12th December 2004
No one knows the whole script. We wait for our lines and directions as and when the situation warrants. Some actors are so good, that they don't realise they are acting. They say and do exactly what the script warrants without analysing or doubting. They are submerged in their character and they listen to their heart. If the drama overwhelms you, don't take it out on your fellow actors. All of us are trying to stick to the script. Some of us can adapt faster, improvise better and express ourselves more clearly. Some poor actors in our opinion might have actually been given that exact role, those exact lines, those exact features/traits. How can we know? We don't have access to the script.
Have faith in the director and script-writer. Ultimately, it's a happy ending or beginning. So while you are at it, make the most of this magnificent stage of human life accorded to you.
Sunday, December 12, 2004
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
24th November 204
Unlike the Dwapara Yuga (during Lord Krishna's time), evil does not wholly manifest itself in human form. It takes the form of a characteristic, a type of sickness that can be cured and removed without harming the being it seems to be possessing. We must make this important distinction. Aim to annhilate the bad in someone, not the person itself. It can be tricky, because we often associate the person and their qualities as being the same thing.
Don't aim to destroy someone to teach them a lesson. Just teach them a lesson. Otherwise, more sooner than later, it will seriously feel like having a go at your own self. After all, you would be pinching the very same essence in the person which you too possess. This essence taught you how to love. You would not want to mess about with this eternal teacher.
Unlike the Dwapara Yuga (during Lord Krishna's time), evil does not wholly manifest itself in human form. It takes the form of a characteristic, a type of sickness that can be cured and removed without harming the being it seems to be possessing. We must make this important distinction. Aim to annhilate the bad in someone, not the person itself. It can be tricky, because we often associate the person and their qualities as being the same thing.
Don't aim to destroy someone to teach them a lesson. Just teach them a lesson. Otherwise, more sooner than later, it will seriously feel like having a go at your own self. After all, you would be pinching the very same essence in the person which you too possess. This essence taught you how to love. You would not want to mess about with this eternal teacher.
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
16th November 2004
A spot somewhere within feels bolder and braver. Over the week I have been dealing with people eyeball to eyeball. I don't know whether I feel lucky. Everything is resolved the moment I make that extra effort to 'push the envelope'. For concerns miles away in Singapore, the gap is longer, but it still remains a matter of hours.
Nevertheless, I suspect someone, somehow must have said or done something. Whoever you are and whatever you have done, please accept my sincere gratitude for creating this spot. It is a beautiful feeling.
If you know who you are, please carry on what you are doing. Such an act is indeed, quite extraordinarily noble.
A spot somewhere within feels bolder and braver. Over the week I have been dealing with people eyeball to eyeball. I don't know whether I feel lucky. Everything is resolved the moment I make that extra effort to 'push the envelope'. For concerns miles away in Singapore, the gap is longer, but it still remains a matter of hours.
Nevertheless, I suspect someone, somehow must have said or done something. Whoever you are and whatever you have done, please accept my sincere gratitude for creating this spot. It is a beautiful feeling.
If you know who you are, please carry on what you are doing. Such an act is indeed, quite extraordinarily noble.
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
27th October 2004
Why fear or worry if you don't understand something or someone? The amount of time and effort saved when not pondering over that unlikely remark from a supposedly remarkable person can be used instead to exploit to the fullest something we understand. You will not be disadvantaged if you don't know. Negativity is not worth knowing anyway. You would rather know what you could use fully. The half hour saved (and the extra 250 kilojoules of mental and physical energy) everyday from not bitching, thinking negatively or worrying about anything or anyone could be used for getting up early for some exercise, for writing an extra long email to a friend, for cooking more patiently (and properly), for some service or whatever else that keeps you occupied, sane and happy all at once.
Why fear or worry if you don't understand something or someone? The amount of time and effort saved when not pondering over that unlikely remark from a supposedly remarkable person can be used instead to exploit to the fullest something we understand. You will not be disadvantaged if you don't know. Negativity is not worth knowing anyway. You would rather know what you could use fully. The half hour saved (and the extra 250 kilojoules of mental and physical energy) everyday from not bitching, thinking negatively or worrying about anything or anyone could be used for getting up early for some exercise, for writing an extra long email to a friend, for cooking more patiently (and properly), for some service or whatever else that keeps you occupied, sane and happy all at once.
Sunday, October 17, 2004
17th October 2004
It is quite late at night and I don't want this to appear threatening. Outpours in the recent past have lost their momentum. But I need to clarify something. I have written a lot about trust and relationships and any sort of philosophy that comes to me in random bursts. However, I have hardly written about myself. A lot of people are still confused and/or are ignorant.
Let it be clear that anyone messing about with fire will definitely get burnt. However, the same fire can also provide warmth, love and light. No one should worry about any harm to me. I am made of reinforced steel. Grind against steel and sparks will no doubt appear. But there will be no scars because not only am I reinforced, I am also stainless.
I realise once more I am guilty of making a very bad judgement, but I cannot turn the clock back. All I can do is be grateful to God for the gift of such magnificent armour in the present, and for the future that is to come.
-end-
It is quite late at night and I don't want this to appear threatening. Outpours in the recent past have lost their momentum. But I need to clarify something. I have written a lot about trust and relationships and any sort of philosophy that comes to me in random bursts. However, I have hardly written about myself. A lot of people are still confused and/or are ignorant.
