陈绮贞 - 流浪者之歌

我的肩膀 背记忆的包裹
流浪到大树下终于解脱
希望若是有 绝望若是有
不要像 风吹过连痕迹都不留

我的双脚 太沉重的枷锁
越不过 曾经犯的每个错
希望若是有 绝望若是有
怎么会 换不回最初的承诺

撑住我 落叶离开后频频回头
撑住我 止不住的坠落
撑住我 让我真正停留
拥抱你 作完一场美梦

撑住我 狂风暴雨我都不逃脱
撑住我 为你挡下所有诅咒
撑住我 眼泪不再流
拥抱你 做完一场美梦

快乐若是有 伤心若是有
眼泪灌溉 不枉爱过

对将来的思索

1 more paper to go!

but I guess there’s still a long road ahead after that.

 

有些事情不值得我去揣测 去想象 去期盼 去裁决

未来会经过怎样的风景

就让那一时那一刻的我去体验和斟酌

呼吸

吸一口气
是为了什麽而执着
放一口气
放弃却拥有了什麽

空气间散落的残缺
拼出了时间的源流
在最寂静的此刻
等待明天的溪流
一步一步的踌躇
一丝一丝的呼吸

吸一口气
是为了世界而执着
放一口气
放弃才拥有的宇宙

UNWRITING

Sometimes it’s so hard to form words and sentences from the jumble of thoughts and ideas in my head. Even when I finally manage to get something down, there’s no guarantee that I will eventually finish and post it up. There’s a possibility (and I must admit I have done it countless times) that I will delete everything and restart or give up on trying to blog altogether. It could be that I realized I have been writing inconsequential stuff that do not need to be posted, or that I have been throwing out nonsense right from the start, or that what’s written is taboo/not suitable for posting here, or I simply didn’t know how to end it. There’s essentially lots of different possibilities or reasons to explain this, but that’s not really my main point here.

For all that has been written, somehow I always felt that it’s a waste to delete them just like that. Nonsense or not, they were all processed in the brain and converted into “tangible” forms through typing. Of course I’m skipping lots of intermediate processes and steps here, because that’s not really something I want to focus on right now. I guess, the main point is that on the superficial level, at least some efforts (doesn’t matter if it’s big or small) has been made to write them out.

And isn’t it like what we always do on a daily basis? Whenever we start something and when we hit a bump halfway down the road, how do you decide to continue or to give up and simply sweep everything under the rug? Is it based on a cost and benefit analysis when you simply decide based on the extent/magnitudes of the future outcomes or is it based on a consideration of what has been committed in the past? Obviously the ideal answer should be to take both ways into consideration and reach a conclusion based on that, but I guess it’s not that easy since we can’t put a value or measure the factors accurately. 

CURRENTLY

Haven’t had much time to blog since the semester started. Other than CP taking up lots of time and energy, I can’t really say I was really that busy that I didn’t have any free time at all. It’s more like I was just mechanically finishing one thing and moving on to the next. Nowadays it feels like I’m just doing and nothing else – kind of like the “there but not there”, and I’m just doing and doing and there’s nothing else under all that “doing”. Probably means it’s about time to get out of uni, although I’m not sure what’s there to look forward to after I start work.

In an attempt to lengthen the blog post and simply illustrate the boredom and general state of unwillingness that I am in, I shall attempt to describe my current state of motivation.

My level of motivation for everything and anything right now:

1) about the same as squatting on the ground and plucking at grass randomly

2) about the same as opening and minimizing the browser immediately a hundred times

3) perhaps slightly less than throwing pebbles randomly into a pond

4)  less than wanting to write a proper blog post

Yes, that’s it, cause I’m too lazy to think of anymore examples. I wonder if this is the most uninspired and disorganized post I have ever done – probably not I guess.

这世界不过是个找不到答案的执着