Tonight I am having a pity party. I don't really know why I'm crying and such. Could be that I don't feel well. Could be that I'm exhausted. But I think it's not that.
My sister finds out whether she is having a boy or a girl tomorrow. I think I'm crying because I would already know what I would be having. But I guess it just isn't my turn. I want to be a mom. But there are so many women that want to be mothers, and I guess we just have to wait our turn.
But I'm still just going to cry.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Blessings and little old ladies
Today was day three of shots. I go in every day for eight days. Now just five more to go. If this doesn't work, I will then be given the stronger chemo. I feel yucky! I am nauseous and tired and for sure won't lose my hair with this treatment.
Today when I met the nurse at 8, there were about five other people there. I sat next to a lady that looked older than she was. We talked briefly about what I was there for and then I asked her what she was there for. She found out a couple of years ago that she had had cancer for eight years. The doctors were simply giving her more time. My heart ached for her.
At that moment, I felt very grateful that I didn't have cancer yet. That the doctors were fighting with me so that this didn't spread and turn cancerous. Heavenly Father has been so good to me and each day I need to thank Him for all that He has blessed me with and all that I am learning.
Thanks to all of you for your support and your love. I am very humbled to know that I have such dear friends and loving family.
xoxo
Today when I met the nurse at 8, there were about five other people there. I sat next to a lady that looked older than she was. We talked briefly about what I was there for and then I asked her what she was there for. She found out a couple of years ago that she had had cancer for eight years. The doctors were simply giving her more time. My heart ached for her.
At that moment, I felt very grateful that I didn't have cancer yet. That the doctors were fighting with me so that this didn't spread and turn cancerous. Heavenly Father has been so good to me and each day I need to thank Him for all that He has blessed me with and all that I am learning.
Thanks to all of you for your support and your love. I am very humbled to know that I have such dear friends and loving family.
xoxo
Friday, February 18, 2011
Hair
I am meeting with a cancer specialist on Monday.
I'm not really nervous so much anymore as ready for some answers and ready to be done with this whole mess.
But, I am, by nature, a worrier. I tend to worry about things I don't really have any control over and it drives people crazy!
Today, I am worried about losing my hair. I have spent a long time growing my hair and I can say it's about the only thing physically that I like about myself.
This chemo I have to do might make that fall out. I don't know how I feel about that
But I guess if it takes care of the cancer spreading, than ok.
YIKES! I feel like I am too little to handle things like this.
I'm not really nervous so much anymore as ready for some answers and ready to be done with this whole mess.
But, I am, by nature, a worrier. I tend to worry about things I don't really have any control over and it drives people crazy!
Today, I am worried about losing my hair. I have spent a long time growing my hair and I can say it's about the only thing physically that I like about myself.
This chemo I have to do might make that fall out. I don't know how I feel about that
But I guess if it takes care of the cancer spreading, than ok.
YIKES! I feel like I am too little to handle things like this.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Day 9
My favorite blogs are.....
the anticipation is killing you, I know!
I'm getting there, I promise.
Actually, all the blogs on my favorites list are my favorites. But there are three that I read every day.
#1 http://plattbabysister.blogspot.com La Esquina de la Estrellita
-there is no one that makes me laugh harder than Manda Lou, my baby sister. I love her!
#2 http://noelleplatt.blogspot.com Because Nice Matters
-this sister doesn't need me to read her blog, cause she has so many other readers. But I do love knowing what is happening in her world and she writes so beautifully that I just can't help myself.
#3 http://mrthompsonandme.blogspot.com Viva la Vida!
- this blog inspires me! She helps me keep my life in perspective and to know that life is amazing!
Day 8
Did you know that I don't like getting my picture taken? I am far too critical of myself and end up hating them all. But I don't mind these two, so I can share them. The first one is the most recent, from this last fall and the second one is an engagement picture from spring last year.
Monday, February 14, 2011
not on the list
Today I just need to write.
