... ... SOME CRAP ... ...

4 or 5 days left before sch reopens...
getting abit tired of aimless hols... yup its aimless hols and not hols there's a big difference there...
but it doesn't exactly mean i look forward to sch...
i'm doing one maths qn a day haha... that's the max i can go with regards to maths (i still think it is the most useless subject being taught in sch)
i bet only 5% of wat we r learning now 'll come into actual use in the future... its wasting space in my precious memory which is already quite limited...
i'm sure its quite possible to come up with a super calculator or smth that can perform all these complex stuff without wasting time on formulae and XYZ rules watever...
so why bother to study maths?!?! god knows wat ppl r thinking nowadays...
somehow i think i'm the only sane one ard... hahaha

rite...
i kinda concluded that my jc life 'll be a failure...
to be more precise i think i'll 've like zero achievements in sch...
then that 'll bring me to the qn i've always been asking myself : "Who's to blame?"
then i'll go on pondering abt it and reach the same conclusion everytime...
and then thats it .( read as fullstop)
cause nothing's gonna change no matter how much i go back and look at it...
i can spend hours thinking "wat if" and "it shld 've been" but in the end... everything stays the way i left them in reality...
so to conclude i 've wasted my time pondering over such stuff for the past few minutes... and u wasted ur time by reading through it haha...
cause everything i typed there 'll achieve zero results and maybe the only thing it's done is to help u kill time if u r that bored...
wat an amazing achevement =)

anyway...
i feel like having some nice food for supper now... but my hse's like totally empty...
and i don't really feel like going out to get stuff at this hour...
why am i blogging all these down anyway...
nvm...
my bg midi sounds abit weird at certain parts but nvm thats not really the point...
eh so wats the real point of this entry?
i'm not that sure myself haha... =P

... ... CHRISTMAS ... ...

MERRY CHRISTMAS !!!

... ... THE KK EXPERIENCE ... ...

went KK hospital to do some cip today...
wasn't a very bad experience afterall...
juz sit there relax and crap while making new yr "cards" (more like bkmarks if u ask me)...
starting was quite slow... spending time trying to think of designs wat to draw and paste and all that... but towards the end i was like using the same template for all my cards haha...
it wasn't only me loh... in fact everyone else there did the same cause the woman there told us she values quantity more then quality haha so lame...
so by the end there are only abt 10+ designs alltogether in that 200+ cards haha... how sad...
but not as sad as those patients who r gonna get cards made by a particular someone (to be honest i contributed a few "failed" expts with my awful handwriting but not as many as ahem... a . h . s . o . u)
rite so we managed to meet the quota in the end and went for lunch at mac... which was followed by an intense lizards and cockcroaches discussion...
i realise i'm pretty lucky cause i've nice lizards in my hse who doesn't drop on ppl, bathe in mugs or shit on impt stuff among other disgusting crimes... those in my hse juz stick on the wall and stay there! so nice =)

2 more days to christmas!
i got like absolutely nothing on for christmas eve or christmas or boxing day so erm... there's not much to look forward to...
although there's nothing exciting to look forward to for christmas... its still quite exciting to know christmas is comng!
i think i've been quite nice this yr and maybe santa 'll drop by and give me a nice present this yr...
i hope he'll give me a stack of completed tutorials and assignments that includes all the hol hmwk and maybe those incoming ones in 2006 as well...
yup that'll be so nice =)

i think i'm mad haha

... ... FRUITLESS ... ...

aboveall i gotta admit...
this hols has been quite fruitless...

... ... PEANUT ... ...

it feels like i've been living in a peanut forever!!!
eh don't ask me why a peanut... the idea juz popped into my head so i'm not sure why also...
but anyway...
the idea is that it feels like i've been in isolation for the whole hols haha...
seems like i don't know alot of stuff and i've been missing out lots...
maybe its juz cause i don't really talk to ppl nowadays haha...
i need total silence and concentration to train my new skill... watever that may be (tell ur when i figure it out myself)
rite so i'm juz a little lost and slow in thoughts nowadays... got lots of catching up to do really...
'll see abt that when sch reopens haha...

talking abt sch reopening...
nxt yr sounds boring already...
i'm seriously not talking abt my rumoured tutors for nxt yr...
really i'm not!
stop that... i'm really not!
okay that's lame but u get the idea...
and i'm not gonna start complaining abt the hmwk part...
seriously i'm not gonna start so stop waiting for the bitching...
i mean like...
wat's there to complain abt it... everyone thinks the same way its kinda common knowledge...
so therefore i'm not gonna bitch abt it... yup never ever...

rite...
wats with all the crappy work over the hols?!
don't they know how students think? i mean like who's gonna do hmwk during the hols?!
that's like so no life... not that i've alot of it in the 1st place but its unethical to make it even worse off...
being the nice boy that i am of course i'll juz end up doing them...
but don't ever ask me abt the quality...
rite now i gekking out aqs everynite for the sake of doing...
u know... overdosage can be fatal yeah...
and i haven't touch the other subjects yet...
there's juz a few stacks of bio notes to browse through and a few billion brain cells worth of bio essay qns to finish...
then there's chem - healthiest of them all... juz take a look they're all organic! 've a few and u're on ur way to heaven! or hell whichever that is...
for maths i'm not saying much cause i've a natural handicap in it...
its not my fault its innate... they shld give some leeway to ppl like me...
how abt free jump of 2 grades upwards... its only fair that we compete on equal grounds with those who've a natural flair in it rite... =)
yup that's abt all loh... SO little rite...
teachers 've always been so kind and considerate...
worried that we'll get bored during the hols they juz drop off LITTLE presents for us to enjoy during the hols...
we really can't thank them. enough with all the presents for us,
life's miserable. without these presents
more trees can be saved. if we do online assignments,
our eyes 'll pop and electricity bill 'll rocket. if we play more,
we shld 've more life and i love these presents
not. i hate them!
=)

hm....
did i miss out 1 particular subject... strange i'm sure i didn't...
yup i think i didn't miss it accidentally...
gtg...
adieos...

... ... CHALET ... ...

back from my 1st class chalet for 2005...
stayed at NSRCC for the past 2 days with my class...

hm...
actually i don't really know wat to write...
its juz like any other chalet except that place's abit more ulu than normal...
spent the 1st afternoon piaing mr valles' farewell present... managed to pass it to him juz in time though towards the end... had to shorten alot of msges haha...
did mahjong ps pryamid game bowling bbq abit of outdoor stuff...
found a nice place at the beach... the view there was superb but we kinda missed the sunset... only saw an orange glow in the sky but it was nice enough...
eh...
surprisingly i slept alot for this chalet and it was on the nice comfy bed somemore... haha

now i'm back at home...
gotta start work already...
sianz... feels as though hols r over liao...

... ... SICK ... ...

crap...
been sick from last sat until now and it looks set to carry on for a few more days...
vomited 3 times over te last 2 days and still feel like vomitting but nowadays nothing comes out anymore weird...
and there's this irritating fever that's been bugging me all the way...
somehow managed to crawl my way to the doc this morning and got back with odd mixture of pills...
somehow i suspect my condition actually worsens after i took the pills... i was like stuck in bed all day and had to stay near the toilet the whole time...
everytime i lie down its like my body temperature 'll rise again lah...
and i didn't even feel like eating the porriage infront of me and my mum was like trying to make me eat everything...
its not that its all that tasteless and watever but more like i don't feel like eating cause everytime i eat its like the food's stuck in my throat and the vomit feeling comes back again eek...

rite...
better go write my will now juz in case i don't wake up tml morning...
guess i'll be stuck at home for another 2 to 3 days... no energy to do anything at all...
crap and i was so planning to go and collect my beloved mp3 player after one month's separation...
bad luck i guess...

... ... 4A STAYOVER ... ...

back from a 1 nite and 1 day stayover at brent's hse with 4A...

started out with dinner at marche 1st which *ah hem* started late...
managed to get through dinner with a total expenditure of $10.40! (2nd lowest if i'm not wrong) of course no one can beat clement with a grand total of $0.00!
btw most ex food goes to jkwek for his $8.80 worth of fried rice =P
anyway we met up with the rest at cck arcade at ard 9+...
basically watched brent doing hundreds of perfect combos on some guitar mashing arcade game and some others bouncing balls into baskets... and finally after another hour or so we managed to make it into brent's hse...
eh... wat else can i say...
we've like the whole hse to ourselves cause his family stays in his main condo basically while this other condo is left empty for ppl like us to mess it up...
an empty condo packed with 2 desktops 2 laptops 1 ps2 1 xbox 2 plasma tvs mahjong and cards... u get the main idea...
dota doa bridge daidee weird racing/fighting games mahjong some other computer games... thats abt all we did actually...
but most of us konked off subsequently except for lc who made it through the whole nite haha...
nxt morning after a long time... we managed to get out of the hse and walked to lot 1 for lunch at... foodcourt!!
then it was erm... back to brent's hse again for some more lagging until we went home at ard 7...
but by then the no of ppl has shrinked quite abit so yeah that wasn't much of an aftermath...

quite satisfied with this stayover i suppose... 80% of it went rite and fine!
thanx to all who appeared -> chris, jirong, jteh, clement, yi yang and kwong ee, liang cheng, mong, yong liang, jkwek, chi, chaoqun, melvin, ying tang, nigel, philip, nick, wei da! it cldn't 've been fun without all of ur ard =)
and most imptly thanx to brent and his family for letting us stayover at thier condo especially his mum for making us feel rite at home there... thanx alot for all that!
also to those who cldn't come for the stayover -> well we can meet up again nxt time then... keep in touch yeah

phew...
its nice to know that i can take a long break after this is over...
got smth together for NP and 4A over the last 2 wks and i suppose i kinda settled the annual "duty" haha...
rite...
so life's been on track to the norm for me then...

