A Rant for a 'Day Like This'

At this rate, I may be lost to Sg. The feeling is that this place and the cherished values and prevalent mindsets successfully imbued into the Sgean Brain are simply incongruent to mine in a way that some days, it feels like an uphill just to be. Not that losing me is necessarily a Loss; I mean I am but one and I'm not a capital-I Important person. But this tension, this feeling of not belonging  and wanting to up and get out of here? What if it's not just me. It probably isn't; I'm not so capital-S Special. It's times like these that make me wonder, is it worth it? Is it worth sticking it out in a place I don't feel I quite belong, for the sake of... for what sake, really?

Having a #foreveralone conversation with an extrovert

ME

i replied ur jio is serious or kidding

hahaha imagine she kidding

EXTROVERT

ya lo

ME

i'll reply this kind of thing dont anyhow cheat my feelings

EXTROVERT

like that time SA she said she wasnt gg haha

ME

that was a really good prank though

first class

heart attack for me tho grr

i'll need to repay her the favor next april fools

if we are still friends then

EXTROVERT

what kind of comment is that!!

ur last line

ME

lol what!

it's just.. truth

i'm a convenient friend. except for specific groups of friends in which i'm an integral member in and of myself (eg. sec sch gang), i'm more or less a convenient good-to-have but won't-die-without in most other groupings

(like, as an extra pax to lower cost)

hahaha

it sounds sad when i put it that way but i think it quite complements me since i like being alone anw most times. i'm just saying most of my friendships are temporary.. passing phases (:

EXTROVERT

LOL

ME

^ ok i give up there's no way to spin that so it sounds ok

EXTROVERT

voices of an introvert

it sounds v depressing btw

ME

to you but it feels nice and balanced for me

at least for now while i have groups of friends. i realize when they all leave me and get married i need to recalibrate

but all my SEP girls aren't getting married soon tho my sec sch gang are falling off the shelf like dominoes

so i still have time to figure out the rest of my life

LOL this convo is hilarious btw

EXTROVERT

i know
its too deep for me

Yoga Baba

I've been trying out yoga since around November last year starting with an online promo trial with Sadhana Sanctuary (that makes it almost 4 months now!) and just had the most amusing session yesterday evening.

It was my first time trying the Chakra Yoga class at Real Yoga (indeed, my first time trying a "chakra" class anywhere) and I'd gone alone to finish up my sessions for the month-long trial. It was a small class, there were fewer than 10 people, and the instructor was in a baggy t-shirt and baggy belted pants, which is not normal attire for most yoga instructors I've encountered. In fact I didn't realize he was the instructor and proceeded to amble around the studio adjusting my mat when he was already inside  (also ambling around).

It was a fast-paced class, and most if not all of the other students were regulars or had taken this class before. There was a sense of familiarity between the instructor and the students; he referred to some of them by name, joked around and was familiar with their individual abilities (and consequentially, when to assist in pushing them just that bit deeper into the pose or in the case of the splits, further 'out' of the pose I guess?).

I was immediately identified as a novice and given the 'initiation treatment' of him asking if I will come back for this class while holding my foot up to an insane stretch during a pose. I learnt some new poses I've never tried before, and figure "chakra" should mean something like "spinal balance" since we were doing mostly spine lengthening / alignment and strength / balancing poses the whole way. We also did head stands, at varying levels of pro-ness, mine being the most basic (feet kicked up towards the wall for support) while the others got into the pose unassisted and some tried the hand stand with minimal assistance.

The instructor came around and did what reminded me of the Thai massage back crack on me a couple of times during relevant poses, and while it felt kind of good to crack out those side aches, this morning I'm back to the familiar sensation of aching muscles adjacent to the spine, and all along it. I'd imagine a good massage could ease out those kinks (and feel super shiok) but is it ironic to need a massage after a yoga session? I thought yoga would relieve, rather than introduce aches? Maybe this is the muscles on my back strengthening, all the better for doing future bridges and other back-intensive poses. My splits are almost there, though they'd probably improve with more practice (bounce, bounce, bounce) and I need to work on the squaring of my pelvis (big butt syndrome).

