Separated At Birth?

I know I have probably been watching too many Kentucky basketball games but has anyone else noticed that UK's coach Billy Gillespie looks a lot like Squiggy from Laverne and Shirley?

Politically Incorrect

Yesterday, I overheard a couple talking about whether or not it is ok to tell someone, "Merry Christmas."

Husband: Merry Christmas (saying it to me).
Wife: Is it ok to tell people 'Merry Christmas'? What if they are offended?
Husband: Offended?
Wife: Not everyone celebrates Christmas.
Husband: Well screw 'em. If I say 'Merry Christmas' and they are offended, then I'll tell them, 'screw you!'
Midwestern Monk: Isn't that counterproductive?
Husband: Probably...

Merry Christmas!

Priceless = $19.95

According to the last spam e-mail I got, you can get "priceless" merchandise for $19.95. I don't mean to go around showing off my education and all but...that's not priceless. That's $19.95.

Game. Point. Midwestern Monk

Midwestern Monk 1 Spam E-mail 0

Revolutionary As Ever

I was reading these words from Jesus in Matthew's gospel (as translated by Eugene Peterson) it struck me how revolutionary Jesus' teachings still are.

This is what he said:
3"You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.
4"You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.
5"You're blessed when you're content with just who you are—no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought.
6"You're blessed when you've worked up a good appetite for God. He's food and drink in the best meal you'll ever eat.
7"You're blessed when you care. At the moment of being 'care-full,' you find yourselves cared for.
8"You're blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart—put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.
9"You're blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That's when you discover who you really are, and your place in God's family.
10"You're blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution. The persecution drives you even deeper into God's kingdom.
11-12"Not only that—count yourselves blessed every time people put you down or throw you out or speak lies about you to discredit me. What it means is that the truth is too close for comfort and they are uncomfortable. You can be glad when that happens—give a cheer, even!—for though they don't like it, I do! And all heaven applauds. And know that you are in good company. My prophets and witnesses have always gotten into this kind of trouble.

Sick

Conversation I had on the phone with a recruit:

Recruit: That's fascinating.
Muffled voice in the background of recruit's car: Dad!
Recruit: Hold on I'm talking the Midwestern Monk.

Child in car: DAD!
Recruit: "Hold on Midwestern Monk."

What is it? (speaking to child) , Are you serious?

"Midwestern Monk, I'm going to have to call you back. My daughter is about to throw up."

I know its kind of sick but I found this funny.

This also reminds me of the time on Week of E when Christina HURley threw up all over the side of our Ford 15 passenger. HURL-ey blaugahahahajahhh.

The Blur

The last two weeks are all a blur to me. Last week I was running around like a chicken with its head cut off getting ready for the National Missionary Convention.

Then I was at the convention talking to people from the time I got up in the morning until I went to bed . In the middle of that craziness Addy got pink eye (had to be taken to an urgent care center) and Jayden decided that she doesn't like to sleep anymore...and so we didn't.

Many people have asked me how the convention was. This is really tough for me to answer. While I got to share our ministry with so many wonderful people who are seeking after God, my heart was hurting for so many of my friends. It seemed like this was the convention when I ran into friend after friend who was hurting. I'm not even sure if I want to talk about it outside of the whispers of prayer.

If my heart seems heavy, I'm just sorting out the fatigue, heaviness of heart for the hurt my friends are experiencing and trying to keep up with the way God is mobilizing this ministry in ways that are truly earth shattering. Thankfully, this ministry isn't up to me because I don't feel like I have much to give.

God,

Thank you for your presence and for your assurance that you are always here. Thank you for being a God who is big enough to transform nations and focused enough to pay attention to the details of my life. Where else would we turn to? Whom else would we call upon? God, please mobilize the Church in North America to finish the task. Bring healing to the downcaste, hope to the poor and please keep using us despite our weakness. Thank you for being our God.

Money Matters

The New York Yankees just offered C.C. Sabathia $137, 500,000.00 for six seasons to throw a ball really hard past people holding a stick.

Dear Mr. Sabathia,

Have you ever considered the wonders of Bible Translation?

