Moving To Belgium

The title says it all. When I told our close friends C and G that we had something to announce, they sighed with disappointment when I disclaimed right away of any pregnancy. It's better than another baby, you guys! I protested. We're moving to Europe!

Indeed it came as a complete surprise when my company offered me the posting to Brussels, Belgium. I had previously declined an offer because Ju had been, in my opinion, too young at the time. He will be almost 2 and a half when we leave Singapore, his potty training is coming along very well and most important, Brussels is only a 3 hour drive from Dan's parents in Germany. The fact that Dan is an EU citizen and can work in Brussels sealed the deal. 

My job certainly grinds all plans for a second child to a screeching halt. I will have maternity benefits even while overseas, mind you, but it is not entirely feasible to take off for 4 months at a go for reasons that are internal to my organization and shall remain undisclosed. I shall go so far as to say that as an employee, I take my job responsibilities seriously enough that I would not put my self-interests before my work unconditionally. This decision is not entirely for fear of organizational disapproval which might affect my career prospects, though as a full time working mother, it's always on my mind. No, the reason is more pragmatic: adjusting to a completely different job in a vastly different culture (my operating language will be French) will demand all my wits and energy in the first year. There is also a young child to mind in terms of his childcare and schooling needs, as well as a household to co-manage on top of a full-time job.

So it isn't surprising that my first retort when my friends exclaim their well-wishes for our new expatriate life in Europe is not that of unfettered agreement but of cautious restraint. I'm not a complete pessimist but I have enough cynical realism to put a lid on the illusions of grandeur that some others might feel about getting an opportunity such as this. When I think of the next couple of years, I don't immediately see a life of fun away from home, or see the posting as an extended holiday. 

I consider it a great professional challenge -- working in French (a language I thought I had escaped for good after university), juggling multiple management responsibilities for the first time -- and also a personal challenge. For the first time as a working parent, I would be without constant and convenient support from family members; I will not have part-time help (which I use now) to do the chores that neither Dan or I want to do. My husband is giving up a good career in Singapore to come with me and to support our family, something that many can agree is hardly an easy decision for any male to make in any modern patriarchal society. Finally, I will have to be responsible for separating Ju from his grandparents, a decision that might not have grave implications for Ju now, but would definitely tear at my parents' heartstrings, having become used to having him in their lives. 

In making this decision to accept my posting, Dan and I had discussed at length how we would manage all of the above, and given the unhappy fact that we would have to do it in the dead of winter next January. Yet the decision came easily because of Dan's supportiveness of this step (there will be no financial disadvantage) and our proximity to his parents even if the distance is akin to driving from here to Malacca which is not far really, by European standards. Another major pull factor is the fact that Ju will not have to undergo the local school system since we intend to enrol him in the German international school there (I have written about my disapproval of our school system elsewhere in this blog). We will have to balance this advantage with the loss of formal Chinese education but this is a trade off I am willing to make. We will be keeping up OPOL (me in Chinese) with Ju and I will look for Chinese weekend class for him once he is 3 or 4. Mind you, this is not like the "TUITION" that the kids in Singapore get in order to keep up with their school lessons. It is to give Ju very basic exposure to Mandarin Chinese in a city that speaks mainly French and Dutch.

Another push factor for me is that of self actualization, something I think not all women are able to experience once they become mothers and have to make compromises in their career in favour of their role as mothers. I would like Ju to see in his own Mum, the example of a woman who is capable, strong and successful in spite of her competing demands in her family role. I would also like for him to see in his Dad the example of a man who chose an equal rather than an inferior, a man who is able and willing to sacrifice his short term self-interests (his career and financial independence) in support of his wife's opportunity and career. In short, I would like Ju to grow up in a family that sets its own rules and boundaries despite the norms of a society that limit and stereotype the roles of the man and woman. I am certainly not aiming as high as Sheryl Sandberg (COO of Facebook) expects of working women nor am I putting myself in her league, but I think Ms Sandberg's message is one that ALL women who want more for themselves than to depend on a man needs to hear and seriously contemplate.

Life isn't a walk in the park, and we should not expect it to be one! I count my blessings every day for all that I have worked for and everything that was dished to me by the stroke of luck and good fortune: a good husband and partner, a healthy and happy child and supportive parents and relatives. Oh yeah, and a good brain that works fairly well! It's all you can hold on to really, when you choose to do something that takes you out of the zone you've been so comfortable in, and I admit, I have grown too comfortable in Singapore and am ready to be jolted awake again.

I will continue to blog about this tragi-comedy called life and parenting Julien The Two Year Old Terror since I love writing. But I hope to bring a little more to the table now, as I take our journey on to Belgium. Stay tuned for more!

A New Blog

For all you readers who are interested in the Project Baby multilingual experiment, I've started a new blog here. It's devoted entirely to Ju's linguistic development and related issues which I think are interesting and helpful to anyone keen on multilingualism and bringing up their kids bilingual. Future updates on Ju's development will also be posted at The Multilingual Experiment.