Let it be clear that anyone messing about with fire will definitely get burnt. However, the same fire can also provide warmth, love and light. No one should worry about any harm to me. I am made of reinforced steel. Grind against steel and sparks will no doubt appear. But there will be no scars because not only am I reinforced, I am also stainless.
I realise once more I am guilty of making a very bad judgement, but I cannot turn the clock back. All I can do is be grateful to God for the gift of such magnificent armour in the present, and for the future that is to come.
-end-
Thursday, September 16, 2004
16th September 2004
A part of us is defined by the bundle of memories we hold. Whether we can forget is not entirely in our hands. It is good to forget the time you were a baby when your mother changed your nappies, because such a memory is irrelevant to your current needs. For clearly defined good or bad memories, effort is required to preserve or forget them.
And then the third type of memory keeps swinging like a pendulum between useful and useless, bitter and sweet, loving and threatening, dull and charming... I guess, the biggest challenge lies in moving in the direction of the swing, not against it. Therein lies the biggest adventure as well.
A part of us is defined by the bundle of memories we hold. Whether we can forget is not entirely in our hands. It is good to forget the time you were a baby when your mother changed your nappies, because such a memory is irrelevant to your current needs. For clearly defined good or bad memories, effort is required to preserve or forget them.
And then the third type of memory keeps swinging like a pendulum between useful and useless, bitter and sweet, loving and threatening, dull and charming... I guess, the biggest challenge lies in moving in the direction of the swing, not against it. Therein lies the biggest adventure as well.
Monday, August 09, 2004
9th August 2004
Everyone's life is sacred, has meaning and a purpose. Whether you work in the background or are known by many, you will be used appropriately in order for your purpose/mission to bear fruit. Whether you are over or underwhelmed by what happens around you will not make any difference. Your life will not be wasted because you are not an animal. You are not simply going through the motions. Believe in this and see your confidence grow. Your intended work in this life will become much more easier, enjoyable and fulfilling. But first, you must believe this before you can experience anything.
-end-
Everyone's life is sacred, has meaning and a purpose. Whether you work in the background or are known by many, you will be used appropriately in order for your purpose/mission to bear fruit. Whether you are over or underwhelmed by what happens around you will not make any difference. Your life will not be wasted because you are not an animal. You are not simply going through the motions. Believe in this and see your confidence grow. Your intended work in this life will become much more easier, enjoyable and fulfilling. But first, you must believe this before you can experience anything.
-end-
Sunday, August 01, 2004
1st August 2004
Sometimes, on the spiritual path, we can see the future. If not see, at least sense it. But life's journey is such that it can take endless forms. What kind of route do you wish to take? The scenic route? The rocky path? Smooth fast journey by air? Or a hard and breathless one via a long swim? The destination is certain, we know where we are going. The uncertainty and debate boils down to a single question. Which route do you want to take to get to that ideal future?
-end-
Sometimes, on the spiritual path, we can see the future. If not see, at least sense it. But life's journey is such that it can take endless forms. What kind of route do you wish to take? The scenic route? The rocky path? Smooth fast journey by air? Or a hard and breathless one via a long swim? The destination is certain, we know where we are going. The uncertainty and debate boils down to a single question. Which route do you want to take to get to that ideal future?
-end-
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
20th July 2004
Diplomacy and tact is important in thought, speech and action not just for the sake of being non-controversial and safe. In terms of getting your work done, no one feels guilty, but empowered. In terms of conserving energy, diplomacy hardly involves shouting and screaming, and so we save a lot of energy. In terms of maintaining relationships, if spoken with love, no one feels alienated and hurt. So get your work done, conserve your energy (and everyone else's) and maintain your relationships.
To the one who seems to be troubling me: I must understand that I and my work is probably not at the centre of your universe. But I must make you realise that the work I am doing is not mine, but also yours, and is divine. Therefore, no matter how small or large your universe is, you have underestimated your significance and the value of this work. I will not get upset because I don't doubt your ability. It is only a lack of motivation and self-belief that is drawing you away from me and our work. I will do whatever it takes in my capacity to make you believe in yourself again. With love, diplomacy and humble, silent prayer.
-end-
Diplomacy and tact is important in thought, speech and action not just for the sake of being non-controversial and safe. In terms of getting your work done, no one feels guilty, but empowered. In terms of conserving energy, diplomacy hardly involves shouting and screaming, and so we save a lot of energy. In terms of maintaining relationships, if spoken with love, no one feels alienated and hurt. So get your work done, conserve your energy (and everyone else's) and maintain your relationships.
To the one who seems to be troubling me: I must understand that I and my work is probably not at the centre of your universe. But I must make you realise that the work I am doing is not mine, but also yours, and is divine. Therefore, no matter how small or large your universe is, you have underestimated your significance and the value of this work. I will not get upset because I don't doubt your ability. It is only a lack of motivation and self-belief that is drawing you away from me and our work. I will do whatever it takes in my capacity to make you believe in yourself again. With love, diplomacy and humble, silent prayer.
-end-
Monday, July 05, 2004
5th July 2004
I spent 45 minutes writing what you were supposed to read today. It was some unbelieveable philosophy about the nature of free will, Divine will, various stages and what surrender really means. Not that it was really unbelievable. In my head, I'm really clear about it. But maybe the way I wrote, it wasn't really exciting to read. And now, in retrospect, I remembered how I had for a split second, prayed for a concise Outpour today. But along the way, I forgot. Decided to clean my keyboard, and pressed the refresh button, and that was it. Call it cheeky Divine intervention, because the reader's interests are the Lord's priority. More than the writer's. And so what can I write now? I have two lines left. I promised someone, while cribbing like a crab about my bad luck that I will be concise this time, after this rude 'refresh page' shock. Ten lines to be exact. I have one more left. In my broswer at least. Ok, be happy and smile, smile, smile, smile....
