13th Month Update: Ma & Ba!

Speech: In my 12th month update, I lamented how Ju was still not vocalizing. Well, just a few days after that, he let out a stream of Muh-muh-muh, delighting the hell out of me of course. Since then, he's been doing Bah, Ba (the Chinese pronunciation for "Dad") and ah-bah. The latest vowels are "meh" and "ngah". We of course have no illusions about this development being a sign of cognitive understanding of the words Mum and Papa. "Ma" and "Pa" just happen to be the sounds he's been able to do. When he wants something, he does the most annoying whine: eeeeeyh! And when he doesn't like something you've suggested or offered, he scrunges his nose and mouth up like a little pig. He is extremely vocal, just not in the way I would like. Maybe he gets so much attention all the time that he simply yells whenever he wants something and expects to get it eventually. Recently I tried ignoring him, sometimes it works, but it's really hard getting the grandparents to cooperate, especially when one of them is single-handedly responsible for him becoming a little Napoleon. 

Sleep: Surprise, surprise, Ju still sleeps with us. Not only does he sleep in our room, his bed is now next to ours, so that with a tuck and roll, he gets to be on the Big Bed, thanks to Daniel's genius idea to "sleep train" him. The only training that's been done is Ju training us to pluck him over to our side when he wakes up at 2am in the morning. I know what I said a year ago about this subject, but I've got no guilt whatsoever. None. Two reasons: we've met an equal number of parents (Europeans and Americans among them) who co-sleep as those who don't. Second, my husband and I wake every morning at 6am to be at work by 7.30am. There is nothing on this planet that can convince me to sacrifice my already bad sleep for a couple of weeks of NO sleep. Yes, I trade the prospect of Ju sleeping with me till he's 15 for the sleep I need to work a 10 hour day at the office. And I respect everyone else who does this. People who don't work shouldn't cast stones, is my latest mantra.

Feeding: Ju has 8 front teeth and two more pre-molars peeping from his upper jaw. He still eats soft solids, I can't convince him to take anything harder than spaghetti. Mealtimes are an exercise in the patience of saints and the creativity of Apple (I didn't want to give Steve Jobs too much credit). Ju would not eat unless he was busy with some activity or another. Lately, he's decided he wants to be part of the feeding process too. This involves him gripping his own spoon and going at the food (including ours) with it. The result is usually a very big mess and a bigger temper tantrum if he doesn't get to do exactly what he wants. We've accepted that the floor will need a vacuum and mop after every meal and we strip Ju to his diapers because he's a lot easier to wash than his clothes.   

Gross motor: Ju doesn't run yet, but he walks around like he's been doing it forever. He usually impresses strangers when they discover he's only a year old. I tend to imagine that he's short because at the playground, he's the shortest of all the kids who walk. But after yesterday's visit to the doctor, he's at the 95th percentile of boys his age. He's the same weight as the 3 year old and the 2 year old in the waiting room. He sometimes loses his balance, but he's pretty resilient when it comes to bumps and spills. Doesn't cry much when he falls on his face, but bawls like a frigging girl when he doesn't get what he wants. He can now climb onto the couch and drags furniture around. He's got a bobby car (it's a German thing) and a motorized scooter, but he prefers to drag them around the house than ride them. He can dance! It's hilarious, he would bend his knees and wiggle his bottom, grinning at you as he does it. The problem with a 13-month-old who walks is he doesn't walk where you tell him. He walks like any child but his mind probably works like a puppy. Dustbin, oh! Let's go there. Cat, oh! Let's go there. Ju got a lot better with going up and down a step. He would hold on to the door for balance before taking the step down or up. Since we live in an apartment, he doesn't yet know how to climb stairs. 