Signed Your Friend,

The Midwestern Monk

In other news, American Express just asked the American Government to give them a 6.5 Billion dollar "bailout". As the guy on talk radio said, "I think we should do it! and then charge them 29.5%"

Place Your Add Here

My co-worker's two year old daughter has been walking around their housing saying, "Barack Obama. Barack Obama. Barack Obama"



When I asked my co-worker how she knows about Barack Obama my friend replied, "The guy spent over 100 million dollars on advertisement."

An Experiment in Human Existence

"What would your life look like if you never told God, 'No' again?"

When Christ's Bride is at Her Best

There are a lot of people who knock Christ's Church every chance they get. Here is a beautiful story from one of my fellow monks on the mission field showing Christ's Church at her best. My friend writes:

One of the requests you have been praying for is the persecution going on in a neighboring village. This persecution continues. People have thrown rocks at Christians and their homes (to my knowledge, no one has been hurt). The villagers are also forbidden to buy from or sell to Christians or to help them with their rice harvest. This is economically crippling! The annual rice harvest is always a highly social event. If my field is ready and yours isn’t, then you help me harvest mine. Then, when your field matures, I will help you harvest yours. It is impossible to get the harvest in on time otherwise.

The good news in all this is that the persecution has united not only the church in this village, but the churches of the entire region! First, we had a day of unified prayer and fasting to ask for God’s protection of our brothers and sisters. Then, we banded together to go harvest their rice for them. I was amazed to arrive in the village and find at least 200 people from all over the area waiting to be put to work. We were split into smaller groups and each group was placed in charge of harvesting a different field. We worked hard until we our entire field was harvested (about 2:30), with only a break for lunch. It was an exhausting day but also very enjoyable! Please pray that the church's reaction to this persecution would be not only an encouragement to our brothers and sisters but a witness to those who are persecuting them.

Fun-Sized?

Dear America,

"Fun-sized" candy bars need to be renamed...and it needs to happen soon. I don't know what everyone else's definition of "fun" is but in my world it usually involves a flatbed truck or something that is bigger than my head.

If both political parties really want to reach across the isle, I think this is the issue to get the ball rolling. Can't we all agree, that fun-sized is bipartisan?

I'm the Midwestern Monk and I support this ad.

More Pictures of Children...

Out of the City...into the Pumpkin Patch

Giving the Fans What They Want

Illinois Tour 2008

After our three-week tour through Illinois, I thought that I would be writing to tell you how great it is to be home. While there are so many aspects of Dallas that I truly love (my co-workers, my church and friends), I also know that a big part of my heart will always consider the Midwest as my home. There is just something about those beautiful fields of gold, the plethora of Illini fans and people who know what deep dish pizza is all about that brings great solace to my soul in a way that no other region of the world can.


At the same time, through my travels around the world, a piece of my heart gets left everywhere I go. I have truly felt at home in the savannahs of Guinea, the slums of Haiti, the deserts of Kenya and the bitter winds of New England. Each time, it is because of the friends I have made in these places. As I shared with Lindsay how foreign the idea of "home" has become, she reminded me that as sojourners in this world "our hearts will never fully be at home until we are with God in eternity."


While one of the toughest parts about this job is being away from so many people we love, I also know that there is nothing else that we would rather be doing than working to expand the Kingdom of God. We know that what we do in this lifetime will echo into eternity.

Because of the work that we are doing (together with you), there will be people from every tongue, tribe and nation who will make their home with God. I can't imagine how great that reunion will be when all of us are standing around the throne of God celebrating the Lamb who has taken away the sin of the world. I also can't imagine a better way to spend a life. Thank you for partnering with us to help peoples from every language on this planet make their home with God.

Highlight of the Trip:
I got to meet Steve Saint. It is always a great day when you get to meet one of your heroes.

Quotes from the trip that must be shared:
"How about the next time that we stop, you guys just leave me in the car?" -Addy
"Jayden and I have birthdays that are close together but we aren't twins." -Addy
"How much will I get paid if I join you guys?" -unnamed student

When God Says No

Sometimes God tells me, "No". He never says it harshly, rudely or even with the slightest bit of hostility --but at the same time, God still tells me "NO". I know there are teaching moments to be had and further examination of my motives, but I must admit, it surprises me everytime.

Last night, I prayed hard for God to allow Jayden to sleep. Almost on cue, she woke up screaming. This is the 4th night in a row in which we have gone through this process. Whenever Jayden is stressed, it always comes out in her sleep. Most of her inability to sleep has come from our long road trip across Illinois in which we have slept in more beds than some people have teeth.

