丁当 - 一半

词:管启源 曲:宇珩

喝酒的伴 一起看电影的伴
早午晚餐的那个伴
朋友不能留得太晚
明天要上班
唱K的伴 一起去旅行的伴
听懂我的笑话的伴
我的生活 只差那个人就美满

快乐剩一人分享 快乐就只剩一半
喝一碗汤
心怎么都不够暖
这张被单 这张睡床
再舒服都觉得太宽

没人分享 幸福就只剩一半
就算把日子都填满
节日却提醒我孤单

没有想法 有想法又能怎样
只能写博客整晚
几个留言安慰不了 心里的遗憾
没有负担 原来也是种负担
自由多得让人心慌
你羡慕我 那要不要跟我交换

快乐剩一人分享 快乐就只剩一半
喝一碗汤
心怎么都不够暖
这张被单 这张睡床
再舒服都觉得太宽

没人分享 幸福就只剩一半
努力把日子填满
别来提醒 我多孤单

快乐剩一人分享 快乐就只剩一半
喝一碗汤
心怎么都不够暖
这张被单 这张睡床
再舒服都觉得太宽

没人分享 幸福就只剩一半
就算把日子都填满
没人知道我多孤单

11 going on 12

it hit me suddenly how much i miss that sense of familarity.
finding comfort in every little things we share...

*tapping on my feet under the table * predicting the next word which is going to come out of my mouth * the connection we have everytime i glance your way * wandering off to dreamland next to you * the cheeky dimpled grin you give when we plot something evil together * the squeeze on my shoulder telling me its ok

i want to remember every single moment, cos there will never be a second you.
thats what makes you so special to me. :)

globe trotting - the first step

whippee! air tickets booked!
first trip of the year and its to far off italy!

super looking forward!

where is the end?

i miss you
and the way you make me smile. i guess i havent been smiling like that in a long while ever since.

hello 2011

I cant believe its 2011 alr. how did 2010 just come and go like this!!?? its been such a wonderful year i am kinda reluctant to let it go.

musings of 2010.

family

- with the elderyoungerbrother moving on to year 2 of uni, youngeryoungerbrother in NS, everyone seems to be growing up way too fast

- and sometimes i wish i cld spend more time at home with mummy and daddy. even dinners have become weekly affairs. booo! new year resolution to self: make more effort to come back home early

friends

- Ra, Yuqian. two of the bestest girlfriends one can ask for. no matter how busy they are (with their bfs/work/life), they always make the effort to make me feel special and loved.

- Chein ning. we complain, laugh and cry together. so thankful for having her in office and then so sad when she left office. nevertheless thankful for having met her. may the friendship cont beyond that.

- ashley. self proclaimed upgrade from being my best guy friend to husband. CHOY! touch wood dai ka lai si! zhao nie! the key word here is self proclaimed. its a one sided affair! HA HA HA. despite all that ignoring and bickering (when i am not ignoring him), i really adore my best guy friend. from his "tantrums" to his futile attempt to match make me with his mutual friend (which i am positive brings him much joy in seeing me freak out)

- MJ128 and gang. meetups on every birthday still going strong! after 7 long years. hope our Aus trip materialise soon!

and of course many many others that deserve that special mention but that cld take up another blog post for another day.... bottom line: 2010 wldnt have been as great without them. in 2011, i hope to build stronger bonds with the pple who matter most.


trips

- HK/Macau with the fav girl. :) FFTT. cant wait for the FSTT to materialise.
- BKK with Chein Ning, Joey and Mr Lee. Eat shop eat shop talk cock. we shld make this a yearly thing!

- Italy/Lugano trip with Fel in March11. the furthermost i have traveled so far. in the midst of planning and uber excited about all the plans! :))))))
- Australia in Dec.
- in the talks for a short cruise with ra and yu qian
- and hopefully hopefully another shopping trip in Jul / Aug.

with all that planned, gotta save up! love traveling, exploring and spending time away from office. ha! i think every trip is a journey of value adding to the self, to open the soul to another world. ok chim. i came up with that ohsoemoyetsoinpiring quote myself. HHA AH AHA

office

- managerial changes. mixed reactions from people but well to me its kinda for the better. sometimes people just need to learn to move on. people come people go. realities of life. grow up!

