Fast Forward to 2014

Five years later, I found this lost diary again. And it's kinda interesting to re-read all those entries during the solitary nights. But what didn't kill me made me stronger. Fond memories may be the most hurtful things, but they are also things which open our eyes and hearts.

Five years later, I looked back, I realize it had been a tough journey despite the good times. I do not regret the time, the effort and the sacrifices. Because they became sound experiences for me over the years. I now live a happy life, found people and love around me which I can be who I am. I do not need to please, do not need to cower and do not need to always tread on thin ice.

I walk boldly and the way I always wanted.

And I f*cking hate mee soto, nasi lemak, sweet pseudo cannot-make-it chilli chicken at Spize. Now, and five years ago. Just that you were not given the privilege to know the truth.

Five years later, I am still alive. And stronger than you imagined.

Failures

Because they said I was mental and unstable.

2014: No because God found a way out for me. Mental and unstable was the bridge to clarity and rationality. I'm over at this side now. Thanks for the building that bridge for me.

Happy Birthday (?)

I will always remember 12 October 2010 and the blissful moments at the Thai restaurant in Vivocity. (2014: This date now becomes my password for porn sites.)








And what happened in Malapascua.

2014: ie. how you threw a diva-putri fit.

Sleeplessness

And too, it's back to square one.

Sleeplessness, waking up in shock, fear and cold sweat. I should have seen this coming but I was naive to believe with a will, there is a way and hope.

Battling with hope, affection and anger everyday kills the mind.

I cannot go on like this. Really cannot. But how?

2014: Surprise! I survived.

A New Hope

And so it's back to square one.

Or rather, a new phase founded by old memories. It may not be what I long for, but life will find its way, and we will never know, maybe in time to come, the flame we thought was dead, may, just may, start to burn again.

Life should be hopeful.

2014: OH HELL NO - not the hopeful part, but hell no, dun start burning anything. I have enough of crap.

Discontinuation

Some of the most hurtful things in life, are good memories.

2014: So are reminders to experiences which one should not forget or forgive.

Boardwalk, Cairns

In thirty years' time, we shall return
when we are old like that elderly couple,
and walk on the same boardwalk again ok?

Boardwalk, Cairns


2014: Still want to do that, walk on the boardwalk with you again.
You have to pay for the airfares, 5* hotel and all the food and transport.

Either that or you can pass me SGD2K I do it myself. OK I prefer it this way. Sorry.