the almost marriage post

sebelum kawen, aimed to have kids by 25, dalam otak pkir, at least i'll have the energy needed to care and nurture my kids. It's not easy ok, i've seen friends who lose half their body size after having a kid. it takes a lot, mentally, physically, spitritually, FINANCIALLY!!. Yes. A  lot! That was only in my mind. Relationships didn't seem to work back then. God knows best! tiada penyesalan disini. What happened before was a mold that made me what i am today. 

But humans are really very unique creatures, we may be the same age, same race, but never do we have the same way of thinking. The feminine side of this species has evolved so much that i guess it's just to far of a gap for the male species to catch up. 

back in time, people always plant in the idea that the females are the gentle ones the stupid ones. We were always the one taught to do stuff to serve and please the so called greater sex. 

yeah rite!

so much of being gentle, girls now are expected to be a girl ( buat segala kerja rumah, masak untuk suami, basuh baju suami n anak2, keep the house squeaky clean, if u have a huge house i just wish you the best of luck) because mind you, your husband are working, cari nafkah, tak kan la balik2 nak diminta tolong awk yg dah satu hari buat segala kerja rumah.

owh. no! WAIT! tu bukan kerja perempuan. banyak lagi. 

u have to also work, bantu suami. I admit. It's not an easy world. working alone these days to support a family would never be enough. Cost of living is just to high these days.. so being a woman, yg diasuh utk sentiasa dibelakang suami, u do your bit, to chip in. sepenat suami bekerja, sekuat itu la si isteri bekerja. kadang kala habes la kerja pada masa yg sama, kadang kala tidak, suami, kudrat awk hebat, tapi penat kan pegi kerja and balik kerja dalam jam? penat kan hari2 mengadap kerja yg x siap2, sakit kan blakang awk duduk mengadap pc berjam2? pening kan kepala awksehari ngadap org yg fe'elnye pelbagai? we feel u! n bile habes seharian di office, awk nekad,balik ni aku nk baring depan tv malas nk pkir pape, nk main game la nk release stress, nk just recharge yourself for the next day. betul? dalam hati, harap2 la bini aku good mood, x sanggup aku nk mengadap die menangis, merengek, komplen segala. biar la die diam seribu bahasa dan senyum menyambut aku pulang. Isteri mana yg x mau buat tu? isteri awk? semua isteri mmg klu boleh nk jadi the best spouse any guy can have. Tapi wahai suami yg dijadikan Allah berjiwa kental, berkudrat hebat, berfikiran waras, iq dan intelek awak jauh lebih hebat dr seorang wanita. Tuhan dah jadikan awk begitu, sebab awk ketua dalam rumah tangga yg awk bina, Dengan segala kekuatan dan kelebihan awk, tahukan kamu Allah hadirkan isteri pada kamu utk kamu pimpin, bantu, bentuk, dan bukan utk dikulikan. dear husbands, ur wife goes through the exact same thing that u face at work, sometimes even more. bezakan, bukan ngan akal sehebat kamu, emosi die lembut, kudrat die jauh lebih lemah dr kamu. bayangkan lunyainye die bile berdepan dengan cabaran sehebat cabaran yg kamu lalui sehari2an demi membantu kewangan keluarga. Imagine how much pressure it would be on the wife if she was pregnant.  Dah lunyai seharian tu, isteri2 x balik main game utk release stress, x baring hadap tv komplen kepala pening, die kembali kepada "fitrah" seorang wanita. To serve you. 

I am not here to complain, I am here to share with you what most women might keep to themselves, Takut bersuara dikatakan membebel, takut bersedih dikatakan tidak bersyukur. Terlalu hormat, terlalu sayang, membuatkan mereka menelan sendiri. fitrah wanita needs to let out, selagi die kata, nothing, im ok, die ketepikan emosi die utk melegakan hati awk. sometimes she'll just cry out her tears to make her feel better. itu cara perempuan. dengan akal secerdik anda, x kan la x leh amek sedikit masa utk memahami hati peneman hidup awk, i tot lelaki sgt pandai psikologi? jika anda sebagai bos boleh meminpin anak buah sebegitu ramai dengan cuba memahami karektor masing, why not do that with ur family? bile kat ofis, owh,i have to understand them, tp balik rumah, she has to understand me. dengan akal die yg cetek and emosi die yg menggunung tu awk nk die paham awk/ wouldnt it just make more sense if you yg akal hebat dan emsi terkawal tu memahami die?