As I lay rocking Jaydenpants, I asked God what I am supposed to be learning through these sleepless nights. God then gently reminded me that He never promised us that He would give us everything that we want. Sometimes, life is hard and we need to remember that we are not God. God also reminded me of His faithfulness in all the times that He DID allow Jayden to sleep on this trip. As I reflected on these times, it was always in times that would bring about His greatest glory.

This got me to thinking about prayer. God gently reminded me of Jesus' words in John's gospel where Jesus says, "And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father." I was reminded how I am quick to remind God of the first part of this verse and then conventiently leave off the latter.

If I were to be honest, I generally bring more glory to God when I am awake during the middle of the night praying, singing praise songs to God as I rock my baby girl back to sleep. Maybe God allows the interruptions to allow me to draw close to Him.

Then in a moment of mercy, God allowed Jayden to fall asleep --she didn't wake up until 6am.

God is good --all the time. Even when he tells me, No.

Things Overheard in a Coffee Shop

"So do you think the rapture will take place before or after the tribulation?"

I think I threw up in my mouth.

Catching Up

This past week in Illinois has been so much fun. I have seen so many friends and family that I am overwhelmed by the number of people God has allowed us to see...and the trip isn't even half way over.

In fact, I am sitting in the Warehouse of the ole Alma Mater as I write this. I am really proud to be an alum of LCC. I really am. I learned a lot here, met my wife here, and came to fall in love with Jesus here.

I think my favorite part of this trip has been catching up with old friends and telling stories. Like the time that I took these crazy college freshmen stold my van while we were helping Miss Pearl up in Chicago. They in turn locked the keys inside the van and then had to "carjack" it in order to get them free. Good times (p.s. I have video and you guys will never win an elected office).

I also was reminded of the time that I threw a rock at Craig Arnold and broke the door window of the Hole. The reason why I remembered this is because I saw Craig Arnold and I didn't have a rock in my hand to throw at him again. I have always said in my defense "Have you met the kid?"

I also remember the time when Hawkeye, BJ and I were sitting around in the Swamp driking martini's while Radar tried to find his teddy bear. Wait, that was M.A.S.H. I keep getting my college career and episodes of M.A.S.H. mixed up. They lived in Korea, my best friend was Korean. They operated on people, he stayed up all night killing bees. They would play practical jokes on Frank, we would play practical jokes on Hobert. I know, I know. It's almost impossible to figure it out.

And then you have those crazy times when Charlie would just jump out of the bushes while we were in surgery...wait, that was M.A.S.H. again.

Oh well. I guess I probably should look a little closer to who I am sending my Alumni dues too though.

What's Up now...Chump

Have you ever noticed how the word "chump" can change the whole meaning of what you say?

For example:

You look beautiful.....chump.

Have a nice day....chump.

I would love to take on that project....chump.

Would you like to join me for lunch...chump.

Outsourcing

I just realized that I am one of the few people in America who doesn't care if my job is outsourced. In fact, I encourage it...and would celebrate it if it happened.. I would probably throw a party, get a pony and eat cake.

And then again, I would like to eat cake even if my job isn't outsourced.

Cat-astrophies that aren't funny

This story isn't funny. Nope. Not even a little bit.

That being said, one of the most incredible guys from our monestary recently hit a cat with his car. Being an incredibly tender-hearted man, my friend immediately stopped his car to see if the cat was ok. Upon getting out of the car, he noticed that the cat was limping and in a lot of pain.

This dear friend of mine, then reached into his car and got out a shovel to "ease this cat's pain". As tough as this task was, my friend knew it was the right thing to do and that it had to be done.

Later that night when he arrived at his destination, he noticed a "second" cat on his fender.

(Insert narrator's voice) "Want to get away?"

Because Somebody Had to 'Cover' this Story

In other news, an Austrailian Government Official resigned from his job after dancing at an office party in his underwear.

'I subsequently put it to the former minister Brown late last night that there are too many reports of you in your underwear for me to ignore."

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,420761,00.html

I would have loved to had heard the exit interview on this one.

Boss: Hey, Matt...you got a second.

Matt: Sure Boss.