Fine motor: He can now grasp a spoon and scoop up food, although his aim is usually way off. He would rather mess around with the food than bring it to his mouth. He can put the round wooden blocks with the holes in the middle through the stick although he hasn't figured out that there's a pattern to it (biggest at the base, smallest at the top). He can stack cups but he hasn't figured out that other things that aren't cups don't stack accordingly. He can now pull open drawers and doors by their handles, and last week I baby-proofed the kitchen drawers. He has learnt that a comb is for running through your hair

Cognitive: Ju appears to understand a lot more than he gives away, and in three languages. He was spoken to almost exclusively in German during our holiday, and even though he couldn't have processed the new set of vocabulary, he understood what people meant. For instance, body language and tone of voice plays as great a part in language acquisition as the processing of the actual words. Whenever someone said in German, "Let's go look at the fishes", Ju stopped whinging and perked up with interest. He had learnt that "fische" had to do with standing by the pond in the backyard and looking at the water. That image in itself was enough incentive to allow whomever had made the offer to pick him up and take him out. Otherwise, Ju stuck mostly close to me. It was also around the time of our holiday that Ju became a lot more attached to me. He wouldn't let anyone else pick him up if he was in a foul mood and he would run after me if I left the room. He has learnt the art of mimicry almost to a fault. Ju loved plucking leaves and flowers off plants, so you can imagine what it was like in Europe, with flowers in bloom. So one evening, as I was trying to get him to stop attacking the flowers in the flower pot outside the restaurant, I decided to teach him to smell them instead of snatch them. So I leaned close to the plant and took a long sniff, then went "mmmm, smell the flowers Ju, see? Nice smell." It took just two tries from me and he was off to every single pot, bending over and sticking his face close to the plant. He did this and giggled each time. It was hilarious.

In terms of understanding concepts, Ju can associate the words cat, moon, dog, bird, mouth, hair, water, ball, light, fan, air-conditioner, car, cup, Lukas (his doll), diaper, sun (only the picture of it), and phone with the objects. He understands the concepts of brushing his teeth, watering the plants, lifting his arms, combing his hair (or someone else's), dancing (only if he's in the mood), kicking the ball, throwing the ball, turning on the fan and air conditioner (he thinks everything is a remote control), listening into the phone (he is imitating only) and peek-a-boo (he goes and hides). These are only the concepts of association that we've been able to test. Of course, this doesn't include the circus monkey tricks we've taught him. He can be a real clown when it comes to entertaining us with his antics. It would be fun to see what his real first word would be.

Project Baby: Planes, Hospitals and a Toddler

Having a childhood

We are back from Germany! Ju had his first trip to Europe, his first birthday and his first flu virus! Well, it wasn't the first one, he had a cold in March, but this is the first time he had a fever and actually looked sick enough to alarm me. That said, we got a first hand chance to experience the National Health Service (yes, THE very same NHS of Great Britain) and boy, we were impressed.

Scotland and the NHS

Ju's nose started running the day we left Germany for Scotland. By the time we got to Dumfries, his nose was a drippy mess, his eyes were bleary and he was as irritable as a Singaporean Cabinet Minister before Polling Day. The next day didn't get much better and a very slight fever came on the second evening and we decided to take him to the doctor the next day if he didn't get any better. On Wednesday morning, my uncle phoned the specialist nurse at the practice (a clinical practice under the NHS) to report Ju's condition (slightly exaggerated) to get an appointment that morning. I described his symptoms and told her we had to get on a plane back to Germany on Friday and we wanted to make sure he was alright. We got an appointment for 10.35am that morning.

We made our way to the hospital from which the practice was operating (their former premises burnt down so now they're located temporarily at one of the local hospitals). I carried Ju up to the waiting room, a small carpeted squarish area with chairs that lined three walls and an electronic screen on the other wall that blinked your name when it was your turn. Ju poked around a bit, ignored the few grubby plastic toys in the corner and wandered out. There was one other patient in the room and soon, the screen blinked his name, asking him to go to Room 2. A few minutes later (and an unsuccessful attempt to interest Ju in a torn picture book), the screen blinked another name for someone in another waiting room. It must have been ten minutes in all before it was Ju's turn. "Julian Schmidt, please go to Room 7, Doctor Auld".

My aunt, Daniel and I trooped to Room 7 at the end of the hallway. Dr Auld was a friendly blond who looked about 45. My aunt knew her from her days as a nurse and when Dr Auld was still a young resident. The doctor listened to Ju's breathing, had a look in his right ear which went well, and then tried to look into his left ear and enraging him in the process. Everything was fine, she said, no chest infection or ear infection. Just give him something to chew on on the plane if we were concerned about the pressure and give him Calpol for the symptoms. Great. My aunt chit chatted with Dr Auld while I put Ju's jumper back on. Her kids were no longer kids, apparently, they were both in University.