anyway. just appreciate. put yourself in her shoes. put yourself in her. sanggupke awk jadi seorang perempuan dalan dunia skrang.

just. love her. just do.

leya-d 

ps: Alhamdullillah. I thank god that he gave me and my better half to understand marriage from a distance before submerging the whole of us. May he guide us to be better people, better partners, and create better future through our children. InsyaAllah.

And i thank my better half for not being the typical guy and takes much effort to understand, We may fight, argue... God knows what we do.. but in the end, he still tries his very best to make our marriage work. tq :-) for that, im blessed.  

New post?

I decided to come back... tot i need to speak to myself a lil more, make me try to understand me... Yeah, maybe it won't help much .. but a step it is! Just to keep me reminded and realize that life's a blessing, a gift to those who appreciate and make full use of it...
I want to have that chance!

Glad to be back,
Leya-d

Ps: i did get rid a lotttt of my earlier posts.. tibe2 syg pulak.. i really waass active with my writing those days kan? Owh well, starting back. :-) readers and bloggers yg seangkatan dlu2 sume dah x main blog dah..sad.. :-( well.. this is for me. 

With trust

A drop of hope,
A pinch of faith,
Kills fears away,
Dusting sad astray.
~

As courage rusts,
And we swallow trust,
Sorrows grow wild,
Making fears meet pain.
~

I do not tell,
I hate to hear,
The vain no more,
The gain is sure.
~

God is good,
God is great,
He took the it,
And blessed with fate.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Love with trust!
Leya-d

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aku kene pkn, korang pn wajiblah kene! (part 3)

ok. first chapter was good. settle bab berkenal2an.... jom gi msuk company masing2.. aku dpt bravo...

the art of the national service modules lies in the needs of teamwork. klu korang rajin, korang analyze la modul2 die, everything needs working together.. ape yg penting? KERJASAMA!! hehe.... so, x yah la nk blagak pandai sorang2, klu sorang pandai, yang lain stok2 aku je, mmg x jalan la keje... so, it taught me to interact with others, open my mouth and speak my mind. the best thing was, no idea was stupid, sume leh pkai, n sumenye diambil kire utk menyelesaikan tugas n aktiviti. my mind was still at home but i still managed to enjoy myself. it was fun.. thing that i've never explored, never been exposed 2... =D

another no no in the NSP was racism. nope. everyone were like siblings... colours didn't matter. lagipun, cam ne nak amek kire kaler, sume da berjemur tgh panas.. so sume jadi same kaler... haha... and becoz i was brought up in a society that never considered colours, i was fine. it was just like being in a nice peaceful kampung with evryone respecting one another... if only all malaysians were like this. sigh... hopefully, one day, just hoping...

the language was also new to me. steph was the first person who taught me my first words... "ngegeh" stands for mengada2... haha... yup. that was my 1st word. then came the extra vocabs, grammer, etc.. and lastly, i just had to polish up my fluency.. hehe.... ;p

it was during the NSP that i got news that my former schoolmate had passed away. it was sad. also weird at first. i was quite close to her... not the greatest buddies, but we got along good. so, it did touch me...

some memories that are still fresh in my mind:

• we had to climb up this really steep hill to get our network signals.. so on weekends, almost the whole camp would walk up the hill to make their calls.. tuhan je yg tau betape semputnye kami bile smpi atas tu.. da x larat da nk ckp.. haha...
  
• our camp song... well, actually it wasn't ours. SURIA's. the other company... but as time passed by, the whole camp was humming to it..
  
• the water activities...
  
