death in the Tonle Sap River

time: 20.53pm

5 deaths in the Tonle Sap River, Cambodia.

You know, when you dont find the bodies, there is always this hope, no matter how small it is, that they are alive.

but they found them, all 5 of them. And as reality sinks in and the pain becomes real, i hope their families find the strength to carry on.

To those gone, rest in peace. To those left behind, live life as well as you can. Nothing can ever fill up that missing gap, but i hope time helps to bring you comfort.

com 255

time: 2.06am

oh, and i have no idea where i am going with Com 255. Its like, what exactly should i be studying? I didnt even realise that i was missing parts of the essential text. And are the questions he gave us the real exam questions?

hmm...

think i will close my eyes and choose a door. Hope its the correct one!

stay home mummy's girl

time: 1.12am

My resolution for this holidays is to try to stay at home a little more often. This wouldnt be too hard considering im not home during most of the holidays since i entered uni.

Im glad i didnt attempt any internship in the end. Sometimes i take my home so much for granted that i forget that it really is the core of my life. Not my home, but rather, my family.

Today my mum was telling me she doesnt want to teach tuition anymore next year. Time for her to take a break. So we were kind of musing about the kind of jobs she could take up. But came to a conclusion that maybe staying at home is easier. Just that i guess she feels lonely at times, when there is no one at home. Even if there isnt talking going around, the presence of another in the house always make it seem less, quiet.

Recently my dad talked to us about this, about us being so busy that we forget about my mum. And my dad is not one to really talked about such things. I remembered being rather agitated at first, but in retrospect, it true. And cause my mum isnt one who will talk about it, i guess it was up to my dad to bring it up.

What happens when your kids start to neglect you? When they begin to find everything else more important but you? They will cancel a date with you to go out with their friends. They dont want to sit down and talk to you, but they dun mind spending hours chatting online to their friends.

nope, things at home have not reached such a stage (luckily) cause i have a rather close knit family in the first place. Hard to imagine maybe, but im the quiet one when compared to my bro. And i tend to share less about my life.

there is still strange feeling in me now that i cannot articulate, but i do know that i should learn to spend more time at home. To spend more time with my mum, someone who has been so unconditional with her love. And with me going to be away for 6 months, i know im going to miss home horribly.

cliched i know, but home is where the heart is.

dont you agree?

bane of my exams

time: 14.52pm

NO MORE ONLINE GAMES UNTIL THE 28TH!

NO MORE NO MORE NO MORE NO MORE!!!

i kanna virus from downloading this game online. then i wasted close to 2 hours trying to figure out to save my bao bei. :(



Its a sign.

imperfection

time: 9.53am

as we stumble through life, we tend to be so focused on what we have to do, that we forget to look at the person we are, or the person we have become. everyday is a flurry of activities and if we do stop, how often do we stop to take a inward look?

I wouldnt have really stopped to think much about this, until some friends of mine kind of mentioned it and i really glad they did, because it just left me thinking for a little while.

By nature, im someone who worries more than a normal person should. No, i do not exactly live my life wondering if something horrible will happen with each step i take, but i like to let my heart rush ahead before my mind can rationally think it through. im prone to little outburst when little hurdles suddenly pop up and im always wondering if things are being done correctly and on time. Actually, it is really my way of handling it. I'm not exactly panicking, but i have to articulate it just to let the moment pass or do something(even if its just complaining) to make myself feel better. But its not very healthy isnt it? More so when it affects people around me.

Another thing about me- i sit around too much sometimes. Indecisiveness and the horrible inability to get things done. I can be very efficient when i need too. There are just some things in my life that i will procrastinate for as long as i can. Why, i cannot even fathom. It is easier to pretend something doesnt exist even though its there, even if i should have the right of way. Thats why i sometimes forget how to fight for things that i should try for, or to have. Because of some irrational fear, a feeling that i cannot put a finger on.

And the list really goes on. Fear of confrontation, loves to have occasional complain fits... all the little flaws that make up who i am. thank you all for bearing with me.

SO am i going to change all these? haha, well..sadly i dun think any changes will miraculously occur within a few days. It takes time and a high level of consciousness to try to change things. Some i am more confident of improving than others. While imperfection breeds in every one, i guess we all could still try to change things for the better. Every tiny step forward counts.

movie break

time: 12.15pm

i guess everyone has to take a break sometimes. hee

went to watch lions for lambs with a bunch of people today. It was a show that made alot of sense to us for the oddest reasons and so we would laugh at the most inappropriate moments as well. haha but well, there was only another couple in a theatre. Poor them, having their almost private screening rudely interrupted by us. :)

And so ends a night of laughter with a great bunch of people, squashed, scary car rides and a nice dinner. It was a rather sudden decision (on my part at least) to take a break of this nature. Im feeling better already and tmr i should be ready to start on my next battle.

whoosh!

nightmares of 207

time: 10.20am

I tot that waking up this morning will make me feel better about yesterday. Yet, strangly, i felt worse. I cant stop thinking about the 207 paper and my stupid out-of-this-world mistake.

