do you believe - if its meant to happen, it will. or do you have a choice and actions do change the way things go. can i say that from the start i knew things will be this way and im sorry i let it start anyways or is it i could have changed it if i wasnt complacent and thats a bad excuse. but if you didnt try youll never know and maybe thats why. 

jiaxis house stayover with fish, watching weird videos eating oranges at 1am 

started games with gen13 and felt so happy and free to run on the field again also, watching gen1/2 play so intensely, adrenaline uppp. second game with mond felt more neat and wuhu scored twice from mond i think third game with gen 4 against whites and omg i am so glad to cup with xuanchar and also running around so much it feels strangely good to almost cramp and feel that ball of muscle thumping away whenever i jump. didnt personally score i think but managed to defend the swings and mess up some handlers, that felt so goood. 

ate and chatted with gen3 and aw im so blessed to have darilyn and sulin. plus points for cornelius bong fish. its nothing much but i felt so much. and oks only regret was not taking nice photos ????? 

felt emotional during the speeches and gifts giving, so much feels. also hoping im giving better impressions to mond, so i feel better myself. im not even sure what he thinks, but so far so good. 

and thus im happy. very much 

im not the best runner but im happy to be able to sprint. even though it feels like death just after a 100m, i anticipate going faster and i know i can. i feel competitive and i care about outrunning others. idk i think its a good thing believing and trusting yourself and most importantly having hope. 

at 2am in shadows maybe ill ask shall we go look at the stars hows life wasnt it familar 

3am figuring constellations remembering 

at 4am how much did i fucked up / s / maybe ill tell you more in the future 

no pics kind of sad but im v v v glad to join and so proud of matt to organize this thing hahahaa like when he told me he wants to make a change to interjc playing fields, i was already thinking this guy is gon be great in the future and like so fast, hes already starting his first step in contributing to the frisbee scene, tho he cant play, but actions. anyways. love my team, with the 2 cjc guys that are inseparable and hungry for the disc, and the sp guy and the muo guy who are swegs, and the pickup leo, and the angmoh capt who lowkey really wants to win and the other 2 female players who made me play better and the random specks of teammates who are randomly good. got 2nd place, and while i still think the universal point was the crappiest point ive ever seen and played, it is still my fault for being distracted. so as much excuses as i have, oks i admit i could be better. but overall, wowowowowoowwww. felt so good to D discs and assist. like niga i thought i can only score but i didnt score any during this hat lel at least this proves that when i put my mind to it and when my competitive streak comes out, i am able to play the way i want. so now, i need to learn to merge both defense and scores. aish. but yuppppp thats all 

ended the last week of june with cancelled plans, how sad ? was supposed to have a jb day trip, a meal with jea, gym, and visit the poodle and pug, but it all got cancelled ????? but thankfully, entered july with loud music and alcohol in my blood wuhuu. and gropers. zzz 

so yea clubbing !!! in !! zouk !!!!! was honestly pretty excited about it. and but its okay la like average HAHA what really surprised me was the gropers like jeezus. but thank goodness the great great majority of the guys were like keeping their hands to themselves so mmm. bt also they like to surround girls ?? like we were almost always circled by guys ????? ??? like why. but yea. apart from being high, alcohol is really bad for the body, and i !! will !! stop !! drinking !!! like ok maybe one cup yknow just so im not a spoilsport, but ill not go to the extent of being high, cos then theres too much alcohol in my blood and i feel like my body is constantly trying to reject it by 1. puking 2. diarrhea, all of which i do not want to experience yuck. oh and also i think i look pretty pretty he he he 

alright thats it for now 

whats upsetting is that june is here an so my future has becomed the present, and i am f o r c e d to make a choice. gap year or simge ? oks so since im so good at avoiding, let me avoid this first and talk about 31 may 

cooked really delish noodles !! its as good as the spicy noodle challenge i swear, and i feel a tad healthier knowing whats my ingredients. HHAA 

and consideration. and studying, i have like 0 knowledge. also lipsticks lip tints lip balms and the assortment of colors olord. how to women even ..... begin ??? but that aside, we tried makisan and stgames ! LOL the usual mariokart rockband but new games callofduty and wii sports too. shooting games are horrible i really cannot cannot cannot coordinate life in videogames is so tough. not only i have to move the human but his vision as well ? olord. just kill me and literally, sulin did. shes damn good, and i got a few shocks when she sneaked and murdered me with laughter. not to be messed with. but yup good 2 hours of fun and home. life is nice when youre busy and your mind is short sighted. look any fither and the stress and insecurities starts kicking in like wtfk wtfk wtfk abort mission 

