[January 3rd] Scribblle Me This, The Writing Intentions

I have been thinking about the writing experience from 2011 and can say that I failed, when it came down to documenting my progress. Of course I don’t suffer from the illusion that I did all that much writing in the first place, but at the same time I can confirm that I’ve completed several flash fiction pieces, several short stories and one novel revision, which is not what a busy bee writer should have achieved. 

Oddly enough, this the title of this is "Writer's Block"

This year I start with better plans, because I believe that improvement lies within better time management, better understanding of how your life can take a turn for the worse [in terms of actual opportunity to write] or enter dead waters. Right now, I know the course of my year in a sequence of ‘green’ and ‘red’ zones right until July, when I’ll most likely graduate. If things go my way [and I get enrolled in a long distance Masters program], I’m pretty sure the rest of my year will be clear to me as well. Given all these factors, I planned for the following:

1. Complete revisions on “Crimson Anatomy” based on beta readers feedback in time for the Angry Robot open month as well as initiate an agent hunt, because it’s not all smart at all to place all your eggs in one basket. Project Timeline: January 1^st – February 29^th.

2. Complete revisions on “V is for Virus”, my futuristic super villain novel, which I’m happy to say is completed as a draft and pretty well sketched in my head, so I’ll have a very pleasant go at the revisions. Contrary to “Crimson Anatomy”, the concept for “V is for Virus” as well as the feel, the voice and the overall arc in the series have remained constant for more than a year, which is usually a good sign with me. Project Timeline: November 1^st – December 31^st. The reason for this particular timeline is because I will split the current draft into two and then have a go at writing my first 100,000 word manuscript, which oughta be hectic.

3. Start a new novel project. I’m indecisive as to which project to select. I’m tempted by the possibilities. It’ll be either my YA novel “Airboy”, whose first draft is not completed and not up to scratch at that [though I will probably have to speak to an architect to help me with the main mystery object], my high concept secondary world fantasy “White” or a retro-futuristic super hero tale of emancipation “Super Powered House Wives”. Project Timeline: August 1^st – October 31^st. This will have to happen after my European tour in late July.  

4. In general, I have written down to complete and sent to publication twelve short stories in 2012, one for each month, which I think is believable aspiration. I’m keeping tabs on three to four anthology projects at the moment, so that guarantees a third of this goal to be fulfilled. I think the main focus will fall on finishing “Lungs”, which is around 60% completed. I’m not happy with how “Rabbit Heart” turned out as a short story, so I see a novella potential in the premise. Project timeline: focus on March 1^st – Middle of May [final exam sessions begins at that point and I will be writing a thesis, so I don’t think I will have much time to consider writing anything longer].

These are the goals, which I know I can finish in ideal conditions. This means work, school and personal life remain a constant. Since they are ideals, I realize that I will manage around 60% of what I have planned, this meaning that I probably won’t reach “V is for Virus”, but it never hurts to aspire to great success, right.

This may make me appear slightly crazy [for more than one reason], but at the same time I’m curious. Do you have plans for your writing?           

[January 1st] And in the Spring I Shed my Skin

NB: I know it's far from spring, but these lyrics from "Rabbit Heart" by Florence + the Machine sum up how I feel about New Year. 

I’ve waited for January 1^st to write my End of 2011 post, because I needed to have this year behind me, if I am to discuss it. Of course, I missed on yesterday, because I prepared my short story “The Woman Who Wanted to Play Miss Havisham” for submission to Pandemonium: Stories of Smoke. I’m excited, because this will be the first proper SFF story with Bulgaria as setting I am sending out to do the submission rounds. It gives me a great thrill to have written it and include some social commentary on my own.

Most of all I have wanted to wait until January 1^st to include this cheeky picture, which does a splendid job at summing 2011 and my experience with it.

 I’m also playing Lily Allen’s “Fuck You” to emphasize how thrilled I am to say a very literal ‘Fuck you’ to the past year.

Theoretically, 2011 should have been a good year for me. I’ve landed a long term job position with all the right benefits and most importantly, steady income to help my family move along. I’m extremely grateful for finding a place in my current firm. The money ensured that we not only needn’t have wondered how to provide all the basic commodities and pay bills, but that I could contribute to paying off debts my family had for the better part of the last decade. We are not completely in the clear, yet, but I can’t stress how relieving it is not to fear the days in the calendar.

I’ve seen my wonderful, talented, loud-mouthed, wise-cracking, tough-as-nails sister through her toughest academic year, the high school entry exams, which in Bulgaria creates a shadow economy of private lessons. This is so because the education system fails to prepare pupils for the exams, which is why parents are forced to sent children to private lessons. Sometimes the monthly total exceeds what the minimum wage here is. Fortunately, my sister had teachers, who understood our situation and charged less. Now, I’m seeing my sister through her first year in the high school of her choice and I’m relieved that the next five years will be quiet in general.

Because I have steady income, I allowed myself the pleasure to plan and after years of intense wanton I realized my dream to visit a convention, which turned out to be the best experience in my life as a geek. I felt insane to be amidst all the talented people at Fantasy Con and give a handshake to the numerous people I have made acquaintances with over Twitter. It’s been madness for me and I’m immensely proud that I planned this trip on my own, executed it on my own and did not get fatally lost in the UK, which right there at the end constituted a real possibility.