Actually it was 5 lines I promised. But what the heck. My keyboard feels amazing. That's my excuse.
-end-
I spent 45 minutes writing what you were supposed to read today. It was some unbelieveable philosophy about the nature of free will, Divine will, various stages and what surrender really means. Not that it was really unbelievable. In my head, I'm really clear about it. But maybe the way I wrote, it wasn't really exciting to read. And now, in retrospect, I remembered how I had for a split second, prayed for a concise Outpour today. But along the way, I forgot. Decided to clean my keyboard, and pressed the refresh button, and that was it. Call it cheeky Divine intervention, because the reader's interests are the Lord's priority. More than the writer's. And so what can I write now? I have two lines left. I promised someone, while cribbing like a crab about my bad luck that I will be concise this time, after this rude 'refresh page' shock. Ten lines to be exact. I have one more left. In my broswer at least. Ok, be happy and smile, smile, smile, smile....
Actually it was 5 lines I promised. But what the heck. My keyboard feels amazing. That's my excuse.
-end-
Sunday, June 27, 2004
27th June 2004
Dear Friend,
I shouldn't be the last person you worry about
I shouldn't be on your worry list at all
My ENERGY is infinite, and no one can remind me of this except ME
Of course, my dear friend, you make this energy sweeter
I hope to be the first person you think about
I don't want to miss out if you need me
My LOVE is infinite, and no one can remind me of this except ME
Of course, my dear friend, sharing it with you makes it worth its while
I can be anything you want me to be
Your son, brother, father, guru or disciple
My ROLES and RESPONSIBILITIES are infinite, and no one can remind me of this except ME
Of course, my dear friend, YOU, ME or I are WE...
YOU, ME or I are ONE.
-end-
Dear Friend,
I shouldn't be the last person you worry about
I shouldn't be on your worry list at all
My ENERGY is infinite, and no one can remind me of this except ME
Of course, my dear friend, you make this energy sweeter
I hope to be the first person you think about
I don't want to miss out if you need me
My LOVE is infinite, and no one can remind me of this except ME
Of course, my dear friend, sharing it with you makes it worth its while
I can be anything you want me to be
Your son, brother, father, guru or disciple
My ROLES and RESPONSIBILITIES are infinite, and no one can remind me of this except ME
Of course, my dear friend, YOU, ME or I are WE...
YOU, ME or I are ONE.
-end-
Friday, June 18, 2004
18th June 2004
Every blue moon, we receive an "electric" shock that tries to rock our belief systems and our immense faith. This means we cannot take our strong faith for granted. We must also understand the concept of faith (and redefine it if we haven't already). We cannot take our faith for granted because, although it has made us what we are today, how grateful have we been? How proud have we been? How readily have we declared ourselves to be faithful? Here's the definition bit: Faith is something that can lead to experiences that reinforce it further. It cannot be rationalised all the time.
We have all experienced wonders, miracles and magical moments in our lives, but have been afraid to attribute them to our strong faith and complete surrender to God. Every blue moon, that's what the "electric" shock is for. To make us realise, so that we are proud to be faithful.
Let those who like to administer this shock do their job. YOU are not a bad, bad, child. You are the select, lucky few. And why would you want to be anyone else?
-end-
Every blue moon, we receive an "electric" shock that tries to rock our belief systems and our immense faith. This means we cannot take our strong faith for granted. We must also understand the concept of faith (and redefine it if we haven't already). We cannot take our faith for granted because, although it has made us what we are today, how grateful have we been? How proud have we been? How readily have we declared ourselves to be faithful? Here's the definition bit: Faith is something that can lead to experiences that reinforce it further. It cannot be rationalised all the time.
We have all experienced wonders, miracles and magical moments in our lives, but have been afraid to attribute them to our strong faith and complete surrender to God. Every blue moon, that's what the "electric" shock is for. To make us realise, so that we are proud to be faithful.
Let those who like to administer this shock do their job. YOU are not a bad, bad, child. You are the select, lucky few. And why would you want to be anyone else?
-end-
Wednesday, June 09, 2004
9th June 2004
I am reminded of how I have been handling myself and my relationships, dwelling on the positive while trying to suss out which one was the sour grape story. There may be countless contradictions, definitions, perspectives and states of mind but all of them together created the perfect balance for equanimity. Now that you have found this perfect happiness, you can actually give something for nothing. Those still in the search, being the gentle patient souls I'm sure you all are, think of humanity as one, in which you have a majority stake. If you don't get something you prayed for now, pray for others with similar wishes to get them. And the next time you come across a brightly-lit bubble of pink dancing in the sunshine, don't be surprised it was your prayer answered. Eventually, you will no longer be surprised because you are a source of joy with every single breath you take. You already have everything, so you can only give, give and give.
-end-
I am reminded of how I have been handling myself and my relationships, dwelling on the positive while trying to suss out which one was the sour grape story. There may be countless contradictions, definitions, perspectives and states of mind but all of them together created the perfect balance for equanimity. Now that you have found this perfect happiness, you can actually give something for nothing. Those still in the search, being the gentle patient souls I'm sure you all are, think of humanity as one, in which you have a majority stake. If you don't get something you prayed for now, pray for others with similar wishes to get them. And the next time you come across a brightly-lit bubble of pink dancing in the sunshine, don't be surprised it was your prayer answered. Eventually, you will no longer be surprised because you are a source of joy with every single breath you take. You already have everything, so you can only give, give and give.