anyways. ippudo at mandarin gallery, back at it after sooooo longgggg itokacho is still there but i wonder hows the management now. back to ippudo, it was ahhhhh so good ahhhhh but its good to have it piping hot, the cooler it gets the saltier but you still cant resist and deny the dense flavors, so so so well blended and just shiok la aiya omg 

keetha had to leave and we continued. makeup makeup makeup in sephora and watsons but srsly idk la i just want better skin. cant decide on a bb cream cos like i dont want it ruining my face and stealing my youth yknow how people seem to age after being exposed to make up like yes pretty yes photoready but ... idk i feel affected that i am affected by looks like recently i keep getting acute realizations that i look like crap. not that i didnt know that but usually i dont care but now i do care a lot esp with people around getting better looking, i feel like im a loser. but no la im probably thinking too much. but yes la, still need some experience and makeup thngs right i mean for interviews etc ??? and looking good on special occasions. 

oks and yup tried bens cookie wuhu and milkcow. its good but not worth the price. pistachio sauce is really woww 

and then back to dhoby with krithi to get a single porcelain marker LOL and home. pretty much knocked out. and thats ittttt. 

friday night, stayed over at jeas house, after finishing our masterpiece - deco for hweechi's bday. possibly 95% proud of it heuheuuu its so pretty, but as usual with all handy craft from non artsy people, there is bound to be this imperfection. but its still pretty anyways wuhu slept at 2 ??? after eating tomyum maggi and olord its my fav thing to eat hot soupy things and then going to sleep HAHAHA

woke up at 5 like jeezus 3 hours of sleep and we hurried down to pasir ris where we got rejected by cabs, because changi cove is ... too ulu. but we eventually found a daring uncle (and kind of talkative) who anyways missed a sharp left turn and made a wide left roundabout anyways HAHA but its oks la $8 is cheap ???

and here we started our peach polos and white pants asventures !!!!! but like fk my pants were so large like i can just slide down my pants without unbottoning LOLL i felt so worried and embarrassed yuck it srsly affected my ego like so many people saw this idiot walking around hais and oh i had to fold my pants like 5 times cos it was too too too long jeezus

misfortune of the working attire aside, the job was nothing new tho, just in a very mew environment ! a hotel. pretty much like banquet clearing plates, then dishwashing and cleaning dry things, and a shortwhile of manual labour to which its my fav part but also the most shortlived part cos they sent us back to dishwashing and polishing and sian thats the dirtiest part hais 

and foooood, we had fishball noodle mee ? like buffet style of fishball daogeh and mee to which we can cook it ourselves or technically, warm it up ourselves HAHA and the fishball fking good wished i took more and oh buffet chilli padi too shiok shiok. other than that, lunch was stressful for me cos they were all talking and teasing one another with impressive malaysian accents and me and jea were just sitting quietly slurping noodles staring at spaces between heads.

but its oks, finally 4 oclock hits and we were off, collected 76.5 cash, kind of satisfying kind of not but better than nothing. left, and walked into a dead end immediately, and as we got out of it, we found the coastal settlement by accodent ! like holy shit the cafe was so so rustic and quaint, we walked around it tho we didnt go in to eat unfortunately it is a pricey sort of cafe but yea, pretty !!!!! 

and once again cabbed to punggol and trained home, this could be my first time taking cab twice 

something, that one thing you really want, but no, it doesnt matter how forgiving how easy youve been in the past, it doesnt matter how grateful how appreciative you were, it doesnt matter because just once, you screwed up 

so it doesnt matter, the past stays in the past and it is your fault for letting things slip through your fingers when youre tired when you think its not the end when you rely on the future for chances because life's a game you do not know whats coming next 

imperfections breed imperfections. 

it is scary to be stagnant and worse, a ride down the standards. but since when did i start this journey to hell 

a day with jeanie, 

train to changi was long and for a moment i felt sick of travelling long distances, smbwng honestly tests my patience for travelling. but tumblr got me through. anyways. bus to victoriajc to catch the match and we had a draw. nearly cried. even tho it isnt my batch it isnt my matxh, but i feel so much. 

and cheryl. how could they not let her play. that is bordering on inhumane. no matter how average you may think she is, all she needs is a chance, and this is her LAST CHANCE. how dare you give up on her when you are a teacher you are a coach. how dare you bench her when shes a year 3 and while the year 1s still have next year, all she'll be having is regrets. but i cant do anything. theyre out of the game, that was the last, and her last bench. fuck 

so yes things are sometimes again out of our control and the next best thing is to not be that asshole. anyways. watched vjc soccer and im impressed. considering how the entire sr team cheered for them, im amused. and the school spirit. thats rlly nice.

