vacation starts

finally done with work.

i wanted to post some photos but im using my downstairs com. no photos here. i owe people photos. kk..promise i will get that done soon too.

yesterday, i went merchant court for dinner buffet and made the weirdest mistake ever, not forgotting that there was 4 of us, which would make 4 pairs of eyes. We paid 32.90+++ for a buffet thinking that it was only 26.90+++. Its a wonder why the price was so high when the food variety was small(though admittedly good). Then as we strolled out of the place at 10 plus, we saw two whole buffet tables near the entrance, of which one had a variety of fresh prawns, mussels, scallops and ....i cant go on man. i have no idea whats on the other table, but to have TOTALLY missed those two tables? wow..my heart. im quite determined to go back there one day and make up for this loss. this time, i will have to eat TWICE the amount! set. woohoo.

today, as like everyday, i wish lots of moo-lah would appear on my table when i wake up tmr morning. lol, yes, then i can travel the world. :)

that was totally random, but i've been thinking of going overseas alot recently. Be it a simple trip with friends or exchange. sighz.

passing time at work

time: 2.23am

I should love this job. It involves only slacking and finding ways to pass time. the easiest money ever made. I have to admit that i kind of enjoy the satisfaction of helping all the old folks, esp when most of them are always so nice. :) But two weeks on this job is really enough. haha

Today i watched 6 hours of anime, 16 episodes of full metal. It was tiring staring at the screen for so long, but time passed really fast that way. Oh, and the day before, i spend the whole day playing titee. The loser had to eat coffee powder. yes, we were THAT bored. for the stupid suggestion i came up with, i barely ate any.:) I was losing like mad before the punishment was implemented, but once the stakes were high..i was so damn good. haha.

I met this old man today who was looking for his wife. The look of worry on his face troubled me too. His wife's form was with us, but she wasnt there anymore. I couldnt answer him when he asked me " did my wife come?" Truth be told, i wouldnt know who his wife was. I asked him to go home, cause maybe she was home already. I hope he found her, i take him not coming back to be a good sign. Even now, his wided-eye helplessness remains with me and his repeated mumbles on how dark it was outside already. It was the simple concern and love he had for his wife's safety that i cannot forget.

4 more days of work!

working bores me

time: 11.53pm

Its also the end of the day. This means i have to work soon. :( haha yes...i know, its easy money, but it cannot justify the boredom i suffer during work. If i could, i would end work this week. But for the sake of the easy money, i will hold on!

Old folks arent as evil, mean, grumpy, as i thought. In fact, they seem grateful most of the time that we are able to help them fill up forms. And its very cute sometimes, the way the old people network works. We will have friends bringing friends who bring more friends and suddenly we have lots of pple walking in asking " are you all giving out money?" ( in chinese of course) Then they will sign up without caring what is it for at all! I think word did eventually get around to most of them on what money they were receiving.

Then i had a old man, in a cute green hawilian print shirt, who came in over and over again asking me ALL SORTS OF QUESTIONS. He kept asking me if he filled up corretly, to remember to send it in, if the numbers was written corretly, to remember to send it in, if his bank account was ticked correctly, if the date was right, to remember to send it in, haha..you get the idea. I couldnt help feeling tickled. Its hard to feel annoyed at such pple, even if they seem to totally not trust you to do it right, cause he kept thanking and then apologising and you cant help feeling bad if you do feel annoyed.

I've never seen so many old pple in a week. makes me wonder how i will be when im old. So many of them lament of how its sad to be old and uneducated and unemployed and i guess its true. Somethings you just dun realised until you see them played out in reality.

Hope the money helps them in whatever ways. I have another week more to go. As the crowds thin out, my boredom grows. :( this seem to be the case across alot of CCs, and i realised that there are quite a number of pple out there doing this as well. HELLO ALL!! :) ok..not that they will see this lar.

cheers!

actual funeral

time: 9.33pm

Today was day 5.

I think it was a rollercoster ride, emotionally for alot of us. But at the end of the day, it has been a relief that we managed to carry it through and for my grandad to finally be put to rest.

tension was not as high as i expected, maybe cause circumstances were different from the last time.

But still, i have this to say. Saying this in his face would be inappropriate given im like the youngest and with totally no power, so i say it HERE: I hope that the tears are for real. Then again, how do you expect people to believe the show of grief you displayed? The wailing, sobbing, collapsing onto the floor in convulsed sobs and bursting into tears AT EVERY MOMENT you are called to fulfil your duties in the rites. The fraility that you display as you try to cope with the loss and carry the heavy responsibilities of the ceremony. Then with the same ease you wet your face, you can bring on a smile. You cannot believe the anger everyone felt towards you, then again, you are oblivous to everything but your grief. It was an irony to hear your wails in the deafening slience of the cremetorium, drowning out everyone else's quiet sobs. It was a even greater irony that nobody could bother to comfort you. IF you were really so filial, where were you all this while? my god..i never knew i had you as a relative until my grandma's funeral a few years a go. Shows how involved you were. And you failed miserably in your duties as a son. I glad I dont know you or even tried getting to know you. Dont put on a show if you dun mean it.

I'm glad i have my immediate family with me. Everytime we go through a event like this, we grow closer together. For all the disagreements and differences we may have, we are still one family. No matter how complicated things are with the extended side, it doesnt matter as long as we stick together.

A chapter closes, another opens.

family secrets

time: 1am

wow..exhuasted. Its amazing how doing nothing significant like sitting around, entertaining, clearing and packing also tire. but then again, its a whole day affair. things have gone fine these few days. Lets hope it remains that way. and i think its only at occasions like this when alot of secrets are found out. well, not secrets, but just things that people always choose to leave out in our daily conversations.

I wonder why we sometimes choose to be tied down by traditional beliefs.

when life is frail

time: 10.54am

i havent been blogging for some time. The strange thing is, with the holidays here, time seem to be even tighter. Im starting work next week as well, for two weeks. Lucky for me, i have tues and sat off. Not too bad if you ask me, so its still a 5 day work week.

Its weird to be home right now. In fact i've cancelled everything planned this week except for work related meetings. My grandpa passed away last night. It wasnt something unexpected, because he had been on life support for the past few months. It is a relief of sorts, for him to finally go. He had lost the ability to do anything. Feeding was by a tube and he wasnt even concious. There was no quality in the life he was holding on too. But my grandpa had lived a long life(97 years to be exact) and it was a life that he had really made the most of. I had never seen so much resilence in a man.

funerals, they bring out sides of pple you may never expect to see. I remember when my grandma passed away, i saw my grandpa, on a wheelchair crying over my grandma's coffin, his small frail frame supported by the maid and my aunt.Their relationship was a queer one, one made up of as much love, as hate, for each other. They didnt sleep in the same room for as long as i could remember and they wouldnt eat together at the same table during big family functions. Yet, they never really fought out loud and my grandma would cook food to his preference, even if it was with much grumbling and criticism. I dont know, it was complicated. But at that moment, when he bent over watching my grandma's face, sobbing, you understand that maybe, the love never did go away.

I wonder how they will be now that they can see each other again, wherever they are. I hope they will be happy.

There is alot of moving on for some of my relatives from here, and alot of loose ends to tie up. Im actually quite scared and worried because things on this side of the family have never been that simple. But for now, all that matters is the sending off.

Rest in peace.