... ... VISITING THE PAST ... ...

rite...
spent tuesday and today meeting up with old friends haha...
from npcc to hu6...
only 6 ppl turned up for the movie on tuesday though... sad attendence haha and yeah i counted myself as one of the 6 already...
met up with yushu, eng kuan, eugene, yong tat and tan wen... haha weird grp eh...
alot of ppl not free i guess...
anyway doom wasn't all that bad... at least i didn't spend like 9.50 on it haha...
karl urban (reaper) is so much cooler than the rock (sarge) lah... haha
basically the whole movie abt ppl walking abt in dimly lit places with lots of corners... giant paw slapping ppl on their faces suddenly and abit of beat 'em up here and there...
quite cool i guess but thats abt all to it haha...

went to meet up with hu6 ppl at cine today...
saw sam, sin yong aka mr sin the magician, cheng yen, zhou min, yining, zhi xin, deborah ang, joycelin, rachel, ben tan...
juz spent the afternoon at kbox then went for dinner and then magic show by mr sin...
his magic tricks were quite cool but then erm... gotta work on that voice and style of delivery abit more yeah...
haha...

nxt wk's 4A...
hm...

... ... RENOVATIONS ... ...

spent the whole nite renovating the wall in my bedroom...
yes i mean the wall...
shifted my existing posters ard to accomodate my new jay chou poster =)
due to lots of obstacles in the way i had to spend much of the nite kneeling on the upper level of my double decker bed to stuck the posters onto the wall...
to make things worse i had to jump on and off to check if the posters are vertical and all that...
spent a long time doing that but was quite satisfied with the end result i guess...
now i 've 2 jay posters and 1 poster with both jolin and f.i.r. on my wall =)
wish i could accomodate more but my wall's filled... so sad...

and i gotta renovate myself also...

watched the channel 8 dancing show afterwards... the eng name is rainbow connection or smth like that...
thought it wasn't that bad haha...
now watching lost...
yes i'm still at season 1... very slow rite...
but i prefer to keep the suspense in the air and not watch ahead to spoil the show...
and pls don't spoil it for me =)
looks like there's a war coming up...
so exciting haha...
gtg... adieos...

... .. NOVEMBER EVE ... ...

sometimes i wonder why we shld be optimistic...
the idea seems quite ridiculous after a while...
i think i kinda stop believing in it some time ago...
yeah i still tell ppl to remain optimistic abt stuff and all that but maybe its more on the basis of need rather than belief...
take it as i'm lying then but i happen to be one of those who believe lies are sometimes needed to make everyone better off...

believe me or not...
being pessimistic is better off then being optimistic...
isn't it the same as results?
aim low and u'll be more likely to be satisfied... aim high and u'll be more likely to end up disappointed...
falling all the way from the top to the bottom has always been the most painful...
ignoring all else... between satisfaction and disappointment which 'll u choose?
in the end... is that hope worth all the pain and disappointment?

everyone knows its better to aim low but then how many of us can really do it...
humans... being incomplete... can only do so much to help themselves...
even though we know something is wrongand that it shldn't be done... we continue to do it anyway... a behaviour with an explaination that stops only at the word "rebellious"
hope haunts and echoes around us all the time...
how many times have we opened our hearts to hope... only to end up broken and lost while hope continues to swirl ard... looking for another chance to strike...
in order to carry on living... we need hopes...
to believe that life 'll become better... to believe that we'll 've our happy endings...
but if life was really that wonderful that beautiful... 'ld we 've needed hope in the 1st place?
perhaps in the end hope is only a form of positive self-denial... a white lie that seek to make us feel better...
yet...
after the lie has been exposed after the grand illusion has been dissolved... wats left is only the sorrow of reality...

hasn't it been the same for me...
to 've held such high hopes in the beginning of the yr... a chance to start anew for us...
but yet fate took each of us on different paths... to give us different futures that may or may not coincide...
moving on i held fresh hopes again... choosing to believe that everything 'll remain fine and unchanged...
hah...
sometimes things juz doesn't seem that way but i continue to deceive continue to cheat continue to hope...
i cldn't control myself... hope is very hard to let go of...
afterall i'm only a human - incomplete and flawed in too many ways...
while i still continue to hope...
sometimes i wonder why isit that i feel sorrow...
is it that only in the depths of hopelessness can sorrow be absent from life?

*i place my hand into the flame...
and wonder why there isn't any feeling...
is it me or is it the flame?

... ... ARES FAC OUTING ... ...

went for lan recently to play dota...
arh well at least i can still play decently after a long break form it...
i've been winning all the dota games i played haha...
or rather my team...
but i guess it was based more on others' expertise than my skill haha... and maybe some other factors as well...
shld really start restricting my expenditure...
muz start saving for the coming hols!!!
or else i gonna 've to stay at home and do hsework everyday...
hols seem to be quite boring suddenly... especially when u've no money =(

went for fac outing yesterday...
eh overall not bad lah...
the games were quite lame as usual juz the ares idol more interesting...
erm...
anyway thanx for the "posters" and cheers... really appreciate it =)
at least we got a $50 marche voucher...
wonder wat r we gonna do with all the food vouchers we 've...
and stop accusing me of eating it up... i didn't lah...
irritating...
went back with kevin after that...
almost missed the last bus haha...
was walking slowly to the guardhse there then were told be 70 ppl that the bus leaving liao...
pia all the way there and managed to get abroad in time...
or else really muz stay over liao... haha

reached home near 12...
went to bathe then cldn't slp so bug ppl to stay up and talk to me... haha...
in the end went to slp ard 130 i think...
walk up at 10+ this morning play/slp all the way until nitehen start bio respiration...
only did mcq in the end... cldn't take it liao...
anyway got 3 more nites to work on it and i juz realise i still don't 've my bio evol tutorial!!!
watever lah...
sianz...

... ... NULLSTATE ... ...

somehow i'm in equilibrium for the past few days...
juz those everything comes everything goes state of mind...
although i'm slightly aware of the things i 've to take care of nxt wk but so far i've been able to push them out of my mind...
don't mind staying in this nullstate... nothing much to worry or disturb me...
maybe i juz get a little excited abt certain stuff... 1st Nov!!!

HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY to my cousin!!!
abit early but haha hope u enjoy ur bday abroad!!!
went to his hse to kinda celebrate his bday today...
was quite simple but its the thoughts that count haha...
yup...
quite fun meet up with all my cousins again...
everyone is like either in army or working and i'm the only one studying kinda hard to talk sometimes but still quite fun... haha...

watching ai guo you qing tian now...
cringed at tay ping hui/allan wu and zoe tay's performances...
ouch lah... so painful...
really pity them sometimes...
juz hope their efforts pay off and everyone gets a happy ending =)
and ou de yang is singing behind a plastic screenon stage!! *roll eyes*
and i wonder how desperate he can gets...
arh well...
gtg...
adieos...

... ... A TIRED MIND ... ...

i wldn't deny that i was feeling quite unhappy today...
but there's too much i cannot figure out myself...
maybe thats when dawei asked me i decided to keep quiet bah...
to be honest i'm kinda confused by myself and watever i was thinking today...
i think aaron commented i looked sad during gp today?!
haha got meh...
wasn't happy wasn't sad... juz like that...
getting back results isn't much of a happy event... somehow somewhere someone always lose out even if its not u...

when ppl get tired...
they tend to go crazy...
i guess i'm juz tired...

... ... end of promos ... ...

tml's bio spa...
end of promos...
but i wonder wat really ends tml...

sigh...
sometimes i really feel there isn't much to celebrate after promos...
better to juz let everything go and slack somewhere quietly...
juz doing nothing at all also appeals to me i guess...
there r too many things that i shld do but i cannot...
i wish to think that perhaps it has been destined that i shld not be able to do those stuff but i know better than that...
watever the case there r too many limitations on me...
maybe if i could choose...
i would rather choose to believe that failure was fated...

... ... Promos ... ...

GD LUCK for promos!!! =)

... ... POST PROMOS!!! -> sorry i was daydreaming ... ...