Boss: There are some...well, uh... this is awkward. Were you, I don't know --dancing around the office in your underwear?

Matt: Is that frowned upon? I mean, I don't remember anyone mentioning this in my orientation. Sue can I get a copy of the handbook over here.

Awkward moment...

Matt: Oh, here it is. Real clearly. 'Don't dance around office in underwear.' Wow. I didn't see that one coming. I'll go get my resignation letter. Sorry about that.

In Our Best Interest

This morning we took Jayden to the doctor to have an ultrasound on her kidneys. We will not know the results of the test until next week. Our prayer is that her kidneys are working as they should and that she doesn't have reflux. I simply love my girls and would do anything to take away any harm that may come their way. This is where I have to trust that our Father is in control.

While Jayden got her test, I had to hold her down and keep her still so the technician could do his job. As you can imagine, this was a painful experience for both Jayden and I. While I hated to see her struggle, I know this temporary discomfort is in her best interest.

As I drove home from the hospital today, I couldn't help but wonder if there are certain things God allows us to go through because He knows it is in our best interest. He knows that our greatest need in this world isn't health. It isn't financial stability, happiness or even friends.

God knows that our greatest need is Him. He knows that our greatest problems come when we are self-sufficient and when we think we have our crap together.

I'm just thankful that He is available and willing to step into our pain. How can we not love a God like that?

What to Expect the First Year

The other day I saw Jayden "reading" this book. I guess she is waiting to see

how the first year ends.

God in Action

I love seeing God in action. There is just something beautiful when God's Spirit takes hold of an individual and leads them to step out in faith and do the unthinkable.

I just got off the phone with a recruit that feels God leading d his family to be a Bible Translator in a distant land.

As I listen to this new friend, I know the wisdom of the world is telling him that he is foolish. I sense in his words that family members are going to be upset. I know from experience that it is going to cost every sampling of his pride and ego.

But the beautiful thing is that this servant of God has counted the cost and said, "How can I not do this? To whom would I turn?"

God,

I am overwhelmed in this moment that you allow me to listen in on your conversations. I am in awe by how you work on such big scales. May we never get in your way or prevent your name from being proclaimed. Please give us the boldness to continue to seek after you with wild abandonment. I love working for you God. Whom else would I ever want to work for. Thank you for letting me watch you work. Do it again.

Bad Monk...No Donut

Today I had a girl request to be taken off of my update list. I told her no...and that she was going to have to delet my e-mails like everyone else.

In other news:

My DNA + Mrs. Midwestern Monk's DNA = Children that wake up before the Farmers.

Translator Suit?

After watching all of these swimming world records being set at the Olympics in part to the razor swim suits, I have decided to talk to the folks at speedo to come up with a Bible Translator suit. You should expect world record Bible Translations in the near future.

Through the Eyes of a 3 year Old

This morning Addy came up to me and said, "Dad, I have a plan. I'm going to translate the Bible in Africa. Jayden is going to go to LIndia (this is probably India...or we are in trouble), mommy is going to translate in Papua New Guinea and you can translate in America."

I think it is funny that my 3 year old thinks that her baby sister would do a better job in India than me. Hmmm...

When I was telling Lindsay this in the car, I told Addy that if she wants to be a Bible Translator that she is going to have to be a good student and learn how to read.

Addy then said, "I do know how to read! I just don't know what the words mean."

And now a Word from our Sponsor.

If I ever start a dress company, I'm going to call it Freudian Slips or Lowery's

Close but No Cigar

Tonight while I was playing with Addy she looked up to me and said, "Dad, can we watch the Cardinals?"

It was a great moment as a parent...that is until I realized that she really wanted to watch the Olympkids.

Doh!

In other news: Keeping Jayden off my laptop is like keeping ugly off a dog's butt.

Olymp-kids?

I was able to talk Addy into watching the Olympics with me...except she continually refers to them as the Olymp-kids.

What's not to love about the Olympkids...err Olympics? Say what you want about China but they put on one of the best opening ceremonies I have ever seen. If I had put in a bid to host the Olympics in 2012, I would have just said, "Hey, you other guys go ahead, we'll catch you in 2016 or something."

On a side note, the icecream man is parked outside my driveway. Dude, I'm trying to drop some pounds. Get off me.