bus to ikea and it took really long to the extent we had time to search for a job and apply for a job ! but jea and i are rlly idiots. all we needed to email was our work experience, photo, contact number and dates acail, but we messed up and spent 3 emails eaxh just to send all the info. 3 emails for 4 infos ? i think they wont hire us ..... but it was funny. but i need money. 

so we reached ikea and nua on their beds cos we were tired and bought photoframes and spazzed over furnitures and went over to giant and bought cupnoodles home and a litre of momo fruit juice to share which was embarrassing cos we tore up the carton and we had a long chat over dinner which im rlly glad to have heard because its related to sports again and makes me so so so grateful for mond once again because he is wise and he is fair and everyone should be treated the same. soccer and basketball are just ruining their players. this makes me angry again, but im glad jea left basketball because it wasnt worth it then. and by the end, it was prtty late. so home. 

and today 

work. 

kind of sick of it but mm

and all i want is to be inspired, but im so dampened down. today's rain was so depressing 

and the future. 

i need to do something to let go of this huge rock in me but i dont know what to do. i feel chained up and enclosed and the walls are coming closer 

and yes, a very good point

my younger self is so so so disappointed in me. for all that ive done and couldve done

my younger self wouldnt become something i am today. 

attended a funeral today and i felt choked up as the coffin enters the fire, i cant accept death, its just ... ??? the next day you wake up and youre missing a person, entirely gone and everything else intangible starts to fade away, the smell the feelings and the memories. 

had a lengthy discussion with pops about death and religion, and while we were disagreeing mostly, i cant help but to feel a twitch of fear, that this man beside me will one day be gone too and ill be more alone and i wont know any more of his thoughts and thinkings and i do not know how does he want to be remembered as and i do not know so much things but i cant possibly ever figure them out. 

and it leads me to think about marriage. marrying a guy i want to know everything about and spending all of my living moments with, be it in real life or through recounting the stories. accepting the quriks and irks, and giving him all the love i could give because that should be a natural when its the right person. 

that will really be enough right ? 

i think its true love when you can never get enough of a person. and im really repetitively proud and grateful that my family's all fine. and will be, i hope, for a long time. 

but as for my love life it seems to need some effort ??? some ????? i dont know 

do you believe - if its meant to happen, it will. or do you have a choice and actions do change the way things go. can i say that from the start i knew things will be this way and im sorry i let it start anyways or is it i could have changed it if i wasnt complacent and thats a bad excuse. but if you didnt try youll never know and maybe thats why. 

jiaxis house stayover with fish, watching weird videos eating oranges at 1am 

started games with gen13 and felt so happy and free to run on the field again also, watching gen1/2 play so intensely, adrenaline uppp. second game with mond felt more neat and wuhu scored twice from mond i think third game with gen 4 against whites and omg i am so glad to cup with xuanchar and also running around so much it feels strangely good to almost cramp and feel that ball of muscle thumping away whenever i jump. didnt personally score i think but managed to defend the swings and mess up some handlers, that felt so goood. 

ate and chatted with gen3 and aw im so blessed to have darilyn and sulin. plus points for cornelius bong fish. its nothing much but i felt so much. and oks only regret was not taking nice photos ????? 

felt emotional during the speeches and gifts giving, so much feels. also hoping im giving better impressions to mond, so i feel better myself. im not even sure what he thinks, but so far so good. 

and thus im happy. very much 

im not the best runner but im happy to be able to sprint. even though it feels like death just after a 100m, i anticipate going faster and i know i can. i feel competitive and i care about outrunning others. idk i think its a good thing believing and trusting yourself and most importantly having hope. 

at 2am in shadows maybe ill ask shall we go look at the stars hows life wasnt it familar 

3am figuring constellations remembering 

at 4am how much did i fucked up / s / maybe ill tell you more in the future 

no pics kind of sad but im v v v glad to join and so proud of matt to organize this thing hahahaa like when he told me he wants to make a change to interjc playing fields, i was already thinking this guy is gon be great in the future and like so fast, hes already starting his first step in contributing to the frisbee scene, tho he cant play, but actions. anyways. love my team, with the 2 cjc guys that are inseparable and hungry for the disc, and the sp guy and the muo guy who are swegs, and the pickup leo, and the angmoh capt who lowkey really wants to win and the other 2 female players who made me play better and the random specks of teammates who are randomly good. got 2nd place, and while i still think the universal point was the crappiest point ive ever seen and played, it is still my fault for being distracted. so as much excuses as i have, oks i admit i could be better. but overall, wowowowowoowwww. felt so good to D discs and assist. like niga i thought i can only score but i didnt score any during this hat lel at least this proves that when i put my mind to it and when my competitive streak comes out, i am able to play the way i want. so now, i need to learn to merge both defense and scores. aish. but yuppppp thats all 