Happy 17th Birthday to Ritz!!
cldn't find enough ppl to sign the card haha... nvm lah its the thoughts that count =P
enjoy ur day or watever that's left of it haha...

anyway...
was supposed to study during PE today but ended up playing frisbee and tennis...
woah lau... i was supposed to be studying!!! oh well nvm...
anyway i'm already behind time... so erm 1 or 2 more days doesn't really matter i guess...
okay fine it does but nvm... i'll juz TRY to work harder these few days...

lagged at the class bench for a while after school...
haha was suddenly reminded of the 1st 3 months where almost everyone hang ard the class bench after sch to talk and play weird games like stress!!!
that was so fun lah... we shld relive those times again after promos haha...
everyone mass stayback after promos hor... juz talk crap or other stuff can already...
darn.. promos not over and i'm already thinking of wat to do after promos...
i muz be nuts haha...

gtg...
adieos...

... ... MAF ... ...

here to blog abt maf yesterday...
but before that abit abt jue dui superstar...
dropped by BP plaza for a look cause they went there for erm... wo shou hui haha...
by the time i reached there it was like quite packed liao then i only got a spot at one corner...
there was this dumb speaker blking my view was quite irritated...
felt quite cheated haha...
only kelly, sinhuey, candyce, wei lian, junyang and jason came... and each of them only sang like for a few seconds loh so wasted...
but they kinda cross sing so kelly sang wei lian's that gu dan song, wei lian sang mei li ben nv ren and so on...
the whole things lasted like 50min then they went of liao... haha

went to sch for maf after that...
helped made some banners for the ppl involved in maf... haha...
hm...
maf performance was quite okay lah... starting was abit sianz...
wushu was quite fun to watch though haha...
kevin was so chio that nite... aaron was super comical too... haha...
guess the grand lightup was the main thing to look forward to...
the fireball was quite cool i guess...
haha... but maybe the process of lighting can be more interesting...
or is that very difficult to do? dunno haha...
but the effect was quite cool... haha gd job by dawei =)
eh...
after that walked ard abit then went for song session and mass dance...
not bad lah... thought it was quite fun haha...
seriously everyone shld join in loh...
even if u don't know anyhow dance also can mah...
its juz the atmosphere and the time spent together... doesn't matter whether we know how to dance...
after everything went to kap for a short while then went home liao...
nothing much to do there...
reached home abt 1145 like that haha...
went online for a short while for mass convo then went off to slp liao...

spent the whole of today on chem...
but inbetween i slacked alot so yeah...
i realise i cldn't do like almost all the mcq qns for into to organic chem...
i'm so dead...
sigh...

btw...
happy birthday to my ex-mentor...
whether u see this or not... hope u've enjoyed ur day haha... =)

... ... SONGS ... ...

ha...
i think i've not fully recover from the jue due superstar "craze"...
okay actually "craze" isn't exactly appropriate cause i'm not really that crazy yet but anyway i think u shld get the idea...
rite...
so nowadays i keep listening to the songs the contestants sang...
and the weird thing is i can play the same song over and over again without getting sianz... wooo...
mainly yi shi de mei hao and wo hen wo ai ni...
sometimes i think they sound nicer than the original versions also...
haha...
i hope their combined album 'll be nice think i'll definitely go and buy it haha... so cool...
feel like singing suddenly... hahahaha *everyone runs for cover*

erm... dunno wat else to blog...
so yeah adieos...

... ... SUPERSTAR ... ...

watched jue dui superstar finals juz now...
i enjoyed the whole 3h+ show woohoo...
it was so nice getting all the contestants back again to sing and perform all that...
quite exciting too watching kelly and wei lian fighting it out on stage...
to tell the truth...
i thought it was more like a battle between generations... like aunties/uncles vs youngsters... with the older generations going for wei lian and the yonger ones rooting for kelly...
but muz admit wei lian improved quite abit... the bi yin isn't obivious anymore or at least thats wat i thought... =)
kelly was great throughout the whole show and she kinda won all the rounds except for the he yin part... the guys really did a better job than the girls there haha...
kelly performed better but in the end wei lian still won...
looks like aunties/uncles got more money to spare haha...

oh well...
looks like superstar has ended for now... more time to do work now haha...
was suppose to practice maths but lost it after a while...
think i'm gonna die tml... sigh...
i hate maths...

... ... ROTTEN DAY ... ...

went to sch feeling quite "sick" but not really that kind of sick u know...
juz not feeling too gd thats all...
there's some kind of lump in my throat whenever i swallow stuff there'll be an acute pain... but it seems to be go on and off throughout the whole day...
maybe getting sore throat or smth like that i guess...
sianz...

was quite unlucky too...
was reading through the written report during flag raising today when ppc walks past!!!
rite... u can guess wat happened...
went to find him after flag raising for a "talk"...
argh...
quite crap i shld 've faked my ans and not be so honest...
then maybe it wldn't be so troublesome...
he manage to pick on my hair and lets see... he digress quite abit so that he can pick on me in another area... humph...
suppose to go find him again later on to get back the written report...
went to his desk 3 times and he wasn't there all the time...
so irritating...
but nvm...
surprisingly i wasn't too bothered abt it at the end of the day...
haha...

went for cca forum...
wasn't really that bad...
always fun to learn sch "politics" haha...

i continue to think jue due superstar is so cool...
the idea of it is so fun and cool...
as in getting top singers who were like strangers to come together to compete then at the end everyone supposedly becomes friends a common interest...
ahhh... i can't explain it but i think the idea's cool so its cool =P

actually... today doesn't seem like such a rotten day afterall...
i guess rotten or not... it juz depends on how u see stuff...
brooding abt unhappy things only make u feel worse...
i'm learning to keep an open mind to everything... learning is the word though haha...
if only i can be so "open-looking" all the time...

... .. RETURNING ... ...

there are so many things that i didn't even know where to begin...
i guess i'm getting abit too tired to explain anything...
no one 'ld believe me anyway...
guess i need to take a break from everything...
time to return back to my private world...
adieos...

... ... DISAPPEARING TRACKS ... ...

so many things 've occurred before...
but it doesn't matter to u cause its wasn't u...
maybe the mirror is there u juz don't see the reflection...
watever the case...
maybe it doesn't really matter anymore...
its time for the snow to cover the tracks...

... ... A NITE OUT ... ...

went for cip in the morning yesterday...
spent like 4h doing ballon sculpturing... flowers all the way...
starting was super slow and came up wiht low quality stuff...
towards the end became much better haha...
but seriously got quite sianz 1/2way...
4h of the same stuff can drive u nuts haha...

after that went for lunch and pool until abt 4+
went to heeren and looked ard hmv until the rest arrived for the class dinner...
turnout wasn't too bad... had like 1/2 the class there...
anyway...
most of us didn't really eat that much...
i ate some roast chicken and mashed potato and shared a crepe with dawei and daryl... nice stuff =)
poor emilia wasted her money on her food which wasn't reallt filling and nice haha... arh well... money spent for a lesson learnt...
got quite freaked out and irritated 1/2way... shan't talk much abt it...
there's always a line between being irritating and trying to be funny...
i don't really 've a tolerence for ppl trying to act funny...
juz stay away from now on...

went esplanade after that...
arh well... enjoyed myself there...
the atmosphere, the breeze, the scene the feeling was juz cool...
pity its so far from my hse wldn't mind going there all the time...

gtg...
adieos...

... ... TMNT ... ...

finally the badminton tmnt is over!!
haha...
quite relieved now... finally can stop worrying over it...
overall was quite successful i guess... though there were some irritating blunders here and there but still... i'm quite proud of it haha =P
did smth all the way from scratch... how cool can that be... haha
hm...
actually there's still abit left... shan't celebrate too much yet... haha
only left with prize giving and abit more of admin work... shld be alrite i guess...
once those r done... i'll 've finished my major "project" for badminton this yr...
haha...

i seem to be missing out the most impt thing...
hahahaha...
72 won the tmnt!!!
BIG THANX to all those who represented the class - dawei, zhou hao, jia shee, bernice, wei jin and hui wen...
cldn't 've made it without ur haha...
ur helped us win our first offical prize for this yr!! yay haha...
thanx again for supporting my tmnt and more imptly for doing ur best for the class haha =)

... ... TOUGH DAY ... ...

hm...
today started out quite badly...
was late for flag-raising...
i was 1/2way across the terraces and like only 3 steps away before i enter the college section and then they had to start the anthmn...
they considered me late cause of that... was quite irritated abt it...

then went econs got scolding again...
wat the class comes in late then she had to complain and nag...
and it wasn't like we were super late... its was only like 5min...
got even more irritated by then...

then suddenly got complaints abt some class stuff and badminton stuff also...
like everything can be settled so easily and some ppl purposely want to complicate matters...
got super irritated cause of that...

managed to cool down and become abit more normal after a while...
no one managed to irritate me further yet... at least for today...
tml 'll be a diff. matter altogether...
sighz...

