Don't Worry Be Happy

Don't Worry Be Happy
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Big brothers are there to help us feel better. They are there to pull our hair. They are even sometimes there to trip us as we walk up the stairs. And, they are there to give us much needed advice. Today I recieved great advice from my dear brother Ben.

"Don't worry, be happy now. Ooo, oooo, oooo, ooo, ooo, ooooh. Be Happy."

That was all that was said, but it reminded me to smile and be happy. I need that more often.

Thanks big bro!
love ya!

Twilight....

How much twilight can one person take? Any polls....?

I watched it once in the teaters. I was only slightly disappointed. Not bad for such high expectations.

Then I bought it. Watched it twice in my apartment. Was more disappointed, but still hooked.

Then I decided to let my students watch it in Spanish. 2 days of classes, 7 class periods, minus one class that chose pinnochio. That's 6 hours or Twilight. I am now starting to make fun of it. But still hooked!

How? How is that possible? When will enough be enough? I can't decide. Somehow, I keep thinking that maybe the actors will get better. Maybe they won't be so tense.

Maybe tomorrow, I will be tired of it.

We'll see! :)

Only One...

"Only one can take the pieces of my heart and make them whole; only one can part the darkness and breath light into my aching soul"

I love that line in the song that I am listening to. After all I can do, I can take the rest to my Savior, and He will put it all back together.

Today is a new day and for that I am grateful. I felt yesterday as I haven't felt for a long time. I felt that I was hurting all those that I love the very most. There is so much to learn, in so little time...precious time.

I am so thankful for my Savior. I wanted to be alone last night; but not alone. If that makes sense. And I know that He will never leave me alone. I will always have Him. He will make it all okay. I love my Savior so much!

When you wish upon a star....

I would only wish for one thing....

Love

Someone that loved me and only me. Someone who thought I was the most beatiful person in the world. Someone who made me feel like the most special person in the world.

That is really all I want. Not money. Not clothes. Not travels. Not jewels. Just love.

I know...I'm pathetic.

Thanks for listening.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y33iEchHD_I

"sour words"

I have decided this year in my classroom, that I get really tired of hearing the language of my students. It makes it really hard for me to think happy, pleasant thoughts. I would love to be able to bring religion into it, since the biggest reasons that I don't want to hear them have to do with the way that I want to live my life. I can't really talk about religion to my students and so I just tell them that it is to help them sound more educated. Which is true, it's just not the whole story. BUT....

I think I just found a loophole!!!!

There have been some students that found out I have a blog. They are now starting to read it. So, I decided today that I would explain what really lies behind the list of words that I don't like to hear.

First....here is the list if you are wondering.... (I call them sour words)

- Sour Words -
*dude
*suck
*crap
*swear words
*gay (ex. "that's so gay")
*retarded (ex. "you're retarded")
*jerk
*stud
*shut-up
*idiot
*fool
*freak/freakin
*pissed
*dawg
*bro

*obviously these aren't all bad words. I just don't like
being called dude, dawg, etc. And some of these
are words that I use too much! (jerk, shut-up)


So this is a class effort. We are trying to be better at not using these words. But the main reason that I don't want to use these words has to do with 'living the higher law'.

Growing up in the LDS church, we are taught that we are to live our lives following the commandments of God. And these are the same commandments that are found in the Bible. Honor your father and mother; don't steal; don't lie; etc. In 3 Nephi 12, in the Book of Mormon, it gives us those same commandments, but with a little more. Instead of not killing, we are to not get angry with each other. Instead of an eye for an eye, we are taught to turn the other cheek. And He goes through all of the commandments, giving the guidlines He wants us to live by.

The Savior is telling us that it is important that we live a higher law. He fulfilled the law of Moses after His resurrection. At the end of chapter 12, He says that "all old things are done away with, and all things have become new." In verse 48 He says, "I would that ye should be perfect even as I, or your Father who is in heaven is perfect."

I want to live that higher law. I want to be like my Savior in all ways possible. You can't convince me that He used slang words in His speech. He spoke with certainty and love. He taught with kindness and patience. And the "sour words" listed above, do not resemble what the Savior would say. I only hope that I can change myself little by little, and by doing so, teach my students a part of the gospel without even bringing it up in class.

A sad, sad day!

Today I left my house a little later than usual. I just couldn't seem to get ready fast enough. But, I was still going to arrive to school on time. I wasn't really worried. My drive is very peaceful. I rarely listen to music, and if I do, it is usually something churchy. Today, I was thinking about all that I needed to do in class, and trying really hard not to fall asleep. When all of a sudden....

Out of nowhere...

Two cute little ducks flew into the road. They missed the big semi, going the other direction, by inches! They were safe. Or were they? They kept going. And before I knew it, I hit one of them. It was the most awful feeling I have ever felt! All I could do to avoid killing myself was keep driving. I just kept saying over and over, poor duck! Poor, poor duck. I couldn't do a thing. All I can hope for is that this never happens again. Ever!