I had more blood work done. I went to the hospital today with high hopes. A week and a half ago I was at 620 something. I was hoping that they had gone down by half. I prayed. I put it in the Lord's hands. And I waited the three hours before calling for the results.
They went up again. 820 something, I think. I don't really remember. All I know is that I was shocked. What was going on? Again, the questions came to mind that always do...is it spreading? am I pregnant? what is going on? what is the doctor going to say?
After talking with my mom, we decided to call a different doctor and get his opinion. I talked with the nurse, told her the whole story and waited for her to call me. After only 15 minutes, she called and told me that it was out of the dr's hands and that I would need to see a specialist.
He's an OBGYN Oncologist. And the nurse says that he will take good care of me. I'm supposed to call them tomorrow. Apparently, I'm a high risk patient at this point.
I'm scared. I'm numb. I'm devastated. I'm sad.
Please keep me in your prayers. Maybe that's selfish, but I need prayers.
I had more blood work done. I went to the hospital today with high hopes. A week and a half ago I was at 620 something. I was hoping that they had gone down by half. I prayed. I put it in the Lord's hands. And I waited the three hours before calling for the results.
They went up again. 820 something, I think. I don't really remember. All I know is that I was shocked. What was going on? Again, the questions came to mind that always do...is it spreading? am I pregnant? what is going on? what is the doctor going to say?
After talking with my mom, we decided to call a different doctor and get his opinion. I talked with the nurse, told her the whole story and waited for her to call me. After only 15 minutes, she called and told me that it was out of the dr's hands and that I would need to see a specialist.
He's an OBGYN Oncologist. And the nurse says that he will take good care of me. I'm supposed to call them tomorrow. Apparently, I'm a high risk patient at this point.
I'm scared. I'm numb. I'm devastated. I'm sad.
Please keep me in your prayers. Maybe that's selfish, but I need prayers.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Day 7
I'm not a big youtube fan, but occasionally, there are videos that make me laugh so hard I cry. I've shown this one before, but it's been a while. I love it. Everytime I see it, I laugh. Hope you enjoy!
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Day 5
Dear Crush -
The first time I saw you was the day that my roommate bought a TV that was too large for us to move into the apartment. You decided to help her and you carried it into the living room without any help. I thought you were so nice.
You lived in #8 and I lived in #3 (I think). We went to the same ward. We went to the same gym, often at the same time. (hm mm, coincidence?) We weren't in the same FHE group, and we were most definitely not anything alike.
We were OK friends. I was sure you had a crush on one of the roommates. It seemed you were always at our house. College was so fun, wasn't it? I loved the carefree feeling and the crazy adventures.
Then there was that night you stole my seat during the movie we were all watching. I wasn't impressed. I sat down next to you, and decided that it was you who had to move. If you'll remember, it was one of those chairs that you have to really like the person to sit next to them. You stayed. I stayed. You held my hand. You played with my hair. You stayed until WAY too late.
Then there was that night that you kissed me for the first time. I felt so excited and so scared at the same time. You see, if you remember right, you were a player. You didn't really want to be my boyfriend. You just wanted a kiss.
After a really long time like this, I realized you weren't ever going to change. I moved to Brasil. I needed time away and time to heal. I needed to be with my parents. I was there three months. What you don't know is that I thought of you every minute of every day. I was hooked. I even listened to a song that you think is dumb, but that reminds me of you every time I hear it. "If your not the one, then why does my hand fit yours, this way." Over and over I listened to that song. I even smelled the bottle of cologne that you gave me for my birthday. I was ridiculous!
I moved home and thought I was done with you. Then I went back to college and you were still there. I tried to avoid you. I failed. Then one day, at your new apartment, I told you that I could never see you again and I walked out.
And I never saw you again....until five years later. When I ended another engagement and a week later you looked me up on facebook.
