fading faces

time: 8.49am

I think its strange. How you can once have heart to heart talks with a person, and the next moment, be complete strangers. Its weird to have people you were once close to(or at least better than mere acquaintances) suddenly not look at you when you walk past them. And it wasnt a haughty disposition, but rather a sheepish, i-dont-know-what-to-do-with-my-eyes situation.

I guess its my fault cause i didnt really make the effort to keep in touch.

Still, a 'hi' wun kill yes? Or maybeee i just didnt look friendly enough.

roar.

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I'm feeling a tad tired, but im not going to stop trying. (:

rain rain dun go away

time: 15:20pm

my monthly report for this month is like the weather: dry.

and, no i've not started on it. The inertia to talk about the mundane is high and im doubt i will go past 2 pages this time.

its raining now though...makes me feel a little better. :) sigh...i miss the rain! although i hope it will spare me for next weekend at least, when my family chooses to go for our little getaway. The location is kind of strange, cause we dun leave this island at all...but still...i think it will be nice. :) A well deserved may day break. If only i didnt have to have meetings before and after! lol...oh well...duty calls and its probably time to get cracking for next sem already!


love you rain..pls fall a little longer!!

a little more respect

Time: 20.26pm

I amaze myself sometimes, allowing myself to be swayed by the smallest things people say or do. Why i constantly seek reassurance that what I'm doing is right and wrong and if every decision made is the best i could have had.

Its sad sometimes, how weak i am.

I remember how i came back from my last hair cut thinking it was actually pretty ok…then 10 mins after my parents and bro totally criticise it, i tot it was the ugliest thing i ever had.

Or the time my colleagues made me depress thinking of issues that didn't exist.

And even the time when i was going the right way, only to be swayed to take the wrong turn because someone said so.

Shouldn't i learn to trust my own decisions? When i place faith in them, the little voice in my head that says “yup yup, this is the right thing” should linger.

No wonder i sometimes fail to fight for things. To ask for what i should have. Cause i don’t trust much of my own instincts and i dun have the confidence to believe in my own needs and thoughts. It is always secondary to something else, some stupid things.

While I've been lucky enough to be blessed with eventual good endings…one day, i may lose something dear to me. Then i would so be shooting myself in the foot.

Yet…what degree of change is enough? And wanting to change is different from actually doing it. I say this cause I've spent years chasing this one thing that I've never fully achieve. Even today…..i stand pretty far from it.

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well…personal musing aside…here is a happy long weekend to everyone. :) I am so happy to finally get a long weekend, esp.. after the long drought we suffered since CNY.

Today…my bro made a big step forward towards his happy ending and its really with a tingle of excitement that i watch this. I’m so happy for him. :) And while we still argue and piss each other off sometimes,  its amazing having someone like him in my life. Well, alright not just him, but my whole family. In their own little ways, they love, care and fear for each of us. No doubt, we get on each other nerves at times, but sometimes i need a little reminder of how much i take them for granted.

no exams

time: 11.40pm

My second sem without exams. Or rather, the second sem without modules that actually affects my grades too greatly.

:)

I like the relax pace right now. Sure, work tires me out and burns the whole day, but at night its just my own time. And weekends, i dont have to spend it camping in hall, mugging and pouring over facts and figures that may not matter at all.

But I really miss the boy hiding out in hall now.....and it will be awhile before he can come out to breathe in the sunshine. Jia youuu! <3

And with next year being my last, i hope it will be a good one. haha..that is being highly optimistic i know, with fyp, job hunting and all my modules to complete, it will be nothing less than a roller coaster ride. And i do not like these rides very much.

Still..it never hurts to hope rite? :)

tmr is friday! TGIF. Enjoy your weekend! And i really miss seeing all the familiar faces i meet in school everyday. ahh...meet up soon!

sometimes..

time: 11.25pm

Sometimes i dont know whats wrong. And it bothers me.


just being silly.