Another Heart Wrenching Loss

Just when you think it couldn't get any worse...the circus midget from across the street jumps up and kicks you in the groin.

Man, who saw that coming.

After many wonderful seasons of winning baseball, it is difficult, neh...heart wrenching to watch my beloved St. Louis Cardinals continue to cough up games in the late innings.

Can a Christian brother get a win?

In the midst of my blues, I can't help but think of options that may be better than what we are doing right now.

10. Play 7 innings and pray for rain.
9. Give Rick Ankiel a blindfold, turn him around 7 times on the mound and see what happens.
8. Does anyone know if Brett Favre can throw a baseball?
7. Call up Bob Gibson and ask him if he thinks he has anything left in the tank.
6. Watch your television standing on your head so that the deep homeruns look more like great catches by the fans at the warning track.
5. Sign the rights to any JV player in the country and tell him, "You might be awful but surely you can't get any worse."
4. Start the game off with the bullpen so that we don't get our hopes up for nothing in the 9th.
3. Give Charlie Sheen a call and see if he wants to make that whole Ricky "Wild thing" Vaughn a shot at reality.
2. Hope that Adam Wainright can come back as the team's closer.
1. Stick with your team and take these loses like a man...or sit in your room and cry like a litte school girl.

Confessions of a Disgruntled Midwestern Monk

Each time the Cardinals' bullpen is handed the ball with the game on the line, I throw up in my mouth.

Thoughts on Jesus

This fall I am giving a seminar up in Chicago entitled, "When the Word Doesn't Dwell Amongst Us."

I am opening up my presentation by asking, "What would the world look like if the Word had not become flesh?

How would our worldview be altered if Jesus had not made his dwelling among us? Or what if we had never received the message that there is a “life that is the light of all men?”

I know I continually talk about the Bible-less peoples of the world and the tragedy that it is that some 2,000 years after Jesus instruction to make disciples of all nations that some people still have not had the chance to hear about Jesus in a language they understand.

I can't contain this fire in my bones I have for helping these dear chidren of God know Jesus. I feel a burden on my heart to be their voice as they are continually overlooked.

I have also come to the realization that without scripture and the work of William Tyndale, I would not have ever made Jesus the focus of my devotion and energies.

Jesus, would you please work in your church to help us complete the task you have given us? Help us to be faithful in this generation...and in this household. If you return in the near future may you find us obedient and faithful to your instruction.

That's Funny, I don't Care Who You Are

A story from my friend Lisa:

A couple of weeks ago my friend who was teaching the 3rd and 4th grade Sunday school class was teaching the the kids about the Old and New Testaments.

"Does anyone know what the testaments are?" she asked. Then Alex (the little boy in her class who is adopted from Russia) raised his hand and said, "I think that's what my cup covers in baseball."

We Don't Need No Stinkin' Hall of Famers

When asked if the White Sox would be pursuing Barry Bonds, Ozzie Guillen said:

"With all respect to Barry -- a Hall of Famer; to me, he's the best in the history of baseball, no matter what. But he's not the type of player we're looking for in this organization.''

Walking the Walk

"We talk about walking the path with the lord," said Kirk Morrison. "He is magnetic in the quietest way. He'll be a lighthouse for that sometimes-dark world of poker. Just a great human being. Someone I look up to and whose brain I pick on perspective of life.

For full story: http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/poker/columns/story?columnist=wise_gary&id=3483494

World Series of Pok...Isn't that Miah?

After 3 days, Miah is in the last 474 players in the World Series of Poker and right now in SECOND freakin' place.

Chip Leaders
$1458000 Jeremy Joseph
$1079500 Jeremiah Smith
$950000 Mark Ketteringham
$932500 Kyle Carlston
$931000 Dag Martin Mikkelsen
$908500 Alan Jaffray
$900000 Owen Crowe
$887000 Alexander Kostritsyn
$875000 James McManus
$873500 Chris Barrile 474 out of 6844 Players left

Check out his interview at ESPN. http://sports.espn.go.com/broadband/video/videopage?videoId=3479499

I just wish at some point he would lay down his hand and go: "Backalackadackakdakd!"

Go get 'em Miah!!!!!

Quote of the Day

"Over? Did you say 'over'? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!"

Can't argue that.