Another yoga session tonight; Hot Yoga (which after the initial apprehension I have found to be quite refreshing although I sweat like crazy which makes even the downward dog tough to hold some times) at True Yoga with the girls. Our fortnight-long trial ends today, and we're considering signing up for a month-long Hot Yoga trial with Ziva Yoga after this. Coordination promises to be a nightmare though! We shall see.

Rock(climb)ing Krabi

This was supposed to be a post on my Krabi trip, 1 – 8 Jan 2014. However, as I've yet to complete drafting the entry and it has been over a month now, I'm posting this up in parts. Hopefully this will inspire myself, being my own most avid reader (yes I do realize how sad that sounds), to complete the other parts in my effort to chronicle some of my trip memories as well as useful info for (again, my #storyofmylife) future reference. Not sure how that works - is the reader me supposed to wait with bated breath as the writer me chews on the metaphoric rubber end of my metaphoric pencil? I mean, both of me know the same things so... Whatever, here it goes:

What a way to bring in a new year! Should this become a personal tradition? Experiencing something I never had before on the first day of every new year? A way to refresh and inject some energy into the next 365 days (or so)?

Ton Sai Beach
Photo Credit: Zhuo Yi

The Climbing

At the heart of it, this was to be a climbing trip. In retrospect, it’s the first climbing trip I’m taking with people (save two) who hadn’t been around me when I first learnt the very ropes of climbing, technical and otherwise – the passion for a route, the joy when overcoming your own limitations, the focused calm and shrinking of the world into face of rock in front of you. In short, when I first fell in love with climbing I suppose. I’m a sentimental bugger, so it did feel somewhat momentous, as if I’m leaving that part of my life behind and moving on (somewhere; don’t know where).

We climbed at Fire Wall on 2^nd Jan (access through a 4C “rabbit hole” from the right-most end of Ton Sai beach, when facing the water, behind Dream Valley Info / Minimart) where I flashed the first pitch of 25m Groovetube (6A I think, plenty of bridging and small-ish footholds) and  30m For Helga (6A+, a long warm climb with a dodgy over-a-smooth-boulder ending). The route grades were within my comfort zone and I’d envisioned slowly moving out of it like a crab gingerly peeking out of its shell as we climbed more over the days. We met and talked to other climbers at / passing through Fire Wall. The families and couples are much friendlier than the groups of dudes, whom I guess may be too focused on their routes/projects to pay other people much heed.

View of Ton Sai Beach from atop a route
Photo Credit: Lydia

On 3^rd Jan, we ventured over to Railay but the search for a wall did not go as seamlessly as hoped. It was high tide, so access to Thaiwand Wall (Railay Beach West on the left-most side when facing the water) through a trek into the jungle was blocked. We tried walking over to Escher Wall, passing One-Two-Three Wall (easy routes, crowded as heck) in a big round around the island thanks to luxurious (compared with Ton Sai) gated resorts sprawled across Railay. Upon reaching Escher Wall after wading through waist-high waters (high tide), we discovered that many of the bolts on the routes within our “gradability” were rusty and a climber belaying at the only other do-able route discouraged us from climbing those. Bummer. However, as luck would have it, we spotted 2 men walking purposefully past Escher Wall and heading towards the cave. Knowing that there’s a throughway via the cave to Thaiwand Wall on the other side, we enquired as to their destination and found out that one of the guys is from Singapore and the other was bringing him through the cave to the Thaiwand Wall side. Bingo! We followed; it was a 15-20min journey of mostly darkness, and rappelled down the other side to Thaiwand Wall. Yippee! SY, Jason, Crystal and I attempted Circus Oz, a 6a+, 6b+, 7a, 6b multi-pitch and made it past the first pitch before Jason climbed the 2^nd route himself. Brushed up on our technical knowledge of multi-pitching (ropes, draws issues). Fu Zhuo, Zhuo Yi and Lydia worked on the first pitch of Caveman, a 6a+, 7a+ multi-pitch. If we’d had more time (ie. arrived earlier) and were more pro (ie. had trained harder) it would have been nice to try more routes on this wall, including Equatorial (6c) which a lady highly recommended at Fire Wall. Thaiwand Wall is well-known as a “classic” and “must-try” for Krabi climbing, so I’m glad I encountered it and hopefully can do better on its routes next time.