-end-
Monday, May 31, 2004
31st May 2004
Fear what, who and why? Think about this deeply. Live as if you have to shape your own destiny because you can, but let the consequences of your efforts surprise you pleasantly. If you are in fear, doubt and worry all the time, any surprise could shake you both mentally and physically. We normally call this a "rude shock". But it is actually a pleasant surprise to a fearless person.
-end-
Fear what, who and why? Think about this deeply. Live as if you have to shape your own destiny because you can, but let the consequences of your efforts surprise you pleasantly. If you are in fear, doubt and worry all the time, any surprise could shake you both mentally and physically. We normally call this a "rude shock". But it is actually a pleasant surprise to a fearless person.
-end-
Sunday, May 23, 2004
23rd May 2004
I am thinking of gentle, kind nurses. Loving, warm smiles and their infinite magical healing touch. The last time, I consoled myself with poetry. Now, I really need superhuman will to cook properly. And not to daydream, and feel fear, as if someone needed to hold my hand with reassuring eyes to calm me down. I am jumping with anxiety, anger and frustration. Well, not actually jumping. Jumping inside. Yes someone needs to hold my hand. Not to lead me outside to play, but to my desk to study, while the food gets prepared. But I am also thinking of playing football. More than the gentle, kind nurses. Because they won't let me.
-end-
I am thinking of gentle, kind nurses. Loving, warm smiles and their infinite magical healing touch. The last time, I consoled myself with poetry. Now, I really need superhuman will to cook properly. And not to daydream, and feel fear, as if someone needed to hold my hand with reassuring eyes to calm me down. I am jumping with anxiety, anger and frustration. Well, not actually jumping. Jumping inside. Yes someone needs to hold my hand. Not to lead me outside to play, but to my desk to study, while the food gets prepared. But I am also thinking of playing football. More than the gentle, kind nurses. Because they won't let me.
-end-
Sunday, May 16, 2004
16th May 2004
It's hell of a life trying to balance when to believe in signs, and when to discard them as insignificant; when to believe in destiny and when to trust my free will; when to convince myself that the forthcoming exams would be great anyway and when to be a little nervous to keep me going; when to believe that my left eyelid flickering will make my day and then wonder why it didn't flicker when I had a great day the day before; when to believe that I am protected by guardian angels and when to make a conscious effort to prevent my back problem from getting worse; when to know what and how much to say to a loved one and when to know that a lot need not be said anyway...
Hell yeah. It's one hell of a life. But I prefer this hell to any other. How has your 'hell' been lately? Or can you not decide?
-end-
It's hell of a life trying to balance when to believe in signs, and when to discard them as insignificant; when to believe in destiny and when to trust my free will; when to convince myself that the forthcoming exams would be great anyway and when to be a little nervous to keep me going; when to believe that my left eyelid flickering will make my day and then wonder why it didn't flicker when I had a great day the day before; when to believe that I am protected by guardian angels and when to make a conscious effort to prevent my back problem from getting worse; when to know what and how much to say to a loved one and when to know that a lot need not be said anyway...
Hell yeah. It's one hell of a life. But I prefer this hell to any other. How has your 'hell' been lately? Or can you not decide?
-end-
Thursday, May 13, 2004
The Necessary Outpour
13th May 2004
Today I was bordering on the insane. I wanted to punch a drunkard, outside my flat whom I knew from last year. It wasn't impulsive. I was very sure, however, that there were two sides to me. One, the civil, disciplined, and perhaps too naive and ignorant me. The other, that was getting ready for action, was the wild, yet concerned social reformer, who idolised Bhagat Singh type of vengeance and social good, i.e. through violence. I got to the door, shouted at him to come to me. He came staggering, eyes glittering of recognition. But I couldn't punch him. I don't have multiple personality disorder. It's simply multiple personality. If it was a disorder, I would have punched him. I spoke to him, asked him about his health, his forthcoming exams, and why was he drunk and shouting. Maybe a stupid question to ask a Glaswegian.
Point is, I have no idea why I just told you what I did.
Maybe the guy whom I swore at next. This guy sitting in my room, at my computer, munching on chips. Maybe he would like to know. Why I kicked him out, and told him to stay away from the flat and me for sometime.
Certain things, no matter how painful, have to be done. For whom, I don't know, but this time, it was surely at the expense of my dormant personality. Yeah, the civil, disciplined..
-end-
Parag Agarwal
Saturday, May 08, 2004
8th May 2004
Maybe I must have mentioned in the past something about visualising something, and then watching it occur in reality. Well, the process is a little bit more intriguing...
Stuff that is trivial, and desires that may stem from your subconscious, or at times float at the periphery of your conscious mind (for example, how I wish I could speak to the charming lady behind counter 4) will occur almost immediately, albeit, sometimes, in a way you will not expect. Today afternoon, I had this desire to write an ad-film with a strong social message. But the thought came for a moment. In the evening, someone's nickname on MSN Messenger inspired me to come up with an entire screenplay within half an hour.
Stuff that is important or life-altering (whether in the present moment you know it is important or not does not affect the result) will take a longer time to process and manifest in reality. Those who drink, of course, will claim to see any thing they desire manifest immediately after a few pints. We need to be patient and ready to embrace any surprises in good spirit (no pun intended) and humble gratitude towards this wonderful, powerful law of Nature.