ended the last week of june with cancelled plans, how sad ? was supposed to have a jb day trip, a meal with jea, gym, and visit the poodle and pug, but it all got cancelled ????? but thankfully, entered july with loud music and alcohol in my blood wuhuu. and gropers. zzz 

so yea clubbing !!! in !! zouk !!!!! was honestly pretty excited about it. and but its okay la like average HAHA what really surprised me was the gropers like jeezus. but thank goodness the great great majority of the guys were like keeping their hands to themselves so mmm. bt also they like to surround girls ?? like we were almost always circled by guys ????? ??? like why. but yea. apart from being high, alcohol is really bad for the body, and i !! will !! stop !! drinking !!! like ok maybe one cup yknow just so im not a spoilsport, but ill not go to the extent of being high, cos then theres too much alcohol in my blood and i feel like my body is constantly trying to reject it by 1. puking 2. diarrhea, all of which i do not want to experience yuck. oh and also i think i look pretty pretty he he he 

alright thats it for now 

whats upsetting is that june is here an so my future has becomed the present, and i am f o r c e d to make a choice. gap year or simge ? oks so since im so good at avoiding, let me avoid this first and talk about 31 may 

cooked really delish noodles !! its as good as the spicy noodle challenge i swear, and i feel a tad healthier knowing whats my ingredients. HHAA 

and consideration. and studying, i have like 0 knowledge. also lipsticks lip tints lip balms and the assortment of colors olord. how to women even ..... begin ??? but that aside, we tried makisan and stgames ! LOL the usual mariokart rockband but new games callofduty and wii sports too. shooting games are horrible i really cannot cannot cannot coordinate life in videogames is so tough. not only i have to move the human but his vision as well ? olord. just kill me and literally, sulin did. shes damn good, and i got a few shocks when she sneaked and murdered me with laughter. not to be messed with. but yup good 2 hours of fun and home. life is nice when youre busy and your mind is short sighted. look any fither and the stress and insecurities starts kicking in like wtfk wtfk wtfk abort mission 

anyways. ippudo at mandarin gallery, back at it after sooooo longgggg itokacho is still there but i wonder hows the management now. back to ippudo, it was ahhhhh so good ahhhhh but its good to have it piping hot, the cooler it gets the saltier but you still cant resist and deny the dense flavors, so so so well blended and just shiok la aiya omg 

keetha had to leave and we continued. makeup makeup makeup in sephora and watsons but srsly idk la i just want better skin. cant decide on a bb cream cos like i dont want it ruining my face and stealing my youth yknow how people seem to age after being exposed to make up like yes pretty yes photoready but ... idk i feel affected that i am affected by looks like recently i keep getting acute realizations that i look like crap. not that i didnt know that but usually i dont care but now i do care a lot esp with people around getting better looking, i feel like im a loser. but no la im probably thinking too much. but yes la, still need some experience and makeup thngs right i mean for interviews etc ??? and looking good on special occasions. 

oks and yup tried bens cookie wuhu and milkcow. its good but not worth the price. pistachio sauce is really woww 

and then back to dhoby with krithi to get a single porcelain marker LOL and home. pretty much knocked out. and thats ittttt. 

friday night, stayed over at jeas house, after finishing our masterpiece - deco for hweechi's bday. possibly 95% proud of it heuheuuu its so pretty, but as usual with all handy craft from non artsy people, there is bound to be this imperfection. but its still pretty anyways wuhu slept at 2 ??? after eating tomyum maggi and olord its my fav thing to eat hot soupy things and then going to sleep HAHAHA

woke up at 5 like jeezus 3 hours of sleep and we hurried down to pasir ris where we got rejected by cabs, because changi cove is ... too ulu. but we eventually found a daring uncle (and kind of talkative) who anyways missed a sharp left turn and made a wide left roundabout anyways HAHA but its oks la $8 is cheap ???