Watch this space for my next post. It's coming real soon, I'm sorry for the absence, but there's been so much happening and an announcement I have to make as well. Thanks for dropping by!

Project Baby: The 24th Month Update

 I am happy to announce that Ju is almost at his 2 year mark, having crossed his 23rd month with a slew of new tricks, tantrums and toys. He has also learnt to pose for the camera, as can be seen below.

Juju at 23 months

Communication 

The last couple of months had me slightly worried as Ju still didn't say much more than the occasional Mama and Papa. We weren't sure if he had been referring to us specifically, i.e. actively communicating with intention or merely vocalising at random. Since the 23rd month I think, his verbal development seemed to take off steadily. He can now identify and address the following people: Opa (A-pa), Oma (Ee-pee, don't ask me to explain this one), Poh Poh, Gong Gong (Doh-doh), Yi-Yi, Uncle Tobi (Bi Bi) and Uncle Chrissy (Ee-chee). He addresses himself as Chu-chu in a barely audible mumble. He not only picks out people accurately in photographs, he has learnt to associate traits with certain people, particularly his Oma and Opa. For example, when Dan asks him in German who will pick him up at Frankfurt Airport in May, he says "A-pa", and when prompted "Who else?" he replies "Ee-pee". And when he wakes up in the middle of the night and notices that Dan is not around, he shouts "PAAA". He also greets us at the door with loud yelps of Pa and Ma when we go get him after work. It's really the best part of our day.

With Oma and Opa

Certain people have become part of his long term memory, or maybe his awareness of people in his everyday life has simply developed. When we drive him to my Mum's in the morning, he would sometimes say "Poh Poh" as we turn into the driveway. He revels in noticing things in every day life that correspond with the pictures in his book. For example, he makes a big deal each time we drive past the Esso petrol station because he recognises the petrol pumps. We have to name the pumps before he's satisfied. The same goes for the moon, the sun (setting and rising), balloons (naturally) and of particular passion, the train. Ju starts making the choo-choo action with his arms when he sees the MRT tracks and gets upset when there is no train in sight. His expressive vocabulary now includes "nana" (banana), "ya" (Chinese "ya zi" for duck), "mei mei" (Chinese "cao mei" for strawberry) and "mi mi" (German "milch" for milk).This week, he started to say "apple".

I tested his phonetic ability with the ABCs, and made an astounding discovery: Ju can pronounce A, B, but not C, D, E, not F, G (sounds like chii), not H, I, J, K, L, he does an excellent M, N, O, P but no Q. He can do an impression of R (sounds like Aaaaarrrr!), no S but he can do T. No U, V, W but an impression of X ("icks"), no Y or Z. His phonetic ability corresponds with the words and sounds he is able to utter.

Play

Ju cooks for Doggy (background)

Ju's raison d'etre is play. I've taken him out of his playgroup as it seemed to be doing more harm than good since they did a lot more teaching than playing. Ju hated being kept 1.5 hours in a small space with 4 other toddlers he had no interest in (the same held for the other toddlers). Now he spends his days walking to the playground for his daily exercise and then playing with his toys at home. He gets some time in the backyard in the afternoon to do his favourite activity -- watering the plants. Then he sometimes gets a bike ride with Grandpa to the beach to feed the turtles. In the evening back home with us, he plays with his kitchenette or reads with us. I'm not too concerned about his social development with the absence of a school environment as I mentioned before, and this month I can say there is nothing to be concerned about. Ju appears to be as people-oriented as the next 2 year old. He shows some interest in other children when they are engaged in a fun activity he would like to partake in (like tricycles and bobby cars) and responds positively when I talk about Gleb and Kyra, the Ukrainian kids next door. Last weekend, I asked Ju if we could give one of his toys to Gleb (14 months). I had placed the toy in a paper bag but he reached in and pulled it out, then pointed at himself. At first I thought Ju meant that the toy was his. But then he pointed at the door and I realised that he wanted to give it to Gleb. So we went next door for a visit. 

Teddy bear gets to eat

Ju is also fully into imaginative play now. He is quick on the uptake and imitates as soon as he is shown the first time. He loves his kitchenette and one day after he met a dog drinking out of a dish of water for the first time, he figured that animals, like humans, ate too. I am barely beginning to appreciate the wonder that it the toddler's imagination. The picture on the left was taken 2 months ago at a cafe. Ju yelled for the bear the moment its owner, a 4 year old girl, sat down at the adjacent table. I suppose he is still gender-indifferent. The girl reluctantly loaned her bear to Ju, who proceeded to pay attentive care to it, sitting it next to him and offering it spoonfuls of pretend-food. It was as endearing as it was painful to pry the bear away from Ju when it was time to leave.