And dear husband, I just want to say that I still love you the way I did in college and more. Can I just say that you are the best crush a girl could ask for! You make me smile and you make me happy and you are kind and patient and fortunately, you are no longer a player. :)
I love you!
xoxo
The first time I saw you was the day that my roommate bought a TV that was too large for us to move into the apartment. You decided to help her and you carried it into the living room without any help. I thought you were so nice.
You lived in #8 and I lived in #3 (I think). We went to the same ward. We went to the same gym, often at the same time. (hm mm, coincidence?) We weren't in the same FHE group, and we were most definitely not anything alike.
We were OK friends. I was sure you had a crush on one of the roommates. It seemed you were always at our house. College was so fun, wasn't it? I loved the carefree feeling and the crazy adventures.
Then there was that night you stole my seat during the movie we were all watching. I wasn't impressed. I sat down next to you, and decided that it was you who had to move. If you'll remember, it was one of those chairs that you have to really like the person to sit next to them. You stayed. I stayed. You held my hand. You played with my hair. You stayed until WAY too late.
Then there was that night that you kissed me for the first time. I felt so excited and so scared at the same time. You see, if you remember right, you were a player. You didn't really want to be my boyfriend. You just wanted a kiss.
After a really long time like this, I realized you weren't ever going to change. I moved to Brasil. I needed time away and time to heal. I needed to be with my parents. I was there three months. What you don't know is that I thought of you every minute of every day. I was hooked. I even listened to a song that you think is dumb, but that reminds me of you every time I hear it. "If your not the one, then why does my hand fit yours, this way." Over and over I listened to that song. I even smelled the bottle of cologne that you gave me for my birthday. I was ridiculous!
I moved home and thought I was done with you. Then I went back to college and you were still there. I tried to avoid you. I failed. Then one day, at your new apartment, I told you that I could never see you again and I walked out.
And I never saw you again....until five years later. When I ended another engagement and a week later you looked me up on facebook.
And dear husband, I just want to say that I still love you the way I did in college and more. Can I just say that you are the best crush a girl could ask for! You make me smile and you make me happy and you are kind and patient and fortunately, you are no longer a player. :)
I love you!
xoxo
Monday, February 7, 2011
Day 4
Ok, so I have very few pictures of myself that are actually scanned and on my computer. So, the ones that I have of me more than ten years ago are of when I was quite young.
This first one is taken in the backyard where I grew up, which is every little kids dream yard. And dad was the photographer. It was a slide at one point, so the quality isn't that great.
This next one, I am to the far left of the picture. You really do have to love the styles. We were having so much fun, but for the life of me, I can't remember what we were doing. :)
And finally, the most recent of me, but still just ten years ago, was on my mission. This is the typical dress of Panama and I had it made for me and then participated in their national dance for a talent show one night at the church. I was just leaving the mission a few short weeks later.
This first one is taken in the backyard where I grew up, which is every little kids dream yard. And dad was the photographer. It was a slide at one point, so the quality isn't that great.
This next one, I am to the far left of the picture. You really do have to love the styles. We were having so much fun, but for the life of me, I can't remember what we were doing. :)
And finally, the most recent of me, but still just ten years ago, was on my mission. This is the typical dress of Panama and I had it made for me and then participated in their national dance for a talent show one night at the church. I was just leaving the mission a few short weeks later.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Day 3
There are many movies that I could choose from, but this movie is my life. I absolutely love it! The song even has significance for me! Enjoy!
Friday, February 4, 2011
Day 2
Well, here goes...don't be blown away too far with how utterly exciting my life is.. :)
7:00 - checked email
7:35 - got on facebook
7:36 - kissed Cory goodbye
7:40 - hid Micky's toys so I could write my paper
7:45 - brushed my teeth and cleaned the bathroom counter at the same time.
7:50 - got in the shower with Cory's ipod playing in the background (this doesn't happen too much cause I get up too early to play it.)