• how reluctant we were when we had to be trained for BTN instead of having our normal camp like activities.
• semangat perpaduan kem yg sgt tinggi bile terpakse disatukan dgn kem lain... wow! that was wild.
• the moment aku jatuh longkang sbb terlalu kusyuk main sms sambil makan honeystar.. haha... abes abg2 askar tu gelakkan aku.. sabar je la...
• kawat! ergghh...
• jurulatih2 kami.. =D
• and of kos, the friends i met there... some are still within reach... still kontek.. tp ade yg da terputus khabar.... really hope to get updates of them.. if not in person, the community network would do.. frenster, facebook, myspace, hi5... name it!

i have to cut my posting short... klu ikutkn hati, bnyk lagi aku nk mmbebel.... too many good stuff. Elaboration would be lengthy.

well, in the end, things did turn out fine, memorable and definitely great. i became more mature in my thinking, knowing that people my age has gone through so much hardship. thankful that i am who i am. and the best part was, i began talking. not just to my frens, to everyone..

AT LAST I FOUND MY VOICE. im proud.

berkhidmat utk negara

~WIRAWATI LEYA-D~

;p

aku kene pkn, korang pn wajiblah kene! (part 2)

mama put down the phone. silence. not a word from mama's mouth. i looked at her and asked, "so? cam ne mama? di kem mane?" FYI, this "so" i used was not a rude form of "so" ok. i made it sound absolutely polite. one word, more like one destination locked my mouth. SARAWAK. aku x pernah berenggang ngan mak aku, masuk asrama pn x penah, hari2 main guling2 ngan mak aku, tibe2 diorg nk antar aku gi SERAWAK!!! MANE BOLEH CAM TU! sbg seorang yg berumur 17 tahun, aku ingt itula mslah paling besar aku, kene berpisah ngan mak aku for 3 WHOLE MONTHS!! Dunia terlalu kejam pada aku....

At the same time, a crisis hit my family, my mom needed my support so much, she was thinking of postponing my attachment towards the program. But she let it be. better settle me first. and so, reluctantly, i packed by stuff, and gave up on hoping that this was just a dream.

at the airport, thing went ok. there were those who had delayed flights, missing tickets etc. But for me, alhamdulillah, it all went smoothly. reached miri airport at 7pm. all was dark, not like kl's 7 o' clock. the person who was in charged of us was friendly,knew we weren't local so briefly introduced us the sarawak he was proud off. i was ok. got to now a few frens. girls of course. and this abg sarawak was indeed nice. =D things started out just great.

lepas mengharungi belukar2 yg nmpk menyeramkan dikala malam... akhirnye kami sampai ke destinasi kami... kul 10.30 smpi kem, spot check barang, daftar khemah, n turun balik kat tapak kawat... amek baju celoreng, baju sukan, kasut, cap etc, pastu bawak gi unit dobi lak, daftar baju, tulis serial number... kang x daftar, kene basuh sndr tkut tertukar lak.. mandi pn aku tkut x sempat, x kn aku nk amek risiko basuh baju sndr.... huhu... lepas da settle, masuk balik khemah kul 2 pagi... pergh, gile sengal badan2 aku, aku tengak mmbr2 khemah aku sume da melayar bahtera mimpi. klu diorg belum tido pn, aku x larat nk gi temu ramah diorng, a hectic day should end with a good sleep. alamak! katil askar! aku gemok ok!! tp bantai je, sbb slimut die best... ;p

bgun2 pagi, da cerah. aiseyh... miss subuh ke? mane aku tau subuh kat sini kul brape.. aku tgk jam.. kul 7. hmm.... mlas la aku nk bgn, penat smalam x abes lg... tp dak2 lain da bgn... aku pn bermalas2san gi korek2 beg baju aku, amek barang2 mandi terus gi toilet.. ade swimming pool seih.. nak je aku bantai mandi dlm tu, tp ape lak dak2 lain ckp. x kn diorg nk mandi gune saki baki air mandian aku... so, aku bralah demi teman2 ku yg lain.. cewah.. ;p

mm... balik kem, aku tgk diorg da kenal2. aku je msuk paling lmbt, so aku just memberikan senyuman aku yg paling manis... =D diorg senyum balik. aku nk ckp ape ek? cam ne nk start kwn ngan diorg? x kn aku nk kwn ngan dak smnanjung yg aku jumpe kat airport je, da la khemah die jauh... so aku kluakn stok coklat aku... aku gile coklat, jadi, mase ibu2 lain sibuk shopping maggi sbg stok bekalan, mak aku lak sibuk shopping coklat.. haha... ye, nafsu aku terhadap coklat sgt2 extreme diwaktu itu. aku leh je x mkn nasi satu hari, but no choclte? no way!