-end-
Maybe I must have mentioned in the past something about visualising something, and then watching it occur in reality. Well, the process is a little bit more intriguing...
Stuff that is trivial, and desires that may stem from your subconscious, or at times float at the periphery of your conscious mind (for example, how I wish I could speak to the charming lady behind counter 4) will occur almost immediately, albeit, sometimes, in a way you will not expect. Today afternoon, I had this desire to write an ad-film with a strong social message. But the thought came for a moment. In the evening, someone's nickname on MSN Messenger inspired me to come up with an entire screenplay within half an hour.
Stuff that is important or life-altering (whether in the present moment you know it is important or not does not affect the result) will take a longer time to process and manifest in reality. Those who drink, of course, will claim to see any thing they desire manifest immediately after a few pints. We need to be patient and ready to embrace any surprises in good spirit (no pun intended) and humble gratitude towards this wonderful, powerful law of Nature.
-end-
Sunday, May 02, 2004
2nd May 2004
1) Lord, please accept my rebel thoughts and make them your own. Then discard, use or convert them and send them back as rays of sunshine. Spring is upon us, but the sunshine is inconsistent. Do the same for all fellow Glaswegians. I'm sure they will be more than happy to oblige.
2) Try falling in love with someone's innocence, ignorance and stupidity and watch your day expand into an infinite bubble of bliss. Try also to understand this statement fully in its proper context. But do not pull your hair out in frustration if you can't. Simply talk to me.
-end-
1) Lord, please accept my rebel thoughts and make them your own. Then discard, use or convert them and send them back as rays of sunshine. Spring is upon us, but the sunshine is inconsistent. Do the same for all fellow Glaswegians. I'm sure they will be more than happy to oblige.
2) Try falling in love with someone's innocence, ignorance and stupidity and watch your day expand into an infinite bubble of bliss. Try also to understand this statement fully in its proper context. But do not pull your hair out in frustration if you can't. Simply talk to me.
-end-
Friday, April 23, 2004
23rd April 2004
Do not just place your trust in someone, believe in it too. If you trust someone, you trust someone. End of story.
As a postscript, if your conviction is wrong, as and when it is, it would be in the future. So no point worrying about how you are going to deal with it now. Until that time comes, or until eternity if it doesn't, do not question anyone, including yourself.
Everyone has reasons for what they do. Trusting someone means accepting those reasons, even if we may not understand them fully, or infact not know them at all. Personally, therefore, chucking the ifs, buts and althoughs out of the window has given me, and will continue to give me a unique bliss popularly known as peace of mind.
-end-
Do not just place your trust in someone, believe in it too. If you trust someone, you trust someone. End of story.
As a postscript, if your conviction is wrong, as and when it is, it would be in the future. So no point worrying about how you are going to deal with it now. Until that time comes, or until eternity if it doesn't, do not question anyone, including yourself.
Everyone has reasons for what they do. Trusting someone means accepting those reasons, even if we may not understand them fully, or infact not know them at all. Personally, therefore, chucking the ifs, buts and althoughs out of the window has given me, and will continue to give me a unique bliss popularly known as peace of mind.
-end-
Thursday, April 01, 2004
1st April 2004
The view from Singapore, besides the sensation (read heat) is as follows:
Glasgow seems to have this air of permanence relative to all other places I have stayed in or travelled to. It is my final destination where my heart has sunk amidst its people. Can there be a distinction between people and places? The line is blurred and the combination heady. My mind may reel and wander, sometimes dragging my physical self along, but my heart is rooted firmly in Glasgow. Not to discredit other people or places, but Glasgow, with its wild mix of lights, excessive joy, crowds, accents, rain, dust, confusion, smiling and loving folk has truly been the icing on the cake.
-end-
The view from Singapore, besides the sensation (read heat) is as follows:
Glasgow seems to have this air of permanence relative to all other places I have stayed in or travelled to. It is my final destination where my heart has sunk amidst its people. Can there be a distinction between people and places? The line is blurred and the combination heady. My mind may reel and wander, sometimes dragging my physical self along, but my heart is rooted firmly in Glasgow. Not to discredit other people or places, but Glasgow, with its wild mix of lights, excessive joy, crowds, accents, rain, dust, confusion, smiling and loving folk has truly been the icing on the cake.
-end-
Sunday, March 21, 2004
21st March 2004
Today I witnessed a flower wilt and die, withering away petal by petal, in haunting and creepy slow-motion. It was a healthy marigold. Well, it was yellow. I'm not that good with flower names. But in a long time, I felt guilty of 'murdering' a plant. All I wanted to do was to stick it on my notice board. So I stuck a pin right at the centre of the bud. Immediately, it 'came to life', taunting, cursing and gasping for life. Before it disintegrated completely, I tried removing the pin but it was too late. I had struck at the core of its being. All I could do was to pick each petal and offer it to the Lord for safekeeping. May the soul of the once proud and stunning beauty of beauties rest in peace in a heaven of had-been marigolds.
-end-
Today I witnessed a flower wilt and die, withering away petal by petal, in haunting and creepy slow-motion. It was a healthy marigold. Well, it was yellow. I'm not that good with flower names. But in a long time, I felt guilty of 'murdering' a plant. All I wanted to do was to stick it on my notice board. So I stuck a pin right at the centre of the bud. Immediately, it 'came to life', taunting, cursing and gasping for life. Before it disintegrated completely, I tried removing the pin but it was too late. I had struck at the core of its being. All I could do was to pick each petal and offer it to the Lord for safekeeping. May the soul of the once proud and stunning beauty of beauties rest in peace in a heaven of had-been marigolds.