Toilet Training

Last time I talked about potty training, Ju was not doing much in his potty as yet. He is now able to do his pee-pee 4 out of 5 times he's forced to sit there. Ju HATES the potty. His actual need to pee corresponds to the intensity of his resistance to it. The more pee he has to let go, the more he would protest, kick and yell. We now have a routine: pee before bedtime, after his nap and when he wakes (if he isn't still sleeping when we leave the house in the morning). I have to use various strategies of carrot and stick -- more sticks and threats -- to get him to comply, but most of the time, it works. I was and still am wary about traumatising him with premature potty-training, but it appears from observation that Ju resists for the sake of resistance rather than aversion to toilet training. If he is made to do it with enough regularity, his diaper stays quite dry. But he has not developed the inclination to tell us in advance of a pee, since his natural instinct is to do it in the diaper. Poos are almost always done in a fresh diaper. We have taken to spelling the word "Potty" so that he will not hear us discussing our plans and throw a fit to pre-empt us. I admit that it's a little undignified to pounce on a toddler and yank down his diaper whenever we want him to pee, but we've tried telling him nicely that it's time for the potty and all it's gotten us (every time) is a loud rebuke or a chase around the room.We have great moments though, like when Ju does a pee, he starts to clap his hands and say "Yay"! It's hard not to break into a grin and applaud with him.

Teeth brushing is turning into less of a civilisation battle at the sink every evening. I gave Ju one of his old water bottles minus the top part with the straw. It's a bright, colourful blue and I let him play with it with the faucet on. It gets me the 15 to 20 seconds I need to brush his teeth. He has also learnt to rinse and spit although sometimes he swallows just to annoy us. I can empathise with his 2 year old point of view: life is such an endless stream of play possibilities, why stop at all to pee and brush his teeth?

Look Ma! Fish!

The Wheels On The Bus

Finally, Ju has joined the ranks of the common folk -- iPhone addiction. We promised ourselves that we would NOT give it to him, having tsk-tsked at every family at every restaurant and food court table we've seen who were absorbed in their individual gadgets. But Youtube really has its uses and Ju gets to watch 10 minutes tops of it each day. I let him watch Wheels On The Bus (a real winner, you can't go wrong with this one) animated, he still enjoys Lisitsa on the piano doing the Butterfly Etude and two others with animated trains and balloons. The guy can scroll down my phone and start the videos he wants on his own! He's really from the generation of clicks and scrolls. I've taken to removing my phone from its cover (it's a distinctive one with white polka dots on black) when I want to use it for a while without Ju whining and moaning for the Wheels On The Bus. It's more effective than telling him the battery's flat (he understands the concept of charging batteries) since I myself would like to use it.

Last month, we took Ju to the underwater aquarium. It was a real an eye opener for him. I would have enjoyed it half as much as he if we didn't have to squeeze through it with a million other visitors. And if we hadn't forgotten to bring his shoes. Still, it was all worth getting to see him point and giggle with wonder at the scores of stuff zipping around in all manners of shapes and colours. Toddlerhood at its best. Soon he will be two -- my baby is becoming a boy!

Prepositions in Wizard of Oz

Everyday Chinese 1

It has been almost 20 months since Ju came along, and sometimes I lose track of how old he is when people ask. It's now easier to go with years - one and a half!

Now that Ju can understand almost everything we say to him (I would say 80% because he catches key phrases and words, rather than the entire sentence), I find myself at a loss every day on one Chinese word or another! This morning, as he picked up Daniel's belt and gestured to me "what is this!", I started my response with: "Yeah! 这是爸爸的....."And I trailed off because I couldn't for the world find the right word for "belt". 

Good grief. So I made a list of all the words I have had to look up so far, words that I found I had to use almost every day when we encountered these things and Ju wanted to know what they were.

Belt                皮带 (pi dai)

Fountain         喷泉 (pen quan)

Watering can   喷壶 (pen hu) or 喷水壶 (pen shui hu)

Kettle             水壶 (shui hu) it seems every contraption that stores or spurts water is a 壶 of some sort.

Fire hydrant    消防栓 (xiao fang quan)

Paramedic       护理员 or 护士 (nurse) I have lots of trouble with this one because we simply to not use this word on a regular basis, but there's always the paramedic in Ju's picture books....

Crane             吊车 (diao che) Took me a long time to look this one up, but there's a godawful construction site next to our building and every day as we get out or into the car, he sees the crane.

Drums            鼓 (gu)

Xylophone      木琴 (mu qin) Didn't know this one because modern day xylophones aren't made of wood! (木)

Corn              玉米(yu mi) We never eat this, so I was stumped when I tried to describe Ju's toy corn on the corb!

Stove / oven   炉子 (lu zi) or 火炉 (huo lu - gas stove) Ju spent an hour on the wooden stove at the play area at a restaurant on Sunday. We have ordered his very own from Amazon and I shall have to beef up the next few months on Chinese kitchen/cooking nouns.

Shovel/spade   铲 (chan)

Mop         拖把 (tuo ba) I should buy him a mini-mop since I can never remember this one.

Bucket           桶 (tong)

Pot / Pan        锅 (guo) Don't ask me why we don't differentiate pots and pans. Frying pan could also be called 炒锅 (chao guo, chao3 means to fry)

Sink               洗涤槽 (xi di cao) or 水槽 No way on earth I would have ever known this word!