2008 to 2009

i have been really busy for the past few days. met up with the other 72ers on Sat, my cousin's wedding on Sun, movie (Ip Man) on Mon and then dinner at Chomp Chomp on Tues. I was wondering whether i should blog about each event in detail but it seems to be too much of a chore to go through the mental process of recollecting and rearranging my thoughts to form a proper blog entry haha.

After havocing (somewhat) for the past few days, i decided to stay at home and just countdown online haha. well its not that i have any plans for countdown but its nice to take a break from everything and just sit quietly at home. it didn't feel like the last day of a year to me today or maybe it was because i was busy at work for the first half of the day haha. definitely different from the usual 31st Dec which is usual spent in anticipation and contemplation. oh well things just change don't they...

and its going to be 2009!

Happy New Year to everyone!

JUST A FEELING

i'm trying quite hard at work so i guess i should be quite satisfied with myself.

once in a while, i still get that feeling that i'm just caught in the tide, just being pushed along instead of moving willingly ahead on my own. i think i have been looking high and low for ways and means to apologise to myself but its just that life really isn't all about me and me alone. when you realise that it's also about about so many other people around you, it's also the time when you realise the tide's already here. i guess this is just how things are like and at the very least, i know what is it that i want.

属于我的昨天之前的结局 我决定我的决定

属于我的明天之后的憧憬 我迷信我的迷信

couldn't have been any more appropriate. hah.

AFTER ONE WEEK OF WORK ...

even though it's only my first week at work but i was already waiting impatiently for the weekend to come when it was only like Wednesday haha. its not that work is really tough or anything but its just very sianz - there's the whole process of waking up early, squeezing with the morning crowd on the way to work, dealing with all the new stuff that keeps coming my way and having to settle into the new working environment and trying to PR myself to all the new people (at the end of the week, i concluded i'm really not doing a very good job at it) the routine of it really wears me down, which is that feeling of inevitability when you go to sleep at night knowing what's coming up the next day after day after day. and i really have long working hours, clocking 10h per day. not to mention its quite irritating to have the "you-are-underpaid" idea revolving around my head the whole time (YES! I REALLY THINK I AM UNDERPAID!) and it gets worse when i look at the calendar and see that its only the start of the month! money is sure hard to earn, sigh...

now that its finally the weekend, i find myself stuck at home doing nothing... sigh...

and i'm currently in this "i-hate-this-world" mood right now. it's just one of those days when everything goes wrong and nothing satisfies you, and after cursing and swearing at everything for the whole day, you will wake up and forget all the angst the next morning.

yeah i guess its just one of those lousy days...

SAMSUNG SOUL

After waiting for a really long 2 weeks, my samsung soul is finally here! wanted to change my hp previously cause my rotten army phone is really on the verge of death with a battery that dies whenever it likes, like halfway through calls etc. was hoping to get my new hp earlier but then they ran out of stock so i had to wait for a whole 2 weeks for them to call me down after the new stocks are in. i'm not that fussy about the hp i use so yeah somehow i tend to go for the sleeker nicer ones rather than the latest highest-tech gadgets out there, plus i really need to cut down on my expenditure since my current income is still a big fat zero. took some time to experiment and play around with the phone yesterday but actually most of it was spent transferring my contacts over to my new hp. had to do it manually cause i'm using a new 3G sim card in my new hp so i couldn't port my contacts over using the old sim card (but lucky i get to retain the number) now that i'm finally done transferring everything over, its about time to explore the other additional features that i haven't have the time to go into yet haha =)

i'm crossing my fingers and hoping that my luck is going to take a turn for the better after getting my samsung soul haha... at least it seems to be that way for now but i'm trying not to place too much hopes in it yet =X

DEPRESSED

I really think i deserve to be somewhat lucky.

Sigh.

I'm as depressed as the newspapers.

NOT QUITE MOVING ON YET

i have lots of time at home nowadays haha. its not really a bad thing but it can get pretty boring at times so i practically doing whatever that comes to mind during these "blank" periods. decided to go and develop some of my photos just so that i can fill up my photo album hah. it seems quite meaningless to hoard all the photos in my com and do nothing with them and its probably better to preserve some of the nicer photos in alternative forms in case my computer breaks down someday. i'm really lazy to go and back up all the stuff on my computer and i don't really have the means to do so right now haha. its fun going through those old photos that bring back random memories and there's those unglam aka ugly photos that just make you laugh (but they are not making it into the photo album, nor are they going to be found anywhere online) tried printing some of them out using my printer but it didn't really turn out that well and some of the dark-coloured parts are really smudged and all that. shall just settle for professional service outside instead of wasting my precious ink trying to get it right.

job hunting is seriously annoying, with irritating prospective employers who simply refuse to return my emails. its kinda difficult to apply without getting some facts straight and it doesn't help that they are probably ignoring my emails so that they don't have to waste their precious time answering my questions. although i can understand why they are doing it but then its still annoying to be at the receiving end. next time i'll probably be smarter and either call directly or send my resume to them at the same time, which will at least give me a better shot at getting an actual reply from them. there's limited jobs options for me and i guess i'm pretty picky myself, plus i don't really wanna a full 5 days a week, which seems to be the norm pretty much everywhere nowadays. hopefully, i will start getting those long-awaited replies next week or else i have to go through tm entire process of shifting through the ads again.

i'm probably light years behind everyone else but i'm finally planning to get myself down to the driving center and start the whole process (which is another reason why i don't want to go full time employment yet) somehow it seems very much like a chore, although its really a necessary and important one haha.

after spending god knows how long pouring over the extremely complicated listing of modules i need to take for my course in uni, i'm finally seeing some light as to how things should work once i get inside, although there's still some points i need to clarify with existing uni people and probably the people over there in my future-faculty, which is exactly why i should start meeting up with people soon. but i'm really feeling quite lazy to go and plan outings and everything again - i mean why can't things just happen without me loh. this is really old but somehow i have to complain and whine about it every once in a while haha. okay, shall see how things go next week cause that's when the people-who-are-already/still-students will end their exams.

ORDED

i officially and finally ORDed today! its been a long 1 yr 10 months and i'm quite relived that i'm really free now haha. its nice to get rid of all that extra burden and responsibility, of having to "babysit" and keep looking out for some clueless fellows as well. so that's really it for my ns life, can't say i did very well here but i think i did enough so let's just leave it as it is. Next up i really need to get myself started on my driving license and also hopefully land myself a nice job and start earning some income for myself and my family... looks like there's lots more things to attend to now that i have orded haha.

台湾！

Day 1

I shall skip all the airport stuff cause there's really not much to write about it. took Jetstar and their plane was really tiny and pity we couldn't get the window seats or else the journey would have been much more interesting, its a no-frills airline so you really just sit there throughout the entire journey and inevitably, you either end up sleeping or if you're smart enough, you would have your own stuff to entertain yourself haha. by the time we landed at the airport over in Taiwan, it was like near to 5+ in the evening but then the sky already looked like it was 8pm, but there's really zero time difference between Singapore and 台湾 so their sun seemed to be setting quite early, probably because they are at the end of autumn and going into winter. even so the weather there was like no difference from Singapore - although the forecasts i read all mentioned rain and thunderstorm, we didn't even encounter one during our whole week there =) anyway we found a cab and were on our way to Royal Castle hotel and taxi driver was nice, chatting with us throughout the entire journey. he suggested that we plan a trip another 5 years down the road after we get married and bring the family down for holiday - i was thinking the idea was quite impossible cause 5 yrs down the road i would either still be in or just got out of Uni and yeah i think the fact that we're 20 now doesn't really agree with his "5-yrs-later-settle-down-start-family" proposal hah... after throwing our stuff into hotel, we got ourselves into 西门町 and i had this "finally i'm here" feeling for no reason haha. we didn't buy anything the first night cause we only wanted to compare the prices and yeah really just take a look around the famous 西门町 and luckily it was weekend so all the shops were opened until midnight. along the way there was this street performer, whom i saw on 综艺大哥大 before, the one who can somehow roll the crystal ball along his body without dropping it and he did some crazy stunts using this giant ring too. donated some money after that cause well he really did put in the effort and the whole thing was really quite new and exciting to watch. went back to hotel after that and it was like tv all the way for the next half of the night before we finally went to sleep. they simply had too many channels on their tv and i was really at a lost as to what to watch haha. in the end i mostly stuck with mtv and movies, it was too troublesome to surf through 100+ channels just to look for shows to watch and personally i find mtv channel exciting enough (maybe cause i don't have cable at home haha) that's about it for day 1 =)