and here we started our peach polos and white pants asventures !!!!! but like fk my pants were so large like i can just slide down my pants without unbottoning LOLL i felt so worried and embarrassed yuck it srsly affected my ego like so many people saw this idiot walking around hais and oh i had to fold my pants like 5 times cos it was too too too long jeezus

misfortune of the working attire aside, the job was nothing new tho, just in a very mew environment ! a hotel. pretty much like banquet clearing plates, then dishwashing and cleaning dry things, and a shortwhile of manual labour to which its my fav part but also the most shortlived part cos they sent us back to dishwashing and polishing and sian thats the dirtiest part hais 

and foooood, we had fishball noodle mee ? like buffet style of fishball daogeh and mee to which we can cook it ourselves or technically, warm it up ourselves HAHA and the fishball fking good wished i took more and oh buffet chilli padi too shiok shiok. other than that, lunch was stressful for me cos they were all talking and teasing one another with impressive malaysian accents and me and jea were just sitting quietly slurping noodles staring at spaces between heads.

but its oks, finally 4 oclock hits and we were off, collected 76.5 cash, kind of satisfying kind of not but better than nothing. left, and walked into a dead end immediately, and as we got out of it, we found the coastal settlement by accodent ! like holy shit the cafe was so so rustic and quaint, we walked around it tho we didnt go in to eat unfortunately it is a pricey sort of cafe but yea, pretty !!!!! 

and once again cabbed to punggol and trained home, this could be my first time taking cab twice 

something, that one thing you really want, but no, it doesnt matter how forgiving how easy youve been in the past, it doesnt matter how grateful how appreciative you were, it doesnt matter because just once, you screwed up 

so it doesnt matter, the past stays in the past and it is your fault for letting things slip through your fingers when youre tired when you think its not the end when you rely on the future for chances because life's a game you do not know whats coming next 

imperfections breed imperfections. 

it is scary to be stagnant and worse, a ride down the standards. but since when did i start this journey to hell 

a day with jeanie, 

train to changi was long and for a moment i felt sick of travelling long distances, smbwng honestly tests my patience for travelling. but tumblr got me through. anyways. bus to victoriajc to catch the match and we had a draw. nearly cried. even tho it isnt my batch it isnt my matxh, but i feel so much. 

and cheryl. how could they not let her play. that is bordering on inhumane. no matter how average you may think she is, all she needs is a chance, and this is her LAST CHANCE. how dare you give up on her when you are a teacher you are a coach. how dare you bench her when shes a year 3 and while the year 1s still have next year, all she'll be having is regrets. but i cant do anything. theyre out of the game, that was the last, and her last bench. fuck 

so yes things are sometimes again out of our control and the next best thing is to not be that asshole. anyways. watched vjc soccer and im impressed. considering how the entire sr team cheered for them, im amused. and the school spirit. thats rlly nice.

bus to ikea and it took really long to the extent we had time to search for a job and apply for a job ! but jea and i are rlly idiots. all we needed to email was our work experience, photo, contact number and dates acail, but we messed up and spent 3 emails eaxh just to send all the info. 3 emails for 4 infos ? i think they wont hire us ..... but it was funny. but i need money. 

so we reached ikea and nua on their beds cos we were tired and bought photoframes and spazzed over furnitures and went over to giant and bought cupnoodles home and a litre of momo fruit juice to share which was embarrassing cos we tore up the carton and we had a long chat over dinner which im rlly glad to have heard because its related to sports again and makes me so so so grateful for mond once again because he is wise and he is fair and everyone should be treated the same. soccer and basketball are just ruining their players. this makes me angry again, but im glad jea left basketball because it wasnt worth it then. and by the end, it was prtty late. so home. 

and today 

work. 

kind of sick of it but mm

and all i want is to be inspired, but im so dampened down. today's rain was so depressing 

and the future. 

i need to do something to let go of this huge rock in me but i dont know what to do. i feel chained up and enclosed and the walls are coming closer 

and yes, a very good point

my younger self is so so so disappointed in me. for all that ive done and couldve done

my younger self wouldnt become something i am today. 

attended a funeral today and i felt choked up as the coffin enters the fire, i cant accept death, its just ... ??? the next day you wake up and youre missing a person, entirely gone and everything else intangible starts to fade away, the smell the feelings and the memories. 

had a lengthy discussion with pops about death and religion, and while we were disagreeing mostly, i cant help but to feel a twitch of fear, that this man beside me will one day be gone too and ill be more alone and i wont know any more of his thoughts and thinkings and i do not know how does he want to be remembered as and i do not know so much things but i cant possibly ever figure them out. 

and it leads me to think about marriage. marrying a guy i want to know everything about and spending all of my living moments with, be it in real life or through recounting the stories. accepting the quriks and irks, and giving him all the love i could give because that should be a natural when its the right person. 

that will really be enough right ? 

i think its true love when you can never get enough of a person. and im really repetitively proud and grateful that my family's all fine. and will be, i hope, for a long time. 

but as for my love life it seems to need some effort ??? some ????? i dont know