Conspiracy Theory #227

If in the coming days the Midwestern Monk mysteriously comes up missing, gets run off the road by a unmarked car or accidently has a piano fall on my face...look no further than the National Basketball Association. Yes, you read that right, the NBA. Why you ask?

I smell a rat....or some really old potato chips that I should have thrown away a couple of weeks ago.

Fact 1: The story broke that a NBA official had been betting on games.

Fact 2: The NBA League Office jumped into damage control to keep their revenue coming in. If people started questioning the legitamacy of their sport, would they continue to pay attention (with an emphasis on pay) at all?

Fact 3: Shortly after the story of this crooked official broke, the Minnesota Timberwolves decide to trade one of the premier basketball players --Kevin Garnett--for a bunch of unproven talent to one of the most storied franchises in the NBA --the Boston Celtics.

Fact 4: After KG is traded, the Boston Media goes crazy and the crooked official story is swept under the rug. "The NBA has integrity problems? Who cares? The Celtics just landed KG baby!"

Coincidence? I think not. How did this happen you say?

I think the League Office saw their cash cow in danger. They in turn made a deal with one Kevin McHale and the Timberwolves to make this ridiculous trade for under the table considerations. The KG stories makes a big splash, the league is saved.

Now put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Proud Informant of the Secret CIA

"The Bush administration has launched a 'significant escalation' of COVERT operations in Iran, sending U.S. commandos to spy on the country's..."

Ok. Let's freeze it right there. Now I may not be the sharpest monk in the drawer, and I am all for freedom of the press and all but does anyone else think that this is story http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/meast/06/29/us.iran/index.html is a little bit too informative? Isn't the whole point of "covert operations" meant to be, well covert? And if one were to reveal such a mission wouldn't that defeat the purpose of the operation?

I'm so glad that CNN wasn't around for the Revolutionary War. We probably would have received a news bulletin about Gen. Washington secretly crossing the Deleware on Christmas Eve to suprise the British.

In other news, CNN will now be handing out T-Shirts to identify members of the Secret Relocation Service.

How the Amish Will Save the World

The Amish have the opportunity to save the world. They just need to step up from their black wagons of luxury and make it happen. How are they going to do this you ask? Two words: Friendship bread.

I don't know why someone else hasn't suggested this idea before. It could be that our Amish friends don't spend as much time on blogs and the internet as the rest of us monks (fair enough). But that shouldn't stop them from saving the world through the delectable bakery goodness.

Too far fetched you say? I don't think so.

1) God did the same thing when he led the children of Israel through Egypt. He just called it manna. Sure people may gripe some but in the end, they will have a full tummy of friendship while they gripe.

2) Who doesn't love friendship bread? Whenever my friends bring it over, I feel more like promoting world peace, being neighborly and other stuff that would probably take more thought.

3) Maybe I am having writer's block from my sermon that I ams supposed to be writing right now.

4). You got to love those Amish

What a Fun Day!

How beautiful are the feet who bring good news!

Today, I got to be to be the bearer of good news to some of my fellow monks in Papua New Guinea. As it turns out, one of our interns from internships past just decided that he is going to be a Bible Translator in Papua New Guinea. How incredible is that!

When I wrote the branch about the news, the director wrote: "We are all jumping for joy over here. We were just talking about this intern last night wondering what it would take to get him over here. It is nice to see prayers being answered before we even get around to praying them. This is going to be a huge boost to everyone here."

New Recruits response: "Thanks Nate. I have tears in my eyes."

You are not the only one my friend. To God be the glory!

Are you serious America?

I have decided that the Midwestern Monk will not be accepting a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Don't try to talk me into it. After much thought and at least one cup of coffee, I have decided that I must not accept this offer. Ever. No matter how many fan letters I get, tears that are shed by the children or the constant pleading of Sally Struthers, the Midwestern Monk must decline this "honor" for the sake of humanity.

It was just recently decided that 25 new "stars" would be given stars on the Walk of Fame. Uncle Jesse was one of the recepients. http://www.cnn.com/2008/SHOWBIZ/06/20/hollywood.walk.ap/index.html

If I am reading this right, America you are telling me that in the same walk way of John Wayne, Marilyn Monroe, James Dean, Jimmy Stewart and the like that someone looked around and said, "What the murph! Uncle Jesse doesn't have a star? This is an outrage!"