Day 2

started the day with 中正纪念堂. along the way, we passed by this garden, which i absolutely fell in love in with haha. it looks so nice and green and the whole setting just give off that tranquil peaceful feeling. there's this giant pond in the middle surrounded by rocks and trees and there's a bridge spanning across part of the pond. i could have spent half the day there trying to capture everything within the photos but we had a schedule to meet. in the end i didn't really get the shot i desired cause when other people take photo for you, its difficult for them to take exactly what you want.

moved on to 中正纪念堂 proper and realised they were constructing this stage right infront of it so we couldn't really take a nice front-view photo of 中正纪念堂. i was hoping the stage was going to be for some concert but turned out to be some orchestra performance. it was a pity cause i was hoping to see some stars or watch parts of some concert while i was in taiwan haha. after that, we went back to check out from our hotel and lugged/pulled/carried our luggage to 台北车站 to take their 高铁 ie. high speed railway down to 台中. 台北车站 turned out to be quite an interesting place with a underground shopping area (地下街) and 2 shopping centers nearby. went to the 1st one and realised it was like taka departmental store with over-priced things that we wouldn't buy, then hopped over to the 2nd one which turned out to be filled with IT and hobbies and arts stuff. bought some games and models there then as we were going up the elevators, i happened to spy a giant robot model being on display and we decided to go and take a quick look and possibly get some photos haha. it was like this mega store with rows and rows of gundam models on display haha and yeah we were quite enthralled by the whole range of display =)

just look at the size of that thing haha. after that we boarded the high speed railway and got ourselves to 台中 in the evening. we checked into the hotel and since we didn't know anything about the area, we followed the advice of the another nicer taxi driver and visited 一宗街， somewhat like a 夜市 near our hotel instead of the more famous 逢贾夜市 that was like don't know how far away. 一宗街 was like rows and rows of shops with many food push-carts set up along the streets infront of the stores, there were like all kinds of 小吃 there and i was like trying this and that all the way haha. there was this 炸饭团 (rice with a crispy outer layer and then laced with cheese, corn, chicken and onion skins ontop, abit like tako really) 炸鸡排 (was quite turned off by the bones inside but this is the way 台湾‘s  炸鸡排 is done) some giant sausage and of course their 珍珠奶茶 haha. but i forgot to take photos of some the food so yeah couldn't upload them onto my facebook =( anyway shopping wise, there was this whole stretch of sports store selling all the sports related stuff and they were giving really good discounts and i bought a shirt and new pair of shoes while i was there haha. the only bad thing was that i have the extra weight to carry for the next 2 days when we were still moving from place to place around 台湾.

Day 3

moved to 日月潭 via taxi on the third day cause it will take about 2h+ of we took bus and we didn't really have that much time to spare. moved to the 民宿 桂月村 there and waited for chun hoe's uncle to come and pick us up so he can bring us around. meanwhile, the owner chatted with us and recommended places for us to visit while we were here. the service here was really different from those you get at the hotel. here, you are in closer contact with the owners of the 民宿 and you tend to feel more of their warmth and personality in the way they mingle around with you to make you feel more at ease and more at home haha. they're a nice family of 3 with a small little kid and pity we forgot to take a photo with them before we leave. when chun hoe's uncle came to pick us up, we realised that we will be with going out with another couple who came down from 台北 and he was supposed to take them around as well. so end up we all took their car down to 九族文化村 (out of 日月潭 and out of our plans by then) to play  in the amusement park. this was like really unexpected cause we were only planning to visit around 日月潭 scenic spots and not really go amusement park and catch all the rides haha. so it was really kinda awkward then cause we were being pushed (somewhat unwillingly) to take the ride but it wasn't nice for us to say make any complaints cause it seems like the couple wanted to come here and they even took the trouble to drive us around. and the uncle mistakenly thought we were going to stay for 2 days so he was only planning to take us around 日月潭 on the 2nd day. so we spent almost the whole of that day at the amusement park taking the rides but the 4 of us didn't follow the couple up the UFO (the one where they plunge you straight down from a height of about 10-storeys) and it seems as though zhi yuan and chun hoe can't really stomach the kind of excitement for more thrilling rides like 360degrees roller coaster etc. by the time we get back to 日月潭 and make our way up to the recommended 慈恩塔 (a pagoda situated ontop of a mountain) to supposedly get a good view of the whole 日月潭, it was already dark and yeah we couldn't really see much at the top. and we actually had to spend 20min just to climb up the stairs and steps leading up the mountain to the pagoda and it just means another wasted 20min down the mountain for nothing. not to mention the long winding road we had to take by car just to reach the spot and i was so paiseh that the couple had to drive us all the way here for nothing. after that we had dinner at his uncle's house (another unplanned awkward surprise) and it was already 8+ by the time we managed to make our way back to the 民宿. along the way we did some shopping and i saw and bought some fireworks haha =) overseas is like the only time we can get to play with fireworks on our own and i couldn't miss giving up this chance, ever since my last one back in India haha. we went to this rather empty stretch of pavement that overlooked the lake and set off the fireworks there. there were like 2 different kinds - one which gave off a shower of sparks, very much like a fountain after you ignited it. the other one looked like a rocket which you set on the floor and ignite, after which it will shoot 20 balls into the sky, one at a time, to explode into the normal fireworks, although on a much smaller scale. it was fun playing with them but then my cameraran out of batt afterwards and i couldn't get any proper shot of it =)

this is the only shot i have of it and it wasn't really that good. what a waste loh.

Day 4

the next day we woke up (or rather i woke up and woke everyone up) early to catch the sunrise at 日月潭. i think i should just post the picture here rather than go through a lengthy discussions about it.

 
i became obsessed with the reflections in the water and took alot of photos of these reflections haha.that's me there haha.

after that we went back slept abit more then went for a boat ride around the lake. just to mention, it was completely free-of-charge for us, courtesy of chun hoe's uncle (who wasn't with us because he was out fishing late at night the previous day and couldn't wake up today) so we went on our own around the lake, basically just taking photos haha. after that we went back to 台中 and took their 高铁 back to 台北车站, where we visited some of the places from last time to get whatever things that we wanted to purchase. Unfortunately, some things happened and i got rather pissed off at that time. it totally spoilt my mood for the rest of the day and i preferred to keep to myself after that. after dropping our luggage at the hotel, we went to 五分埔商圈, which was devoted to clothes, clothes and more clothes. even though i was planning to get majority of my clothes there, somehow i couldn't really find much to buy and only got 1 or 2 shirts from there. due to the nature of the people i'm with and due to a last minute change of plans, we didn't really have the luxury of time to shop properly so i highly suspect i missed out lots of nice stuff there. from there, it was on to 台北101, where i was further irritated when no one wanted to go up. i mean, isn't it a waste to go there and not go up at all? end up, i only got shots of 101 from the outside and i bought a 101 model to compensate myself for the loss. we walked to 通化街 after that and it was basically another 夜市 but i think we walked too fast for me to really see much at all =( day 4 was prob the least enjoyable day for me.

Day 5

first stop was 阳明山 but due to our lack of knowledge about it, we ended up at 阳明山公园, which was rather inaccessible from everything else. in the first place, we also didn't know where else in 阳明山 was worth visiting so we just stayed at the garden and walked abit around it. at the very least, we found a nice waterfall and started taking photos of it haha. after that we decided to "'hike" to the main bus stop to take bus back to the city cause without proper transport, it would be very tedious to navigate ourselves around 阳明山 on foot haha. after that we went to 故宫, a super big museum housed in a palace. there were all kinds of sculptures, calligraphy, paintings, precious ornaments housed within but i think it was a little beyond us so we got bored of it quickly and hurriedly zipped through the displays. cabbed to 美丽华百乐园 (miramar entertainment centre) where my dear ferris wheel was located haha. i was the one who suggested going there cause i really wanted to take the ferris wheel up, not only for the experience but also for the view as well. had to waste some time having dinner and walking around before it was dark enough for us to get a nice night view ontop of the ferris wheel... after watching enough of honey & clover anime and honey & clover taiwan drama, i finally got myself up onto it and i really enjoyed it haha. but i think zhiyuan and chun hoe had a hard time trying to shake off their fear of heights even though we were sitting safely in the cabin and chances of falling or anything like that were practically zero.

   

        

took the mrt to the famous 士林夜市 where we started off with the giant sausage, which was really big enough for the 4 of us to share 1 together haha. after that walked around the 夜市 looking at clothes and all that. inbetween i got everyone to sit down and chomp our way through a giant bowl of 香蕉芒果冰 and i followed on with another unforgettable cheese potato. they fried the potato so it was crispy on the outside and topped it off with other things before pouring cheese over it until it was swimming in it. i didn't get myself another 大鸡排 cause i was quite sianz of all the bones inside and besides, there were other more interesting things to enjoy haha. Singapore should really get one of these 夜市 to make things more interesting, not really like a basar malam but maybe a more permanent one with better stuff.