... ... IRRITABLE ... ...

was reading other ppl's blogs...
wonder why i can't write some relaxing or funny stuff...
did i write such stuff before?
can't seem to recall anything... sad case...

as usual i'm irritated again...
i think its really true u got to do stuff urself if u want them done rite...
been outsourcing jobs to other ppl (not gonna mention names) and so far the end results haven't been very gd...
either i end up correcting everything again or they simply end up in disaster...
i'm seriously gonna strangle those 2 if things go wrong tml...
and did i mention some irritating ppl who's like hounding me for their own convenience...
hello hounds... don't u 've a sense of shame...
whinning abt everything and yeah nice try at "threats"...
to tell u the truth... i don't really give in to stuff like "threats" or "flatterings"... i've more sense than that...

okay yes i'm under great stress and that explains the violent streak...
feeling snappy and irritable rite now...
like how am i suppose to write some light-hearted stuff in a mood like that...
*snap*

... ... FATE ... ...

sometimes u can get really helpless abt lots of things...
like putting in all ur hardwork into doing smth and then in the end everything doesn't work due to external factors that are beyond ur control...
this world doesn't really believe in 2nd chances afterall and there's only so much u can do abt it...
worrying doesn't help but yet its the only thing u can do...
to make things worse...
u know that at the end... all the blame will come 1 full round back to u...
and it isn't even really ur fault...
fate has a path of its own... and it doesn't includes u...
and u ask urself...
shld everything 've started in the 1st place?

... ... blank ... ...

too tired to talk abt today...
too much to deal with don't wanna go into it again...
so much has been said so i'm juz gonna leave it there...

anyway...
thanx to ritz for my last birthday present for this yr =)

gtg...
adieos...

... ... SPECIAL DAY ... ...

WOOOHOOO!!!!
today is my special day... its 13th July! my bday! hahaha...

was suppose to reach sch earlier and find edmund but i arrived late... sorry abt that hor...
then after flag raising went to find him and got a big shock...
yushu and him got a giant blue bear cushion for me!!! my big blue friend! haha...
very big and cute so i had to carry it ard the whole sch today... frm classbench to audi to classrm to lt... haha...
so paiseh was busy and forgot abt ur bdays this yr...
nxt yr i make sure i return ur a big big present each... make ur carry ard the sch also haha =P

my class was super nice today!!!
gave me presents today...
got mr bean teddy bear and mr bean tshirt... i shall not bother with the implications behind them haha...
the bear very soft and nice to press haha...
i got a shock when i saw the tshirt lah...
its super cool loh the way they package the whole thing... its like a mr bean stand with the tshirt folded and fixed in such a way that the pic of mr bean's head is like the head of the stand also...
erm... sounds abit confusing...
nvm dunno how to describe haha...
anna, emilia and kit yeng were super nice too...
got me the fir cd that i was comtemplating abt buying...
thanx for the present! cause now i no need to buy liao! =)
received many post-it tags wishing me happy bday frm rachel, dranice, jeffrey and wei jin...
erm... haha... i shall be nice...
its the thoughts that count so thank you... haha =P

thought that was the end... but it wasn't haha...
went off with kenneth for free chicken rice after lesson then eat 1/2way suddenly meiyi, aaron and chaoqun appeared with an ice-cream cake!!
was quite surprised loh haha...
the rest of the class appeared and i was so paiseh eating the chicken rice haha...
anyway we lit and relit and sang happy birthday 4 times in total for me, hui zhong, gavin and emilia... haha so cool rite...
thanx to the uncle who lend us the lighter (the lab ones), the chopper and the spoons =)
we cldn't really finish the cake at first but in the end me and dawei finished it with some help from others haha...
cldn't let it go to waste mah... such a nice cake cannot juz throw away like that =P

spend 3 paragraphs juz talking abt my class haha...
was quite touched today... haha...
the birthday cake surprise especially wasn't expecting that at all... haha...
dunno wat else to say leh... said thanx like so many times already...
but anyway thanx again for everything!=P
72 rox!!

okay now need to thank many other nice ppl also...
gonna be hardworking and list down everyone else who wished me happy birthday...
THANX to ritz, jie long, jing yang, lots of nice ppl in 74 also who wish me happy bday even when i don't really know ur haha, woon khi, yining, angela, mr yeow, mrs cheng... to chaorong, kenneth, edmund, yushu, cheng yen, eugene, yi zhi... to wei da, clement, tze, ji rong, ming han, philip... to the whole of 05S72 including elaine and jelene...
hope i didn't miss out anyone haha...

okay... now i dedicate song to myself...
so sad loh... muz do it myself...
haha no lah... juz wanna share with ur the lyrics... very nice =)
thanx everyone...
adieos...

The Birthday Song (Corrinne May)

Don't worry about that extra line
That's creeping up upon your face
It's just a part of nature's way to say you've grown a little more
Trees have rings and thicker branches
Kids shoes get a little tighter
Every year we're getting closer to who we're gonna be
It's time to celebrate the story of how you've come to be

Happy Birthday, my friend
Here's to all the years we've shared together
All the fun we've had
You're such a blessing
Such a joy in my life
May the good Lord bless you
And may all your dreams come true

So light a candle on your cake
For every smile you've helped create
For every heart and every soul
You've helped to grow a little more
A few more pounds, a little more grey
Dont count the years, just count the way
It takes a little time to go from water into wine
Dont ever lose the wonder of that child within your eyes

Happy Birthday, my friend
Here's to all the years we've share together
All the fun we've had
You're such a blessing
Such a joy in my life
May the good Lord bless you
And may all your dreams come true

i found someone to hate in sch...
yup...
i always 've someone to hate in whichever sch i went to... okay maybe its only sec sch and jc...

let's see...
he's sly and cunning...
perverted...
thinks he's rite all the times...
detached from reality...
interrupts u all the time...
confuses u and breaks all ur trains of thoughts...
false/fake/hypocritical...
irresponsible...
cannot communicate his ideas properly but somehow he's able to do it in such a way that it seems logical and proper when its' not... freaky power of disillusionment...
takes advantage of any possible weak spots in ppl...
okay to be fair i shall evaluate his gd points...
oh wait... i can't find any...
and i realised all this in juz 1h with him!! cool...

amazing how calm i am rite now...
like 4h ago i was thinking that life 'ld be much easier plotting a flawless murder plan with him as the victim...
but after thinking through i suppose the content of wat he said is mostly true with some exceptions juz that there has been some serious miscommunications... its totally his faults...
however...
that doesn't mean i like his character or attitude at all... in fact its juz the opposite...

*okay this is simple...
i hate u...

... ... FAR AWAY ... ...

1st day of sch and everything's wrong...
oh well...
wat else was i exactly expecting...
sianz...

had to become homologous chromosomes with daryl...
haha... so lame lah...
was quite paiseh down there... like everyone staring at u and u juz don't know like wat to do so stone there...
juz my luck today...

blk test was a total failure as far as i can see...
was quite disappointed with my horrible grades...
sigh...
suddenly like all the hardwork wasn't really worth it...
why bother to study so much when all u get at the end is disappointment...
but i know better than that...
everything's so justified...
sad case...

watched "Lost" juz now...
can really understand wat the korean woman was going through...
as in that part where she was abt to leave the airport at 11:15...
when u experience it u'll know wat it feels like...
like all along u thought u've made up ur mind abt smth...
then at that very last moment...
when everything else hinges on the decision u make...
u r suddenly afraid, confused, unwilling to let go unwilling to miss ur chance...
and in the end finding urself moving back to square 1...
and everything moves on perfectly...
to everyone... except u...
so how far can u really go for urself?

*i'm standing in the wide open field...
staring at the far away horizon...
did u not notice...
that the earth is as long as wide as the sky?
a subtle sadness in the winds...

... ... INITIAL D ... ...

Bio was crap...
make me run all the way out for nothing... she juz doing it for fun lah...
nvm... i shall be nice...

pt is... i went to watch Initial D today!!!
hahaha...
even thought i might 've to face the prospect of watching it alone =(
but turned out quite a few ppl haven't watched yet haha...
yup wanted to watch at cine at first but they don't show the movie!!! wat they doing lah... cine leh how come don't show initial D... don't understand wat they doing...
nvm... so went to ps to watch it with dawei, meiyi, rachel, hui wen, wei jin and chaoqun...

erm...
the movie was quite okay lah... maybe cause got jay chou make me abit bias haha...
his acting is okay lah... or maybe its the character haha...
the drifting was super cool... juz watch them turn ard the bends so cool lah... haha...
if i cld drive a car after the watching the movie... i think i'll juz end up in hospital or smth trying to drift...
and the song "yi lu xiang bei" is super nice lah!!!!
i had the song for quite some time liao... then when watching the movie... the song suddenly like 1000 times nicer... (okay i'm exaggerating but u get the pt =P)

isit really that hard to guess why 20 is my magic no.?
i thought it was pretty obivious... haha...
i think i wanted to blog abt smth else but forgot wat it is liao...
so erm nvm...
adieos...