As we left the room, Daniel asked my aunt where we should go to pay. "You don't pay!" said my aunt as if it were the most absurd question to ask.We were flabbergasted. Apparantly, the NHS is free. Yes, even for foreigners! Daniel seemed more dumbfounded than me and I'm the one who comes from the anti-welfare Asian country. Most of the time in Scotland, you don't need an appointment for 2 months ahead if it's urgent (getting an annual medical is not urgent). Kids get seen immediately and their prescription medicine would be free.

Well, well. It was certainly far from the nightmare I had expected. We went to the nearby pharmacy to buy the Calpol and never used it.

After coming back to Singapore, my parents took Ju to the GP after his nose didn't quit running and we ran up a bill of $25 for the consultation and cough mixture. Ju has private health insurance. I don't. As a proud member of the Singapore Civil Service, I get reimbursed $10 for every visit to the doctor. Unless I need gall bladder surgery in which I get reimbursed $500. My health insurance is a daily prayer that I don't ever contract cancer.

Of course, our free medical service was thanks in no small part to the good tax payers of Britain like my aunt and uncle. Apart from the usual people who skive and live off the hard work of taxpayers, they have not much else to complain about. Wondering how you're going to pay for your healthcare is one problem that the Scottish are spared from. Singaporeans, on the other hand, should consider whether we should go on suffering the same fate as the few people whom our leaders sagely predict have the infamous "handout mentality". 

Ju taking a break at Sweetheart Abbey, Scotland.

12 hours in Cattle Class

The other great survival story of this trip was the 12 hour ordeal to and from Frankfurt. Add to that the hour from Dusseldorf to Newcastle and back. That's a total of 27 hours in the air with a one year old who thinks as much of your instructions to keep still as you would every announcement before take-off to pay attention to the in-flight safety demonstrations. 

Travelling in cattle class with a baby who hasn't developed speech or molars is not as daunting as every parent who has one would think. There are a whole bunch of helpful little things that make your job much easier, like:

(i) Priority to get on the plane so you have plenty of time and overhead space to get your mini-kitchen sorted out. 

(ii) You're allowed to bring in all the liquids you want as long as you say it's for the kid. I have only encountered problems at Newcastle Airport with my jars of baby food. (more later)

(iii) You get the bassinet seat up front, and if you're lucky, it's right up behind the galley which is really important, details later.

(iv) Cabin crew usually treat you more nicely since crying babies are not in their favor.

(v) You won't ever be in need of in-flight entertainment, so any airline would do, really. 

Having said that, here are the issues that you should really look out for and having a contingency plan for each of these would really save you a lot of embarrassed and apologetic smiles at fellow passengers. 

(a) Cabin pressure - for infants under one, this isn't usually a problem since the passage to their eardrums are still underdeveloped, sparing them from the worst of cabin pressure. Ju was fine if he had a bottle to suck on during take off and descent. Timing the feed (or breastfeed) helps to take the edge off. But this time, Ju was sick on the way to Newcastle and his coughing made it a bad idea to bottle-feed him on the plane. It came all the way up again and trust me, it wasn't pretty. So the best idea for kids age 1 and over is to give them something to chew on, like a cookie or a cracker. 

(b) Full diaper when the seatbelt sign is on - it happened to Ju again! After the harrowing descent on our return from Phuket where the front half of the plane had to hold their noses as our flight got delayed by the Singapore Air Show rehearsal, we decided that the only way to manage a full diaper was to hope it didn't happen. Well, there's really nothing much you can do besides stuff the diaper with wet wipes so it doesn't leak (if he's got a runny dump) and pray that your pilot got assigned a parking lot that isn't 5 miles from the main runway. Ju started fidgeting and whining 10 minutes from touchdown and thankfully, it was a solid one. After that, it was just about entertaining him so he would stay on my lap until we could get out. 