Day 6 

day 6 was rather boring for me cause they wanted to visit 光华商场, which was really 台湾's Sim Lim, with all the hardware etc. Only interesting thing for me was the games but since i already bought what i wanted previously, i didn't really have much to buy there. visited Sogo 百货 as well but nothing there for us as well. took a long journey down to 淡水 and reached there just as it was getting dark. but the sky was super overcast and it looked like it was going to rain anytime soon. didn't really take many photos because of that and i think my batt was also running low at that time as well. basically we walked along the coast for a long while and visited the souvenir shops, which were where i got most of my souvenirs from. actually i did most of the shopping until they were really quite sianz and started complaining haha. actually their idea of shopping is just doing a quick round in and out of the shop and most of the time, they just continue walking without even going into the shops unless i happen to pop into it and dragged them inside. and somehow i ended up doing most of the work trying to get souvenirs for everyone back at the coy line and not to mention, i need to find and get stuff for my own friends too. last stop for day 6 was back at 西门町, where i picked up all the stuff i planned to buy on day 1 and also to hunt for STAGE (which i have absolutely no idea where it was) didn't manage to find the shop in the end so couldn't get anything for ritz from there haha paiseh. btw, we stopped at KFC to get supper before going back to the hotel and i bought this 黑糖蛋挞 (yes, i got it from their KFC) which was super nice but i didn't have the chance to go back and get another one after that day, which was such a pity haha

Day 7

last day! i was really panicking a little by then cause i still have quite a number of souvenirs to get and i have absolutely no idea what to get. headed back to 台北车站 and got some keychains from the artsy shopping centre and also some more clothes and fashion accessories for my family. our last meal in 台北 was this curry rice somewhere in the 地下街. i ordered cheese omelette chicken curry rice and it was heavenly. the cheese mixed with curry was like out-of-this-world haha. i was wondering whether it was as simple as throwing cheese into curry to get the excellent taste haha, if so we can probably do it ourselves back in Singapore and maybe start our own chain store haha but i guess i'm thinking too much hah. to the airport after that where we had an early dinner before boarding the plane back for Singapore.

 

right now, i'm already missing 台湾 haha. this trip is like the last highlight of my ns phase, so at least i manage to end it off on a high note. but i do realise i have a lot of ""worldly" concerns to attend to now that i've returned back to Singapore, some of which aren't really that pleasant or easy to handle. it felt good to be able to push everything out of my mind, even if its only for a while, i think i did cherish that moment of "freeness".

OFF TO TAIWAN

i'm finally leaving for taiwan tomorrow! I have been talking about it for quite some time now and yeah Oct 26 is just a few hours away... it has been such a long time since i went overseas for a proper holiday (those NS overseas ex/attachments are not counted) i should say i'm actually quite excited about it haha... after all that hassle of planning and admin stuff, everything should really work out fine... but i'm anticipating some issues with the weather over that, with forecasts like scattered thunderstorms here and there, somehow it doesn't seem like we are going to enjoy the sun much... although i don't really like it hot but it still beats getting wet in the rain =( and its still easier to move form place to place without worrying about getting wet and such... all we can do is keep our fingers crossed =X

i'm quite sure i'm about 95% through my packing for taiwan but i keep having this feeling that i'm forgetting something or that i'm under-prepared... maybe its just because i'm not used to bringing so little stuff overseas... compared to the ridiculous amount of things i used to bring for overseas ex, this is like really little... but then of course that was when i'm still really active, now that i'm near my ORD date, i suppose i'm more of inactive and should start getting myself back to the civilian way of life haha... i think i shall start by going out and splurge on my taiwan trip, or at least i have this "i want to splurge" feeling right now but i'm not too sure whether there will be alot for me to buy there haha... although by ear, there seems to be tons of things to get from taiwan but then yeah, i guess a lot of things still depends on the circumstances at that moment in time when i'm considering my options at the shops haha... after which, i'm going to try and "maximise" my experiences there haha... like we always see those scenes and places in dramas and animes and what, i'm thinking it would be fun to go and experience all those things haha... like how i'm suddenly obsessed over ferris wheel and clover field (Honey & Clover), spa resorts from various dramas and anime etc. of course there's also all the rare exotic places that would allow you to take those breath-taking photos (I'm keeping my fingers crossed that i would be able to find one or some) and that's really why i like the idea of travelling overseas =)

and there's a sudden influx of new albums recently - starting from jay chou's 魔杰座 to JJ's 陸 to mayday‘s 后青春期的诗! haha okay maybe its only 3 but its certainly a lot if you compare it to the drought season over the past few months... anyway i'm have a preference towards 后青春期的诗 currently... the other 2 albums are not too bad as well but then they just lack the impact done in by 阿信's lyrics (I didn't check who wrote the lyrics but i'm assuming he did) 如烟 is now officially my favourite song at the moment... it was 花海 previously when jay chou's album came out but since i got both JJ's and mayday's album together so there's only 如烟 out of the 2 albums haha... somehow the songs in 魔杰座 didn't really catch enough of my attention... i like the variety of songs in the album which made it more exciting to listen to, but then there's a lack of those super nice songs that make me go gaga over them haha... 花海 was the closest one to it and it was nice enough for me to stick to it for a while... but that was before i heard 如烟, after which i couldn't resist not taking a look at the lyrics cause it was too overwhelming haha... maybe its due to the lack of new songs but it seems like i haven't been so engrossed in a song for so long... and i guess i'm at that age where a song like this would trigger all sort of emotional responses haha and that's probably why i'm so attached to it... take a look at the long lyrics below and you'll know why =)

五月天-如烟

我坐在床前
望着窗外回忆满天
生命是华丽错觉
时间是贼偷走一切
七岁的那一年
抓住那只蝉
以为能抓住夏天
十七岁的那年
吻过他的脸
就以为和他能永远

有没有那麽一种永远
永远不改变
拥抱过的美丽
都再也不破碎
让险峻岁月不能
在脸上撒野
让生离和死别都遥远
有谁能听见

我坐在床前
转过头看谁在沉睡
那一张苍老的脸
好像是我紧闭双眼
曾经是爱我的
和我深爱的
都围绕在我身边
带不走的那些
遗憾和眷恋
就化成最後一滴眼泪

有没有那麽一滴眼泪
能洗掉後悔
化成大雨降落在
回不去的街
再给我一次机会
将故事改写
还欠了他一生的
一句抱歉

有没有那麽一个世界
永远不天黑
星星太阳万物都
听我的指挥
月亮不忙着圆缺
春天不走远
树梢紧紧拥抱着树叶
有谁能听见

耳际眼前此生重演
是我来自漆黑
而又回归漆黑
人间瞬间天地之间
下次我又是谁

有没有那麽一朵玫瑰
永远不凋谢
永远骄傲和完美
永远不妥协
为何人生最後会像
一张纸屑
还不如一片花瓣
曾经鲜艳

有没有那麽一张书签
停止那一天
最单纯的笑脸和
最美那一年
书包里面装满了
蛋糕和汽水
双眼只有无猜和无邪
让我们无法无天

有没有那麽一首诗篇
找不到句点
青春永远定居在
我们的岁月
男孩和女孩都有
吉他和舞鞋
笑忘人间的苦痛
只有甜美

有没有那麽一个明天
重头活一遍
让我再次感受
曾挥霍的昨天
无论生存或生活
我都不浪费
不让故事这麽的後悔
有谁能听见
我不要告别

我坐在床前
看着指尖已经如烟

yup it was really long and by the time you read finish, i might be in taiwan already! =)

(STILL) GOING TO ORD BUT...

its been so long since i have to confine myself to the camp for 5 consecutive working days! the going-back-to-camp feeling totally sucks and its like following me all over the place recently... by right, as an ORD personnel, i shouldn't be bothered about going back at all but the fact is its not like i have total immunity for all redundant training going on right now... many people may think that since i'm going to ORD, i can just do for the sake of doing and just look forward to my ORD date but i'm still quite against the idea of having to put on my gear and do SOC all over again... its like when you think you are finally at the end of it and suddenly a dramatic twist will come in and all of a sudden you're not quite there yet... its exactly how we're encouraged to write our compositions when we're in pri and sec school, that instead ending everything easily, we have to go out of the way and introduce the dramatic twists to make them more interesting... now i think about it, i bet the characters in the story were probably cursing and swearing at the randomness of it all... brrr now i praying and hoping that the next 2 weeks will really really be my last 2 official weeks in camp... after that i will be in taiwan for one week and supposedly on off all the way until i ORD but right now, i'm just crossing my fingers and hoping...