... ... OLD DOUBTS ... ...

jue dui superstar was quite screwed last nite...
wasted lah...
the guy (can't remember his name so paiseh haha) with the highest score got kicked out... wats going on loh!
i was like super impressed by his singing lah...
and when his face appeared on the screen i was like "WAT?!"
waste of talent... so sad loh...
nvm... lets hope the rest can do better...

went kfc to eat after maths today...
haha so strange...
after maths paper i was already feeling quite erm... weird...
dunno how to explain...
juz feel strange...
then during lunch went even weirder...
was sitting in the center mah then left side talking abt online games right side talking abt bands etc...
i juz sat in the center and "hm..."
weird rite? dunno wats happening...
makes me wonder wat's happening on the other timeline... feel like timecrashing into it to find out...
or maybe juz a dream abt it 'll do... but then after that one dream 'll anything ever be enough?
i think i'm nuts...

yeah anyway...
its... JULY!
its like i know at least 6 ppl who 've birthdays in July =P
got an IQ qn here... see how smart u r...
why is 20 my magic no.?
lalalalalalala...

... ... BLOCK TEST ... ...

alrite...
its 1/2way through the blk test liao... phew...
gp and econs were okay lah... passable that is...
chem is urm... very not gd for me...
was quite demoralised after chem paper haha... but nvm its over liao shan't bother abt it...
2 more papers to go!!!
but it only ends nxt tues... =(
sianz...

i brought my lucky charm along with me today haha...
maybe that helps abit for econs paper =)
dunno...
everyone shld bring one loh or if u don't 've shld go get one... i think its quite useful haha...
even if it doesn't really work at least its some sort of erm... comfort...
depends on how u look at it that is...
of course it won't work 100% lah... but then it feels better with it ard...
haha..
abit nonsensical but some parts kinda make sense...

anyway...
i suddenly feel like watching initial d!
but blk test not over yet!! i hate this...
gtg...
adieos...

... ... PONDER ... ...

last update before the block test start... *booo*
oh well...
been mugging alot but i feel that i forgot 1/2 of them liao haha...
i'm trying to mug while i'm online also...
suppose to do some maths infront of the com but haven't done anything for like 2h+ haha...

nowadays on com is kinda juz to listen to mp3s only...
i can actually juz open window media player then stone at the visualisation screen while playing songs...
i think the visualisation quite cool...
mine's plenoptic : spyro...
like fountain like that then the colours very nice to watch... haha...
shld go try it... quite relaxing haha...
then 'll go into those "ponderous" mood... think lots of stuff...
smth like u go into another reality that's really ur own u know... i like that feeling...
i bet u think i'm nuts haha...
maybe its juz a nicer way of putting stonning?
on 2nd thoughts... day-dreaming sounds nicer... haha

gd luck to everyone for the block tests!!!
we can all make it!!
erm...
at least i hope so...
gtg back to stoning at my fountain of music haha... (taking a break from mugging until i wake up nxt morning)
adieos...

... ... BATMAN ... ...

went out for a movie with npcc squadmates today...
suppose to be 6 ppl but in the end left 3 ppl... oh well watever...
so eng kuan and me ate lunch and walked ard ps wasting time while waiting for yushu to arrive...
and we ended up mugging in KFC!!!
yeah i know... mugging in PS?! desperation can do miracles...
caught batman at 3pm...
woah... i thought it was quite nice =)
starting abit slow but after that became quite exciting... especially the train part...
but i think the bat mobile needs a makeover... it looks fat and erm... clumsy...
other than that... the mvoie was gd...
the bats were quite cool haha... like magic like that...
not the usual bright and cheerful hero type show (somehow i get that impression from other shows)
this one's kinda dark... and goes slightly deeper...
the way i like it haha...

mugging is seriously boring...
i'm looking at econs and not understanding much... as in i know this graph that graph but don't understand why...
ah heck...
i'll juz memorise the positions... haha...

yeah i'm feeling much better now...
was quite bothered for a while but i guess everything's alrite... =)
the additional badminton thing is juz irritating...
if there weren't the blk test... things 'ld get easier...
now is like i'm trying to study but then got major distraction jumping ard infront of me...
i've nothing against it but the timing's juz wrong... tough luck...
i'll juz muddle through somemore... hope after blk test got more time...
for now back to studying haha =P

i've a feeling this entry getting long...
better end liao...
adieos...

... ... BELIEVE ... ...

crap...
getting overwhelmed again...
so much stuff to do... quite sianz abt it...

studying for block test, badminton tournament, pw and other miscellaneous stuff...
actually i muz say its isn't that much things but juz that they r quite disaster-prone...
block test no need say lah... can study very hard but still end up with lousy results...
badminton tournament is erm... very disaster-prone like everything can go wrong so easily... sometimes i juz wish there's a HO ard... makes things so much easier... argh stress...
pw is erm... suddenly like quite abit to handle... go along and see how loh...

miscellaneous stuff...
interesting way of classifying the rest...
erm... can be abt so many things...
maybe its all in my head... yeah...
my imgination abit too gd... creates more probs for myself...

sometimes u juz wish that everything remain simple and pure... but then life's juz so complicated and things get somehow blurred and distorted...
argh... suddenly very hard to type anything out cause too many stuff i wanna convey...
but i guess i'll juz put my faith in it...
no matter wat... i'll work hard to keep watever i believe in...
yup...

someday...
everything 'll be rite...

... ... OTHERS ... ...

ahh...
maybe i shld stop being so adsorbed in myself...
yeah...
time to start delocalising...
its so easy to forget abt others sometimes... muz remember that its not all abt me all the time...
sometime others deserve some space for their own probs and matters too...
if there's anything i can juz be here waiting...
maybe i don't 've all the solutions but well... i do 've ears and a heart...
stay happy everyone =)

... ... 4A ... ...

sidetrack a little first...
remembered a story in a serial i watched last time...
a very interesting and nice story i muz say...
give so much insights...
yup...
there's only so much we can do given the limited bargining chips that we 've in life...
so wats wrong with doing watever we can to achieve the best possible result using these limited bargaining chips... who can really fault u then?
to make the best out of the worst... even if u know the end result 'll never be wat u really want...
hm...
it seems to be quite... ...

erm...
went for 4a class outing today...
wasn't exactly a success...
a few unexpected probs popped up suddenly...
oh well... nothing's perfect in this world...

ate at kap first...
suddenly discovered that the lan center at beauty world close down liao! means no place to play lan... was quite sianz diao...
but nvm...
went there to play pool instead while a few manage to get some com in some small lan shops and play dota...
so played pool until like 4:30 like that then closed the tables...
met up with the rest then decided to go orchard to well... hang out...
so went all the way to orchard...
browse ard in hmv for a while then went cine...
as usual had to take a long time to decide anything and finally settled on pastamania for dinner...
had some ham and sausauge baked rice... tasted quite nice...
then went up to lan to play 1h of dota...
erm...
used some unknown hero so dunno how to use... took me some time to figure out hot to play better using it...
the hero interesting lah but hard to use...
oh well nvm so lost...
looked through the glass panels at the road below while playing...
suddenely realised the scene below quite attractive...
very... don't really know how to describe...
all of a sudden like time stops for u and u're juz watching ppl and life go on ard u...
a moment of quiet and peace that makes everything ard seem so... beautiful?
after lan wanted to stone ard sit ard talk all that at first but then not much ppl left after that so decided to go home...
end of 4a outing... haha not much this time but okay lah...

hm...
thanx to everyone who turned up... sorry for all the unexpected hiccups haha...
erm... for those who can't make it maybe can go out again some day... nxt wk?
see how lah...
not much things left to do also... but won't mind going out again with ur =)
okay...
that's all...
gtg adieos...

... ... WAITING ... ...

sometimes u juz feel irritated...
yeah feel like absconding rite now... and throw everything behind haha...

the period of stoning/dying at home seems to 've some worth to it at last...
there's talk of getting a new com...
hm...
now its juz a bit more waiting i guess or rather i hope so...
we'll see...

... ... BORED ... ...

went overnight kbox on tuesday...
met abt 8pm for dinner then lagged ard before going in at 12...

erm...
sang alot of songs cause its like 6h?!
most konked out towards the end but i didn't really slp but towards the end also no voice to sing properly haha....
the whole thing ended at 6am...
then we kinda stoned ard outside cine...
sat ard like idiots...
kevin mentioned it was like hangover like that haha...
oh well...
so we hung ard for a while before going home...
everyone was too tired to go for breakfast and nothing was open yet...
went home then fell aslp...
woke up ard 12+ cause of some stupid machine doing construction work... super irritating...

after that and for the nxt 2 days until now...
i STONED at home...
yup really is stone loh...
the com spoilt so i tried my old com...
can work but the monitor is siao liao... everytime i on the com 1/2 - 1h later the screen 'll get more and more blur...
then no matter how i adjust it doesn't help...
argh...
so i still end up with nothing to do basically...
means i'm super bored...
i think i'm driving myself crazy liao... nuts already...
if i got money not so bad can do out and do stuff but i'm kinda broke also loh...
sianz...

i desperately need help...
anyone got any smart ideas to recommend?