It kills me, to see a subject i studied the hardest for be destined for doom because of a silly mistake.

and while i know everything i should be doing now- stop thinking about it, work harder for the other papers and learn from my mistake, at this moment of time, i seriously couldnt care less.

All i can think about is the C i will probably be getting. and the feeling cannot be any worse.

but i really have to recover soon. Another paper in about 6 hours time and i cannot bring these negative feelings in.

please let this feeling pass.

random facts of the day

time: 1.21am

random fact of the day #1

My nose almost ran away from me today. The flu was so bad i felt like a tap. and talking about taps, charlene said something about taps today too. lol girl, it was funny!

random fact of the day #2

did you guys hear the thunder this morning? It was like the end of the world or something, loud continuous and deadly. But it was a nice cool start to the morning.

random fact of the day #3

i saw this guy signal his car to the right and made a left turn. Then he seemed to realise his mistake and slowing starting reversing down the slope. looks like im not the only one with a terrible sense of direction! woot! should have made friends with him.

random fact of the day #4

when i was walking up to can b, i met some people from school, one whom, in very warm greeting, yelled out at me.
"HEY, FLORA!"
and merrily went on his way.
It took me a full minute to realise what he had done and was wondering if i heard it wrong, but you know..i think that silly fellow really just said that.
and when i turned around and saw the pair of them walking down, they were in deep conversation, probably debating the identity of this strange girl who had just walked passed them.
haha that was really funny. next time i should wear a name tag around.

and when the day is full of random facts, you know that it is another unexciting day and miss quek is simply trying to waste some time away.

cheerio. i hope this week goes great for all of us. We all need it! :)

wedding bells

time: 1.03am

im really really exhausted.and my head is splitting.

but if im exhausted, then i think my cousin will be feeling worse. haha

Today was her wedding day and i guess i have reached an age to finally realise the magnitude of it all. Planning a wedding is like planning a big business proposal, there are people to invite, elders to please and the need for it to be grand, memorable and beautiful. You pour money in, you work tirelessly towards it, and on the day itself, you are the most exhausted, you eat the less, you get the most drunk(for the guys) and your face is caked with heavy makeup(for the girls)

haha...i had to help my cousin carry the train of her 15kg dress for a good few hours today and my arms are seriously aching already. But she was really beautiful you know. and though i may say the pain that goes into planning one, i cannot deny the lump in my throat as i saw the couple's exchange wedding vows, as they walk down the aisle with the sword bearers and the proud look on my uncle and aunty's faces

Maybe half of the people there at the dinner are people u may not have seen your whole life, but you know that the other half are people who have made your life complete. And maybe you get really weary from the endless smiling and running around, but you know that the person holding your hand is there to share your burden and is promising to do so for a long and long time. and then maybe, it will all seem ok.

At least thats how i hope they see it. And i've spend the whole of last week excited about this. haha. Its lovely to see two people in love be willing to take this next step together. I really wish them the most blissful of happiness that one can find in a lifetime together. In the sea of people, they found each other and let the vows exchanged today be lived through this lifetime, held on by both. :)

stardust

time: 12.34am

i know i should be studying, but i got kind of curious on what kind of movie Stardust was. Heard about it from some people. Went to watch the trailer and read the synopsis. oh man..its everything i like in a movie. SIGH

the big sigh cause i probably wun be able to catch it in the theatres with my exams ending so darn late. SIGH

i really really want to watch it!! :(

and i think i will go grab the book. and if you are looking for something really quirky as well..go watch mirrormask(2005). Its screenplay was mainly by Neil Gaiman. It didnt go down too well with the critics (i think), but i liked it for its pure weirdness. lol very interesting watch.

im in no mood for any work now. think i go go play a little Papa Louie(:D) and go sleep. that game rocks!

no mood to study

time: 21.58pm

me: i dun feel like studying (in a whiny voice)

daph: dun lor. go home. bye bye.

and the most amazing thing was that there was no pause AT ALL in between those two lines. It was like a reflex action on her part, responding without a thought, all the while looking at her notes.

i couldnt help but laugh.

It these small things that just seem to be funny at times like this.

exams period is the time of the sem when i feel married to the fourth floor, seeing the same people day in, day out. Where we watched this bald dude come out to smoke on a hourly basis , where the toilet is nice, clean and aircon and where the noise from the first floor is but a distance hum.

It may be the exams time, but sometimes being here studying with daph and just being around makes it seem so, well unexam? Its nice being stuck up here at night too, not just because of the cool air and the silence, but also cause it makes every problem, every distraction seem so far away.

I think i will miss the 4th floor very much when i leave sci. And of course, the times spend with my study buddy. :)

v is my name

time: 1.01am

This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is it vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished, as the once vital voice of the verisimilitude now venerates what they once vilified. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin van-guarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose vis-à-vis an introduction, and so it is my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V.

have i ever said how much i love this show? It has the best beginning ever. :)



you may call me C.

hee.

mad people and perfect circles

time: 20.42pm

They say that only mad(ie: mentally unsound) people can draw perfect circles freehand.

lol, i dun know who is "they" or where they heard this from, but go ahead and try it.

Who knows? :)

i tried, but failed. (thanks goodness)