as of right now, i'm still patiently waiting for jay chou's new album 魔杰座 to be released officially... okay maybe i'm getting a tad impatient cause nowadays there's really not many new songs around and i'm getting a little bored of my playlist (although its practically impossible to finish the playlist in my MP3 player)... i hope its will turn out to be a nice album although i'm starting to have my doubts haha... it will be out on the 15th, along with new freebies and i think i will take the time to go and collect it during my night's out cause i think it will probably be quite boring in camp anyway... but the problem is that i wouldn't be able to listen to it unless i bring a cd player aka discman along with me haha... maybe i'll bring one to camp, just for the fun of it cause its been ages since i sit down properly and listen to a cd without getting distracted on the computer etc... shall look into it before i leave for camp later haha =）

randoming: sometimes i wonder when is enough really enough... no one can really go on forever and ever without getting tired or exhausted but its so difficult to make enough enough... now what am i saying argh

randoming: sometimes i would think nobody would understand myself better than myself... isn't that right but yet i still don't understand myself that much haha... so probably no one would understand why i'm weird hah

I NEED A PLACE TO RUN AWAY TO

how could so much change in just the span of 1 day...

now i feel so bogged down and ill at ease... there's so much that i have to think about and i'm really not ready to make any decisions right now... i hate it when people keep pressing me to make a decision which i'm not ready and unwilling to face up to... its like trying to force me to grow up overnight and take up all the responsibility that comes along with it... no matter how true it is, i hate the way they laced their words with purpose and suggestions, making it seems as though i will be an worthless fellow if i do not join them... to be fair, there's really not much of a harm in joining up - its like its perfect, with their excellent background, schemes, products and opportunities, and its like really really stupid not to join in... but to dump all this on me all of a sudden without any warning is so unfair, like how was i to know a casual lunch would suddenly turn into something so complicated, i mean its not wrong but at least let me know in advance instead of suddenly plunging me into a 4h recruitment process... halfway through the rehearsed propagated lines and explanations, i was seriously turned off, doesn't help that i seemed like an idiot to them for my lack of knowledge... thinking it through, i think most of the people would have taken the chance cause it seems like its the smart and correct thing to do but then i'm just not that keen on it... but now i'm hesitating because i have this notion that i will be branded as a stupid selfish person because i'm not doing the correct thing (not convenient to talk about the implications here) i really should stop living for other people's expectations but then old habits are really hard to change...

and some other things aren't even worth talking about... even when i'm about to ORD, i can't believe just how much effort and self-control i need to muster in order to continue to make myself feel that little bit more satisfied...

LOUSY FEELING

haven't been blogging for ages... its either that i'm getting quite lazy nowadays or its the general lack of substance to make up a proper blog entry hah... even though i have plenty of free-time to waste this week, its been really hard to sit down and get myself properly started on a blog entry haha... and the funny thing is i don't even have alot of things to do during my free time... that basically summed up the whole of this wk for me =( (i decided its better to frown instead of putting a smiley face)

yeah anyway, the only things that i'm doing nowadays are reading books from the library, playing games on PS2 and my desktop, watching drama at a rate of 2 episodes per day, attempting to start and finish some movies, randomly picking songs to listen and going out once or twice in the whole week... there are some points in time that i wouldn't mind having nothing to do and just stone/blank out in the house the whole day but unfortunately this isn't one of those weeks... my attention span isn't that long and i start getting bored of things after a while and there simply isn't to keep me occupied in the house... so fpr the whole day you'll see me drifting from one thing to another aimlessly... having overspent by quite a bit this month, i'm also that reluctant to keep going out and spend more money and somehow even though it seems like it has been an eternity, October refuses to come and i'm still stuck in the last week of November -> means pay day is still a good 10+ days away!

i'm really feeling quite empty on the inside =(
i have this urge to go and start learning something totally random.

ANOTHER BUSY WEEK

this has been a rather short week for me, due largely to the succession of cohesions I have been attending over the last 2 days...

had platoon cohesion on thurs, when we went for lunch at Kushin Bo at Suntec... It was actually my 2nd time there (1st time being my very 1st platoon cohesion when I just entered the brigade last year) and the food was like really normal... I mean there really doesn't seem to be anything special about it that would make me want to come back a 3rd time... actually i wasn't really that keen on coming back here in the 1st place but then again, I didn't want to go through the hassle of finding another place... talk about being lazy but sometimes its really difficult to push things along when you're doing almost everything yourself...

today was company cohesion and we went all the way down to khatib to play paintball... okay seemed like a really innovative idea but I was really quite put off by the stench and mud down there, partly due to the non-stop rain for the past few days... but yeah I was honestly quite annoyed at being dragged all ther way down here to drown myself in the stench and mud... paintball itself was quite okay but it really hurts when you actually get hit by the pellet... now I have this bruise on my shoulder where i was hit by the pellet... and my one and only pair of pt shoe was soiled with mud but i couldn't afford to throw it away like everyone else, and to make thigns worse I forgot to bring another pair along to wear back home... so I had to wipe away the mud with my hands cause I couldn't afford to get it wet by running it under the tap... it wasn't as gross as you imagine but its just like irritaing and troublesome... at least i got it to be reasonably clean so that it wouldn't attract people's attention when I was on the MRT subsequently...

and we finally manage to sit down and plan our taiwan ORD trip... it was practically impossible getting them to sit down and think through it in camp due to the ever-present evil of the PSP... until now I still think of PSP as a very anti-social device but you can't really blame me for that cause I have bunkmates who can hide in the bunk the whole day just playing with the PSP, other than coming out for meals and what not, the rest of their time is spent on the PSP... so you can't really blame me when I start to avoid the bunk for all the obvious reasons... but anyway we finally got down to planning it today in Mac at Khatib (yes we had to get ourselves outside before any actual work can be done rather than doing it in the comfort of the bunk or camp)... so things are a little more clearer now after like about 1-2 months of delay... hopefully things will flow more smoothly from here onwards...

I'm currently watching legend of the condor heros 2008 version on crunchyroll... so far I'm quite hooked on it haha and I think I'm gonna start 篮球火 soon, although I'm still quite positive that I'm gonna be quite turned off by Jerry Yan but then there's alot of good comments about the show so far so I'm just going to try it out and see how... and it seems like alot of nice animes are going to be released soon! right now I'm not really watching any anime other than world destruction and D.gray-man so I have the time to divert to drama haha...

and there's MAF tml but i can only make it at night... paiseh to zhou hao cause I was supposed to help him for the past & present but I can't make it now cause i need to go PLC and mount some rovers for ATEC on Monday... hopefully he has found someone to replace me already... once again sorry for the trouble =( never really plan anything for MAF this time cause yeah I'm not really that free and its quite dumb for me to organise something that I'm not gonna attend... yup so I'm leaving it as that and we shall see how everything goes tml...

okay that's about all for this long entry... cya

ITS SO MUCH EASIER

Cancer Horoscope

 
Going by yourself is always an option when everyone else that you ask says no. It will be much easier to concentrate without all those distractions going on around you. Find yourself a quiet retreat and you will get much more done. You and your partner need to go through your routine one more time.

 

the above was lifted from facebook which really describes how I'm feeling nowadays. sometimes, I just can't help feeling that things would probably be much easier by myself... there won't be a need to look out for others or to make compromises to fit in somewhere... and it just irritates me when long-standing issues remain unresolved due to the procrastination/indifference/persistent ignorance of others, especially when it comes to things that really matters a lot to me... but really I just get a little tired of doing futile one-man-efforts to try and get things going...

enough ranting here, getting abit tired and I have a rather long day tomorrow so cya

FIREWORKS

currently on a 1-day-work-1-day-off system where I go Marina East and basically stone the whole day away... just in case you're wondering, my appointment there is only that of a storeman haha... not that I'm really complaining, its just that I need to stay overnight each shift to look after the stuff while the rest are driven back to camp for rest and achieve a supposedly "untouchable" status in camp next day so as to ensure they can rest properly for their shift the following day... at least the extra trouble is balanced out by the fact that I get to book out from there directly in the morning and basically I'm free all the way until night - essentially a tradeoff between the increased transportation fees back home (I'm still not so bothered about the travelling time cause its really a great time to stone and blank out just like that, a rare privilege nowadays) and the extra freedom =) unfortunately, this applies for weekends as well and they are going to compensate by crediting off days for me but I'm really having trouble trying to clear my double-digit off days (due to some rotten policy that don't allow us to store our off days - I actually have to clear until I'm left with 5 days =X ) I think I have to make a special trip back to camp out of these days to plan and apply for my offs before they get eaten up... and also to see the new specs who just posted in recently, as I really have been "missing" from camp for the past week due to the above Marina East duty and did not even get the chance to meet them haha...