I hope Congress didn't spend too much time correcting this tragedy.

I need a nap.

Overheard at the Monestary

"I gave up swimming trunks for lent and I've never gone back."

God's Commentary

Sometimes I ask the Lord why He hasn't returned yet. It has been almost 2,000 years since He left this earth in bodily form.

I get impatient and wonder why Jesus is so "slow" in returning. But as one of my fellow monks said to me yesterday, "every sunrise is God's commentary that our work isn't finished yet."

As I walk away from our annual training event at Pioneer Bible Translators, I am reminded once again how BIG God's mission is and how this work can only be done through His empowering.

I am also reminded by Peter's words in II Peter 3:9 when he writes, "The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentence."

As I sit here this Saturday morning, I know there is much work left to be done and I am thankful that Jesus is patient with us in giving us another day to help everyone come to repentence.

Why Didn't I take the Blue Pill?

Last Thursday, I sent an e-mail to my prayer supporters asking them to pray for the Mrs. Midwestern Monk and I as we begin training our summer interns.

What I didn't know is that right after sending out this e-mail that I was going to go down with Malaria like a coked up monkey on trapeze wire.

Yep, I got malaria while in Africa and just now came down with it. In case you are wondering, malaria hides in your liver and then comes out when you are fatigued or stressed. Check and check.

Lindsay said at one point that I was comatose and not responding to any of her questions. All I know is that the extremes of chills to extreme fever aren't as fun as you might think. Ok, I don't know anyone who would think this is fun but I thought I might leave the door open for some lost soul.

On top of not preventing my malaria, the doxycycline I was taking also gave me thrush (I would show a picture but it would make a billy goat puke...or at least me).

So in short Isay to you "Doxycycline", thanks for nothing. You will not be getting a Christmas card from the Midwestern Monk.

Kids These Days

Last night I asked the little Midwestern Monk if she was going to take care of me when I grew old.

Little Midwestern Monk: "No, I'm going to leave."

Well, she should get points for honesty.

Houston, We Have a Problem...

I don't know if you have seen this story but this is the picture that immediately came to mind.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/TECH/space/05/27/space.toilet.ap/index.html

The Midwestern Monk Goes Medieval...

Today we loaded the whole fam into the Midwestern Monk Mobil and went to a Renaissance festival. To be honest, I didn't see too much to persuade me that this festival was anything short of a Middle Ages Fair but I will keep my IDS to myself. Thank you Dr. Messner.

This guy (the Falconer below) taught me that vultures avoid getting attacked in the animal world because whenever threatened, they throw up on their attackers. This is a tactic that a certain Midwestern Monk will most likely be using in my next gang fight.

There are more people in our society longing to play dress up than I previously anticipated. It was quite difficult determining which people at the festival worked there and which people were exploring their inner Medieval warrior...either that or we should be afraid America, very afraid.

Here are some of the fun pics from the day.

After this presentation, I may put hawks on my list of animals that I am afraid of...but not yet. I still want to see them pick up a small dog and eat it in person before they make The List.

This is me getting on a rocking filled motion ride after eating a greasy fried thing and some over warm kool-aid. Good times.

Who's that dude? Thanks to the lazy trainers, this kid will forever be in all of our family pictures. Thanks guys.

The best $5 I have ever spent.

This guy's Scottish accent was better than his jousting.

This was by far NOT the most ridiculous hat at the festival.

Mrs. Midwestern Monk taking up arms...just in case.

Lessons in Tee Ball

Last night I took my friend's kids to tee-ball practice. Since my girls are still too little, this was a whole new experience for the ole Midwestern Monk.

My favorite scene of the night was the little guy who came up to the plate who was afraid to swing his bat.

Coach: "Ok Evan, Swing the Bat."

Evan: just sits there staring at the ball.

Coach: "Ok, you got your pitch. Swing."

Evan--nothing

Coach: "Swing the bat."

Coach: "Come on swing."

Coach: "Swing the bat Evan."

Coach: "Ok, go sit down."

I don't know if this story translates to print, but I thought I was going to pee my pants.

P.S. Who is the dad yelling at his girl at 3rd base? For crying out loud dude, it's TEE-BALL. You are today's winner of the "Well Freakin' Laddy Dah!" award.

West Africa Pictures