- office politics. wats an office without one? got to know the crap of some people. in capabilities, selfish mentalities... and you thought you have seen it all.

- joining the training team, being in rec com, taking on CPS.... the achievements in office thus far. i believe that there is still room for me to grow. 2 years more till gratuity. and maybe then, its time for me to go too. we shall see.

love
after knowing him for 11 years, it seems like i dont know him that well after all. sometimes i wish i didnt. and things would have turned out different.
i dont know if i am still holding on for the wrong reasons. but well i am stubborn by nature afterall. shall wait for the right one to come along. maybe he was never the right one.
as of now i am loving my singledom.

self

still in the progress of learning. about myself, about life, about the things around me. i hope to be a better person (since no one can ever be the best).
been pampering myself loads in 2010. signed myself for mani/pedis, amore gym class (feeling healthier alr) and spa/ facial treats.
thinking of picking up something new....
language? (french. spanish. tamil)
a new skill? (knitting! HA HA AH)
sport? (the lazy bug is kicking in.. i shld just stick to my gym membership)
cooking? (oh the horrors but nevertheless the most practical of the lot)

ok, i am so ready to embrace 2011 now. :)
bye 2010. thank you for being good to me

Sorry that i loved you

作詞：倪安東／Skot Suyama
作曲：Skot Suyama

For all of the times that I tried for your smile
For making you think that I was worth the while
So your love love love love love would be mine

For sending you flowers and holding your hand
That no one was there to take a stand
But then love love love made us blind

And I`m so sorry that I hurt you
Sorry that I fell through
Sorry I was fallin in love with you
Im sorry that it came true but sorry doesn`t turn back time
For all that I have done to you
I wish that I could make it right
So sorry that I loved you
Sorry that I needed you
Sorry that I held you tight

And Im so sorry for…
Making you love me and saying goodbye
For being the one that taught you how to cry
It was love love love and it passed us by

For giving you every thing that you dreamed
For taking it back when I fled the scene
Sorry love， for wasting your time

And I`m so sorry that I hurt you
Sorry that I fell through
Sorry I was fallin in love with you
Im sorry that it came true but sorry doesn`t turn back time
For all that I have done to you
I wish that I could make it right
So sorry that I loved you
Sorry that I needed you
Sorry that I held you tight

An apology now after all of this time
Won`t make any difference tonight
But im hopin “im sorry” will open your mind
To love love love love in your life

Sorry that I hurt you
Sorry that I fell through
Sorry I was fallin in love with you
Im sorry that it came true but sorry doesn`t turn back time
For all that I have done to you
I wish that I could make it right （tonight）
So sorry that I hurt you
Sorry that I fell through
Sorry I was fallin in love with you （I was falling in love）
Im sorry that it came true but sorry doesn`t turn back time

I`m sorry that I loved you
I`m sorry that I hurt you
I`m so sorry that I loved you
I`m so sorry that I hurt you

I`m sorry that I loved you....

there are some things which dont need a reason

i turned 24 a few weeks back.
Happy Birthday to me.

the irony of life: when u are young, you wanted to grow up fast. as u grow, you want to be young again.

sometimes i really dont know if i am ready to let go.

you are who i am not

i guess that's the reason why i like you

杨丞琳-不能握的手

作词:李焯雄作曲:陈颖见

独送昏暗不离的风回忆里被爱
那股激动天色好红
温柔好浓在胸口浮现你的面容
一起活在这城市里更提起你名字
心还跳动却没重逢
只留下碰却又不敢碰的那种激动
也许我们当时年纪真的太小
从那懵懵懂懂走进各自天空
该怎么说让彼此选择但思念还转动