anyway I was on shift on National day! so I actually had to stay overnight at Marina East, but at least I got to watch the fireworks from my area haha... It was really cool to watch them lighting up the sky and then you can actually see them reflecting off some of the surrounding buildings... from my side you can see the Singapore flyer as well and its lighted up quite nicely as well, probably to match the fireworks haha and I felt like I was actually in some Honey and Clover scene, with all the ferris-wheel and fireworks... I liked the feeling then, I guess I always have that thing for fireworks and they just always have that effect on me, and probably everyone else too...
so anyway Happy Birthday Singapore =)

 

看着它们升空，然后绽放，然后坠落，然后消失
然后疑惑，为何它们总是稍纵即逝

有时会想，人生是不是也是如此？
在那一瞬间的辉煌绚丽后，是不是就可以默默地散开，模糊，然后消失？
现在的我总是认为
特意地去挽留那样的美，是需要付出太多太高的代价
所以我必须承认
我不是那个会不顾一切，全心全力去挽留一切的人
或许那偶尔的疯狂已变成礼节上的一种礼貌

载着期待和梦想升空
绽放稍纵即逝的绚丽
散布天空缓缓地坠落
然后渐渐模糊地留恋
直到最后默默地消失
遗留一份自然的感动

因为不能永远，所以一切只好有限
至少我看到的烟火是这样的

OVERDUED

long overdue entry cause I didn't really have the time to sit down and write a proper blog entry last week...

but anyway I think the 72 gathering wasn't too bad cause like quite a lot of people turned up although some of them didn't stayed on after the dinner and some only came after the dinner... so at any one time we didn't have maximum number of people there haha but then its good enough just to be there =) had dinner at crystal jade first but we had 14 people so the sitting arrangement was kinda screwed up, with 10 at one table and another 4 at another smaller table... they didn't allow  us to merge the table cause apparently the tables were of different sizes (quite a dumb reason if you ask me but then again we are not the ones running the restaurant) after dinner went to Wala Wala doe some drinks and just to "chill out" but actually the place was smaller than what I had expected and it was pretty crowded as well so we were kinda spilt up into 3 groups... It was nice to be able to ask things like "what you doing now?/Where are you now?/What are you busy now?" made it seemed as if a long time has passed and yeah we getting old and finally getting together again... I don't mean its nice that we are getting old and all that but Its like you're making an attempt to cross the time period from when we last saw each other to the current moment in time... Its abit hard to describe but yeah that's just the way I feel... It was a pity that we didn't get to talk to everyone cause we were quite restricted to our own small group, with all the hassle of getting everyone out then you didn't get the chance to talk to everyone, its like one of those missed chances/opportunity that you let slip just like that... but that's done so yeah maybe next time then...

and I need to watch The Dark Knight!! really!!

just a side note, I'm totally in love with one of the D.Gray-Man music piece which was played by Allen in the latest episode... its so melancholic and nostalgic... if only I can learn to play a piece like that... sigh I'm going to listen to it again cya

BIRTHDAY'08

went for a really impromptu KTV ( I realise alot of us actually use Kbox when we really meant KTV ) yesterday with ritz, kian wei and another one of Kian's friend... its really the 1st time i went KTV with such pros and I was really quite paiseh when I sang cause I was like croaking (of course I'm exaggerating =X) infront of them... I'm actually talking about people that sing at the correct pitch of songs like 曹格's 背叛, some of 周杰伦's songs etc, either that or its because I'm just noob haha... you can probably see how in-a-spot I was in, so naturally while they gravitated towards the normal-high end songs, I conveniently stuck to the simpler ones... I must admit it was quite fun to sit there and listen to them cause kian wei's friend is like really quite imba, he really should go sing outside or join some external comp haha... apparently the 2 of them have been taking singing lessons so yeah I guess taking lessons do help, or maybe its just talent haha... and the thing is they introduced me to another place to go for KTV ( which is really like so much more cheaper than Kbox and Partyworld ) and the facilities weren't all that bad also, only thing being that their songs aren't as updated ( It didn't have songs from 林侑嘉 onwards ) and that I heard it has a somewhat sleazy section as well... I hope I will have another KTV session soon haha =)

went for Hellboy II movie with Kevin, Aaron and Chao qun after that, I was quite satisfied with it although somehow I kept thinking its abit on the long side, possibly just a little bit too draggy, or maybe it was I was really getting tired after the previous KTV session haha... but anyway I still think its one of the must watch movie this month! and there's enough open-ends for them to work on another sequel! and there's Dark Knight next week! Its been way too long since I start getting excited over movies haha

and Sat's gathering is more or less finalised but then I really have no idea about the turnout haha... hope to see many of them there as possible but there's a different between reality and idealism, whatever that means...

and finally the last bit for myself,
Happy Birthday!
thanx to all those who remembered =)
although it means I'm already in the 20s zone but then I think I will celebrate first and worry about the other implications later =D

ENTERING JULY

and its finally already July...

its been 2 months since i've been back from India but it feels like alot has already happened/come to passed but yet it feels like I haven't really register all the events and changes in my brain... like things are still the way they were and everything will just drone on as usual - nothing unexpected nothing exciting nothing special to look forward to nothing to change for... but i guess its just the denial that comes when the way starts to branch and turn from the usual one-way road... I'm gonna miss the ORD personnel again and its a real bummer cause I will have 1 less friend to talk to from tml onwards and its a constant reminder of the 4 VERY EVENTFUL months I still have before I ORD myself... and i know i'm going to face more madness soon cause soon we are going to be the most senior specs in camp... meanwhile i guess i will try my best to stay sane... i hate it when life does it to me like that =(

好想要挥霍 by 盧廣仲

我穿戴整齊面對 瘋狂的世界
不管今天面對誰 微笑是必須
就算妳不在意 我微笑的原因
是我僅有的自信

我慌亂面對你轉身離開
不管未來 快樂 是不是我的必須品
我只能再一次 安靜作好準備
妳下一次出現

總在午夜夢醒 家徒四壁
是甚麼包圍空虛
好想把我的 全部都給你
一個人 多平凡的期許

總在人潮散去 瞬間覺醒
全身力氣得不到安寧
從不曾揮霍 好想要揮霍
好讓明天繼續

我慌亂面對你轉身離開
不管未來 快樂 是不是我的必須品
也許早已否定 我所有的努力
愛已不會降臨

Baby,午夜夢醒 家徒四壁
是甚麼包圍空虛
好想把我的全部都給你
一個人 多平凡的期許

總在人潮散去 瞬間覺醒
全身力氣得不到安寧
從不曾揮霍 好想要揮霍
好讓明天 繼續

我要的生活只有那麼一種
卻無法一個人 點滴的過
直到今天還不能放開昨天的手
誰來 救我

午夜夢醒 家徒四壁
再沒有甚麼包圍空虛
好想把我的全部都給你
兩個人 彼此間的必須

總在人潮散去 瞬間覺醒
全身力氣得不到 片刻安寧
從不曾揮霍 好想要揮霍
好讓快樂繼續

從不曾揮霍 好想要揮霍
沒有甚麼是必需

that aside, there's a few movies i want to watch in July!
1. Hellboy 2
2. The Dark Knight
3. Some Jap cyborg movie (not sure if it's coming out so soon)

LAZY ENTRY

too tired to blog properly so here's the summary:

end of OpsVL!

and i'm on off until friday!

there's a slew of new plans to unveil but they are currently all in the works so nth's really confirmed !

I have the urge to splurge so yeah my bank acc is going to leak again!

莫名其妙地被一大群人搞到我有点不知所措，一直陷入那种socially awkward moments! =(

SOME RANDOM SELF-JUSTIFICATION

我不属于热闹

一句话一个举止一副表情

有时也真的有点遥不可及

所以喜欢背景

hah.