Multi pitching party on Thaiwand Wall overlooking Railay Beach
Photo Credit: Si Ying

On 4^th Jan, I did my scariest shit of the trip – Deep Water Solo. We’d made reservations on the night on 2^nd Jan (3^rd Jan was fully booked by then) and gathered at 10.20am at Basecamp Tonsai DWS hut to select some old climbing shoes. The longtail brought us to 2 climbing sites, with routes marked out and all, with lunch and some basic snorkelling (aka looking at fish and luring them with rice) at nearby Poda Island in between. The first site was already crowded by the time we arrived, with people lining up (in the water) at the dangling rope which would assist us in getting onto the rocks. The climbing part was okay, after getting over the discomfort of lack of chalk and wet rock. It was the deliberate fall into the waters below that was bloody scary. At the first site, I fell from conservative heights of I think roughly 4 metres. Scary, but as there wasn’t much time to think during the relatively short fall, it was quickly over. At the second site, there were far fewer people. I was half-hearted about going up again, but Lydia was going and she didn’t want to go it alone (FZ and Jason had already gone ahead) so I joined her canoe over to the rock. First, we climbed a 6a. The route was easy enough (less than 6a I think) and the rock here was dry, so that felt more reassuring. But the route ended SO high up; Lydia and I perched at the top on a small ledge and wondered aloud if we would dare jump from here. We did not (It. Was. Crazy. High.), and eventually down-climbed (who would’ve thought!) back where Lydia proceeded to try a 6b and I held back, intending to jump down soon. But she did the 6b pretty smoothly, with some guidance from the boatman in a canoe below “Lower! Go lower!” and reached across the water from the wall to an overhanging stalactite where she perched happily in the shade. Emboldened and tempted by her climb, I climbed over too. The cross over to the stalactite must have sapped every ounce of bravery I might have had in my being. There were no “absolutely good” handholds from which I could comfortably hang to cross my feet over from, and I would need to bridge across the waters way below. Cursing hotly (I could hear the guy after me traversing the 6b doing the same thing, with desperation, and with every single breath he was taking) I somehow managed to bridge over and pull myself onto the stalactite where Lydia and I perched and asked ourselves why in the freaking world we’d be doing something this crazy. Finally jumped again (it’s the only way but boy did I take a long time mustering the courage) but it wasn’t as clean a fall as previously and I hurt my butt a bit. Don’t ask how; water has a force of its own.

Deep Water Solo - We were crapping our pants up there
Photo Credit: Zhuo Yi

After 2 rest days from climbing, we decided to attempt Humanality (6a+, 6b, 6b+, 6b, 6a), the famous multi-pitch on Ton Sai Wall. The first pitch would begin 15 metres above ground, and we discovered it takes a damn real while for 5 people to multi-pitch together, and a damn lot of water to do it on a sun-drenched wall (it was in the shade till 1pm; we started around 11 or 12?). In the end, we managed 2 pitches of feeble attempts of communication (“I can hear that she’s shouting, but not what she’s saying!” and “Is he up? He’s been pulling at the rope for a while now, should I remove it from belaying device” were some potentially life-threatening conversations we had) and the hot hot HOT sun sapping all traces of H2O from our bodies and burning up our rubber-bound feet. We survived, after some heat-induced anxiety and angst, and were met with NESTLE WATER, GATORADE and MANGO LASSI upon reaching back on the ground. Heaven on earth. There being no more time (and us having no more energy) to head over to Cobra Wall that day, we ambled over to the beach where Jason, FZ and Si Ying took on the notorious lunge on Beauty and the Beast (6c, due to said lunge) amid a growing crowd of curious on-lookers. Jason made friends with a climber on the adjacent route, which he later climbed as well, then headed over on his recommendation to a 7a at dusk where the rest of us witnessed his “levelling up” while being attacked by blood-suckers on the beach. Mozzies 1 – Speed of applying repellent 0. We had dinner at Ton Sai Bay Resort with the climbing couple, Richard and Magda from Austria, and found out about their other adventures, like climbing in Kalymnos, Greece and Turkey. Wanderlust activated!