8:00 - got dressed
8:01 - updated my checklist
8:03 - combed my hair
8:10 - ate breakfast
8:05 - 8:45 watched parenthood
9:00 - opened thesis on the laptop and re-read to find where I left off
9:28 - stopped after writing a page and wondered if any of this made sense
10:45 - still writing but almost done with the first section of four for my lit review
10:55 - finished my first section and began reading article for the second section
11:33 - finished reading article and falling asleep so...\
11:34 - took a break and watched Betty la fea and ate lunch.
12:05 - cleaned kitchen and did the dishes while watching betty la fea
12:35 - started making cookies
12:40 - walked to Macey's cause I didn't have any brown sugar
12:55 - came home and finished making cookies. (just the dough, not the baking)
1:30 - started writing second section of lit review.
3:00 - kissed husband hello after working all day
3:45 - finished second section of thesis
4:30 - ate cookie dough and drove to the nursery to have family read the thesis
5:00 - looked at Jared's new inventory for his new store! So exciting!
5:30 - asked husband to make reservations at the rodizio grill
6:00 - 7:00 - ate meat, chicken, pineapple, veggies, meat, chicken, cheese bread, meat, cheese bread, and of course more cheese bread. MMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmm!
7:30 - started writing blog
8:00 - begin reading for third section of the thesis.
Told you...you are so amazed at how exciting my life is, huh? School days are a bit more exciting! Have a good night all!
xoxo
7:00 - checked email
7:35 - got on facebook
7:36 - kissed Cory goodbye
7:40 - hid Micky's toys so I could write my paper
7:45 - brushed my teeth and cleaned the bathroom counter at the same time.
7:50 - got in the shower with Cory's ipod playing in the background (this doesn't happen too much cause I get up too early to play it.)
8:00 - got dressed
8:01 - updated my checklist
8:03 - combed my hair
8:10 - ate breakfast
8:05 - 8:45 watched parenthood
9:00 - opened thesis on the laptop and re-read to find where I left off
9:28 - stopped after writing a page and wondered if any of this made sense
10:45 - still writing but almost done with the first section of four for my lit review
10:55 - finished my first section and began reading article for the second section
11:33 - finished reading article and falling asleep so...\
11:34 - took a break and watched Betty la fea and ate lunch.
12:05 - cleaned kitchen and did the dishes while watching betty la fea
12:35 - started making cookies
12:40 - walked to Macey's cause I didn't have any brown sugar
12:55 - came home and finished making cookies. (just the dough, not the baking)
1:30 - started writing second section of lit review.
3:00 - kissed husband hello after working all day
3:45 - finished second section of thesis
4:30 - ate cookie dough and drove to the nursery to have family read the thesis
5:00 - looked at Jared's new inventory for his new store! So exciting!
5:30 - asked husband to make reservations at the rodizio grill
6:00 - 7:00 - ate meat, chicken, pineapple, veggies, meat, chicken, cheese bread, meat, cheese bread, and of course more cheese bread. MMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmm!
7:30 - started writing blog
8:00 - begin reading for third section of the thesis.
Told you...you are so amazed at how exciting my life is, huh? School days are a bit more exciting! Have a good night all!
xoxo
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Day 1
Good morning -
My full name is Tiffany Beatrice Platt Worwood. I was born on September 14, 1979, which makes me 31 years old. I am the sixth of seven children and the only red head of all my siblings. I have been married for just 8 months and I love being a wife. My husband and I met years ago in college and were friends for two years or so, then reconnected by facebook. I never thought that would happen. I grew up in Pleasant Grove/Lindon and I still currently live in Pleasant Grove with my husband and my dog.
I graduated from high school in 97 and attended UVSC (a long time ago). After my associates, I transferred to Logan where I fell in love with Cashe Valley! I could live there and be perfectly content with life. During my years at USU, I served a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in Panama. Panama will always be my home away from home, I think. I still dream of being able to go back. Upon returning home, I went back to school at USU and graduated with my bachelors in Spanish and a minor in Photography.