=)

AFTER A WEEK AT THE SHORELINE

my 1st OPSVL cycle is over! and i think i'm really a little shagged now... still suffering from the lack of sleep from yesterday's night shift but i think i'm getting into the hang of things by now... my OP isn't that fantastic but it isn't that bad either so yeah i guess i can get used to "hanging out" there for the remaining 2 weeks... It has a nice view of the sea where you can see people wakeboarding past every now and then haha so yeah at least there's still stuff to see... the view's really quite nice at night, all quiet and serene and beautiful and i really appreciate that... its always easier to space out to a nice scenery while attempting to waste the time away =)

starting to entertain the idea of an ORD trip in Oct, just that we haven't really decided where to go haha... top choices are taiwan and hong kong right now... taiwan is really like shopping and food and hong kong is for sight-seeing and all that which doesn't sound too bad either so i really don't know how we are going to pick between the 2 (unless someone comes out with another winner location that is) and there's the issue of money too (like duh) so yeah its still quite tentative at this stage but i get all excited just imaging it haha

new albums i'm listening to recently : 林宥嘉，刘力扬，小宇，伍家辉，五月天 离开地球表面JUMP! live album --> contentment

LITTLE THINGS

I seem to be rather active for the past 2 weeks...
maybe its cause i was recharged after my 2 months' stay in India or maybe it was just because I haven't been hanging out with everyone for so long...

but either way, i kinda shocked myself when i compare myself now to how i was before i left for India... Its really quite a big jump from the moody self-contained lifestyle to the ad-hoc random little outings i'm having for this week... but maybe its just because June is an eventful month with people's birthdays popping up all over the place and little incidents here and there... whatever the case i'm glad i manage to have a little fun myself before i go into OpsVL for the next few weeks...

on one of my little outings to town this week, i bought 五月天 离开地球表面 live concert dvd on impulse... don't ask me why but yeah i suddenly feel like grabbing it off the shelf so yeah i ended up watching it just now and it was super nice haha... its just really quite high (i suppose its really how a 五月天concert has been like all along) and somehow all their songs sound much nicer than the cd versions, or at least those that i didn't like or didn't notice when i listened to their cds previously... but yeah i just wanted to say i enjoyed it =)

in the process of watching the Japanese Honey & Clover drama now, i preferred the anime version cause somehow it focus more on life itself, besides the usual themes like love etc. but as of now, the drama seems to be leaning too much towards the theme of love that they undermine the other more meaningful themes that were present in the original anime... the cast for the Jap drama is actually quite gd and some of them really resemble their anime counterparts alot haha, not like the Taiwan version of which i was like "!!!" all the way when i watched the 1st ep that day... although the Taiwan version is more faithful to the original anime but then somehow the cast just doesn't seem to fit in as well and the transition form one scene to another is really a little jumpy and incoherent... so i guess the anime is still the best in the end haha

and i realise so many of us are lost when we have to face our future... from one day to another we just forget about it and bury it somewhere within us but every once in a while when we are reminded about the choices we have to make, the paths we need to take, it gets a little overwhelming and the things that normally hold true tend to crumble and fade like passing illusions... I guess i'm lucky to be able to secure a place in Uni and that i have more or less decided on a course to study... even if i'm still unsure if i'm headed in the right direction, even if one day i will come to hate myself for making the wrong choice, but at least right now, i know this is the path i want to take... and i'm lucky to have secured the proper train ticket leading to my destination... so it really sucks when i'm tongue-tied and stuck in front of the rest who aren't as lucky as me...

i guess i need to work that much harder to get the right words out =X

EMO

i suddenly feel that being emo is a privilege of youth ( i think i watch too much Honey & Clover ) haha...

isn't my new blogskin emo?! and the music too!

don't mind me... i currently in the process of celebrating "emo"ness - the wonders of youth =D

which is why i'm perpetually in a somewhat emo state nowadays...

i wonder how much longer it will be, before being emo becomes uncalled for...

... ... Its Hard To Describe ... ...

i seem to have a thing for nostalgic flims and animes nowadays... or maybe its should be i always had a thing for such stuff...

now that i got started on Honey & Clover anime i getting addicted haha... its so nostalgic and full of familiar events and feelings and all that dejavu reactions its inducing in me haha... its nice to just sit back and reminisce about old things and old days... even though its a little lonely and boring during my off days, i guess i'm still quite satisfied that i got to spend some time alone just drifting along... so uneventful so boring but its feels great somehow... i really don't know how to go about describing it =X

i had the chance to pop back and visit my coy line on fri and i must say it really reaffirms my conviction that i should make the most out of my long break before i get myself trapped there again haha... i mean its nice to be able to see everyone again but the idea of regimentation and what not just kill whatever possible excitement i have about going back... It doesn't help to know i have to go back and clear so many things before i ORD... even though everyone's like saying its coming soon already but then i still feel that 5 months is such a long time... maybe its cause i'm still more prone to pessimism... well guess i haven't change that much or at least not to that extent haha

... ... INDIA 2008 ... ...

and i'm finally back from India! It's been a long 2 months and my blog has been dead since then haha but the thing is, now that i'm back, i don't really know how to go abt blogging abt this india trip of mine... it would be really tedious to blog down 2 months worth of events...

basically it was fun and interesting for me to go there and meet new ppl and experience new stuff haha...
lots of doubts at first but i'm glad things worked out quite well over there and yeah i do cherish the somewhat relaxing OTOT pace of life there and where there's no one ard to force you to do things that you don't like...

along the way there were some unfortunate things but we managed to sort them out one way or another and its really when such things happen that u get to know who's really on ur side and who's not...

its was fun getting all anxious and bothered trying to finish the particular anime/drama that we were watching at that time... its been a long time since i got the chance to do that haha...
it was fun going on "road trips" with just your friends along and it was fun playing with fireworks when there's no restrictions watsoever on setting them alight in India...
It was fun being amazed by nice hotels and just  how incredible India can be...
it was fun getting excited at the prospect of stepping into a proper shopping mall in Agra and it was fun zipping along the streets of India in an autorickshaw and of which i almost fell off onto the road...
It was fun sitting in the India coffee cafe sipping mocha and chatting just like we were in Coffeebean in SG...
It was fun being there for all the new friends found =)

... ... LEAVING THOUGHTS ... ...

hm this has been a really tedious wk, with too many needless troubles at the wrong place and time... actually all the bad stuff started last friday with the keypress issue and the sudden step-up in regimentation... ... basically all kinds of things are happening at the wrong place and time and it seems like life is getting from bad to worse... its such a big contrast from what it was like when i first came in like 6months ago... now its getting more quiet and gloomy and I can almost feel it pressing down on me sometimes... although i managed to stay out of the way this time but it really sux to see other people getting reprimanded and taking extras like free... i guess its really like the morale issue, that after a while everyone starts to feel down and out and things just continue to roll downhill with accumulating consequences-to-come...

I was really in low spirits this week due to all the random bad happenings but i guess i'm really luck to escape to India just when all these start to happen... but then i didn't really feel that happy when i was trying to book out on wed (last day in camp before i fly off), its kind of hard to describe but i decided to put it down as something like survivor guilt and surprise surprise, a reluctance to leave... its really quite amazing how one's mindset can be changed in such a short period of time...

会决定放下一切去两个月的overseas exercise是因为想让自己远走高飞
想单独去外面闯一下，去体会那虽然有限比的自由，让自己有多点呼吸的空间
当时的我没有太多牵挂，也没有太多的顾虑，只因为我一直把自己抽离在我各人的世界里
现在的我多了太多不舍，也多了太多的顾虑，只因为我在不知不觉中撘起桥梁而有了联系

也许是情况所使，但我enlist已有15个月了，却不曾有多深的体会
但现在说真的，或许是我看到了值得懊恼，值得维持，值得坚持，值得留恋的东西
我有点不舍
那些可能不再会看到的ORD personnel, 那些不管愉快不愉快，我都不能陪伴在身旁的朋友，那些没有我的身影，而日后everybody else所编织的共同回忆
虽然我的情况，比起其它留学在外的朋友，似乎那么的small case
但对不起，我还是那么的在意

所以离开前，我还是想说声对不起
我有需要我去努力的一段路要走
但我想我还是会有想为你们打气的冲动

as for my overseas ex in India, everything is almost packed and ready to go... except those little little things that still need to be decided - like what to put in my hand carry bag,  whether my duffel bag is over the weight limit (this time round, i actually have to drag it all the way there myself) and 1 or 2 things left to be bought before i go... i'm really not sure just how prepared I am but really, I can only go there and try my best to accomplish my taskings smoothly although i already foresee some problems coming up but hopefully they are not that severe... hopefully i will still be able to go go online somehow and keep in touch with everyone else haha but that remains to be seen... but its really a pity i'm going to miss the commissioning for upcoming officers and those who are going to ORD when i'm away... all the best to all of your out there =)

and last of all, wish me luck =)

... ... NOT THAT FAR AWAY ... ...

only 2 wks left before i fly for india!
and i was still thinking i have alot of time for all the stuff i needa settle before i go... cause its gonna be a really long 2 months before i can come back... there's still alot of things to buy and pack before i can assure myself i'm gonna have a somewhat comfortable time over there... needa find some stuff to entertain myself over there... was actually considering getting a portable dvd player but all the suitable ones turned out to be a little over-priced, hopefully jia wei can bring his laptop over so i juz need to find a thumbdrive/harddisk to hold all my movies and music... gonna get some bks to bring over as well but i really can't bear to go shopping at Kino so i gotta settle with some 2nd-hand bkshop haha... and they better set up internet connection over there! although i seriously doubt i'll get to use it cause there's prob. gonna be long queues for it...

seriously, its still kinda worrying to know that i have lots of stuff to do when i get there, especially when i don't really have much of a clue how i gonna go abt doing them... i'm juz gonna pray for the best really... there's only so much that i can do rite now... i really hate this feeling of being so unprepared for the things ahead... it makes me think about all the bad stuff that would happen if i should screw up over there and there's really not many ppl ard who can help me out... even though we're almost on the verge of flying off, i'm still not sure whether i will do okay there *cross my fingers*

... ... LOOK AWAY ... ...

there were juz too many discouraging looks and remarks thrown my way and way too many looks of disapproval and ridicule...

i really wish to prove them wrong to throw their words their looks back at them but sometimes there's only that much i can do...

i thought that as long as i'm trying my best it wld be enough...

looks like i was wrong...

i thought it was such an shame that i actually subjected myself to all those needless torture...

in the end i cld only look away and keep quiet...