Gearing up for the popular Humanality on Ton Sai Wall
Photo Credit: Zhuo Yi

(Planned) parts to come:

The Traveling & Other Activities

The Falling Ill

The Company

The Logistics

Shakespeare's Globe's Taming of the Shrew in Singapore

How was Shakespeare’s Globe’s Taming of the Shrew’s opening night (and first-ever) at Fort Canning Park?

 1) Provisions.

Mosquito repellent. It seemed like everyone else was prepared with their mosquito repellent stickers literally beaming from their clothing while I cringed with dismay as my ankle was bitten by the bloody creature again (pun very much intended). That being said, I was bitten twice in total so the place wasn’t swarming. Nonetheless, why let slip the opportunity to wear a happy face on your sleeve? :)

The mat. It’s a picnic-prior-to and during entertainment kind of affair, so bring along comfortable stuff to sit on. We brought a chequered red-and-white tablecloth; others came with blankets, travel pillows, those brilliant portable chair things. Anything goes but please don’t be the jerk that blocks others’ view with a raised seat or whatever. Besides, that’s not even necessary to get a good view; the area's quite intimate and viewing is perfectly fine all around even from the ground and back. We got there early and “choped” an awesome spot; recommended! Ground sheets were available for loan, and a few rows of benches were arranged at the back for the non-picnickers.

F&B. Bring dinner and snacks, though don’t chew noisily during the play (goes without saying but still seems to need to be said). The Travelling C.O.W. (Chef on Wheels, the wheels being a van painted as a cow) was on site and we got a laksa wrap which was so awful we got more of it during intermission. Just awful. I can’t even. Plenty of drinks available but bring your own bottle if you want.

Wet weather contingency. It’s an all-weather event so come prepared. Would have been interesting to see how they’d have performed in the rain, but I AM GLAD that didn’t happen as we had 2 umbrellas among 3 of us. And did I mention the awesome spot?

2) The “misogyny”.

- The all-female cast.

‘What’s up with that?’ It is called a twist. A clever one too, I think, considering the play’s main subject matter. I bring this up because apparently it’s a thing. I’ve a sneaking suspicion I wouldn’t have been entreated for an explanation had it been an all-male casting, but if it’s women taking on roles of men, RAISE THE ROOF! (And stomp all over it in the process.) Anyway, gender has always been an intricate part of Shakespeare’s plays – both within and without – but that’s an essay topic by itself. For now could we take a quick step back and just celebrate the fact that it’s no longer punishable by law for women to be on stage?

Now that that’s out of my system...

The production was beautifully executed; the portrayal of characters, comedic timing, use of costumes and/as props and setting, some teasing with the audience, and the final tautening emotional scene which buffed off all the comedy and laid quite barely the tragedy in the end (props to magnificent writing, also great execution by the actors). The cast opened and closed with musical sets which included guitars, the box drum, saxophone, the cello – they all play instruments! - and some tunes were played during the play too. It was a good time.

Hey, it’s Shakespeare we’re talking about.

The play seems to be about an independent-minded woman being broken into marriage and submission by a man. The audience laughs along to the comedic antics all around, including those of Petruchio basically treating Katherine with brutality, humiliation, deprivation. Does this imply our complicity in what is glaringly a man opressing a woman? Maybe, if one was referring to reality, but this is a performance… Is there a difference? Are we reacting to the performance of misogyny in the same way we react to it in our daily lives, when we encounter or read about women being ill-treated in stiflingly patriarchal communities in many parts of the world?

But back to the play; in fact, to the play within a play. Let's be clear about that: Shakespeare was presenting Taming as a play within a play – a work of fiction in the fictitious world he’d created on-stage. A nuanced yet significant indicator as to his leanings?

Was the man a misogynist? Who knows. Note that he also created the fiery Lady Macbeth and clever Rosalind. Also, during his time people, such as oh playwrights for example, would have been punished for blatantly  going against the grain of social norms (hmm sound familiar?) In other words, I hope not!

The point of art…

Is to provoke thought and evoke responses. It’s been centuries since Taming was first written and performed and it still elicits controversy – thanks to Shakespeare’s timeless genius or a bittersweet reflection of how some social constructions have endured since the 1500s?

3) The Globe.

