I'm a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I love being a member of the church. I love reading the scriptures. I love praying. I love going to the temple. I love telling people about what I believe. I even love fasting. You might ask what fasting is.
Well, every month, we are asked to abstain from food or drink for a period of time. The time period depends on the person and their physical abilities, but generally it is anywhere from two meals to an entire 24 hour period. There are people who aren't able to abstain from food or drink and so they prayerfully decide what other sacrifice they can make to participate in their fast.
I happen to be one of those people Fasting is really hard on my body. So typically I fast something else. Today was fast day. So I decided that for three days I would fast diet coke instead of the traditional food and drink. This is a good one for me, because sometimes I don't think I can live without my diet coke. But I am ready and eager to do so. Especially because it means that I can show my faith to the Lord in asking about those things that are so near and dear to my heart.
Today I have found my inner peace again and I am so excited about it. I started my fast today with a prayer in my heart that whatever our purpose was with the adoption process, I would be able to understand and feel comfort. And I am so grateful to the Lord for giving me my answer.
We are supposed to adopt. We are supposed to meet a child that is to come to our home through somebody else. I don't who that child will be and I don't know when. But I know there is a plan. I know that Heavenly Father is preparing us to be ready. And most importantly, I know that it will all work out.
I love the church. I love the principles that we live by. I love the peace that I feel when I am doing the will of the Lord. I love that there is a plan. And best of all, I love that the Lord doesn't always present the plan to us the way that we think it should go. His way is always the best way.
Life is Good!
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Thursday, November 1, 2012
when I was 15
Tonight my husband informed me that he was thinking of going to Logan this weekend. His brothers wife just had a baby and his mom and dad are there. He also seems pretty excited about attending a football game. Logan is our home away from home and we both love going back whenever possible. I was actually pretty excited to go myself. I was even going to attend the football game (with a book in hand, of course). Then when I mentioned the book he suggested that I could stay at my sister in law's house for the game and visit with her and his mom. Unbeknownst to him, I curled up deeper in my blanket and sobbed. I couldn't fathom the idea of sitting with a newborn and a proud grandma and new mother and visit on the joys of motherhood. I simply couldn't do it.
The day that Kallie's dad asked us if we would be willing to adopt opened up a whole new round of emotions that I thought had been subdued for a while. I know that she is leaning toward keeping the baby at this point and I can't even imagine how hard this decision must be for her. Yet my heart is breaking a little. It seems that I can't stop thinking about her and where her life will lead if she does keep this baby.
I see Kallie every other day during the school week and I've come to know her as well as possible, given the circumstances. Every day that I see her, I wish that I could tell her what was in my heart. I wish that I could protect her from the hurt and heartache of the world. I wish that I could help her live her life to the fullest of her potential. But because they asked us to adopt, anything that I say could be portrayed as pressure. So tonight, I want to write her a letter.
Dear Kallie:
I remember when I was fifteen. I was so unsure of myself and so unsure of my future. I went to school and hated it. I worked for my family business and didn't feel like I had a place. I had no idea what the future would hold, but each day I would wake up and live my life. I was so blessed and had many friends and enjoyed the time that I spent with my family. I was a good student; much like yourself. And when I was fifteen, I dreamed of falling in love and getting married and having a family. That was all I ever wanted out of life. To be married and have children. But for me, that was not going to happen for quite some time.
You see, my Heavenly Father had much more in store for me. I needed an education. When I got to college, I realized how much I loved learning. I didn't always excel in every class, but I enjoyed something about every class. He also needed me to serve a mission for my church. I believe that mission was a very large part of my education. I needed to learn Spanish and develop a love for another culture. I had people to meet and to teach and to love. I had so many amazing experiences that changed my life. When I returned home, I went back to school. I studied Spanish and loved every minute of it. I loved being in Logan and having the freedom to discover myself. I learned so much about who I was and what my life would be like. All this time I waited, mostly impatiently, for the opportunity to meet my husband and start a family. It felt like it would never happen. But during that time, I developed new skills and improved upon my talents. I met amazing people and for the first time learned that I was a really good person. Not perfect, but good. You see, it took me a long time to figure that out. Sometimes I still struggle with it, but deep down, I know that I am a good person. I spent some time in Brazil and learned even more and discovered more about myself. I met a great guy that helped me learn about even another culture in Guatemala and develop more friendships with the people I met there. And it wasn't until my Heavenly Father knew that I was ready did he allow me to finally marry and begin a wonderfully hard journey of starting a family.
Cory and I have really learned a lot about each other through the trials that we have been given. We are both so excited and anxious and ready to be parents. But it seems that once again our Heavenly Father has more in store for us. He has many things that we need to learn before we become parents. We don't really know what they all are, but we know that when the time is right, we will have our children.