... ... PENGUINS ... ...

had bio lesson today...
poor wei jin didn't know it was 11 - 1 and arrived at 9 haha...
thankfully ours lasted 2h and ended on time...
so ended at 1 then we made our way to seoul garden for lunch...
stoned ard 1/2h before we went in...
ate ALOT then left ard 4+ or 5...
along the way there was stuff like "spiking" of drink, frying of egg, coming up with "chef-styled" food blah blah haha...
after which we stoned ard somemore then 5 of us went to watch madagascar...
woah sei...
SUPER CUTE!!!!
lucky i went to watch haha...

the penguins r the best!!!
really very cute !!!
wading ard the ship and doing amazing stuff like making sushi!! then the way they "fight" also... AHHH... SO CUTE!
haha...
got 1 small lemur i think... not sure wat animal it is...
got big watery eyes and fluffy look...
always get thrown out though haha... poor animal...
cute movie... glad i watched it haha =)

tml going overnight kbox...
haha sounds fun...
hope we 've a nice time tml regardless of any other stuff okay...
juz enjoy urselves =)

... ... dumb luck ... ...

missed bloggin abt a lot of stuff lately...
actually looking back they weren't much to blog abt...
juz the normal stuff loh...
but i was extremely happy on friday night after talking to some ppl...
sometimes i feel so lucky...
yay haha =)

oh man...
its the start of the hols and i'm already struck with some rotten luck...
wasted the electives wk and now my com's down...
normally that 'ldn't be much of a prob...
but then its the START of the JUNE HOLS!!!!
means i'll most prob die of boredom in my own home...
wat a wonderful start to the june hol...


better keep myself busy during the hols...
like keep going outings or something like that...
or worse come to worse i juz mug all the way for the blog test...
haha...
nvm still got some outings to organise and attend at least 3 but i think 'll 've more haha... at least i hope so...
1 for 4a... 1 for np maybe and at least 1 for 05s72...
see how lah... lots of things tentative now...

toast to a boring june hols...

... ... POOR MAN ... ...

friday...
went for bball finals...
girls match was rather uneventful... thrashed the other team all the way... haha...
boys match was super exciting... everyone cheering for the team to win but in the end still lost to tj...
the bball teams did a great job though =)

after that lagged ard toa payoh central...
went to eat at mos burger but wei jin and i totally no money at all had to borrow from hong zhen and yifang...
haha thanx alot 'll return ur the money soon... =)
after that went library to lag but left later cause very hard to talk without disturbing the other ppl...
went some foodcourt 1st to sit then went to walk ard before ending up in popular...
one phone call can either save/kill u... really its true...
after that went home liao... haha...

i was "online" the whole nite until 930am this morning!!!!
actually no lah...
dozed off halfway while in the middle of a conversation with ritz...
muz be all the lagging ard in toa payoh...
then woke up to find a conversation with chaoqun...
afterwhich i hurriedly off the com before it decides to explode infront of me...
bored now wondering wat to do... sianz...
shall make a trip to the library later to return some bks... but no money to do anything else...
sianz lah... poor man's life is boring =(

... ... SO ME ... ...

last friday was a stressful day...
2 spas and 1 maths test and i screwed up 2/3 of them yay...
oh well...
not gonna care abt them anymore...

went out on saturday...
bump into kian wei, ritz and 71 ppl there...
erm... haha...
didn't see them until i was rite behind them...
was planning to escape unseen cause i wasn't exactly in the best state to meet ppl...
but i thnk they spotted me beforehand so got caught...
abit dysfunctional and cldn't talk properly somehow...
so sorry if i seemed abit "disorientated" that time haha =)

been reading an enneagram bk lately...
says there r 9 types of ppl in the world... each type having diff characteristics...
quite a fun read... identify ppl to their type blah blah...
but got some ppl i can't figure out their type or they seems to overlap across 2 types or worse everywhere...

but i'm quite sure i'm a type 4...
shall skip all the very detailed stuff and juz mention some basics...
Authenticity is very important to me...
i've a deep turbulent emotional life...
blessed with sensitivity and emotional insights that is painful but in the right circumstances can be sourse of creativity and emotional authenticity...
suppose to be quite unique...
can be quite drama and melancholic...
thats abt it briefly... the rest too detailed to go into...
really is so me... haha

so yeah...
authenticity says it all really... i like ppl who r true to themselves and others... its juz a part of me i guess...
but erm... i'll only be true when u're true... thats my basic rule...
so means i may not necessarily be true to u... depending on who and wat kind of person u r... at least until u prove to be true...
thats the prob with me really... not easy to get to afterall...
for those who tend to be so false... so selfish... so lazy and unwilling to contribute... so quick to throw away considerations for everything else except ur own... so empty of emtions... i tend to hate ur alot...
so sometimes the more u show such things through daily interactions... the more i dislike u...
not that i'm perfect and i don't commit these mistakes but then i juz hate such ppl...

wonder why but suddenly i'm proud of the way i am haha =)

... ... DESOLATED ... ...

sigh...
wasn't planning to blog but ended up here anyway...
everything seems to be wrong with my life nowadays...
and i'm feeling so weary all of a sudden...
juz wanna let everything go then go and rest in some quiet place...
but some things juz won't happen...
read a bk that says i'm a type no. 4 person (elaborate more nxt time)...
looking at wat i gonna say i suppose its quite accurate...

guess wat...
i lost my entire pencil case today...
left it in lt3 during bio...
went back after chem lec gone already and its only 2 periods...
last wk also lost smth major/impt...
went back to terraces early in the morning to look for it again...
gone for like 2 days already but i still kinda hope that it 'ld still be lying there but then sigh... guess i hoped too much...
staff rm didn't give much of a hope either...
suddenly i'm blaming man for being so selfish... why can't they juz spare a thought for poor ppl like us and return watever stuff they find ont he floor...
i know its also partly my fault but then i juz hate man suddenly... can't help it sorry...
i think i'm hating all mankind here... i know its wrong but juz let me indulge in my hatred for now... maybe i'll feel better this way...

felt so torn apart today...
moving between sorrow anger and madness...
smile here frown there... happy here sad there...
the transitions puzzled me... and i wonder wats happening to me...
and its all cause i lost some stuff... seem quite trival leh...
i don't know maybe its not so trival to me...
sigh...

seems like my sky has fallen down on me...
there's no hope and no solution in sight and i remain lost in the ruins of my fallen sky...
desolated...

... ... WARNING ... ...

am in an extremely bad mood due to some unfortunate incident today...
shld 've know smth like this 'ld happen... left eye was twitching the whole wk...
so stay away from me for the whole of nxt wk...
especially if u r one of those whom i am always irritated by...
not in mood to entertain any form of crap or rubbish that u so happen to think is funny or amusing when they r not...
so juz shut and don't ever come near me...
thats juz the way i am when i'm in a bad mood... get used to it...
and don't say i didn't warn any of u...

... ... BREAK ... ...

had a much needed break on sunday...
went sentosa for class outing haha...
really needed to go out and breathe fresh air and escape from all the work and studying...
the beach seemed to be the best place to go haha...

anyway...
erm... arrived abt 45min past the meeting time...
left the hse abit late + bus came abit late + a jam so yeah...
anyway the rest were eating breakfast or lunch watever so i suppose its alrite?? haha
walked into sentosa cause queue for the bus was too long... nice exercise but the heat was abit unbearable...
went to the beach straight to 've some fun...
hm...
guess its still not bad lah... quite enjoyed myself there...
soaked in the sea for while, then played frisbee, abit of soccer, captain ball and volleyball...
haha thought volleyball was quite fun even though i ended up with a few minor bruise here and there... ah well noob wat...

jelene appeared with yifang and shiqi later too... haha nice surprise =)
anyway after everything went back to harbourfront centre and had dinner at pastamania...
erm... some intersting things happened there...
hui wen got a new pair of furry slippers to wear cause one of her slippers broke or smth like that, some prank was set into motion, unbearably creamy food for wei jin, jeffrey piaed finish his pizza without giving me any, fear factor between wei jin and shiqi and some other stuff... can't really remember haha...

after dinner went someplace to sit down... but got security guard there like bu shuang us then gives us the stare and all that...
moved away after that and went to rachel's hse that side there to slack ard...
lpayed indiana poker and had erm... a grp "heart-to-heart" talk... depending on how u see it...
got quite bored after some time cause the game kinda no meaning... i mean like its all rigged haha...
nvm...
stoned ard abit more then went home...
thats abt it for sunday...

wanted to blog abt smth else but entry abit long liao...
maybe nxt time then...
okay adieos...