不能握的手从此匿名的朋友
其实我的执着依然执着
与你无关泪自行吸收
不能握的手却比亲人更亲厚
当所有如果都没有如果
只有失去的温柔最温柔

当又一次美梦落空回忆里被爱
那股激动天色好红
温柔好浓在胸口浮现你的面容
也许我们当时年纪真的太小
从那懵懵懂懂走进各自天空
那是什么让彼此选择
又不仅是尊重

不能握的手从此匿名的朋友
其实我的执着依然执着
却决心和你不再联络
不能握的手却比爱人更长久
当所有如果都没有如果
只有失去的拥有最永久

on leave for 3 days. waking up at 10/11+ everyday. supposed to be super shiok but i end up feeling more lethargic for the rest of the day... whole world seems to go by at a slower pace and i am convinced that the sun really shines brighter here in the east. i guess the workaholic in me could get more used to this type of lifestyle...ha ha ah.

afternoons are not that bad. flipping magazines, painting nails and repainting them (yes i am that bored), researching on upcoming trip with fav girl :)))))))))) so looking forward though we are still undecided on so many things... HK or Shanghai??? AAArrrrgggghhhh.

once in a while a short break really does wonders. ha. i am getting more random by the day... No. 1 sign of getting old...

work life been good so far. the recent PB and MI are definitely motivations. things are running smoothly and i cant be bothered with the other random stuffs that i cant even be bothered with (logic!). fingers crossed X.

but somewhere at the back of my mind, there is always this nagging feeling. cant put my finger on it but oh wells, we will see how things goes from here.

human relationships are the hardest things to phantom. choices in life and the consequences thereafter. I don't know and don't want to know anymore.

on another happier note, fav girl and i are FINALLY going on a holiday together! super excited! like after 11 years... i cant believe we waited till now. cant decide where we are going still but we will work it out.

www.fmylife.com has been a daily staple. the sadist in me feel a lot better reading the screwed up life of others... HA HA AH AH AHA

remember me

watched the movie with the fav girl yesterday.

boy meets girl. falls in love. some crap stuff happen. they quarrel and fall in love again.

despite the predictability of the plot, the juxtaposition of complex human relations in the movie had me totally attracted. alot of self reflection belies its simplicity which made it so enjoyable. :)

fav song of the moment

黄小琥-没那么简单
作词:姚若龙

作曲:萧煌奇

没那么简单
就能找到聊得来的伴
尤其是在看过了那么多的背叛
总是不安只好强悍
谁谋杀了我的浪漫

没那么简单
就能去爱别的全不看
变得实际也许好也许坏各一半
不爱孤单一久也习惯
不用担心谁也不用被谁管

感觉快乐就忙东忙西
感觉累了就放空自己
别人说的话随便听一听
自己作决定

不想拥有太多情绪
一杯红酒配电影
在周末晚上关上了手机
舒服窝在沙发里

相爱没有那么容易
每个人有他的脾气
过了爱作梦的年纪
轰轰烈烈不如平静

幸福没有那么容易
才会特别让人着迷
什么都不懂的年纪
曾经最掏心
所以最开心曾经

想念最伤心
但却最动心的记忆

190210

orion :)

things are not ok.

这首歌，让我想起了一段不久前的日子。

Because you are special

tau huay and waffles break in the old canteen * sound of music @ museum * bus 10 rides to school * terrorising Gxxxxa aka autistic * MJC Band * Ichiban Boshi * Rara Bear * Graduation * Dreams * Premium Heex * spontaneous rapping on the bus * Lists we come up with but never complete * Ben & Jerry's * A1 bus rides * MJ 128 gatherings * rushing term papers frantically * OUR PROMISE * swimming/soaking in sch pool * CCHS days * YAK HA HA * failed attempts at jogging * cursing Yee Siau Foon * AODAD, AOR and whatever not associations * singing to everything under the sun * long walks along Goodman, Crescent and Branksome Road *

And all the other lovely memories the past 10 years have seen us through. thanks for being there for me. :)

so much for promising i will blog more often.

its been so long. so long that it actually took me some time to figure out what my blogger password was. the last time i blogged was nearly 3 months ago. this compared to the fact that i used to blog regularly like almost every other day. i dunno how to explain it. being busy or plain lazy. maybe its a combination of both. everytime i have that urge to blog, i either have something else to do or the words dont come to me the moment i sit down. a great example? i retype the last sentence 4 times. ha. i think i am getting old. there was a period of time i was toying with the idea of shutting down thisismshowspeaking.... who the heck bothers about what i do, think or go out with anyway? but well, i decided against it anyway. this place holds too many happy and sad memories. plus has been a part of my life for the past 2 -3 yrs. Been reading some past entries and i see how much my writing style has changed and i had grown personally. perhaps its a rational decision to keep this blog. ha.