aku korbankan 9 coklat ferero aku utk memulakan perbualan.... haha.. aku mmg x de modal intelek yg tinggi utk berkata2, so aku just tnye soalan lazim... asal mane? name? mmg nk ke dtg kem ni? blablabla.... diorg ni frenly je.. sume leh layan la... ade gak beberape org yg same kes ngan aku, stok2 pemalu.. tp senyum still on okey... so aku lege, x de yg stok stuck up, n x nk campur org...

~leya-d~

aku kene pkn, korang pn wajiblah kene! (part 1)

hohoho..... sbg seorang wirawati yg telah tamat sesi latihan, aku ingin menunaikan tanggungjawab aku sbgai seorang senior terhdp pelatih2 harapan bangsa.... =D
mari kite bersemangat patriotik seketika!

well, i just wanted to share some positive effects of the national service programme, how i faced it at first, during the programme and how it taught me to be a better person.

lets just start from the very beginning, once upon a time in Subang Jaya lived a girl who has delayed sense of socialization. haha. Seriously speaking. i was the type of child who hid behind evryone, even my own shadow... i don't speak to strangers, my frens were only very few and almost all of them were girls. sy sgt pemalu okey, pandang laki pn muke aku leh jd hijau... hahaha. org suruh bace essay bm dlm kelas pn jadi gagap, volume tok sah cite la, tahap minumum okey!! but i manage to graduate from high school alive. So, during the last year of schooling a few frens were exited about the ns program, diorg mmg smangt gile nk gi, especially the scouts ngan dak2 KRS. aku diam je la, mlas aku nk layan, dlm hati just berharap gile2 yg aku x terpilih. i was even confident enough that i wont be chosen, mestilah, aku kan dak baik, x de mslah disiplin langsung. Asal lak diorang nk amek aku masuk tentera kn? but i was 100% wrong.

surprisingly, my name was on the list, a place where i didn't want to be. Siap tulis tahniah lg!! ape kes tahniah!! sape kate aku nk gi? Definition of tahniah : the act of congratulating to express vicarious pleasure to (a person) on the occasion of success or good fortune ; also : to feel pleased with . Due2 pn xde kene ngene ngan aku n pkn. Terus aku sepak2 komputer yg x bersalah tu sbb kate tahniah kat aku... FYI, aku tau bende ni kul 3 pagi sbb website tu jem sgt, rmi smangat nk tau name diorg naik ke tak. huhu....

a few weeks later, i began to accept the fact yg name aku naik. without being aware that another suprise was coming. aku meneruskan hidup sebagai seorg kanak2 riang until the very day. mmber2 aku kate, da leh cek kite kem kat ne. okey! aku ngan nafas yg tersekat2 gi la menghadap mak aku. dialog perbualan adelah seperti berikut:

leya-d: mama, diorg da cek kem.
mama: kem ape?
leya-d: kem pkn.
mama: gi la cek.
leya-d: x klua dlm website
mama: abes tu cam ne kwn2 u tau?
leya-d: diorg call.
mama: gi la call.

and as i mentioned earlier, aku sgt hampeh bile perlu bercakap ngan org2 asing. suare aku x leh klua, aku hanye dok tepaku sambil menggaru2 semua anggota badan.. haha...so mak aku la gi telepon sambil membebel.
"ko ni da besar panjang pn mama kene wat sume bende, blaja la wat bende sendiri"
(tp sambil tu die menekan2 gak butang2 telepon tuh). haha... i luv u la mama.

~leya-d~

~mereka juga kreatif~

i've kept this picture for quite a while...
look at it closely..
nampak x betapa romantisnye semut2 ni...?
sarang pn bentuk heart shape tuh...

this i captured during my grandpa's funeral, arwah atuk samani
he lived good, n died good....
smoge rohnye dicucuri rahmat..

>>arwah atuk's 'the star' article<<

>>arwah atuk's 'utusan' article<<

~al-fatihah~

~leya-d~