This post is about clothes

Confession: I haven't really bought clothes since high school. I'll buy the occasional hoodie or t-shirt if it's on sale, but overall all of my jeans, dress clothes, nice shirts are either 4-5 years old, something I ended up with from an old roommate, or from my little sister's closet. Most everything I wear is too big (especially pants, they are usually 1-2 sizes too big and always sagging on my bum). And I usually do not dress how I feel or that in any way matches my personality. That kind of bothers me. On the other hand, I do not particularly care about how I look nor do I spend more than 20 minutes getting ready in the morning. Most of my clothes are American Eagle, a store I would never be caught dead in now. I have the few pieces that I love from random thrift stores or acquired from roommates but I really want a new look that isn't so 10th grade. Especially if I'm going to be a mom. I don't want to look like a teenage mom. I want to be a hip yet subtle, early-20s grad school mom who has a cool job at a small women's rights NGO in downtown DC. In other words, I really want to dress like this.

Unfortunately, a variety of factors including our income situation and the fact I probably couldn't MAKE myself pay that much for clothes even if I tried would prevent me from dressing like this. Yet, I see girls all time (including moms like Kayla. Hello, good fashion sense!) and I know they probably do not shop at Anthropologie but still look so darn good. I think I just need help. Navigating that mysterious world that is fashion. Especially after I have a baby and get back to normal size. By that time I'll be done with undergrad with (hopefully) a decent-paying job. Then I could probably splurge a little bit and send my current wardrobe to DI for random middle-schoolers to indulge in.

Evil formula companies

Apparently, in order to purchase Preggie Pops at the Motherhood Maternity store, Tim had to put down an e-mail address and "register." Unbeknownest to him, they really just wanted to start barraging me with free samples of formula. Evil, evil formula. Evil formula companies trying to manipulate poor little pregnant girls into not giving their babies what's best. Why is this still allowed?! I immediately unsubscribed and sent them a scathing e-mail. Ironically enough, the e-mail next in my inbox was from the BabyMilk Action campaign. I willingly subscribed to that.

Good days

So I had to reprint a Spanish writing assignment because it wasn't double spaced. My teacher told me this at like eight last night and wanted it turned back into her by noon today and I work til 11 so I was in a bit of rush. I ran to a computer to print it off at around 10:50 so I could drop it off and get my first class by 11. I printed it out without any problems and turned it in without problems and was just a few minutes late to a class that doesn't teach much. But here's the thing: right after I printed it off, the printing station crashed. Now maybe it was my fault that it crashed, but I like to think that it was holding on with all of it's computerish strength so that it could be there for me when I needed to print off my paper. That made my day. Thanks my programmed friend.

Tim's hot date

For my senior research capstone for my Women's Studies minor, I'm doing my project on perceptions of public breastfeeding in the BYU community. Today, I distributed my first pilot survey to 6 students in the Wilkinson Center at lunchtime, and Tim helped. On one that he got back, there was a phone number, name, and smiley face. Apparently this girl found it quite attractive that he was doing research on breastfeeding.

PS. Interesting enough, every single person surveyed (though I'm doing more tomorrow because I didn't get anyone that was married or had a child, and I want to compare those) had negative things to say about breastfeeding. "Go to the bathroom" "Gross, especially in restaurants" and "Keep your goods hidden" were all responses. I'm interested to see what breastfeeding mothers have to say. I'm taking these pilot surveys and creating a longer, more comprehensive survey online where I hope to get a sample of a couple hundred BYU students. I'll have the link to the survey up here in a couple of weeks. Everyone should take it. The more the merrier in statistical research!

Update

The Unisom/B6 combo seems to be helping. I woke up this morning not feeling like I was going to die. Ahhhh... sweet relief!

Pregnancy is a disappointment

Before I got pregnant, I thought I would LOVE it. I just imagined myself glowing and basking in the knowledge that I was creating a human life. I thought I would skip and lalala and marvel at my own body's capabilities.

