So I went to yet another doctor's appointment yesterday. I was full of mixed emotions. What were my levels? was the main question on my mind. Deep deep down, I felt that I was still not done with this whole process and that I would be waiting a while longer for the good news.
Well, when I started the process of chemo with this doctor, about a month or so ago, my levels were at 1700 ish. Then I did my first round of chemo and they went down to 295! Yay for the big drop. That day we started the second round of chemo and yesterday was the day I found out they were only down to 98. Now, the doctor did say that I have not yet failed this chemo. We are going to give it another week and see what my numbers do. If they go up, or if they don't go down enough (I don't know what that means), then we start the next round of chemo.
But the next round isn't just the same chemo. This one is called actinomycin. Stronger stuff, usually given intravenously. I don't know much about it, other than the fact that I might lose my hair. However, it really isn't a sure thing that I have to do this and so we can always hope that next week something will have happened with my numbers and I will be safe from more chemo. I guess we'll just have to see.
Most of the time I am ok with all of this. I feel at peace and comforted knowing that my Heavenly Father is in charge. There are moments when my emotions just get all out of control and I can't stop the tears. And there are oh so many things that trigger the tears. I feel so much for my poor husband. Sometimes I wonder if he loves me enough to put up with my tears and my ornery-ness. And I wonder if he thinks he should just walk away. Now, Cory has never said anything negative or mean. He has only ever showed love and kindness and patience. I just sense his frustration with my tears, my ornery side, and the lack of energy to do anything. I just want him to be happy. I hope he is.
Today, I am just going to do my thing. Teach my students, and then go home and do all of the laundry that I can and then clean the house the best that I can and then watch Betty la fea, cause I can. :)
Friday, March 25, 2011
Saturday, March 19, 2011
new beginnings
After a much needed break from the blogging world, I decided that I missed writing about my life. Mostly, I missed the emotional release that it was for me.
Life has been exciting, to say the least. I just finished my second round of chemotherapy for the treatment of my molar pregnancy. It just about did me in this time. I was in constant pain, due to one of the side affects. I was nauseated and couldn't eat much of the time and I was getting more and more migraines. My emotions have been wacked and I feel like more poor husband has gotten the rotten end of the deal when it comes to wives. I do have an appointment with the doctor on Thursday to go over the results of this last round and if we are lucky, then it will be our last. I guess we will see what happens.
As I have gone through all of this, I have realized that there are so many things that I miss in my life. Most of all I miss having the energy to do things. Exercise, go to the movies, write my thesis, help my family at the nursery, etc. I am looking forward to having the strength and the desire to accomplish all of those things.
Most of all, I think I miss the temple the most. I feel like I have missed out on that blessing for ages now. I long to sit in the Celestial room and ponder all that my Heavenly Father has given me to experience these last few months. My goal is to go to the temple this week and to really enjoy the Spirit that I have missed.
Thanks to all who are so supportive and strong for me during this trial in life. Thanks for the love and the friendships. Especially to my family. Mom and the sisters. All of them have been there for me at different times when I didn't think that I was going to make it through. I love you all!
xoxo
Tiff
Life has been exciting, to say the least. I just finished my second round of chemotherapy for the treatment of my molar pregnancy. It just about did me in this time. I was in constant pain, due to one of the side affects. I was nauseated and couldn't eat much of the time and I was getting more and more migraines. My emotions have been wacked and I feel like more poor husband has gotten the rotten end of the deal when it comes to wives. I do have an appointment with the doctor on Thursday to go over the results of this last round and if we are lucky, then it will be our last. I guess we will see what happens.
As I have gone through all of this, I have realized that there are so many things that I miss in my life. Most of all I miss having the energy to do things. Exercise, go to the movies, write my thesis, help my family at the nursery, etc. I am looking forward to having the strength and the desire to accomplish all of those things.
Most of all, I think I miss the temple the most. I feel like I have missed out on that blessing for ages now. I long to sit in the Celestial room and ponder all that my Heavenly Father has given me to experience these last few months. My goal is to go to the temple this week and to really enjoy the Spirit that I have missed.
Thanks to all who are so supportive and strong for me during this trial in life. Thanks for the love and the friendships. Especially to my family. Mom and the sisters. All of them have been there for me at different times when I didn't think that I was going to make it through. I love you all!
xoxo
Tiff
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