 

我开始相信

我相信的寂寞

原来不是个偶然

... ... FOR ORDING and CNY ... ...

I have the "bite-off-more-than-i-can-chew" feeling rite now... suddenly it doesn't seem that easy to just disappear to India cause it seems like I actually have to take charge of alot of stuff... to make it all the more depressing, i'm like one of the lowest rank there already, wats a 3SG doing in the middle of a group  of warrent officers... its juz filled with lots of regulars and erm other races! hell now i'm actually wishing they didn't open up the slot for me in the 1st place haha... to think i was actually quite excited abt the idea of being able to go overseas for an extended period of time... now it kinda sux when i realise i have gotten myself involved in more responsibilities... i get all irritated juz thinking abt it... but still i really really hope i can pull it off properly without screwing up big time somewhere... sigh...

i'm so bloody tired nowadays... i juz slept the whole afternoon away, effectively wasting a large part of my bk-out time! strangely it really doesn't feel like a bk-in day today... the coming CNY and India seem to be messing ard with my head a little... my room is still kinda in a mess cause i'm too lazy to go clean it up so i think i'll juz tidy it up a little later after dinner cause i really won't be back until like thurs morning, which is already 初一! all because i have a COS duty on the eve =( but actually i came to terms with it rather fast cause like the only thing affected is reunion dinner, for which we're eating it ahead of time later so well, i guess its really okay... at least its not 初一 or 初二 those important days when i'm busy visiting ppl and lining my pockets with red packets...

one last thing before i close this entry, some "old" specs are gonna ord  on CNY eve nxt wk! haha although abit unwilling, i still gotta say congrats and adieos to them... i seriously think i'll miss them ard camp after they're gone cause they're like so much more sensible and amiable then some others... watching others ord before me makes me yearn for mine even more but its still like 9 months! they always say like it 'll come soon but then its still a long long way to go and there's so many things to do... i feel like saying it but the phrase "i wonder when my time will come" is juz silly cause i know exactly my ord date haha but well u get my pt...

and also...
Happy Chinese New Year!

... ... A CHOICE ... ...

i'm going India for 3 months from March to end of May! the thing is i really volunteered for it when they asked for 1 spec and 1 man to go... but as it was then it doesn't seemed like there were any other ppl who can make the trip there other than me... i juz hope the overseas payment and the escape from my brigade more than make up for it...

rite now i'm wondering if i made the correct choice for myself... i know it seemed like it was the way to go back then but now i'm a little hesitant... suddenly it seems like its such a big decision made in such a short time when i don't know too many things... but i guess its too late to change anything now so i may as well stick to it and pray that it wouldn't be too demanding there... and there's the issue of how to entertain myself once i'm there cause really without a PSP/DS rite now, all i can do is read bks and stuff but i don't think i can sustain that long in an overseas environment... hm the idea of getting a PSP finally did cross my mind but well, i'm still struggling with that cause i juz spent like a 1000 on changing my cpu and monitor and i don't really fancy splurging again so soon (plus i haven't really got all my CNY stuff yet too)

talking abt CNY, i got a shirt yesterday when i went shopping ard town but i was thinking of getting like a belt, shoes and maybe another top but then looking at the amount i've been spending this month, i think i may juz end up getting the belt, or another top if i'm really feeling that rich... and it sux that i only have another wkend to go shopping for stuff =(

i'm really kinda pleased with the new cpu and monitor but i realise that i don't have much games or anything that can fully make use of it... my warcraft III cds has been deposited at someone's house for yrs already and i haven't really gotten them back... i would love to get them back but its such a chore to have to go and collect it sometimes so i have been procrastinating all i can haha... there's these company of heroes and stalker games that came along free of charge but to tell the truth i'm not that interested in them but anyway out of "desperation" i tried out company of heroes just now and it wasn't too bad so maybe i will occupy myself with that from now on... but i really needa find some ways to make full use of my new com... perhaps getting some online games but the thought of having to dl and register and all that that kinda puts me off a little... but one infuriating thing is that my Zen micro refuses to work on the new windows Vista! and from my research online, it doesn't seem like it can ever work on the vista platform unless i reinstall XP and then install my player software then upgrade back to vista again (way too much work!) its kinda pissing me off and i really feel like getting one that can support videos also but money is really the issue here sigh...

all in all, that's abt all for now...
have to book in later and there's SOC test coming up on thursday! which i think i'm gonna fail but seriously i don't really care about that... other than that i'm juz praying for another peaceful wk =)

... ... JAY CHOU WORLD TOUR 2008 ... ...

after waiting eagerly for this 1 whole wk i finally made it to Jay Chou's Singapore concert on 18th Jan yesterday! and to make it even better it was his 29th birthday as well!

I was so excited about the concert the whole day but I was almost late for it cause I made the mistake of going through town to get there and there was like a major jam with other concert-goers like me who were trying desperately to get onto the bus... by the time i reached there it was like already 8plus so there wasn't time to go and look at all the souvenirs and other stuff on sale (sigh) so i just rushed into the indoor stadium haha... but turned out i wasn't the latest cause sua ning was also stuck in the jam and arrived juz when the opening kicked off... oh and if u're wondering i went there with dawei, sua ning, calvin chew and xunyu (yeah i know I'm kinda doesn't fit in there but it wasn't too bad haha)

before I change language to touch on the concert proper, there's just a few more stuff I wanna mention... to properly enjoy a concert, you really shldn't be holding onto a camera or anything else other than light sticks or any other stuff for you to show your support to your idols... unfortunately I cldn't resist the temptation and yeah was having a hard time juggling between my camera, handphone (to record down which songs he sang so that i wldn't forget later) and the free giant "I Luv Jay Chou" cardboard hand + light sticks haha... I was more high for this concert than I was for Incomparable to Jay concert in 2004 although I still hold the opinion that the latter was a better concert in terms of content and concert presentation... I think I was closer to the stage in Incomparable to Jay concert although I paid more for ticket this time round... It was irritatingly difficult to get clear shots this time and I wasn't really proud of the photos I had taken (unlike in Incomparable to Jay) and to top it off, there was this one idiot with dyed hair that keeps appearing in the clear shots that I had! Hopefully I will be able to get better photos from dawei... the only video that i took was during his encore section when he played fa ru xue on gu zhen but i'm not sure why i took it cause it wasn't really that interesting as a video haha

rite that's about it, on to the concert proper!

周杰伦世界巡回演唱会2008 （新加坡）

曲目：
黄金甲
无双
最后的战役
不能说的秘密
退后
麦芽糖
牛仔很忙
听妈妈的话
黑色幽默
最长的电影
安静
白色风车
宇豪钢琴对战 + 舞蹈
千里之外
菊花台
南拳妈妈 - Tonight, What Can I Do, 牡丹江
夜的第七章
夜曲
迷迭香
生日歌 + 忍者，双节棍（改版）
彩虹
开不了口
甜甜的
encore 1 - 阳光宅男
encore 2 - 发如雪（古筝）
encore 3 - 霍元甲, 双节棍

一开始就料到新加坡这一站不会有太多新增的表演项目，所以当其他人还在猜测开场歌曲会是哪一首时，我却已经预料他会身穿紫色盔甲，并以黄金甲和无双作为开场表演。看他在台上努力地演出，也情不自禁的high了起来。随着演唱会的开始，我也庆幸自己能够随着音乐的节奏，把其余的自己抛开，让自己能够放纵地去享受这期盼已久的演唱会。

续无双后，杰伦带来了太久没听到的最后的战役，也是第一首大家能大合唱的歌曲。从不能说的秘密开始，我也开始高举荧光棒，跟随音乐的节奏左右摇摆，名正言顺地当起了一名粉丝，做些粉丝该做的事haha。=) 牛仔很忙让杰伦呈现难得的舞蹈表演。虽然没有其他艺人厉害但也算不错了。 听妈妈的话唱到一半时却突然插入周纫发搞笑的录像，更有张学友通过录像帮忙唱一段副歌，目的是想让大家有个惊喜，但我之前已看过其他地区演唱会的报道，所以对此也没多大的意外。