As you can see, some of the big things in life are improving, yet, all of the above, I did alone. I had to work on a full work day, care for my sister [including all bureaucracy surrounding her exams, taking her to her lessons, jumping hoops, checking her homework and be for her in all her moments], work towards my Bachelor in Economics and in the meantime devote myself to the SFF community by reading, writing, reviewing and joining conversations. I still have to do all these things alone. My mother has been working on the other end of the country, while my father has disappeared completely from our lives upon the divorce. It’s my grandparents, my sister and I with me being the only adult within the age to do most of the bills and be the parent figure in my sister’s life.

Sometimes I feel trapped by all of this. Sometimes I feel remorse for feeling the first, because I have weathered a lot with my family as a unit. There are ties that run deep, strong and more powerful than I would wish them to be, because they make the possibility of a fresh start all the more complicated. Between running between these two absolutes, I have come to loathe the job that I have. I worked in the customer care department as a call centre operator and the stress led to health complications I never thought I’d be subjected to, one of them being quite the weight jump. I’ve bloated. Severely. Thankfully, I switched departments and now I’m in office heaven with so many funny, filthy-mouthed and dirty-minded peers. However, because 2011 had to be awful, a quick succession of small scale disasters happened, which I’m afraid almost broke whatever was in charge of sanity. I’m getting better, but I have never stopped asking whatever the fuck runs the show ‘haven’t you had enough’.

It comes to no surprise to say that my writing, reading and involvement in the SFF society has been minimal. I closed Temple Library Reviews, because I felt burdened by the whole thing. As always, I came to see myself as not one to fit in that mould for I set out to achieve goals, which could not be reached given the nature of my efforts. 2011 turned out to be a year of endings spring saw me part ways with Apex’s The Zombie Feed, where I worked for less than half a year. I’m extremely pleased with the results I had promoting Mark Allan Gunnells’ novella “Asylum” and Paul Jessup’s novella “Dead Stay Dead”. However, I did manage to become an assistant editor to Bryan Thomas Schmidt’s anthology project “Space Battles”, which comes out next April, and have engaged on a new editorial position, though I’m not at liberty to disclose the complete details as of yet.

On the writing front, I set out to edit “Crimson Cacophony” [now “Crimson Anatomy”] and I did to the point that it has been sent to beta readers and have critique to carry me out through a new round of edits. Other than this, I haven’t achieved anything worthwhile in terms of new words written. Projects have been started, projects have been finished [less often that I would like to], rejected or not edited to be sent out to venues, though I’m surprised I even did all of this. I even have two short stories accepted, which ought to be released some time this year. 

My reading has been disorganized and purposeless. I can’t even track the books I have done. Once I closed Temple Library Reviews, I announced it the year of Reading Unwisely and I think that this is perhaps the one goal that I realized to the fullest of its potential. I have, even so, reviewed for Innsmouth Free Press, The Portal, Rise Reviews, Pornokitsch, The World SF Blog and contributed non-fiction for Beyond Victoriana.

This past year gobbled me up, minced me with its teeth and spat me out. Given my crap track record, I have no reason to hope that 2012 will be any better, but I have my hopes, I have my plans and I’m a firm believer in the power of change. Even if it is only a principal change, I revel in the moment, when in less than a fraction of a second 2011 ceases to exist and then it’s a brand new year. I don’t live so much for the promise of the year being better as I do to bury the corpse of the last year.

All that shit above, hey, that was last year. The calendar is burning in the hearth, the evil has been exorcised, the bad is forgotten, the hard drive has been defragmented and the good has been backed up for the shitty days of the Blue Screen of Death. So I’m happy, fresh and the awfully archaic naïve and hopeful person, who has no place in this world, but here I am and at the moment, I feel like 2012 will be like this:      

     Art by Tsvetka aka Ink-Pot

[December 19th] Ready, Set, Edit

Somehow, I will always consider editors and writers in editing stages to be this in real life. I mean, not evil and mindless in their rage, but at constant war with mistakes in manuscripts.

I've had Crimson Anatomy [previously known as Crimson Cacophony] out to beta readers and I've received some feedback, which suggests that a lot has to be changed, both big and small. I thought that readers had to be informed about certain physical transitions, which now I realize I overdid and will have to tone down, if I'd like to avoid any annoyance on the part of the reader.

I was aware at the time that some aspects in the novel would need to be fixed, but I also knew that my perspective on the novel has shrunk to what was on the pages and not how it could be altered to support the ideas expressed on the pages. What this feedback has managed to show me is that everything has to have its purpose to be written about, within a scene, then within a sub-plot, then within the work as a single, whole work of art. Now I know these things in theory, but I learn best by doing something a thousand times wrong, which has happened here. 

Now I'm ready to tackle this beast, again. I'll write a synopsis of the new draft, hopefully the final one in terms of big changes and then read the manuscript to make notes and then I shall invoke the Red Pen's power: 

"On manuscript's pages white

no error shall escape my sight.

Flee, for tis not how I write.

Succumb to Red Pen's viscous bite"*

* - Any similarities between this little rhyme and anything that or may not be a pop-culture icon are purely coincidental.