... ... WISH ... ...

another tiring friday...
chem prac was crap... got everything wrong...
cldn't concentrate at all cause my mind was somewhere else...
nvm...

normally on the way home i'll sure fall aslp one...
but today one of the rare days when i didn't... haha
was thinking and working through some stuff...
hm...
an impulse u cld say... a simple wish for myself...
but yeah hard to say wat the outocme 'll be...
everyone's finding some place for themselves in the sch in the society... time for me to find mine =)
i wish for so many things but none of them seems possible...
maybe the other solution is to del me off and create a new me... but thats entirely impossible...

my interactions with the ppl ard me nowadays seem to be abit weird...
i need to be by myself sometimes...
sometimes i feel that it is only by being alone that i can really be "normal"...
being "abnormal" is not bad but sometimes its juz too tiring for me...
thinking of expanding my private world also but then there's so much uncertainty involved... make me kinda hesitate sometimes...
but then i think i really need to open myself up to more ppl... if there's any out there of course...
i think i'm kinda contradicting myself here...
interesting... always knew i'm the "contradictory" person...
kinda like the contradictions that live within me...
chaotic but nice... reminds me of "beautifully chaotic" juz pop into my mind suddenly haha...

erm...
juz wanna say more abt my thoughts now...
actually for alot of things in sch and all that... whether it concerns stuff like cca or interpersonal relations or schwork watever...
i got everything worked out in my mind... untangled free of unncessary constrains that shldn't be there...
but then when it actually comes down to the actual thing...
its so hard to really do wat i want...
its like i know wats wrong and i know how to change but i juz cannot...
i kinda freaking out over this... but there's nothing i can do!!!
and with each passing day things 'll juz get worse and worse until everything's gone...
when that day comes... i'm gonna go into depression =(
i wish i can try to get out of this cycle to make things better for me and everyone else... and i gotta try my best for this wish...
there's only so much i can do and i think my threshold for everything gonna be on the decline during this period... means i gonna be in alot of bad moods...
argh...

watever lah...
talked too much here...
gtg...
adieos...

... ... BUSY ... ...

can't think of a title so juz plonk one "busy" down...
anyway...
wanted to blog previously but was too lazy to do so... so juz wanna do a short summary...

Sat went for Np Day Parade with cr, klo and yushu...
saw kenneth and nelson there too haha...
juz sat there and watch loh...
the performance kinda lame and boring this yr... last yr was more interesting...
they 've this like Toy Soldiers performance where they get cadets to dress up like actual toy soldiers and then do lame stuff but they do look kinda cute from a distance away... up close u see the horrible make up...
after that was the usual K-9 unit... sianz
went for reception after that... kope some food then hitch a ride back to sch on the bus with the unit haha..
went KAP after that and someone sat with us... erm... oh well suppose its alrite cause everything's over by now... wldn't be nice to keep harping on the past...

sunday slacked tried doing hmwk...

today tried doing work again...
wanted to study bio but got stuck at microscopy...
cannot get anything into the head and so much stuff to memorise there all the procedures everything... feel irritated whenever i look at them sianz...
and this isn't even the worst topic yet... =(

nvm... thats all
adieos...

... ... TIME TO START ... ...

today was relatively less freaky if u get wat i mean...
i kinda succeeded in erm... avoiding freakiness
was quite tough though but its doable
was saved by someone at one time too haha...
thanx =)

anyway got a few things in mind today...
finally decided i needed to start on a few things for "self improvement"
1>mug abit more to pull up my grades...
2>settle freaky issue once and for all...
3>more dilligent in erm... cca and stuff...
4>practice many stuff!!!
wonder if i can achieve all my targets... the 22nd April resolutions...
i starting to feel sianz abt it already loh...
sigh...

gd thing is i borrowed JJ cd frm Ritz...
thanx for the cd haha...
hm... JJ cd quite nice too...
think JJ is like more soothing and comfortable while F.I.R. more ambitious and upbeat...
but i liked both haha... =)

... ... TIRED ... ...

i'm getting too tired nowadays...
can barely keep my eyes open after 10pm these few days...
then there's econs timed assignment tml...
+ i got quite abit of unfinished hmwk like maths, chem and bio...
cannot take it lah...
chem and bio SUPER long and sianz... then maths is shorter but need to think alot and take very long to solve a qn...
when i'm tired i get irritated easily...
juz don't bug me too much over some dumb stuff can liao...
tired already...
adieos...

... ... ANOTHER WORLD ... ...

this is bad...
pi due like tml but i 've no idea wat to do at all!!
let's see...
its 1030 now...
how am i going to produce 1 pi in time for tml haha...

hm...
been thinking abt it since last nite until now...
let's see...
looking at the various ideas that pop into my head...
i kinda concluded that i shldn't belong to this world... or maybe not this world at this present time...
my ideas all kinda fantastic too fantastic to exist in this world now...
yeah so ppl in this world and this time 'll deem my ideas to be ridiculous can't really blame them anyway...


okay lah...
won't waste any more time here...
back to "brainstorming"...
adieos...

... ... CRAZY ... ...

went for 2.4km run today and screwed up the whole thing... argh...
wat was i thinking loh...
sick for 3 days down with sore throat flu cough and abit of headache still go run... haha...
i'm crazy...
1st 3 rounds still okay lah... 4th one i knew i "died" already...
run 1/2way cldn't take it anymore and started walking...
5th and 6th even worse felt like vomitting twice...
but aiyah still manage to finish the whole thing... after that got a major headache...
thought i'll black out...
took abt 40min for me to become better but then my throat like got worse... cldn't talk at all for a while juz stone there...
nxt time i shldn't run at all... haha...
maybe i'm juz making excuses for it... urm... yeah still better to try training up
strangely i'm not very affected or depressed or anything by the result...
watever...

went home early after sch today!!
haha keep slacking at class bench after sch nowadays i shld really go home earlier frm now on... not much action at class bench anyway unless i mug and do hmwk there then thats a diff. story...

had a thunderstorm juz now... and i blasted fir songs at the same time while trying to study econs... so cool haha...
kinda like the album maybe its more in tune with me... anyway not much stuff or ppl r in tune with me in the 1st place if u get wat imean...
shall go back and study econs...
adieos...

... ... QIAN NIAN ZHI LIAN ... ...

okay...
surprisingly i went to library and got some bks to read a few days back...
i muz be really bored and tired haha...
anyway yeah finished all liao...
a few quite nice i suppose haha...

"life of Pi": sounds familiar? its suppose to be quite a famous bk... haha think ngsn recommended it before or smth... muz say this bk is great... few bks can make me feel sad, disgusted, shocked, amazed all at the same time... this is 1 of them... go read it =)

"the delivery": this bk may not be that great but then some stuff in it quite interesting... talks abt Prisoner's Dilemma ( a really intersting thing to think abt, shall elaborate later)...

anyway found this scene in the bk quite like the movie Saw i muz say...
1 guy and his gf tied to 2 pipes at 2 ends of a rm... infront of each of them got a switch each and then in the center of the rm got a toy lorry and 2 bombs attached to the wall such that each bomb can only kill 1 person at 1 time... then got all the wires from the switches to the lorry to the bombs...
if guy hits switch, lorry activates and bomb near guy explodes killing guy... same goes for girl... but trick is they only 've 1h to decide the outcome or else both bombs explode...
tough choice sia... but then yeah in story they both manage to escape using some complicated plans blah blah... quite similar to Saw in a way i think...

now abt the "Prisoner's Dilemma" thing...
intro first... its some sort of psychological "game"...
start off with 2 prisoners (accomplice) locked in 2 separate cells...
each given some time to consider if he 'll confess or deny the crimes...
confess => defect, deny => cooperate
of course got trick one lah...
both cooperate and deny => 1 yr jail
both defect and confess => 3 yrs jail
1 defect and confess while the other cooperate and deny => the defector goes free but the cooperator takes 5 yrs jail
this is the basic case but the bk twists it abit lah... until like put 2 ppl who know/like/on gd terms with/ each other and make them choose... but life and death situation now...
hm... abit disturbing but still its abit interesting... if we were in that situation wat 'ld we choose?
can tie this back to lots of stuff in real life... really its true we may be doing this decision thing everyday without even knowing...
between selfishness and the gd of others, between ur happiness and that of others, between wats true and wats not... wat 'ld u choose? to cooperate or to defect?
haha if u want... can leave ur ans in the tagboard but doubt many ppl 'll be able to...

anyway...
i'm nuts abt "qian nian zhi lian" by F.I.R these few days...
its a really nice song and i love haha...
gonna get the F.I.R album...
can't wait for it to come out soon!!!!!!!!

... ... ENDING ... ...

first things first...
many thanx to brent for helping me restore the pics on my blog...
haha... now its back to normal... =)

this has been a very long wk for me...
haha... even though its like 7 days but it feels like it's been 2 wks or even a month already... okay i'm exaggerating but u get the idea...
was feeling so "high" for a few days...
haha... not that "high" but emotionally "high"... depends on how u interpret it...
kinda drained now... after so many things...
and sch's starting tml !!! "AHHHH!" for many reasons
guess everythings' fixed and settled...
gd or bad i wldn't know...

gtg...
adieos...

... ... RAVAGES ... ...

after "jue wu"...
revival of old hopes can bring abt many things...
seemed as though i lived another monday today...
there was this anxiety depression guilt hopes urgency anger sadness all at once...
my mood hasn't been gd these few days...
been thinking and considering alot of stuff... too preoccupied in my own thoughs to go and humour any idiotic stuff ard me...
and its isn't helping with all the stuff ur continue to do ard me...
serioulsy i'm getting quite pissed and fed up already...
unfortunately ur cannot get it...

on top my own probs ur can go and create more probs for me...
really thanx hor... go scram off somewhere else pls...
if ur cannot think and cannot hold ut mouths...
then i see that there's no more point in me sharing anything with ur guys...
so juz shut up and don't EVER expect me to say any more stuff to ur again... and don't u EVER approach me for any more stuff that u feel u muz know...
i won't make the same mistake twice...

unfortunately for myself and regardless of whether i like it or not...
i've to make my decision while so many things r happening...
in the end...
i'm quite disappointed with myself...
i still don't 've the courage within...
i hate the way everything seemed to be schemed together... pieced together bit by bit to block off my "escape route"...
if i were to lose...
i 've lost to fate and myself alone...

maybe i'm juz taking out my anger on everything ard me...
maybe everyone's rite and i'm wrong...
i'm so frustrated and i can't help it...
cause the very source of unhappiness is myself...
i am not happy... ...

