you can't always get what you want.

Great song, great message. I haven't blogged in over a year but am about to embark on some pretty drastic life changes in the coming months and thought why not blog about it. Thats what a blog is for right? Sorting feelings, updating the world on your inner turmoil, helping you to better understand why you do things or don't do things. I will warn you, this isn't my normal funny observation of life, this is not that, but it is what it is and I hope you will still read.

Looking back at my previous posts it is clear to anyone that I have had a great time living here in Chicago for the past 8 years. In an average week I laugh about a million times, I have endless access to culture and new experiences at my finger tips, I have great friends, and I live in a city that is both huge and small all at once. One might ask me, why are you even considering giving all of that up? I once had a good friend that told me "it doesn't matter how many great things you have in your life you will always want something unobtainable and it will drive you nuts. You have to sacrifice and sometimes that is just too hard to do." It's the whole theory behind the Rolling Stones song, "You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you get what you need." That's the answer to the question why am I giving up what I have in Chicago. I am getting what I need. I need a career that means more than a paycheck, I need a life close to the people that matter the most, my family, and most importantly I need to grow up.

Most people don't get what its like going to school in a big city like Chicago, New York or L.A. and then immediately going to work in that same city. I always tell my friends who say I am crazy for wanting to trade Chicago for Kansas City the same thing "I have lived Chicago out, what you all forget is that while you were in Lawrence, Columbia, Manhattan, wherever I was here and have been here for 8 years." Imagine for one moment living in your college town for the rest of your life (no matter how big or small) it makes it hard to move on and gain new experiences.

In the end I honestly don't know what I will do, I know I have to make a decision in December, there is a lot on the table, moving back home and starting grad school, staying here and working another year at a meaningless job just to try and live out college for one more year, or who knows the peace corps have been looking good at the moment.

The bottom line is this, I am stuck, stuck in a meaningless redundant life. I do the same thing every damn day for no greater purpose or meaning. That my friends is one thing that I don't want to continue. I need something to change, I need something worth living in the redundancy, I may not be able to get what I want but I sure as hell hope to get what I need.

Thoughts, opinions, questions all are welcome.