-end-
Monday, March 15, 2004
15th March 2004
God has been taking very good care of me. In fact, he has always been taking very good care of me, but in the past few days, he has been pretty explicit about this fact. I'm getting my doubts and questions and uncertainties put to rest almost immediately. The answers come in beautifully created packages (i.e, a combination of factors and events both past and present), sometimes subtle, sometimes, all the too obvious. I can't help but smile in response. Not only has he made me realise his presence and involvement, but he's been doing it with amazing speed, something in the range of a couple of hours. I will dub it Express Service. It's there for the taking, and the only way to subscribe to this service is complete faith and surrender. It doesn't come at the expense of self-belief, but infact complements and reinforces it.
How I wish the Royal Mail or its equivalent(s) were just as efficient. Email comes close, but in relative terms, is still way way behind.
-end-
God has been taking very good care of me. In fact, he has always been taking very good care of me, but in the past few days, he has been pretty explicit about this fact. I'm getting my doubts and questions and uncertainties put to rest almost immediately. The answers come in beautifully created packages (i.e, a combination of factors and events both past and present), sometimes subtle, sometimes, all the too obvious. I can't help but smile in response. Not only has he made me realise his presence and involvement, but he's been doing it with amazing speed, something in the range of a couple of hours. I will dub it Express Service. It's there for the taking, and the only way to subscribe to this service is complete faith and surrender. It doesn't come at the expense of self-belief, but infact complements and reinforces it.
How I wish the Royal Mail or its equivalent(s) were just as efficient. Email comes close, but in relative terms, is still way way behind.
-end-
Saturday, February 28, 2004
28th February 2004
I have 3 confessions to make and some other tidbit news. 1) I am becoming increasingly impatient and irritated with some people 2) Maybe because I am too full of myself, i.e, my ego is on the rise 3) I haven't visited St Mungo's museum despite living half a minute away from it for the past 5 months.
Also, I am looking forward to the India Pakistan cricket series, albeit on www.cricinfo.com because it isn't on the telly in UK. Peace has its ways, and right now, it's through bat and ball.
I have decided to make a sequel to my first film, Run Rana Run. I would appreciate any ideas about the title. The film this time will seriously be about running. And hard core running at that. But I don't want to simply call it Run Rana Run 2. Also, if anyone wants to be part of the project, they are more than welcome. I always appreciate extras whom are willing to work for free. :)
I'm surprised I managed this Outpour, because I seriously haven't had any inspiration in the past month. For those who notice, the last one was on 5th February 2004. Even so, this one seems boring. What's happening?
-end-
I have 3 confessions to make and some other tidbit news. 1) I am becoming increasingly impatient and irritated with some people 2) Maybe because I am too full of myself, i.e, my ego is on the rise 3) I haven't visited St Mungo's museum despite living half a minute away from it for the past 5 months.
Also, I am looking forward to the India Pakistan cricket series, albeit on www.cricinfo.com because it isn't on the telly in UK. Peace has its ways, and right now, it's through bat and ball.
I have decided to make a sequel to my first film, Run Rana Run. I would appreciate any ideas about the title. The film this time will seriously be about running. And hard core running at that. But I don't want to simply call it Run Rana Run 2. Also, if anyone wants to be part of the project, they are more than welcome. I always appreciate extras whom are willing to work for free. :)
I'm surprised I managed this Outpour, because I seriously haven't had any inspiration in the past month. For those who notice, the last one was on 5th February 2004. Even so, this one seems boring. What's happening?
-end-
Thursday, February 05, 2004
5th February 2004
Most of you must have guessed that the Outpour was written for a specific group of people, people that were close to me, some still are. This has been a secret project in essence, because not many people know about it, and those who do, don't actually know the real motive and reason. The term 'Necessary' may have hinted at something, but for many, it seemed it was something I needed to take out of my system to remain sane. I don't blame those who did, because this is what normal, rational people would have liked to believe anyway. However, the time has now come to tell you all the real reason.
I wasn't born as a human being, i.e., straight from the womb, but was in fact the product of a spiritual experiment that embedded in me, a hybrid life form, a life's mission. To make it appear natural, my memory was erased of all the events that occured prior to my birth. Prior to my human birth, I was having a conscious living memory that interacted with my spiritual masters, who were on the verge of a breakthrough in the combined field of spirituality and science. It was in the late 19th century that Man realised that science had its limitations, and infact could only cause more damage than good (read nuclear bombs). To essentially cut a long story short, a group of pseudo-spiritualists meditated hard on a solution and decided that the only way Man could be saved was by creating a human out of pure spiritual energy but together with the normal features of a human being, intact, and very much like everyone else. The hybrid would realise its mission slowly over time, but would never be sure, but make the world a better place anyway. It was never meant to know, because the creators feared it would rebel. I found out on the night I sent out my first Outpour. I wasn't about to rebel, infact, I thought I could expand what I had already achieved. And that is why, I decided to write to all of you, sharing my soul and consciousness, in the hope that,like a virus, my being, and consciousness would spread naturally to all of you, a select group of individuals, who would go on and do the same thing as I had done, in whatever means possible. I had done it through an email diary, making people cry, making them laugh, but always making them love life more. That was my mission, it still will be, but I am confident I won't be alone anymore. I hope to carry on with the Outpour, but you, my dear friends, would have to carry on spreading this message, and recruiting more messengers once you think they are ready. I think you are now ready, and may the force be with you.