Kallie, our Heavenly Father has a plan for you. I don't know what that plan is. But you can know. You can be taught and led and helped as you try to make decisions that will affect your future. I pray for you every night. My family prays for you. My closest friends pray for you. You will know the best decision to make for you and your little baby boy. My deepest desire is for you to have all of the opportunities that life will present to you. I want you to have a college experience and to feel the freedom that comes with finding yourself along this journey of life. I want you to develop and increase your talents and gifts that God has given you. I want you to soar. I worry a lot about your decision to raise this baby boy right now in your life. You are only 15. You have so much to experience and to learn. Life will be hard if you choose to raise your baby on your own. My prayer is that you pray about this decision. Make sure that you know what God wants you to do. It is He, and only He, that can help you know what your destiny should be.
I hope that one day, you will find this and will know that I care for you a great deal and that my deepest desire is to help you and your baby be the best that you can be. You will always be in my heart and in my prayers.
Con Cariño
Tiffany
The day that Kallie's dad asked us if we would be willing to adopt opened up a whole new round of emotions that I thought had been subdued for a while. I know that she is leaning toward keeping the baby at this point and I can't even imagine how hard this decision must be for her. Yet my heart is breaking a little. It seems that I can't stop thinking about her and where her life will lead if she does keep this baby.
I see Kallie every other day during the school week and I've come to know her as well as possible, given the circumstances. Every day that I see her, I wish that I could tell her what was in my heart. I wish that I could protect her from the hurt and heartache of the world. I wish that I could help her live her life to the fullest of her potential. But because they asked us to adopt, anything that I say could be portrayed as pressure. So tonight, I want to write her a letter.
Dear Kallie:
I remember when I was fifteen. I was so unsure of myself and so unsure of my future. I went to school and hated it. I worked for my family business and didn't feel like I had a place. I had no idea what the future would hold, but each day I would wake up and live my life. I was so blessed and had many friends and enjoyed the time that I spent with my family. I was a good student; much like yourself. And when I was fifteen, I dreamed of falling in love and getting married and having a family. That was all I ever wanted out of life. To be married and have children. But for me, that was not going to happen for quite some time.
You see, my Heavenly Father had much more in store for me. I needed an education. When I got to college, I realized how much I loved learning. I didn't always excel in every class, but I enjoyed something about every class. He also needed me to serve a mission for my church. I believe that mission was a very large part of my education. I needed to learn Spanish and develop a love for another culture. I had people to meet and to teach and to love. I had so many amazing experiences that changed my life. When I returned home, I went back to school. I studied Spanish and loved every minute of it. I loved being in Logan and having the freedom to discover myself. I learned so much about who I was and what my life would be like. All this time I waited, mostly impatiently, for the opportunity to meet my husband and start a family. It felt like it would never happen. But during that time, I developed new skills and improved upon my talents. I met amazing people and for the first time learned that I was a really good person. Not perfect, but good. You see, it took me a long time to figure that out. Sometimes I still struggle with it, but deep down, I know that I am a good person. I spent some time in Brazil and learned even more and discovered more about myself. I met a great guy that helped me learn about even another culture in Guatemala and develop more friendships with the people I met there. And it wasn't until my Heavenly Father knew that I was ready did he allow me to finally marry and begin a wonderfully hard journey of starting a family.
Cory and I have really learned a lot about each other through the trials that we have been given. We are both so excited and anxious and ready to be parents. But it seems that once again our Heavenly Father has more in store for us. He has many things that we need to learn before we become parents. We don't really know what they all are, but we know that when the time is right, we will have our children.
Kallie, our Heavenly Father has a plan for you. I don't know what that plan is. But you can know. You can be taught and led and helped as you try to make decisions that will affect your future. I pray for you every night. My family prays for you. My closest friends pray for you. You will know the best decision to make for you and your little baby boy. My deepest desire is for you to have all of the opportunities that life will present to you. I want you to have a college experience and to feel the freedom that comes with finding yourself along this journey of life. I want you to develop and increase your talents and gifts that God has given you. I want you to soar. I worry a lot about your decision to raise this baby boy right now in your life. You are only 15. You have so much to experience and to learn. Life will be hard if you choose to raise your baby on your own. My prayer is that you pray about this decision. Make sure that you know what God wants you to do. It is He, and only He, that can help you know what your destiny should be.
I hope that one day, you will find this and will know that I care for you a great deal and that my deepest desire is to help you and your baby be the best that you can be. You will always be in my heart and in my prayers.
Con Cariño
Tiffany
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