如果没记错的话，杰伦在钢琴上只演绎了黑色幽默，最长的电影，安静这三首歌，让我有那麽一点点的失望。因为我一直认为他在弹钢琴的时候是最帅气，最有气质的。更烦人的是他面向另一边，从我的座位只能看到他的背影，即使想要拍照也没有舍麽意思。况且我又觉得他身穿黑亮的色外套，整体感觉与钢琴有点不搭，让我有那美中不足的一点点失望，但至少他唱了新专辑中我最喜欢的最长的电影。之后值得提的就是宇豪于杰伦的钢琴对战，所弹的也就是《不能说的秘密》电影里头的旋律。中国风的千里之外和菊花台也随后登场，却偏偏少了青花瓷。

特别嘉宾南拳妈妈虽说不是很特别但对于他们的表演，我也没设麽不满意。呈现的Tonight 和 牡丹江都是我喜欢的歌。特别嘉宾之后，杰伦坐在巨型粉红色高梗鞋从舞台底下伸上，并与女舞者有“火辣”的贴身舞，同时唱了夜的第七章，夜曲与迷迭香。ehh台下的我却看得有点莫名其妙。

杰伦与南拳妈妈和吉他手众人坐在舞台中央，随性地聊天并由南拳妈妈带领大家为杰伦大唱生日歌算是演唱会最温馨的一幕吧。也让我们听到了改版的忍者和双节棍，尤其改版之后的双节棍旋律意外的动听。甜甜的作为演唱会最后一首歌有点不妥但今天是杰伦的生日，也许曲目快乐点也是应该的。

之后encore部分的发如雪最出色，因为前半部由杰伦亲自以古筝弹出了旋律，还有大家的陪唱，有那种依依不舍的感觉haha。最后最后选择了节奏快的霍元甲和双节棍来做high翻天的收场。他让我们一起跟他跳起来，一起为这场演唱会以及他的29岁生日做了最难忘最high的序幕，让我不得不庆幸自己能够参于周杰伦世界巡回演唱会2008。

在回顾照片的同时，才发觉最喜欢的还是杰伦他静态的一面。

为了这场演唱会期盼了很久很久，但3个小时的享受也就这样过了。这次的hangover没比上次无与伦比演唱会严重但那失落感还是会有的haha。sigh 我还真想再次回味那live的感觉，也只好等待DVD的到来吧。

this entry's getting abit too long so i guess i shall leave some stuff for other times haha...

... ... WALLED ... ...

this has been a horribly long wk! it has been a really long time since i actually had to spend 6 days on NS and i'm totally drained out... and its actually only the start of worse to come sigh... and to top it off someone has been getting on my nerves recently by hanging around day in day out ard us... somehow i juz have an issue with him although he never really did anything to me but i guess its juz his attitude... i haven't been able to enjoy a moment of peace since he started appearing... there were certain days when i got up on the wrong side of bed and wished that i could be left alone for a quiet peaceful rest but then he would just butt into my bunk and ruined it for me... it happened and will happen everyday! now i'm planning to run and hide in the office whenever he decides to barge in, juz so that i won't have to torture myself with his presence... its just one of the few times you run into ppl whom you have totally zero chemistry with... as if i don't already have enough troubles on my hand sigh... gosh i'm juz plain irritated...

they really shld make allowances for me to have my emo days so that i can spend the whole day walled up behind my thoughts and emotions... its so irritating when you actually have to deal with clueless fellows when you busy brooding about all the bad stuff... nowadays i really wanna be antisocial so i can keep myself away from all the nonsense running ard... its such a chore to be sociable when i don't wanna be...

and I DON'T WANT SOC!

and the coming fri is Jay Chou's concert!
i've been waiting for God knows how long cause its the only thing that i can look forward to nowadays!
FRIDAY COME FASTER!

... ... ITS ONLY SOLITUDE ... ...

yesterday was prob the worst of my days in 2008 so far, although i muz admit 2008 was only as old as 4 days' worth of time... i was doing COS on that day and i managed to cock up pretty much everything... sigh and i also happened to be the fortunate one that manage to get COS duty on Chinese New Year's Eve but i still wonder whether it was because of that that things started going wrong subsequently... and to add on to that, there's confirmation of more shit to come from nxt wk onwards with the reintroduction of duty spec and the never-before introduction of waking up on time at ungodly hours to do 5BX before going for breakfast... seems like we brought in a world of bad news ever since we got posted in sigh...

my problematic com never fails to come up with new innovative probs each wk and this time it surprises me with a windows live messenger that disappears 5s after i log in... i was even more perplexed when ebuddy refuses to work as well... nvm i think i can afford to live in isolation for a while more... and to think i was juz finishing this bk "one hundred years of solitude" which was full of solitude beings who can't seem to get on with lives properly without involving themselves in nonsensical pursuits and excessive forbidden desires... and i seem to be falling into the state of perpetual nostalgia and depression that permeate the characters in the story... and i realise why i wldn't believe in a God or why i have the impulse to make a mess of my life and run away after that...

at least i have 曹格's new songs to entertain me...

i'm really in not much of a mood to write anything more rite now...

... ... 2008 ... ...

and its 2008!
frankly i wasn't exactly that high abt 2008 approaching cause i kind predicted its gonna be a bad yr for me or at least it will start off badly for me =( i was kinda dreading it the whole of this dec actually but i guess there's juz no avoiding it in the end... to think i used to be that excited whenever it comes to the end of a yr but that's really all in the past... actually alot of things are all in the past haha...

on the last day of 2007, i watched I AM LEGEND with some of my 72 clsmates and i muz say it wasn't really up to my expectation... i mean there were all kinds of glowing reviews abt it and i went in expecting more from the movie... its was like kityeng said before the movie, juz like resident evil haha although it was less action-packed obviously... of course you can say it deals more with the the idea of isolation and the way it affects you in more ways than you can imagine but i didn't really think that was like "deep" enough to elevate the movie from an action flick to a "thinking" movie... overall it wasn't that bad but it didn't really impress me either so i guess its up to individual perceptions haha...

after that we headed over to emilia's hse for dinner and a stayover countdown haha... dinner was prepared by her mum and maid and it was really gd, consisting of prawn salad, mashed potatoes, chicken wings, sushi and some other stuff and lucky we managed to finish most of it except for the sushi i think haha... we didn't really eat that much of snacks either throughout the whole nite and we didn't really do much too... juz some cards, mahjong, abit of ps2 as well... the rest of it was spent watching dvds and the countdown programmes on tv... but it was nice to be able to sit down with friends and discuss abt random stuff and i think that always gets to me in the end even if we're doing nth in particular... i think i'm really that kind of guy that is okay with siting down and chat (provided we 've things to talk abt), when there's absolutely nothing to do... and i realise again that i ought to get some more 2plyers games for the ps2, esp those fighting ones haha... once again thanx to all who turned up that nite =)

and on the 1st day of 2008, i watched ALIEN VS PREDATOR 2 with some of my 72 clsmates and it was a major letdown... i was so bored with it halfway through the movie cause it was really quite a pathetic attempt to make some story out of it... they shld 've cut the no. of inconsequential characters running ard in the movie juz to get killed and focused on a tight few to make charcter development much better... or rather i wldn't exactly mind if they juz focus on the predator and forget abt all the humans... the fight scenes wasn't that bad although it was really really dark everywhere and in the end i cldn't make out wat they were doing during all those fights... i mean okay the setting and atmosphere were done correctly here but hey wats the point if i can't see any of the action going on down there... so juz watch it if u really feel u 've to but at least watch it during the wkday haha...

and to end off 2007 properly, it has really been a tumultuous yr for me with all the ns shit that keeps coming non-stop but its a relief that i managed to make it through, although i wld say i did horribly in it... i had more issues than u can possibly imagine but glad to say i'm less than a yr away from ORDing... it has also been an awful yr for organising gatherings cause so many ppl have flown off to other countries and some ppl's presence are sorely missed haha...

2007 has been a difficult yr of change and 2008 will be a difficult yr of persisting through to the end.

2007，很不顺的一年。

因为跟不上变迁的节奏所以一直很努力的在后头追，追得自己喘不过气，累得自己忘了呼吸。有时为自己感到多麽的不值，但也明白一切也只能怨自己是那麽的不争气。现在回想起来，当时的我的确很辛苦，很无奈，但最终时间还是继续地往前走，我也就这样熬过了大半年。也因此我遗留了太多的遗憾和亏欠，而我学会了如何去掩埋，如何去忘却，好像如此就能把一切归零。

2008年的开始，我只渴望能够原谅自己的愚蠢和寂寞，让自己为自己好过一些。