-end-
Most of you must have guessed that the Outpour was written for a specific group of people, people that were close to me, some still are. This has been a secret project in essence, because not many people know about it, and those who do, don't actually know the real motive and reason. The term 'Necessary' may have hinted at something, but for many, it seemed it was something I needed to take out of my system to remain sane. I don't blame those who did, because this is what normal, rational people would have liked to believe anyway. However, the time has now come to tell you all the real reason.
I wasn't born as a human being, i.e., straight from the womb, but was in fact the product of a spiritual experiment that embedded in me, a hybrid life form, a life's mission. To make it appear natural, my memory was erased of all the events that occured prior to my birth. Prior to my human birth, I was having a conscious living memory that interacted with my spiritual masters, who were on the verge of a breakthrough in the combined field of spirituality and science. It was in the late 19th century that Man realised that science had its limitations, and infact could only cause more damage than good (read nuclear bombs). To essentially cut a long story short, a group of pseudo-spiritualists meditated hard on a solution and decided that the only way Man could be saved was by creating a human out of pure spiritual energy but together with the normal features of a human being, intact, and very much like everyone else. The hybrid would realise its mission slowly over time, but would never be sure, but make the world a better place anyway. It was never meant to know, because the creators feared it would rebel. I found out on the night I sent out my first Outpour. I wasn't about to rebel, infact, I thought I could expand what I had already achieved. And that is why, I decided to write to all of you, sharing my soul and consciousness, in the hope that,like a virus, my being, and consciousness would spread naturally to all of you, a select group of individuals, who would go on and do the same thing as I had done, in whatever means possible. I had done it through an email diary, making people cry, making them laugh, but always making them love life more. That was my mission, it still will be, but I am confident I won't be alone anymore. I hope to carry on with the Outpour, but you, my dear friends, would have to carry on spreading this message, and recruiting more messengers once you think they are ready. I think you are now ready, and may the force be with you.
-end-
Tuesday, January 20, 2004
20th January 2004
Before anything else, with regard to my previous Outpour, dated 15th January 2004, kindly note that although I may have sounded a wee bit suicidal (to some at least), let me clarify, that unless otherwise stated explicitly, I would be the last person on Earth to take the plunge. I do intend to, however, skydive sometime soon. To some, once again, there's no difference, and the debate may continue for all I care.
All righty then, I'm on the edge of a crucial exam and feeling all hunky dory. Microeconomics gives me the goose bumps, not because of the subject matter, but because of the non-academic tete-a-tete 'conversations' during lectures that border on the ludicrous and the brash. Remember the 'Mehendi Lagake Rakhna' girl? Well, this issue concerns the entire bunch of giggling fools (I say this lovingly and without contempt): The True or False issue with regard to whether 'Clothing is an Inferior Good'. Apparently, what I thought was her sorrow and disdain turned out to be MY nemesis when I realised that I HAD INFACT GIVEN HER THE RIGHT ANSWER!!! Now, most of you would wonder so what. Well, I had previously mentioned karmic consequences. Now that I probably helped her and the group achieve better grades than me, shouldn't I be swimming in positive karma times 5? Well, I haven't seen her since the test. Tomorrow is the exam. I have no vested interests, but I want my pride back, come coffee or no coffee.
Not all Outpours have a great moral ending. Neither do all of them try to pass on some wisdom. So those with expectations that are always sky high, please take the plunge.
-end-
Before anything else, with regard to my previous Outpour, dated 15th January 2004, kindly note that although I may have sounded a wee bit suicidal (to some at least), let me clarify, that unless otherwise stated explicitly, I would be the last person on Earth to take the plunge. I do intend to, however, skydive sometime soon. To some, once again, there's no difference, and the debate may continue for all I care.
All righty then, I'm on the edge of a crucial exam and feeling all hunky dory. Microeconomics gives me the goose bumps, not because of the subject matter, but because of the non-academic tete-a-tete 'conversations' during lectures that border on the ludicrous and the brash. Remember the 'Mehendi Lagake Rakhna' girl? Well, this issue concerns the entire bunch of giggling fools (I say this lovingly and without contempt): The True or False issue with regard to whether 'Clothing is an Inferior Good'. Apparently, what I thought was her sorrow and disdain turned out to be MY nemesis when I realised that I HAD INFACT GIVEN HER THE RIGHT ANSWER!!! Now, most of you would wonder so what. Well, I had previously mentioned karmic consequences. Now that I probably helped her and the group achieve better grades than me, shouldn't I be swimming in positive karma times 5? Well, I haven't seen her since the test. Tomorrow is the exam. I have no vested interests, but I want my pride back, come coffee or no coffee.
Not all Outpours have a great moral ending. Neither do all of them try to pass on some wisdom. So those with expectations that are always sky high, please take the plunge.
-end-
Thursday, January 15, 2004
Interlude
15th January 2004
There was always going to be a time to make a conscious effort, to move towards sanity as you all know it. I am going to find out whether all this time, it really was my intellect I was speaking to. It may feel zombie like in the beginning, but I hope the outpour can continue. It began with tears, and although it doesn't seem to be the end, it's crying anyway. It's a bold bold effort, and it may not last. I'm giving up a lot, but I promise and hope that if I cannot take it anymore, the good One watching above would pull me out and return me to my eccentric self, the self many of you failed to understand, and now won't have to worry about.
