It's been a while, and believe it or not, I'm still here.
I can't say nothing has changed, because a lot has happened, but it just seems like I haven't made much laudable progress. I may be a tad lost but there is a certain clarity from my wandering around. I'm fine with a convoluted process, as long as it turns out right in the end.
现在的我 只想去放空
Kagerou Project
A very interesting project that I would like to try someday but prob not going to happen haha
Mekaku City Actors ED - a perfect blend of visuals + music + lyrics
夜空中最亮的星 能否听清
那仰望的人 心底的孤独和叹息
夜空中最亮的星 能否记起
曾与我同行 消失在风里的身影
我祈祷拥有一颗透明的心灵 和会流泪的眼睛
给我再去相信的勇气 越过谎言去拥抱你
每当我找不到存在的意义 每当我迷失在黑夜里
夜空中最亮的星 请指引我靠近你
夜空中最亮的星 是否知道
曾与我同行的身影 如今在哪里
夜空中最亮的星 是否在意
是等太阳升起 还是意外先来临
我宁愿所有痛苦都留在心里 也不愿忘记你的眼睛
给我再去相信的勇气 越过谎言去拥抱你
每当我找不到存在的意义 每当我迷失在黑夜里
夜空中最亮的星 请照亮我前行
我祈祷拥有一颗透明的心灵 和会流泪的眼睛
给我再去相信的勇气 越过谎言去拥抱你
每当我找不到存在的意义 每当我迷失在黑夜里
夜空中最亮的星 请照亮我前行
夜空中最亮的星 能否听清
那仰望的人 心底的孤独和叹息
And I think it’s really all in the head。
当你让自己去相信 夜空中有颗为你而存在的星
你会发现 夜的黑 没有想象中的漆黑与寒冷
你看不透眼前的黑
但它凭着自己那点光 俯瞰着未来的路途与曲折
而你仰望那颗星 而相信
2 weeks of work!
And I haven’t really integrated myself into the work place and people. It seems to be much harder than expected. I guess I can only give it a bit more time and hope everything goes well.
There’s plenty more to be said regarding these two weeks but guess I don’t have the energy and mentality to go into them.
On a side note, the new album by 孙燕姿 is very comfortable and pleasant to listen to. It’s easy for me to blank out and just drift along with the music and lyrics, and I like that.
渴
我听着 时间的沙像首歌
有多少曲折轻轻哼着 抚平了
起风了 天空一片灰灰的
有多寂寞呢
我在路口眺望着 舍不舍
在追逐中追逐着 才懂漫步的渴
当握紧的手松了 伤愈合
在孤独中孤独着 才懂安静的渴
当我卸下了颜色 璀璨了
还计算什么 爱何曾干涸
时间偷走了些什么 却又留下些什么
回头就迷失了当刻
走着 我就这样走着
穿越生命的沼泽 会遇见你的
计算什么 爱何曾干涸
手松了 伤愈合
卸下了 就璀璨了
手松了 伤愈合
卸下了 就璀璨了
Starting work in 1 day’s time! I’m actually quite ready to start work, certainly had enough of lazing around at home. The only thing that I worry about is whether I can fit in with my colleagues there =X
Just when I thought I have made my decision and that things can finally come to a conclusion, I took a step over the line and I saw the tangled paths and towering obstacles spreading out into the horizon in front of me.
I feel as if I have put into motion, a process that I can no longer predict and preempt. It’s a mix of fear and anticipation, hope and worries all at the same time. I have no idea what the outcome will be, but I know it will be one that I am personally responsible for, that I sought to make happen by my choice and actions.
It is in that, that we put our faith, and rest our case.
There are some songs that I have heard or liked for quite some time even though I do not fully understand the lyrics and the meaning of the song.
陈绮贞 <Self> was one of them. Actually I must admit most of her lyrics are a little too abstract and deep for me to comprehend fully. The song came up on my KKBOX playlist and I realized that I could appreciate what the song was trying to convey (or at least my interpretation of her thoughts/ideas in the lyrics).
It will take some time to explain my take on the lyrics but I will not be doing so. Some things are simply easier to experience than to explain. And some experiences may or may not come to pass, depending on your individual circumstances and choices. To each his own.
3 interviews in 2 days! At least I’m going for interviews rather than sitting at home waiting for stuff to happen. I think I did pretty well for one of the interviews but I am trying not to get my hopes up, in case I end up with a huge disappointment.
<a rant-filled paragraph on the horrors of some interviewers have been deleted so that I do not posit myself as an unsatisfied disgruntled fresh grad who’s complaining about employers with their self-indulgent ideals of potential employees, and the self-perception of the depressingly depressed market rate of starting pay for fresh grad, and all these despite the fact that I do acknowledge that I have little to no relevant job experience>
I hate it when I ‘m forced to fit myself into the image of the ideal employee of an interviewer, cause I’m really not that kind of person. That has been, is and probably will continue to be my main reason for hating interviews.
也许我虚假如玻璃倒影 也许我真实如桌上尘埃
Unemployed for 1 month and 6 days now.
I think it’s not that bad a situation, but it doesn’t mean that I’m not worried about it.
On good days: “I should take my time and find a good job that pays well and suits my interests. I will find it eventually.”
On ok days: “Ok, no job yet. But it’s ok, I just need to continue searching and the companies will contact me soon.”
On less-than-good days: “How come the companies never get back to me? There’s nothing on my phone and in my email at all…”
On bad days: “How come nobody wants to hire me? What if I can’t find a job?!”
On absolutely horrible days: “My life sucks. What’s wrong with me?" *goes into depression mode*
Sometimes I feel that it’s just feels sooooo difficult to live my life, when I find myself moving from restlessness to anxiety to hope to depression to self-assurance and then the cycle starts again. And sometimes I will think that so-and-so is so lucky, he/she is smart/outstanding/lucky/has scholarship/took a sure-get-job course, they don’t have to struggle like me now. But I also know that these are just excuses and selfish thoughts that I’m using to make myself feel better, and that I’m not being fair to them and myself for thinking that way. It’s just a way of coping.
Just to mention, I was actually feeling rather inspired and hopeful cause I found 3 new jobs to apply for. And I’m hoping it will last for a while more.
I actually have a few more issues/rants to blog about but I think I will end here for tonight, cause I’m not really feeling very “fluent” at the moment and it’s probably not going to come out right, so that’s it for now.