Can I just tell you that I. hate. it? These past few days I have been so sick, I feel like an invalid. Even as I type this in the computer lab on campus waiting for my Spanish class to start, I know that I will throw up at least twice before that class. I find myself scoping out trashcan locations whenever I walk into a room. This morning as I leaned over the toilet in agony knowing that I needed to be in class in half an hour, I found myself telling my baby out loud that it better be cute and have red curly hair or ELSE. I called my midwife (who I have yet to meet) right after demanding some sort of remedy. She recommended Vit B6 and Unisom at night, "that should do it!" If I'm not able to hold down anything for 12 hours, I'm supposed to call back. Right now I can eat Saltines, tomato soup, and peppermint tea. I sent Tim out last night for Preggie Pops, but he couldn't find them anywhere much to my dismay and the pharmacies didn't have anything for morning sickness. If 75% of pregnant women are morning sick, how can you not have anything for it!?

I don't understand why women do this to themselves more than once. I'm going to videotape myself puking just so I don't forgot how much early pregnancy sucks. We're adopting from now on.

Please. Inspiration. Tell me it is worth it. Anyone!

In other news, my sister's 10 week ordeal has ended in a 7-lb baby boy! She went into labor at 6:30 am, got to the hospital around 7, and he was born at 7:40. Hooray for quick labors that run in the family (but hopefully not that pre-term business). Lauren was very happy to call and tell me about her natural childbirth.

Funny things I heard and one thing I saw

"You look like that girl on Biggest Loser, you know, after she lost the weight." My mind, thinking about saying that to a girl sitting next to me on the bus. I was planning on saying it with no introductory comment. I decided against it.

"You know those days when you just feel short?" - Two girls I walked by near that back annex of the HBLL if anyone knows the spot, right by the stairs leading down the the northwest door of the Kennedy Center. I post this one because it's the first time I can ever remember thinking, no I don't know anything about those days. But now I'm determined to. I'll keep you updated.

"We have a friend who has a DVD player that filters out the bad parts in movies, so were going over to his house to watch Texas Chainsaw Massacre." Girl on cellphone in the RB hallway waiting for Caitlin to finish changing after working out. I'm not 100% sure that I heard the girl say Texas Chainsaw Massacre, but I don't know many movie titles that sound much like that.

Here's a funny ad that came in the mail:

So the regular inspection costs $42, but you can get it for free and save $17. What happens to the other $25 dollars? Expensive vending machines.

I was re-reading Kayla's baby blog archives today (it's not like I'm not working full-time and taking the hardest classes of my major this semester), and I came across the ancient Chinese lunar calendar predicto-o-sexo (it apparently was very accurate in predicting Wes).



I want a girl. Tim wants a boy.

Sophomore year of college, my roommates and I played a fortune-telling game where you spin a thread with a needle on it over your palm and it will tell you the number and sex of your children. I got four kids: boy, girl, boy, girl. Unfortunately, Austin is apparently going to have 9 boys. Melissa, I think 3, a few of each. Rachel, a boy and a girl. Heather, 4 girls and 2 boys. Since I'm the only one out of all us that's even close to having a baby (well, I suppose Melissa just got married, so perhaps)... I guess I'll be the first to see how our predictions turn out.

Ancient Chinese lunar calendar vs. old wives' tale needle and thread.
Only time will tell.

So, I always forget things like anniversaries of when we met and six-month anniversaries of our wedding and the first time we kissed and whatnot.

Well. Today I remembered. Happy 123rd day of marriage Tim!






Guess we actually did it.

Mmm.... Obama....

I spoke too soon

I've been nauseous all day. I'm trying to convince myself that it's something I ate and that I'm not really pregnant. Mind over body kind of thing. It's not working. How long does this last??

I like this whole pregnancy thing

So, I calculate I'm about 7 weeks along, about the time according to babycenter.com that I should start feeling miserable. Well, luckily, so far I feel great! Way increased appetite, always hungry, gaining weight, but no sickness, not too tired, nothing too out of the ordinary. Maybe it will get worse (it's weird not to "feel" pregnant at all), but for those of you who are wondering, so far so good! 've been REALLY lucky so far and not taking this for granted.