May he rest in peace! (or she, whichever it may be)

What do you say...?

What do you say, when your heart is full of 'stuff'? How do you put it into words? Especially finding words that anyone else would understand. That is the hard part for me. I don't have the writing gift that Noelle and Dad have. I get all mixed up sometimes between Spanish and English. So for me, writing can be a bit of a challenge.

This week has been a very big challenge for me. I have been "engaged" for a year and a half. My fiance hasn't been with me for 9 months. And earlier this week, he told me that he just wasn't sure 'the trip up here was worth it'. That broke my heart!!! I have to be honest and tell you that I wasn't the nicest person to him either, not after he said that. And I said some hurtful things also. But my mind can't get over the words 'no se si vale la pena...' In my heart, I only feel that I wasn't worth it to him. That somehow, I'm just not enough.

I emailed him and told him that maybe if it wasn't worth it now, it never would be. And until he was here, living, ready for a relationship, I was going to move forward. And today, it feels like instead of moving forward, I am just moving backward. All I can think about is the past relationship; the one with Cory, before Murphy. I keep praying that I can keep my mind from thinking about him, because that one hurt, too. And I can't help but wonder if I will 'ever be worth it' to someone.

As I started my school day, I wasn't in the mood to be with kids. I longed for silence. Time to think. Yet, I realized as they were singing 'la camisa negra' in their monotone voices and with their shaky Spanish, that they were just what I needed. They gave me the ability to laugh today. And to think of somthing else. They were the perfect cure for my sad heart. And I am thankful for that. I am glad that today has happened. I am glad for students who are quick to support and just love me, even though I am fiesty and quick-tempered.

Dedicated to Armando...

I served my mission in Panama, and loved every minute of it...at least that is what I remember. I was transferred off the islands of San Blas after three months, and sent to an area called Burunga. I was excited about the transfer and sad at the same time. I loved the islands and was sad to have to leave. Yet, I felt that this new area would be a great area for me. My companion was North American and was nothing but patient with me and my quirks.

The first day that I got to Burunga, she introduced me to all the important spots that I would need to know. And then we arrived at our house. It was an apartment attached to another apartment where our landlord lived.

That was the day that I met Armando. He was our landlord. He was like a grandfather to me from that day on. He treated my companion and I with great respect. And he took care of us. When we ran out of water, he let us use some of his so that we could shower. He was the one that told us about the attacks in New York on 9/11. He took us to the beach with the elders on our Pday. We even tried to do some matchmaking with him and one of our other investigators in the same area. And one day, we asked him if he wanted to learn about our church.

Armando was golden! He learned so quickly and accepted all that we taught him. I gave him my tapes of the Book of Mormon so that he could listen to them. He was paralized on one side of his body, so it was really hard for him to read for long periods of time. He went to church every Sunday and paid his tithing. The day he was baptised was so special for me. We tried to heat up the water so that his body didn't go into a lot of shock. We made cookies for the occasion. He was just so very special! (Armando is the older, non missionary in the picture)

I found out yesterday that he died. And while I was sad, I was so happy for him! He lived such an amazing life. Serving those around him and doing his best to live a good life. His testimony of the church never faltered and I will always be grateful for his example while I tried my best to teach him the gospel. Now, he is in a better place. He no longer suffers from his paralysis and I can only imagine his happiness.

Thank you Armando, for teaching me so much about life. I will forever be grateful for that.

Lot's wife -

When your life is hard or you have a broken heart, it is really easy to look at the past and see only the wonderful moments that you experienced. Today, my heart is broken. Today, I just want to cry. And those feelings have taken me back to my college days, when things were easier.

Right?

The days when all I had to worry about was studying for my next test. When I got to speak Spanish every day and learn new things. The beautiful days in Logan when there was a nice breeze and everything was happy. The days when I could drive up the canyon and just disappear for a while while I took picture after picture of God's beautiful creations. The days when I woke up before most people and would go running in the freshly fallen snow. The days when I laughed and laughed with amazing roommates. The days when I thought that I could be in love. The days when I had the energy to go to the gym.
Apartment #8.
Gary Allan.
Ice cream.
Fruit snacks.
books.
movies.
the temple.

The list could go on and on. And I get lost in those memories. And it is really easy to remember only the good times. And for just a brief moment, my heart isn't broken anymore. For just a brief moment, all is right in the world.

The reality is, I have two large stacks of papers on my desk to grade. I have students coming into class in twenty minutes. I have a broken heart.

And who really wants to end up like Lot's wife anyway...?

O how I wish....

My whole life I have wanted to be Irish. I don't really know why....I just do.

I have red hair...I think that is part of it.
I love the accent! (how do you find someone Irish to marry?)
I think the countryside is beautiful!
And really, I have romanticized it beyond normal.

So, this month, I am vowing that one day, I don't know when and I don't know how; I am going to find an ancestor somewhere that is Irish.