My parents were called to serve as mission presidents in Brasil and after graduating, I was lucky enough to be able to spend 3 months with them. It was a beautiful three months, and there are days when I long to be able to go back to that time. I came home from Brasil and decided to go back to school. Once again I found myself at USU, but this time I was studying Secondary Education and ESL. I graduated a year and half later with my second bachelors and my second minor. And promptly began teaching.
I have been teaching at Alta High School now for five years. I think for me teaching is a love/hate relationship. I love working with the kids, but hate their attitudes. I love getting home at 3:30, but hate getting up at 5:00. I love summers off, but I hate that I don't get paid so well. Teaching is probably the hardest thing I have ever done, but the most rewarding. I love feeling like I am doing something for someone else everyday of my life. And every once in a while, I love knowing that I connected with someone and made the difference for them. I don't know that I want to teach the rest of my life, but for now, I am enjoying it.
Just last summer I decided to start my masters program. I am currently back at UVU and if this doesn't kill me, it will make me a better teacher. I love being in school! I love learning and pushing myself to do better. I love feeling like I am improving my teaching skills. I have been working very hard on the first three chapters of my thesis and if everything goes well, I will defend my proposal in the next couple of weeks.
While doing all of this, I found out two months ago that I was experiencing a molar pregnancy. I am waiting for my HCG levels to hit the negative numbers, so that I can stop going to the hospital for blood tests and hopefully not have any more low dose chemo shots. This has also been a huge trial for me. I have learned so much and continue to dream of the day when I can have kids.
The older I get the less social I become. I prefer staying at home and working on projects or reading a book. I love to read and sew and create. I also love to play with my puppy that isn't really a puppy anymore. Except that he still has the energy of a puppy. And I love to watch Betty la Fea; both the Mexican version and the Colombian version.
I love music and play the piano. I don't currently have a piano and would love to find one that needs a home, but for now, I listen to a lot of piano music and look forward to when I can play everyday. I also really enjoy going to plays. I don't so much like opera, unless I am very familiar with the story, like Phantom of the Opera, Les Mis, or even The Lion King. But I especially love going to local play houses like the Hale Center Theater with my husband and enjoying a home town play.
As mentioned previously, I am a member of the LDS Church and am so happy for that. I love the Church. I love knowing that there is a purpose and a reason for all that we are experiencing here on earth. I love knowing that we have a prophet that leads and guides us. I love knowing that my Savior loves me and that He watches over me. I love the Book of Mormon and reading about the lives of those that lived during that time. I know it's true!
All in all, I am a happy person, who is very dramatic and very emotional. I cry at the drop of a pin, get riled up over silly things and love to be with family. I hope that you can get to know me better as I share my life over the next few posts.
xoxo
My full name is Tiffany Beatrice Platt Worwood. I was born on September 14, 1979, which makes me 31 years old. I am the sixth of seven children and the only red head of all my siblings. I have been married for just 8 months and I love being a wife. My husband and I met years ago in college and were friends for two years or so, then reconnected by facebook. I never thought that would happen. I grew up in Pleasant Grove/Lindon and I still currently live in Pleasant Grove with my husband and my dog.
I graduated from high school in 97 and attended UVSC (a long time ago). After my associates, I transferred to Logan where I fell in love with Cashe Valley! I could live there and be perfectly content with life. During my years at USU, I served a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in Panama. Panama will always be my home away from home, I think. I still dream of being able to go back. Upon returning home, I went back to school at USU and graduated with my bachelors in Spanish and a minor in Photography.
My parents were called to serve as mission presidents in Brasil and after graduating, I was lucky enough to be able to spend 3 months with them. It was a beautiful three months, and there are days when I long to be able to go back to that time. I came home from Brasil and decided to go back to school. Once again I found myself at USU, but this time I was studying Secondary Education and ESL. I graduated a year and half later with my second bachelors and my second minor. And promptly began teaching.