I'd found out about Shakespeare’s Globe's tour to Sg with Taming in June, just before my London trip - where I'd of course visited THE Globe (recreation of the original venue) on my first day there no less and caught a matinée of Midsummer Night's Dream. At a sky high 5 pounds. My very own summer day's dream. And if I may just real quick - Macbeth was playing too but we were traveling outside London (!!!)

The venue was larger there, accommodating a much bigger audience which comprised people standing - mosh pit style - from the edge of the stage outwards and sitting areas. Standing was a bit obstructive given that I am just a tad bit shorter than most people, but once we found good positions looking through gaps of heads, it was fine. It also drizzled. But the play was just excellent. Lots of use of the audience "areas", sort of enveloping us into the whole scene. Taming did that to a small extent here too. I really liked that. Also, the more familiar picnic style was used here with a small number of seats in the back just to accommodate those who'd be more comfortable there.

I’d read that of this crew doing an international tour in the manner it did – with the “old school” booth stage set-up instead of a snazzy modern affair – was as a sort of tribute to the very first touring companies way back when. Thought it's a nice touch.

I suppose basic economics might explain the price difference in catching a Shakespeare production there vs here - year-round supply and a steadily comfortable demand vs a 2 weeks long annual (or twice a year if we're lucky) event and much smaller base of demand. Moral of the story: Watch more Shakespeare guys, so I can get more shows and cheaper tix!

x factor usa: from 10 to 4

Dramatic twist to the x factor usa season this year - the "four chair challenge" which really exposes the contestants I feel, as they may be sitting right there watching others in their category perform only to be thinking one thing - please don't let him/her replace me on this seat. Contestants looked in turn relieved when others blew it, as Primrose and Riley did, scared (Victoria Carriger when she thought it might he her being switched out and Jeff Gutt from the moment he sat down until the final four Overs were locked in), and anxious when the performance got good but the 4 chairs were filled... I don't know if it's a good thing that these facets of the contestants are laid out for all to see. Bit unnecessarily cruel almost :-/ Moving on to the performances...

Overs - James and Lillie were the stand outs for me. James worked the crowd and reminds me of David Cook in his frankness and chill but sekretly earnest way. Jeff did a powerful rock version of Amazing Grace, well-played, but I wonder how he might handle other genres. Rachel came in with somewhat of a disadvantage cos everyone was expecting her to blow the roof off but then she didn't quite get there. I think her saying she's been sick and on meds hurt her more than the performance did, in the eyes of the audience. No mercy lot they. Look how they tormented CeCe Frey of last season. Rachel needs to be careful how she plays it from now, to get the audience back on her side. Starting with a killer performance to remind them what they loved about her at the start. Lillie's performance was a home run - mature, touching, humble and that VOICE.

[edit: Apparently Lillie is actually a Nicole McCloud who'd already recorded back in the 80s?! PFFT.]

Girls - 3 totally messed up, 1 surprised me - I was expecting Ashly to really deliver - leaving 6 strong contenders for the 4 spots. Demi seemed to be picking her team quite strategically, choosing Simone to go when Danie had to be given a seat (she did, Danie, and I say it with total bias cos I like her genre. very Norah Jones-y.) and sending Jamie home when Ellona garnered the audience's (egged on by Simon) loud support which I honestly thought prompted Demi's decision to keep her. She'd seemed really set on the four in the chairs. Kahya's performance was really strong and showcased her vocals well and Rion, the youngest, has got some unpolished skill that I imagine could really shine with work and guidance. Now it depends on how fast she can learn and improve. I was sad that Jamie left though! Really like her voice and the genius of switching to Spanish and killing it? Ought to have been rewarded with a seat. But there are only 4 spots, so. C'est la vie I guess.

The first "big" presentation

I made a presentation today. I'm not so good at making presentations, but this was an important one (at least, my most important to date) and I felt fairly confident about my topic/content to carry it across to a higher platform, so I went for it when my sup indicated that I could take it. Then again, he might have been under the impression that I'm good with presentations (funnily enough several people share that opinion of me. why?)

I'd set about preparing diligently - an engaging set of slides, animations appropriately featured, a script, rehearsing the script and editing for natural-ness, clearing the whole jingbang 10 days prior.