... .. JUE WU ... ...

i wonder wat to make out of all this...
fate seems to be so fond of playing jokes on me...
after everything...
fate didn't allow me to do it afterall...
ah well...
thought i had quite made up my mind but then in the end didn't work out...
so ironic that i became ct rep after that...
guess its juz my fate... though somehow i don't really believe in it anymore haha...
can anyone understand the complexity of my emotions today? doubt so...

watever lah...
life has so many contradictions...
i seem to 've them all...
became abit more normal towards the end of the day...
maybe its wat they call "jue wu"...
don't really know how to translate into english haha... acceptance doesn't really convey the meaning properly...
its a pretty powerful thing afterall...
yeah since nothing else can be done...
i suppose i need to look at things on the positive sight...
the new intakers seem quite nice and fun today...
but then again nothing's certain...

lets juz see how everything goes okay...
so many "wat ifs" could 've happened today...
guess i'll still wonder abt them once in a while... wondering where i would be now if things had turned out differently today...
leaving an uncertainty behind in memory seems to make life more meaningful...
so that i always know i "could 've been" and not i "could only be"...
sounds abit cheem but u'll figure out someday haha...

rite...
perhaps its time to move on...

... ... FATE ... ...

why does fate likes to toy ard with us?
i really don't believe myself anymore...
feel so cheated all of a sudden...
how? wat was i suppose to do to avert everything?
or was it predestined rite from the start? so that even if i tried to do anything (if i ever did)... eventually everything 'll all become worthless?

yeah i believed everything 'ld be alrite eventually...
maybe i was juz lying to myself...
imagine wat i was feeling during econs lecture loh...
sit there then ppl keep telling me XYZ come my class leh... ABC in my class leh... that guy in that class leh...
rite... how was i suppose to react...
everyone i know going everywhere except my class...

all along i cheated myself for don't know how many yrs...
how long more am i going to do it?
can i ever be selfish?
is there any wrong in being selfish?
why do i feel its wrong for me to walk my own path...
nobody did anything... neither did nobody didn't do anything...
i juz feel that i wanted to... yeah wanted to
i'm sorry... i don't know why... i juz feel that way...

so wats holding me back?
sense of obligation? guilt? the knowledge that things may not be as bad as i thought?
all maybe...
and then there's the dumb ct rep thing going ard this few days
kinda ironic if u get wat i mean...
to tell the truth i didn't willingly become any chairmen in the past... yeah go dig out my hist if u want then maybe u'll see why...
some ppl r juz too tired to do anymore stuff so they choose a simple normal life...

nothing's really confirmed i guess...
tml 'll be everything...

到后来才发现爱你是一种习惯
我学会和你说一样的谎
你总是要我在你身旁
说幸福该是什么模样
你给我的天堂
其实是一片荒凉

要是我早可以和你一刀两断
我们就不必在爱里勉强
可是我真的不够勇敢
总为你忐忑为你心软
毕竟相爱一场
不要谁心里带着伤

我可以永远笑着扮演你的配角
在你的背后自己煎熬
如果你不想要
想退出要趁早
我没有非要一起到老
我可以不问感觉继续为爱讨好
冷眼的看着你的骄傲
若有情太难了
想别恋要趁早
就算迷恋你的拥抱
忘了就好

爱已至此怎样的说法都能成为理由
我在这样的爱情里
看见的是男人的软弱

... ... OUTING ... ...

went for class outing at kbox today... abit like the last s72 outing for the 1st 3 months intakers...
oh well... haha turned out to be like a grp outing instead...
but nvm...
still had fun haha...
too bad some ppl can't join us... maybe nxt time then =)
oh yeah sorry to gavin... forgot to tell him the details... maybe nxt time then...

anyway yeah even though only like 8 ppl there in the end but i quite enjoyed myself...
haha everyone sang quite abit lah...
we sang jay chou, elva, guang liang, fir, sun yanzi, wang lee hom, david tao and so on haha...
then tried she and shin songs with aaron (!!!) haha had a fun time doing all the high parts... =)
kevin went to sing some erm... "frosty" song... haha super cute lah
he sang some chinese songs too... woah haha jolin and F4 and abit of jay chou... not bad sia =P
discovered zhou hao very gd at singing too... our class idol haha ask him sing "peng you" for u =P
then the girls (hong zhen, yifang, kit yeng, jelene) also got sing songs like erm... "wo ai xi zao" and "jian kang ge" or smth haha super funny...
watched some "purple people eater" also haha... a lame song with lame mtv basically had a gd laugh at it...
after that went eat then bought some stuff then went back home liao...

not bad afterall...
haha okay...
thats abt all today...
adieos...

... ... WINDS OF TIME ... ...

time moves like the wind...
strong and swift at times but sometimes weak and slow...
'll we be the fallen leaves in the wind? or 'll we become the wings that navigate the winds?

ever since the release of the posting results...
everything has been so uncertain...
some staying... some posted out... some appealing back... some changing class... some changing combi...
entering and leaving changing so much stuff...
these few days certainly full of mixed emotions for everyone...
sometimes i don't even know wat to feel haha...

1st to all those leaving 72...
wish ur all the best...
so much have elapsed since the 1st day of orientation...
been nice knowing all of ur...
ir u shld ever miss us pls return yeah... even if its only a short talk...
we'll still be there waiting for ur...
thanx for all the memories there... be it sad or happy they r all precious =)

2nd to all those who r still hesitant abt their choice...
the choice has always been urs all along...
cause its really ur own life here...
sure ppl can give advice and all that but in the end... its up to u...
so juz trust in ur heart...
go ahead and find the path that truly belongs to u...
and then walk it proud and not regret...
for u r true to urself and i'm sure ur friends 'll always be behind u...

3rd to all those who experiences sorrow...
don't be sad yeah...
no matter wat happens... u've lost nothing...
no matter where and wat u study... a future is always there waiting for u... one in which u r happy... u juz need to embrace it...
no matter who u've left behind or who has left...
friends r linked by memories and thoughts...
time and distance is only an illusion if u've the heart to maintain ur friendship...
once a friend always a friend...
time can change many things but it can never erase ur memories...
stay happy my friend =)

lastly to me myself...
i've made my decision 3 months ago...
'll i regret and back down now?
i guess not...
watever happens i guess i'll stay by my chosen path...
i've left so much to fate...
now i guess i can only do it again...
no matter wat happens... at least i know that i was ready all along...
i'll wait for my future...

... ... NOT THE END ... ...

posting results came out today...
morning had abit of shock and alarm but yeah turned out to be quite alrite...
went to watch hitch and walked ard orchard after that haha...
slacked the rest of the day and nite...
wanted to do some work but yeah didn't manage to do anything in the end...
i'm getting lazy =P

other than that...
i dunno...
i had quite a... gd time in sch today...
moving ard catching up with friends...
and yeah saw some interesting stuff too... hehe gd job there =P

shall leave my comments on posting results to tml nite...
now isn't the time yet...
erm... deleted the previous entry...
some of ur got to read it but nvm...
thought that i shld let the past be... if its over then let it slumber no point bringing it up again and cause more probs...
sometimes i do not really understand myself...
am i on or off? right or wrong? sad or happy?
life has no absolutes... and maybe i'm juz drifting somewhere inbetween...

... ... REASON ... ...

haha...
for many of u, if i ever explain the reasons behind some of my actions and thoughts, u'll be shocked to find out the truth...
so to some of ur questions and comments... i only 've silence to answer u...
things aren't as whole as wat most of u think... at least it is the case in regards to me...
haha... no one's at fault... even if someone was i'ld still be the closest candidate =P
the coming future 'll be interesting... to see how it'll all turn out...
i still continue to hope...

sometimes i'm quite amazed at myself and at some stuff that has happened to me...
now i know i'm fortunate...
to 've some close friends ard me...
though not in quantity but juz being who they r is enough...
i'm satisfied...
thanx...

... ... NEW START ... ...

hello...
yup my new blog finally up after so much talk and all that...
*phew* after like so many days of hard work...
hm...
quite happy with my own creation even though a few stuff didn't work out... but hey its D.I.Y and i'm proud of it...
haha...

to help ur ard...
erm... i gonna do abit of orientation...
lets see...
navigation is done using the 6 links in the top right hand corner...
white relic --> bio
blue relic --> history
green relic --> friends
black relic --> pics
red relic --> old blog
yellow relic --> credits
abit non-user friendly but erm... there only so much i can do haha... =P

okay thats all for now...
adieos...