I have been teaching at Alta High School now for five years. I think for me teaching is a love/hate relationship. I love working with the kids, but hate their attitudes. I love getting home at 3:30, but hate getting up at 5:00. I love summers off, but I hate that I don't get paid so well. Teaching is probably the hardest thing I have ever done, but the most rewarding. I love feeling like I am doing something for someone else everyday of my life. And every once in a while, I love knowing that I connected with someone and made the difference for them. I don't know that I want to teach the rest of my life, but for now, I am enjoying it.
Just last summer I decided to start my masters program. I am currently back at UVU and if this doesn't kill me, it will make me a better teacher. I love being in school! I love learning and pushing myself to do better. I love feeling like I am improving my teaching skills. I have been working very hard on the first three chapters of my thesis and if everything goes well, I will defend my proposal in the next couple of weeks.
While doing all of this, I found out two months ago that I was experiencing a molar pregnancy. I am waiting for my HCG levels to hit the negative numbers, so that I can stop going to the hospital for blood tests and hopefully not have any more low dose chemo shots. This has also been a huge trial for me. I have learned so much and continue to dream of the day when I can have kids.
The older I get the less social I become. I prefer staying at home and working on projects or reading a book. I love to read and sew and create. I also love to play with my puppy that isn't really a puppy anymore. Except that he still has the energy of a puppy. And I love to watch Betty la Fea; both the Mexican version and the Colombian version.
I love music and play the piano. I don't currently have a piano and would love to find one that needs a home, but for now, I listen to a lot of piano music and look forward to when I can play everyday. I also really enjoy going to plays. I don't so much like opera, unless I am very familiar with the story, like Phantom of the Opera, Les Mis, or even The Lion King. But I especially love going to local play houses like the Hale Center Theater with my husband and enjoying a home town play.
As mentioned previously, I am a member of the LDS Church and am so happy for that. I love the Church. I love knowing that there is a purpose and a reason for all that we are experiencing here on earth. I love knowing that we have a prophet that leads and guides us. I love knowing that my Savior loves me and that He watches over me. I love the Book of Mormon and reading about the lives of those that lived during that time. I know it's true!
All in all, I am a happy person, who is very dramatic and very emotional. I cry at the drop of a pin, get riled up over silly things and love to be with family. I hope that you can get to know me better as I share my life over the next few posts.
xoxo
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
coming soon to a blog near you...
Ok, so a friend posted this on her blog and she stole it from a friend that posted on a different blog. So, I am going to steal it, also. Maybe this will give me more exciting things to discuss. I'll do my best to do one a day, but it might be one every few days. It'll be fun!!
Day 1: Introduce Yourself
Day 2: A Bulleted List of Everything that happened in your day
Day 3: Your favorite movie
Day 4: A photo of you taken over ten years ago
Day 5: A letter to your crush
Day 6: A list of what you ate today
Day 7: A youtube video that you find funny
Day 8: A photo of you taken recently
Day 9: List some of your favorite blogs
Day 10: A letter to a person who has caused you pain
Day 11: Share your favorite recipe(s)
Day 12: Self portrait
Day 13: Freestyle
Day 14: A song from your childhood
Day 15: A letter to someone you wish you could meet
Day 16: Provide pictures of five celebrity crushes
Day 17: A photo that makes you sad
Day 18: Set or share a goal
Day 19: Freestyle
Day 20: A letter to someone who changed your life
Day 21: Your favorite television program
Day 22: A photo that makes you happy
Day 23: Share one of your favorite tunes
Day 24: Face morphing
Day 25: Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 26: Favorite Books
Day 27: A talent of yours
Day 28: Favorite places to shop
Day 29: Your favorite color
Day 30: The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 31: More freestyle
Day 32: A photo you took
Day 33: What you're craving right now
Day 34: Your favorite quote
Day 35: A letter to an ex
Day 36: Some hobbies of yours
Day 37: A song that you like to dance to
Day 38: A photo of your parents
Day 39: Zodiac sign and do you think it fits your personality
Day 40: A deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 41: Funky Freestyle
Day 42: A bad habit you have
Day 43: A picture of your favorite place in the world
Day 44: Something that fascinates you and why
Day 45: A letter to yourself a year ago
Day 46: Photos of personal things in your life (pets, family, houses, etc...)