Suddenly it's the day! Mine's the 6th out of 9 presentations for the day. Besides presenting, I've logistics duty - manning the presentation laptop / projector screen. I sit in the laptop corner skimming through my script and pre-empted Q&A sheet (opportunity favors the prepared!) but now I'm starting to think that I should have prepared more seriously. This all looks good on paper but I'm not ready to verbalize this stuff! I haven't even rehearsed the Q&A section! And he's asking questions - gulps - offhandedly, sure, but that's the way the powers do it after all. Offhand but pointed. What if I can't answer? I devise a plan for myself on the spot - I'll catch my sup's eye if I'm stumbling and will him with all the telepathic force I can muster to take over. Too bad I can't messenger this to him since my laptop's held hostage.

The Chair has surprisingly many queries today. This is slightly unsettling but I tell myself I'm good, and I have back-up too, and (most importantly) there's nothing else for me to do right now but await my turn. So, CHILL! Is it really cold in here? Why are my hands freezing?

Presenter before me's done. I gauge the petering off of the Chair's queries; when he begins digressing from the main presentation item, I adroitly (at least that's how I imagine - and hope - it went) bring up my slides and slip into a presenter's chair at the table - the table with the big boys and girls. "Good afternoon ..."

Aaand somehow I've managed to begin the presentation speaking too fast. I'm stumbling over my words a bit as I try to avoid staring down at the script without straying too far from it. Feeling a little disoriented. From the corner of my eye, my sup is gesturing - to slow down, I think. I comply. Regulate breaths, slower pace. One word after another. I'm not sounding too confident, I think, and I'm going "uhhm" one too many times. Buck up, buck up! Once the bulk of the content is past, I begin to chill. Well played, neurotic self, now then you wanna chill -.- My script from here on is short sentences, I think that helps (note to self).

Sup catches me after the meeting. I brace myself. "Thankfully, (the boss) commented that your presentation was ok." "I spoke too fast," I interject stupidly, trying to "own my mistake" before it owns me. But the sup continues, "No, it went ok. (The boss) found that your presentation was well thought through." I am stunned. SCORE! Phew.

Susan, Talia and Malala

This week I got to know (better) about 3 ladies, 2 of whom just teens (when it comes to amaze-ability age, really, is just a number) and all of whom demonstrated strength of spirit and will in spite of, or perhaps resulting from, finding themselves in situations that... "went against the grain", to put it far too mildly (but words escape me). They've reminded me, quite simply (but not really), to keep striving towards becoming the best version of myself and for this I am humbled and grateful.

Susan Cain

I'd been meaning to get to her book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that won't Stop Talking, since well, ever since I heard of its existence I suppose. I placed it in my "bookshelf" of books to read, where it got a bit lost among the many other titles I've stacked up there. Yesterday I watched the Goodreads Q&A video chat session with her, and found her to be really cool. And kind of brilliant.

Susan's Goodreads Q&A session: http://youtu.be/pgwHIC40rTc

Susan's TED Talk: http://youtu.be/c0KYU2j0TM4

I'm finally actually getting down to reading it thanks to this catalyzing event: I had my confirmation work review session during which my introversion was taken issue with (context: this is the 2nd consecutive WR session where it's happened and I've had a grand total of 2 in my long career thus far; so the math isn't looking too good for me right now). "I notice that you sometimes leave early at the end of staff meetings (basically eschewing the 'social' time for mingling over a buffet lunch or some such treat), "people are far less likely to complain about others whom they are friends/friendly with" (referring to certain staff-on-staff complaints recently), "just to let you know, the annual ranking process is like a game where the powers-that-be (i'm paraphrasing here) discuss their officers and rank them against each other, often based on familiarity and knowledge / visibility of their persona (oh and their work performance too I guess -.-), "any ideas on what you're gonna do about it?" That drew a blank and I more or less ended up being apologetic about who I am. Which should never happen I know, but it did.