anyway, in the 3 months or so that is have been missing from blogosphere, many things have happened to my life...

i turned 23. as each year passes, the anticipation to celebrate birthdays decreases. i spent this year's quietly with gatherings with friends and loved ones. i think its a fantastic way to celebrate. maybe when i am 50, i will have an island wide party. ha.

on the work front, things have been going great. i got my confirmation ahead of my one year in the company. the ROSE event on 23 Sep 09 is finally over. its been a tortourous 5 months but i feel that i have learned so much frm it all. all that insanity has driven me, pushing me beyond wat i thought i was capable of and i was grateful for that opportunity. but still i badly need that break from work. gotta start talking to my boss about taking leave. stop procrastinating... i think it will be the root of my downfall.

pple have been joining and leaving the department...generally missed the pple who have left. most of them have helped me at work in one way or another and i wish them all the best with whatever they do in the future. the same cant be said about the new ones though... not all of them. but a certain someone (lets call her cucumber) is getting attention in the department for all the wrong reasons... poor cucumber. i dunno what she did/ or did not do, bt she gets on the nerves of almost everyone. ok, i shall not bitch about anyone here. i am nice. bt anyway, for her own good, i hope cucumber wakes up to her senses soon.

been doing a lot of personal thinking and self discovery lately too. shall leave that for a later post when i am feeling emo... havent been feeling that for a long time. ha ah aha ha aha ha aha.

but bottom line, pple do change.

under different circumstances, and times. i have felt disappointment in a certain few but have learnt to take things along my stride. the world doesnt stop changing just because you dont.

ok back to my project runway online. its the reality tv season again. woo hoo!!!!! survivor, antm, pr... i am a happy girl. will be back to blog again (hopefully) if i can.

for those of u who miss me... (yes, mr ex ex ex best friend) i am not dead. 我还没死. ah gu tak mati. ha ha aha ha aha. here's a short update of what i have been up to. :)

ok, i have been humongously busy. just today, i had back to back meetings i havent even got the time to warm my office seat. deadlines to meet, rehearsals to plan, pple to harrass, proposals to clear... arrrgghhhh. its crazy but fulfilling.

and last sat, we had our mnd family day performance. the crowd scared the shit out of me. dancing and singing in front of thousand over pple is definitely a new experience for me. and the icing on the cake was we got second! yay!

ok its 12.... magical hour... promise will try to update more often la. so stop complaining. ha.

durian. jurong point. drag me to hell. fish soup. birthday celebrations. nus. meetings. shopping. rose. screaming in the cinema. bedok 85. gum sugery. frog leg porridge. xiao ke ai. mnd family day. night walks. you-tubing. welcome celebrations. seven lonely nights. upop. getting lost along the PIE. bitching around in office. shoes and more shoes. timbre. stressing it out over work. sleep. chinatown dinners. 双子星. gym. ikea chicken wings. my wallet is closed, i dont want to shop. night outs at changi v. surfing fb.

.

and many more. i guess tht pretty sums up what i have been to the past month. will try to update more soon.

new love! :)

just got back frm my belated "grad trip" --- one day in JB! ha. the BEGS are still as crappy as ever. tsu tsu tsu tsu. some pics here and there.

oooh the crayfish was damn good la! cant wait for the next time we are going in again! yum yum.

p/s: i have decided to nt put takeshi-loo's pic here. rest of the funny ones are in fb.:)

i said it. no regrets. :)
never shld have doubted that strong foundation and well, at least it is off me for now. cherish what we had more than ever before. we will see how things go frm here.

just when i was gloating over the fact that everything was going smoothly, i had to enter the toilet today with a stomach upset... and no toilet paper. DAMN.

damn fast, almost half the yr is gone unknowingly as we hit the month of may.

pretty looking forward cos many things are going to happen! :)

.

ktv with the office girls, JB trip with BEGS, welcoming poon to office, cp tour, wolverine movie date, prelude to UPOP, little brother's bdae... guess which am i most excited about? ha.

anyway,pretty much normal past week. nth happened, it was peaceful and quiet.