Day 47: Birthday wish list
Day 48: A photo of you right now
Day 49: Hopes, dreams, and plans for the next 365 days
Day 50: A letter to your reflection in the mirror
Day 1: Introduce Yourself
Day 2: A Bulleted List of Everything that happened in your day
Day 3: Your favorite movie
Day 4: A photo of you taken over ten years ago
Day 5: A letter to your crush
Day 6: A list of what you ate today
Day 7: A youtube video that you find funny
Day 8: A photo of you taken recently
Day 9: List some of your favorite blogs
Day 10: A letter to a person who has caused you pain
Day 11: Share your favorite recipe(s)
Day 12: Self portrait
Day 13: Freestyle
Day 14: A song from your childhood
Day 15: A letter to someone you wish you could meet
Day 16: Provide pictures of five celebrity crushes
Day 17: A photo that makes you sad
Day 18: Set or share a goal
Day 19: Freestyle
Day 20: A letter to someone who changed your life
Day 21: Your favorite television program
Day 22: A photo that makes you happy
Day 23: Share one of your favorite tunes
Day 24: Face morphing
Day 25: Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 26: Favorite Books
Day 27: A talent of yours
Day 28: Favorite places to shop
Day 29: Your favorite color
Day 30: The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 31: More freestyle
Day 32: A photo you took
Day 33: What you're craving right now
Day 34: Your favorite quote
Day 35: A letter to an ex
Day 36: Some hobbies of yours
Day 37: A song that you like to dance to
Day 38: A photo of your parents
Day 39: Zodiac sign and do you think it fits your personality
Day 40: A deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 41: Funky Freestyle
Day 42: A bad habit you have
Day 43: A picture of your favorite place in the world
Day 44: Something that fascinates you and why
Day 45: A letter to yourself a year ago
Day 46: Photos of personal things in your life (pets, family, houses, etc...)
Day 47: Birthday wish list
Day 48: A photo of you right now
Day 49: Hopes, dreams, and plans for the next 365 days
Day 50: A letter to your reflection in the mirror
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
an escape -
Have you ever said something that you shouldn't have? And looking back, you realize that you were acting like a child? You know that you only said what you were saying because you were hurting and you wanted to fix that hurt. So you tried to say something that would make it better, but it didn't. It only made the other person feel worse.
Every day I wake up and think that today the hurt will be gone. I pray hard and seek forgiveness. I pray for the spirit to be in my life. And then I pray that I will not hurt and that I can just be happy.
When I was younger, I could go anywhere with my dad. We would go to the Farm, Milbourn, or Fairview. It didn't matter. I just wanted to go with him. It was always so nice to just talk to him and work with him and realize that life was not that difficult. I haven't been able to do that for a long time and sometimes I just want to take a day off and go with him somewhere.
The most peaceful or healing of all those places was Brasil. There was one night that dad sat me down in their beautiful, immense home and talked to me about my past and concerns and hurts and let me know that he loved me and that I needed to move on. When I was done with traveling and being cooped up in the car, he knew and would stop and let me take some pictures. I loved Brasil. I healed from so many hurts there. And today, I wish more than anything that I could go with dad on a drive and be in Brasil without the worries and heartache of the day.
I'm sorry for saying things I shouldn't and for acting like a child sometimes. I hope that one day I can let go of this hurt and that it won't feel like my chest is going to cave in whenever I see a pregnant woman or talk about babies. Until that happens, I'll try to remember my peaceful place and hopefully soon will be healed from this hurt as well.
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