Talia Castellano

This girl passed away yesterday, at 13 years old. She was a Youtube sensation who loved make up and made one-of-a-kind make up video tutorials which managed to inspire so many others - Talia had been fighting neuroblastoma for 6 years and had recently been diagnosed with pre-leukemia. Few people go their (multiple times longer) entire lives having made a fraction of the impact that she had on the world, with the sheer force of her inner strength, sweet exuberant personality and simple loveability. Ellen said (or tweeted maybe) that Talia "earned her wings today". She completely deserved that honor and I hope she's in a better place now.

Talia on Ellen: http://youtu.be/HHRzs_anIE4

Malala Yousafzai

She'd been shot in the head on her school bus by Taliban gunmen last year and fought for her life in multiple hospitals after. What she'd done to provoke the attack was speak up about the right of education for girls. Last week, Malala celebrated her 16th birthday addressing the UN as part of her campaign for free compulsory education for every child. I thought her speech was moving and inspiring; obviously I cried (as she was beginning her speech, which she did beautifully) and then the camera panned over to presumably her mom? who was tearing too. She's an amazing girl, standing by some of the best timeless and universal principles like mercy and forgiveness, non-violence and stepping up to the mantle of change for a better world,  and with such maturity. I hope I see her on the next issue of TIME.

Malala's UN speech: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-23291897

Ramadhan

The 'best' month of the year has begun. Ramadhan is often simplified as the 'fasting' month - something i do myself sometimes, usually when i can't be bothered to get drawn into a conversation / explanation of the characterizing tenets that underlie and uphold this month, of the spirit in which it is meant to be conducted by those who profess to the Islamic faith. But since we're all friends here, let's just be clear that i) 'fasting' during this month goes beyond food and drink; it includes other physical restraints like smoking and sex, and even emotional ones like impatience, anger, and demonstration of anger (listed doubly as i personally feel the two are categorically distinct), and ii) Ramadhan is about more than fasting; in fact fasting is one side of the coin on which the other side involves channeling the energies and concentration that we'd normally spend on pursuing the pleasures of eating, drinking, smoking, sexing (what?), towards endeavors such as charity and worship and working hard and doing more of the things you're supposed to be doing anyway to gain favor. The incentives involves are similar to earthly schemes of incentivising, namely multiplied rewards and additional opportunities to gain favor.

For me, Ramadhan is the best month because i) i need reminders, and ii) it seems to be a heightened experience of what it is supposed to mean to be Muslim anyway - on a daily basis, throughout the year, throughout one's life - charity is intensified, recitation of (and appreciation of the lessons from within) the Qur'an is intensified, serenity is intensified (is that an oxymoron? the intensification of serenity? maybe, but what i'm alluding to i suppose is the deliberate and conscious pursuit of a calm mind, of taking the day and everything it flings at you in stride and in peace until it becomes natural part of your reactions). a Muslim is connected to God everyday and throughout the day, or at least during the requisite 5 daily prayers which by definition involves direct communication and a single focus of the mind on worshiping. so far, this year i feel so blessed to be able to say that i can feel this more deeply than i remember having ever previously. it remains a personal challenge for me (although it really shouldn't be) to check the 5 daily prayers off my list each day, to consume food more strictly (ie. no to the tuna sub, etc.), but this year, in this month, there have been moments - and these are the best - when i feel buoyed; in between feeling like crying out of shame for my glaring imperfections and finding some way to permanently set my life onto God's straight path and throw away the steering wheel so that i will never tread a single toe off it again... then realizing that i couldn't do that at all because the path isn't straight, instead the road is full of forks and junctures and i need to make my choices, i need to renew my faith, at each one of them until it becomes such an ingrained part of my reactions that for me to be is for me to be devoted. and realizing that despite the difficulties inevitably waiting for me out there, it will be okay as long as i'm on God's side the way God's always been on mine. 

Slumber packing for London

It's the day! My last night in Sg has been spent, I have seen my sisters for farewells and... I got my period -.- Really, body? Well-played. May the cramps come now rather than tomorrow/onwards. Slumber's watching on as I pack my luggage bag, I think he might be amused at how nervous I am of forgetting something(s) which I am sure I have! :S

"What's she doing? Packing luggage? Without me? Nooo!"

Contemplating the infiltration of Spaceship T-400

"Luggage looks stuffy. Perhaps I should get comfy in the carry-on instead."

Camo fail

"If I sit here really still and behave myself, will you let me come?"