so ive actually been lying in my bed tossing and turning for the past half hour trying to get to sleep cos i have to wake up waaay early in the morning to go to the hospital for followup but i guess im still thinking bout this and cant really fall asleep. so here i am turning on my laptop again to write this post while its all still fresh in my mind.

why am i so afraid to lose something that isnt even mine? ironic isnt it. i mean you say it would be unfair to mislead me into a relationship but honestly its a bit too late for that isnt it? well you've told this to me once and so here i am telling it back to you, im not gonna hang around waiting forever. and when the time comes and i move on i guess things will never be the same. at least this isnt the first time im going through something like that and maybe past experiences might make it easier (and so i hope). someone once told me this "You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks or even months overanalysing a situation; Trying to put the pieces together, justifying what you could've done or what would've happened... or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on." im just hoping past experiences would help me to leave these pieces on the floor and move on. isnt the first time something like that has happened and i guess i should start getting used to this feeling. good things never last forever and its just deja vu all over again. and never get used to the feeling of happiness cos it just leaves you more vulnerable to be hurt someday, sometime when it all goes away.

anyhow i wanna thank you for being there for me in one of the darkest periods in my life, as well as for bringing me into a new dark period in my life >.> i guess its abit too late now to look into alternatives like going interstate but im really praying God has a plan for me there in perth and will work something out for me eventually.

so i guess ive been pretty bored so ive came up with a list of top 5 joys of life

5th: watching movies n shows; they bring me into an alternate reality temporarily allowing me to live dreams

4th: sleeping; a good rest always starts me off well

3rd: enjoying good food and delicacies; om nom nom nom never gets old

2nd: drinking, chionging and suppering with buds; kinda self explanatory

and ofcourse first being

1st: just being next to that one person, whos top joy of life is to be next to me too <3

its too bad im too far down your list of joy of lives or we might've been able to work things out, such a pity.