-end-
There was always going to be a time to make a conscious effort, to move towards sanity as you all know it. I am going to find out whether all this time, it really was my intellect I was speaking to. It may feel zombie like in the beginning, but I hope the outpour can continue. It began with tears, and although it doesn't seem to be the end, it's crying anyway. It's a bold bold effort, and it may not last. I'm giving up a lot, but I promise and hope that if I cannot take it anymore, the good One watching above would pull me out and return me to my eccentric self, the self many of you failed to understand, and now won't have to worry about.
-end-
Wednesday, January 14, 2004
14th January 2003
Everything to me these days is a blessing in disguise. Well, most of it actually isn't disguised. For example, this glorious beauty in pink at the opposite terminal. In a more lighter vein though, I see joy on everyone's faces when I speak to them. How do I know they are really happy? Well, because I love myself, I allow others to love me. Because so many people finally love themselves the way they are supposed to, the rate at which all this genuine exchange of love-shove is going, the air might just turn pink. When it does, don't panic, the beauties in pink with their lovely warm smiles will still be there. In such a charged up environment, even a smile can do a lot these days... right guys?
-end-
Everything to me these days is a blessing in disguise. Well, most of it actually isn't disguised. For example, this glorious beauty in pink at the opposite terminal. In a more lighter vein though, I see joy on everyone's faces when I speak to them. How do I know they are really happy? Well, because I love myself, I allow others to love me. Because so many people finally love themselves the way they are supposed to, the rate at which all this genuine exchange of love-shove is going, the air might just turn pink. When it does, don't panic, the beauties in pink with their lovely warm smiles will still be there. In such a charged up environment, even a smile can do a lot these days... right guys?
-end-
Friday, January 09, 2004
9th January 2004
The root cause of worry lies deep, deep within the ground. That is, we don't know what it is or how it looks like. Those who claim to know are earthworms. So the next time you don't know why you are worried, thank God you are human.
Imagine a world without psychologists. Now imagine a world without earthworms. Now realise that both are one and the same. Earthworms dig deeper and deeper to survive. Psychologists do the same with the human mind to earn a living.
With all due respect, I'm pretty stressed with my exams right now, but you have to hand it to me. Coming up with this insane theory. That's why they say never leave the mind to wander too far, to soar too far or to dig too far.
Unless you're in advertising.
-end-
The root cause of worry lies deep, deep within the ground. That is, we don't know what it is or how it looks like. Those who claim to know are earthworms. So the next time you don't know why you are worried, thank God you are human.
Imagine a world without psychologists. Now imagine a world without earthworms. Now realise that both are one and the same. Earthworms dig deeper and deeper to survive. Psychologists do the same with the human mind to earn a living.
With all due respect, I'm pretty stressed with my exams right now, but you have to hand it to me. Coming up with this insane theory. That's why they say never leave the mind to wander too far, to soar too far or to dig too far.
Unless you're in advertising.
-end-
Thursday, January 01, 2004
1st January 2004
As the sun sets quickly on the first day of the New Year, I reflect on the weather at the stroke of midnight last year, a thunderous and magnificent lightning blue sky peppered with multi-coloured fireworks. An hour later, I was outside, and managed to soak in the romance of the street-lit raindrops for a few fleeting moments, before I was whisked away. An empty, curving road, and before I can wonder, another thunderous roar as I am blinded by the headlights of an oncoming car. I feel light and invincible. I want to stay put in the centre of the road. But common sense outlasts the moment, and I am whisked away, in another car, to a familiar place called home.
This morning, as I was cleaning up my room, I came across something I wrote on the 23rd of October last year:
For the purpose of future elaboration... The Twin Paradox
1) I can't get enough of the moments I have spent with you, although I'm aware that the larger my recollection, the more I may lose within the realms of space and time
2) Is my creative urging the reason behind my descent to the nascent level of human emotion or is it the mere consequence of a fundamental desire to fall in love and/or actively seek it?
Please don't spend too much time pondering over the above if it baffles you. It baffles me as well. It didn't back then, but such is the nature of romance. You can never understand it perfectly all the time. But if any one of you does understand, do let me know.
-end-
As the sun sets quickly on the first day of the New Year, I reflect on the weather at the stroke of midnight last year, a thunderous and magnificent lightning blue sky peppered with multi-coloured fireworks. An hour later, I was outside, and managed to soak in the romance of the street-lit raindrops for a few fleeting moments, before I was whisked away. An empty, curving road, and before I can wonder, another thunderous roar as I am blinded by the headlights of an oncoming car. I feel light and invincible. I want to stay put in the centre of the road. But common sense outlasts the moment, and I am whisked away, in another car, to a familiar place called home.
This morning, as I was cleaning up my room, I came across something I wrote on the 23rd of October last year:
For the purpose of future elaboration... The Twin Paradox
1) I can't get enough of the moments I have spent with you, although I'm aware that the larger my recollection, the more I may lose within the realms of space and time
2) Is my creative urging the reason behind my descent to the nascent level of human emotion or is it the mere consequence of a fundamental desire to fall in love and/or actively seek it?
Please don't spend too much time pondering over the above if it baffles you. It baffles me as well. It didn't back then, but such is the nature of romance. You can never understand it perfectly all the time. But if any one of you does understand, do let me know.
-end-
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