(c) Baby won't sleep - this is the worst nightmare of every cross continent passenger. I've learnt to tune our other babies' crying, funnily, even when I travel alone. The thing we learnt on this trip was to make sure Ju tired himself out enough to fall asleep on the plane. Night flights are better, since his body would be primed for sleep anyway. The only issue is calming him down amidst all the action going through customs, getting on the plane, the blasted crew banging in the galley as if they were preparing for a mess hall dinner. Using the Ergo (our baby carrier) helped Ju stay asleep as long as possible.  Using it on the flight is a great way to comfort him when he's awake and the entire plane is dark and asleep. Ju slept 5 hours on the way to Frankfurt, and had two more small naps the rest of the way. Keeping him occupied during the waking periods was the most challenging and this is why being next to the galley helps, as it's your escape route when he starts acting up. 

(d) Entertaining the baby - plenty of stuff around to keep his attention occupied, even for 10 seconds (which is long). When the seatbelt sign is on, you need to use everything in your bag of tricks (please bring this bag with you and make sure it's close at hand in front of you for easy access) and more. If you're by the window and it's day, what's outside should occupy him during takeoff. If not, there's always the light switches. The magazines, pillow, even the passenger next to you becomes a prop. You can always ask for cups and spoons from the crew, these are much better than little soft toys Lufthansa likes to give. Ju looked at the first one he got and gave us a "what do you think, I'm stupid?" look and tossed it. *Note to self - email Lufthansa about putting more thought into their baby gift toys. 

(e) Other babies - We had a baby next to us to and from Frankfurt. The problem with being side by side with another baby on a night fight is if one cries, the other wakes and starts too. This is if the loud-ass stewardesses haven't already woken them up with their bellowing. We kept Ju on my lap (asleep) for as long as possible because he would never stay in the bassinet if he knew he was in it. On the other hand, another baby provides the entertainment for your own, since they seem to have some secret code of communication. 

11-m-o girl to Ju: "ehh-yeh-yeh?" 

Ju: blinks and stares incredulously.

Girl: bangs on the arm rest impatiently.

Ju: fascinating (he must be thinking)

Girl: reaches out to poke Ju, "ah-yeh-yeah?"

Ju: still processing the banging, he reaches out to imitate the girl and bangs on the arm rest.

The best part about boys is they're always one step behind the girls. Makes my life easier managing Ju's hyperactivity.

(f) Eating - Keeping to the meal time on board the flight helps to re-orientate the baby's clock to the new time zone. We didn't keep too strictly to his 3 hour schedule, just estimated when he might be hungry and had all his jars and spoons ready. We didn't use any food that required heating, because let's face it, unless you're on Singapore Airlines or Emirates, it's not a good idea to rely on the crew especially when every second counts. We made sure he finished his food before the meal was served, so that one parent could mind him while the other ate. Taking turns is the only way. 

(g) Jetlag - the mother of all issues is flying across time zones. Going backwards is generally not so bad, according to other parents' feedback and our own experience. Ju took 1 day to adjust to German time, napping included. Coming back to Singapore was a catastrophe in slow motion. It's been 6 days since we arrived on Sunday afternoon and Ju is still adjusting. He developed a heat rash, refuses to drink and badgers us at midnight when he wakes in a rage. The doctor confirmed that it was the effects of readjustment. Poor kid. I mean, if you're plucked out of your usual environment, taken to an alien place with an alien climate (fresh air and no humidity) for two weeks, it's a real downer when you're taken back to the other place willy-nilly, and expected to just accept that, no questions asked. If I were Ju, I'd give me a hard time too. 

Bad news is there's no prevention of jet lag, but it will pass. We just have to be really patient and use all our creativity to get Ju to drink water. Lots of playtime and no talcum powder on the heat rash, and hopefully he gets better in a few days. 

Ju walks the walk

We survived Germany, 4 flights and the flu. Not too bad at all, I would say! If anyone is attempting this for the first time, your experience would really be unique to you and your child, but it would be fine. All you gotta do is remember that in your kid's mind, he's not flying halfway across the world. Oh no, he's being placed in a boring cabin (after 5 minutes of anywhere it gets boring) and asked to sit on your lap for an eternity when all he wants to do is sleep or scoot around the aisle. You need to make the program  interesting, because this a dictatorship of a toddler and you have to keep the tyrant happy and comfortable.

At least for the 12 hours until touch down. Happy travels!