So, we decided to birth at the American Fork hospital birthing center. I called and scheduled an appt with the midwife for February 17th (which seems so far away, but I guess they don't want to see me until 12 weeks). We are going to use the government's money. There is something to be said about being self-sufficient, but we are lucky to have assistance and I should be grateful and take it. It will definitely take a lot of stress out of this summer since I will be working but not making any money. Home birth, next time. I heard from a friend (thanks for the advice Kelly!) that they really follow the midwifery model there, they encourage you to move around, only use intermittent monitoring, no IV if you don't want it, delayed cord clamping, and you can birth in any position you want. Plus the birthing tub!

I couldn't be prouder.

In response to this.


The DU's editorial on the 13th was disappointing. The editorial board seems to believe that only certain causes are worth fighting for, while others should just be left to take care of themselves. But it is a disastrous philosophy to think that any effort is wasted if it could have gone to something bigger. They are right in saying that there are many causes throughout the world worthy of our attention and many of them are more important than being able to show pictures of breastfeeding mothers on Facebook. But the editors need to face reality. What did Heather Frayley organize? About 175,000 users joined her group. That's less than a third of those who have clicked to join the Britney Spears fan group. She also staged a three hour protest at the companies headquarters. No real money was raised and relatively little time was committed. "Countless hours"? Please. The editors suggest that "microloans to moms trying to feed their kids, or newborn kits for third-world moms who often carry their new babies home in newspaper" would be worthier causes. A small fraction of the Facebook community joining a group and a three hour protest will create zero microloans and generate zero newborn kits. Those things require a fair amount of capital to accomplish, something which the mothers with young children that supported this cause probably have very little of and which they gave none of to support this group. And still they accomplished what they set out to do: weaken some of the stigma attached to being a mother (the type of stigma that forces young BYU mothers into bathroom stalls to breastfeed) and fight an instance of the objectifying of women. It doesn't matter if you think these causes are worthwhile (as I do) or if you believe them to be (as the editors seem to) rather worthless; the fact is that those involved had a goal and they accomplished it. To ridicule that is incredibly counterproductive. We must fight wrong wherever we perceive it and Heather should be congratulated for accomplishing something significant without government grants or any sort of advertising campaign. I believe that the problems of AIDS, global warming, or world wide poverty mentioned in the article can be fixed if we join together to combat them. And there are hundreds of Facebook groups and causes and numerous real world gatherings and demonstrations devoted to these issues that are accomplishing good. The editors seem to think that somehow what Heather did pulled focus away from these efforts. That is absurd. Mrs. Frayley saw a cause she felt was worth fighting for, and she fought for it until something was accomplished. That's a lot more than I can say for the BYU editorial board.
Timothy Browning

Annoyed with the state of US healthcare

Now that I'm pregnant, I'm really determined more than ever to birth at home. It's something I'm passionate about, and I really feel strongly that normal, low-risk women should birth in less medicalized locales where they will not be subject to routine interventions that are detrimental to their health and the health of their baby (think continuous fetal monitoring, epidurals, pitocin). I've read a lot about how our system of childbirth is far less superior than those in Europe and other Western countries, and our maternal mortality and infant mortality are much higher they should be. The higher rate has been empirically attributed to the routine use of pitocin, elective cesareans, and the lack of support to laboring mothers. When women are tethered to a bed because of an EFM they are not free to move around and thus their labor will slow down. Labor is an active, dynamic process and a woman's body KNOWS what to do, yet we rely solely on the doctor's orders which are often not consistent with research but rather with fear of litigation. So I REALLY WANT TO HAVE A HOMEBIRTH! But alas, it appears that may be out of reach. You see. Our insurance won't cover CPMs (certified professional midwife)and CNM (certified nurse midwives) are prohibited from attending homebirths in Utah per their licensing. If I want a homebirth, I have to pay out of pocket. Ok, so paying out of pocket would be comparable to paying the 20% after insurance of a hospital birth. Another problem: my insurance won't cover maternity care unless you had continuous coverage from the time of conception. We did not. Insurance coverage started January 6th. Conception was December 24th-ish, so I'm thinking that I won't be covered. So we are considering using Medicaid which would obviously put our costs considerably lower than paying for the homebirth. Medicaid also will not cover CPMs or homebirth. But, I have ethical qualms about using Medicaid. Namely that maybe it wasn't meant for college students who accidentally got pregnant but rather for actual poor people (which I guess we can be considered... because we are). But, we will still probably go on it in case we have a preemie or something like my sister had, as to avoid $20,000 in medical bills that insurance won't cover (if our insurance will even cover my maternity care). Can you lie about date of conception? I can just say my last period was mid-December. That would put conception in January. Is THAT ethical??

