This morning I am full of emotions. I can't help but wonder where they are coming from, but then I remember that I am a girl...it doesn't matter. They just come.
My mind has been on my sister, Noelle, a lot lately. She has had such a difficult pregnancy and has really struggled to find peace, I think. Her little Emily has some heart problems and the emotional roller coaster that she is on is oh so scary. I can't even comprehend the heartache that she feels for her little one and the desire to fix it. All I know is that I pray for her daily and often times multiple times throughout the day. I don't think she likes me a whole lot right now, I'm not sure how to fix it, but I know that I sure love her. And I know that she will be a great mom and I can't wait for the Lord to fix this one and allow her little Emily to grow and develop and live a strong happy life.
I watched a movie last night about a boy that had cancer. I shouldn't have. I don't think that I was emotionally ready for that. I bawled. And bawled. I didn't have the difficulties that so many have, but I know how hard chemo is and I know that it is scary. It brought back so many emotions that I have lived the last 8 months. Fear, hurt, pain, sadness, joy, loneliness, and even frustration. But it was such a sweet, tender movie and it made me realize that God is in charge and becuase of that, all is right in my world.
A girl from my masters program announced yesterday that she was three months pregnant. This was a shock to me, becuase just a few months ago, she was stating how she didn't want to be a mom and that she wasn't planning on having kids for years and that I was crazy for wanting to be pregnant. Oh how it frustrated me that she is now pregnant and I am not. I know that I shouldn't look at it that way, but I'm not perfect. I also know that my turn will come...when the time is right. But boy how I wish that was now.
Today is my last day of teaching for the year. I am more excited than you could possibly know...unless you're a teacher. I can't wait for the high school kids to be gone and to not have to think about them or see them for two and half months. SIGH! That sounds so peaceful. And crazy enough, I am looking forward to another year. To next year. Already. I'm nuts!
Life is good. I am so blessed! I have an amazing husband! We just celebrated our first wedding anniversary on the 4th (post to come) and I just love him so very much! I'm happy and healthy and looking forward to the next new adventure to present itself.