.

to my dear poon aka aiai,

enjoy thailand! sa wa de kap! drink loads of TOM YAM for me! too bad we cant go on a grad trip tog. nvm we will have a post grad trip to make up for it next yr ok. take good care of urself. will miss ya! will wait for ya to be back soon!

p/s: remember to take more pics for SPCA's reference! HA HA AHA AH.

celebrated yu qian's birthday yesterday at tamp one (ok more on that later...) part of our monthly meet ups. a bit belated but nvm. who ask her birthday to be at the beginning of the month... HA HA HA AHA.

2nd successful meet up. :)

Hey ra, hope u are feeling a lot better ok. dun let others make u doubt your own potential. believe in what you love and yourself. and remember i am always here for you. (pls bring along the pic on tuesday. very very impt!)

anyway, i want to complain about Tampines 1. after all that demolishing, building and then so much hype... its seriously doesnt live up to (my) expectations. not entirely crappy but not that fantastic either. the newest mall in the suburban east side is

1) too freaking crowded

2) bloody reception-less. i couldnt make a single call to the outside world... :(

3) filled with new but boring shops (sorry fel, but uniqlo feels like overpriced giodarno to me...)

4) lacking walking space (refer to point no.1) and so the whole world bums into the whole world. how fun.

ok and so for those who havent been there yet, dun bother. dont say i never warn you. it just opened so it wont collapse anytime soon. can afford to go when all the hype about it has died down.

i am burning hot. literally. yesterday's sun was so bloody good i am glad me and aiai chose to swim of all days. headed back to faraway NUS after nt being there for maybe close to half a yr... yesterday's two hours worth was enough for us to nt go tanning in the next 3 mths. that how freaking hot it was. plus with the company of aiai, lots of gossip, lazing around with nth to think about but the cool pool water... life cant get better than this. ha ah aha ah. super shiok. :)

later in the day, we headed over the dale's place for more fun with the office pple. BBQ good food and greater company. (wow i made a pun... ha ha aha ha) all of us were having pretty hetic weeks before that and so we decided that a gathering was in order to celebrate the end of it all. anything to us is a cause for celebration, we find any excuse to play. ha.

the burgers were damn good. i think sabbie should set up a stall if she ever quits her job. restaurant standard, full of love can. oh and dale's playground had a swing! me and poon were having so much fun on it. been a long time since i last been on a swing. there arent many swings left in singapore.


group shot. so many pple. h aha ah. its amazing how spfc expanded frm the 7 of us "regulars" lunch gang to this big group of amazing pple. cant wait for the rest of the pics to be up on facebook. :)

the good news made my day. :)

congrats jo! really happy for ya frm the bottom of my heart.

me and poon figured u will be first. cos fel needs $100,000, poon wants SHAMs and i ... cant be bothered anyway. ha ha ah aha.

imperfection leaves room for improvement. :)

havent been blogging in a while. yes, i am still alive. the usual excuse, i have been real busy. everyday i reach home i head for my bed. busy but still loving it. ha.

updates. meet ups and gatherings over the past 1 week ++.

dale invited the whole bunch of us to his church youth games competition. and we won! first prize! woohoo! vouchers frm kino and starbucks. ha ha.

the winning team. :)

ra, yu qian and me had our first monthly meetup. last friday of the month. too bad i reached real late cos of some emergency in office.

i miss the girls alr. can next meetup come soon?

and then sabbie had some left over yu sheng frm cny... yeah thats quite bloody long ago but... oh well its just an excuse for us to have more fun in office. HA HA AHA.

yums i love yu sheng. we come up with all sorts of reasons to celebrate and see each other.

last but nt least, we bid farewell to sabbie's intern, pat, yesterday.

her last day in office cum birthday celebration. that girl is so innocent and cute la! hope she comes back as a scholar soon.

catching confessions of a shopaholic with dearest poon and not so dear ash tml. yay! finally. three cheers for bimbo shows! AHA HA AHA HA .