Maybe I'll just get prenatal care from a CNM then just have an unassisted homebirth. I've watched videos. I could probably do it. Or maybe we can fundraise for a homebirth. Or maybe I will just capitulate and go to a hospital where I don't want to be. Maybe I'll labor at home and just go to the hospital to push it out. There are some nice hospitals around. Orem Community has nurse-midwives and American Fork does waterbirths. It's looking tempting...


And this whole conundrum is related to the much bigger problem: why can't women just trust their bodies? Another bigger problem to address at a later time: patriarchy.

Funding! Hooray!

My Fulton grant was approved! I'm presenting research at a conference at Cornell University at beginning of March, and now I don't have to pay airfare or lodging or for food or anything. Free money is so wonderful.

Oops....

I know you are all dying to know the story behind the little mishap of the month. Well, around beginning of Decemberish, I decided I was allergic to latex after a few excruciating weeks. Contraception failed us. So, over Christmas break, I was pretty sure I was past my ovulating days, so we thought nothing of it. Then, about two weeks ago I started feeling weird. Not bad, just weird. I thought I was just going to start my period (I was crampy, exhausted, and hungry ALL the time). I took a pregnancy test that Saturday, but it was negative so I waited for my period to start. When it didn't appear for a week, I took another test. As soon as I peed, I ran back into the bedroom because I didn't want to look at it. Tim walked in before me and there it was. The holy double lines. I calculate that I'm about 5 weeks along. That means my baby is the size of a poppy seed--a POPPY SEED. How adorable is that!

We figure that baby will come sometime in September. That nixes the Argentina trip in August (Tim might still go, I'm definitely encouraging it. He says he needs to be responsible now for my welfare, but I think I'll be fine), but hopefully will not prevent me from completing my internship in DC. That does mean, though, hugely pregnant in 95% humidity in east coast summer. Not the best timing... but hey, what can you do when you are ridiculously fertile??

Coming attractions...

"It was the church fountain. That's the holy of holies."

Because this is such a part of my daily life, I figured I'd make it a part of my blog. Hopefully it will become a semi-daily thing. I plan on posting things that I hear as I go throughout my day. I would love to post thought provoking and deep things, but more than likely it will be things that make me laugh on the inside. Let me know what you think. If they suck, let me know and I'll listen harder to find good things. Also I will post things that I think I hear, even though I know that I'm sure they weren't really saying those things, but they make me laugh anyways. I'll designate those ones different. So here we go:

"It was the church fountain. That's the holy of holies."

-A coworker of mine, justifying her hypothetical decision to eat a block of cheese containing a piece of chewed gum found randomly in a LDS churchhouse fountain. She would hypothetically receive $30 for doing so.

"You can do it, just slide it in. There you go."

-The kid next to me at the bus stop this morning encouraging the man in front of him to redo his belt. The man was asking for the kids help in putting his belt back in, but the only help he would give was this useful advice. It was funny even if you ignore the double entrendre.

"Why?"

-The kid behind me in Poly-Sci 200 when it was announced that all assignments were going to be graded severely, but then curved a bunch at the end of the class. I tend to agree.

"Up to 100+."

Technically I read this. It was on the menu at Los Hermanos explaining how large of a party you could reserve part of the restaurant for, the answer apparently being infinitely large.