through it."
"Is it soft and yielding, so that I can move my fins about in it and push my nose through it?"
"No, it is not soft and yielding. You could not swim in it."
"Does it move or flow in streams?"
"No, it neither moves nor flows in streams."
"Does it ever rise up into waves then, with white foams in them?" asked the fish, impatient at this string of Noes.
"No!" replied the turtle, truthfully. "It never rises up into waves that I have seen."


"There now," exclaimed the fish triumphantly. "Didn't I tell you that this land of yours was just nothing? I have just asked, and you have answered me that it is neither wet nor cool, not clear nor soft and that it does not flow in streams nor rise up into waves. And if it isn't a single one of these things what else is it but nothing? Don't tell me."

"Well, well", said the turtle, "If you are determined to think that dry land is nothing, I suppose you must just go on thinking so. But any one who knows what is water and what is land would say you were just a silly fish, for you think that anything you have never known is nothing just because you have never known it."

And with that the turtle turned away and, leaving the fish behind in its little pond of water, set out on another excursion over the dry land that was nothing.

Marketing Tips

A professor was explaining marketing concepts to the Students:-

1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say:
"I am very rich. Marry me!" -That's Direct Marketing

2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says:
"He's very rich. Marry him." -That'sAdvertising

3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say:
"Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me." -That'sTelemarketing

4. You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and
straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car) for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride and then say: "By the way, I'm rich. Will you marry me?" -That'sPublic Relations

5. You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says: "You are very rich! Can you marry me?" -That's Brand Recognition

6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say:
"I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on
your face. -That'sCustomer Feedback

7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say:
"I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her
husband. -That's demand and supply gap

8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything; another person comes and tells her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?" and she goes with him -That'scompetition eating into your market share

9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" your wife arrives. -That's restriction for entering new markets

Let Me Sleep On Duty

New Car operating System

Bill's company made software to run a car.

Bill was taking a test ride of the car. Suddenly a truck came from opposite side.

Bill pressed ctrl+b to apply brakes.

A pop-up window appeared asking, "Are you sure you really want to stop?"

Before Bill could enter "Yes", there was a crash and the car caught fire.

In panic Bill forgot the password to open the door.

He started shouting "F1! F1!" but there was no computer professional present there to understand his screams.

Then he tried to come out through the car window-pane.

A message appeared on the screen, "An illegal function is performed.

All the window-panes of the car will be closed." Poor Bill died.

Messengers of death took away his soul and said to him, "You have never ever performed any good deeds in your life. You always stole the code from others. We are going to send you to hell."

Bill pleaded, "I am ready to go to hell but do provide me a computer, please."

Messengers of death smiled inwardly and permitted him a computer, but with no Alt, Ctrl and Delete keys on the keyboard.

Find the error

Find the error, its impossible:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
Did you know that 80% of UCDS students could not find the error above?

This is Called True Friendship

Unfortunately Placed Ads

Ad on the bus reads: "If you don't have GIO Third Party Property Insurance, we suggest you don't hit this bus"

TWENTY DOLLARS

TWENTY DOLLARS

On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.

This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.

Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate down sizing, and he had been let go.

It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another job.

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty years of steady deposits and interest totalling nearly$1 million.

Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million.

She explained that she had 'charged' him for sex, and these were the results of her savings and investments.

The husband was so astounded he could barely speak. Finally he found his voice and blurted out, 'If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have had sex only with you.'

That's when she shot him.

You know, that's what happens when you don't know when to keep your mouth shut...!!!

Crazy T-Shirt Slogans!!

Funny Lost and Found Signs